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InvisibleDoctorJ
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had to end a friendship today
    #2940104 - 07/29/04 12:40 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

...and it was over a girl, too.

I guess every guy has one girl in his past that he'll never get over... some chick he fell really hard for and never quite managed to conquer those feelings... Well, for me that girl was my first love, the girl I lost my virginity to... I guess you could say we were high school sweethearts. We were together for over 2 years, and I can honestly say that it was the most intense relationship I've ever had in my life. When our relationship ended, it sent me into a depression so strong that it nearly killed me. It took me a whole year to forget about her. We'll call her Mary Jane.

These days when shit doesnt work out with a girl, its usually no biggie for me. I mean I might feel bad for a couple of weeks, but after that its all good. I'm not a wuss or a stalker by nature, and if shit doesnt work out I usually have no problems letting go. I actually keep up with a lot of my ex-gfs as friends with no problems whatsoever.

But every time I see MJ, even though its been like 5 years since we were together, it fucks me up inside pretty bad. Which is why I generally tend to avoid her. I know its unhealthy to obsess over her, which is why I just stay away and try really hard to forget. And it worked for a couple of years, because she was out of sight and out of mind. I've had brief flings with a lot of girls since then, but never have I made a connection like the one I had with MJ. I just havent met any women who could make me feel the way she did. But all in all, I managed to be happy without her as long as I didnt have to see her.

Enter my 'friend'. We'll call him John. I met John 3 years ago and we became fast friends. He had just moved here from Arizona and didnt really know too many people. I thought he was a decent guy so I introduced him around a bit. He quickly became another node on my social network. We got to know eachother well, enough for him to consider me 'one of his best friends'.

But then he met MJ through a mutual friend. Now, this motherfucker knew very well that getting with MJ would be a bad move in terms of his and my friendship. I mean, I'm not saying I own the girl and no one's allowed to date her, but most of my homeboys understand how I feel about her and realize she is off limits. But this dude ignored the warnings of my friends and his own guilt and decided to sleep with MJ, knowing full well how much it would hurt me and not caring.

For the past year they have been together, and I have tried really hard to put up with it. I didnt want it to fuck up our friendship, and I also didnt want my feelings to fuck up John and MJ's relationship. After all, I love her, and if John makes her happy, I couldnt interfere with that.

But still, I've ended up feeling like Jesus on the cross, suffering heavily for both of them. Feelings I had forgotten about and moved on from are now back and just as strong as ever. The situation between me and MJ has always been one tangled mess o christmas lights, and I had hoped that that box of christmas lights would be left to rot in the basement of my mind forever. But John just stepped right in the middle of it, opening old wounds and dredging up shit from the past that probably should have stayed buried.

So finally the pain of seeing them together became too much for me, and I decided to just write myself out of the whole drama. I really need to move on from this; I cant afford to slip back into that hole of depression and anger. So I figured the best way would be to just cut them both out of my life and just walk away. It just seems like the only way that I can make a clean break break from this situation.

So I told John he was a bad friend for getting with her in the first place and I would probably never forgive him for it. Was I too hard on him? At this point I feel like I just have to look out for myself and do what it takes to end the pain and move on. I cant be the martyr anymore.

anyway, thanks for listening, and I would really appreciate your advice. Did I do the right thing? At this point I guess it doesnt really matter; I did what I had to do to make the pain go away. I need to forget about both of them, because in my mind they are now both heavily associated with pain.


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peace, pot, and microdot!


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2940168 - 07/29/04 12:53 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Take em both out with a shotty...

Sorry nah didn't mean that but I FEEL FOR YOU brother lifes some hard shit.


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OfflineMAGnum
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2940376 - 07/29/04 01:48 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Dude, you're a good writer. This dude seems not to care whatsoever about his boy's feelings. He is a dick, I would be so angry at him and probably do the exact same thing you did.


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OfflineBigNerd
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2940877 - 07/29/04 03:59 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Your friend does not have your best interests at heart, he has his own. While this doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, I'd say it does justify you doing what you need to do so you can move on and try to be happy.

I expect we all have that girl in our past, the one we never quite finished getting over. I feel your pain.

BigNerd


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Sometimes karma needs a little help.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2941501 - 07/29/04 06:47 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

im not sure what to say. and i don't really have any advice for you.

i certainly wouldnt want to have anything to do with either of them.

one idea i can think of is to go out and get with the hottest and coolest chick you can possibly find, and make sure she is better looking and cooler of a person than Mary Jane.

another option, would be to start banging all of mary janes closest g/f's.

another option would be to find a girl that mary jane would completely dislike and dispise you being with, and make sure she is super-hot and slutty too..ya know? :smile:

or another option would be to take that super-hot and slutty girl that mary jane would completely dislike and dispise, and send her towards your ex-friend that went around your back to get with mary, and make sure she is good at getting guys drunk and cheating and ruining relationships. and have her film the whole sex thing and then mail it to mary jane for her viewing pleasure.

another idea would be to start making more money than her new b/f, start investing in real estate, making tons of money and buy a real nice car and a new house with a slutty brazilian bikini model for a house-maid, and have bikini model parties at your pool with all sorts of exotic bikini babes from all different parts of the world.

do everything in your power to make it seem like their relationship doesn't bother you and you rarely think about it. lol

and then all the pieces will sink into place. :smile:


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2941544 - 07/29/04 07:03 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

>>>and have her film the whole sex thing and then mail it to mary jane for her viewing pleasure.


Ahhhhh, u funny cunt. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2941872 - 07/29/04 08:54 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

It takes two to tango. You should be MORE upset towards MJ than your 'friend', for reasons that are paralleled in the following quote:
"It is easier to forgive an enemy, than it is to forgive a friend."
Capisce?



--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2942570 - 07/30/04 01:03 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

hahahahaha!

those are all really good suggestions. 

believe me, this chick is a classic example of the stupidity of women.  I treated her like a bitch for the first half of our relationship and she was all over my nuts.  Then, the second I started respecting her and appreciating her personality, she started getting cold on me.  Now she's with this kid who is kind of a fuckup; younger than her, lives with his parents, no car, shitty job.  He doesnt even respect or care about her and she's all over his nuts.

I understand it, but I just dont accept it.  Believe me, I'm well-educated in all the psychological theory behind this.  But I still cant believe human beings let their feelings control them to the extent of this stupidity.  I'm so tired of watching women reject guys that honestly care about them and instead go for guys that treat them like shit. 

I understand the game, and my opinion is that the game sucks.  Unless I've had a few rum and cokes or some ecstacy, that is :wink:  Then I might be willing to come out and play.  Shit, I'm not made of stone :lol:


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2942589 - 07/30/04 01:07 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

SkorpivoMusterion said:
It takes two to tango. You should be MORE upset towards MJ than your 'friend', for reasons that are paralleled in the following quote:
"It is easier to forgive an enemy, than it is to forgive a friend."
Capisce?






man I'm tryin not to feel any way about her, g. believe me, its a dead end. I'd just as soon stop thinking about her altogether. But yeah, its kind of hard to be mad at someone you truly love. Not a whole lot of people understand that, but its true.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflinePhishgrrl
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2942882 - 07/30/04 02:18 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

What you did is totally understandable.  I was in the same kind of relationship for 3 years starting in h.school and I finally had to break it off because he just wasn't right for me.  I did want to be friends but just couldn't because it broke him up too much. For a long time. So I DID just want him out of my life (hopefully that doesn't sound cruel) because he didn't deserve to feel so bad, and I didn't want his sadness on my consience either.  I think it was best to just totally cut him out of my life so that he could go on.

Did that make any sense?

Hopefully.

anyway- I think you really did the right thing.  Especially since you were upfront with your friend and didn't leave him wondering. 

Good Luck.  I know it is really hard. :heart:


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Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2943221 - 07/30/04 04:20 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Loving a girl that doesnt love you back is a fucking tragedy. Your love is the greatest gift in the world... to continue to give it to a bitch is just wrong.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: HarveyWalbanger]
    #2944078 - 07/30/04 11:48 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

HarveyWalbanger said:
Loving a girl that doesnt love you back is a fucking tragedy. Your love is the greatest gift in the world... to continue to give it to a bitch is just wrong.




Sometimes you can decide with your logical mind not to love someone, and your emotions just won't tow the line. I realize full well that she's a bitch, but part of me will always love her, because the memories of all the good times we had together are just so vivid.

I dont hate this part of myself, because I think its necessary and beneficial for the human race. Where would any of us be if it werent for parents who forgave us and kept loving us despite having good reasons not to? Unconditional love is not unhealthy; its what keeps the world from destroying itself. It hurts sometimes, but I believe it is the right thing to do.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineDrone
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2944265 - 07/30/04 12:54 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

dood fuck him. bros before hoes. theres a million fish in the sea and if hes lame enough to go for your ex then he was never a friend. he sounds like one of those hollow shells of a person that just talks alot about being your friend and all. i know, ive had a friend like that. it took me a long time to realize how this guy was. "aw man your my best friend man, because your blah blah blah blah blah" but when it comes down to it hes selfish and self-centered. i dont talk to him anymore but when i do he says the same old shit...

so anyways, sometimes its hard to tell who ur true friends are, but obviously he isnt. i know how you feel about that girl, ive been there. i know those feelings u get when you see her. i know how ur stomach squeezes up and you get hotflashes. and i know how hearing about any other guy with her makes your heart feel like it just dropped. obviously this guy either dosnt know what that feels like because maybe he has never been in love or he dosnt care.

fuck them both and move on. ive been where your at(but not for as long). i moved on and found somebody that i am incredibly in love with now who loves me even more than i could ever give back. past loves teach you what you like and what you dont like. i dont think i would appreciate my girlfriend as much if it wasnt for the past. just move on because there will be somebody better for you. look at it this way, if you broke up...then it wasnt meant to be because your not perfect for each other.

hope i helped some.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: Drone]
    #2944548 - 07/30/04 02:19 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)


Quote:

so anyways, sometimes its hard to tell who ur true friends are, but obviously he isnt. i know how you feel about that girl, ive been there. i know those feelings u get when you see her. i know how ur stomach squeezes up and you get hotflashes. and i know how hearing about any other guy with her makes your heart feel like it just dropped. obviously this guy either dosnt know what that feels like because maybe he has never been in love or he dosnt care.





wow, thanks, man.  I can tell you really know where I'm comin from.  Every time I see her its like getting hit with some kind of psychic frieght train. 

Yeah this dude is a total fuckin fugazi, dude.  Honestly I think he belongs on the board of executives for some marketing firm somewhere.  Always talkin mad bullshit and then not delivering.  He's all like 'Oh, I dont want to hurt you....'  after he's already done it :nonono:

He actually used the phrase 'bros before hos' to mean that I shouldnt end the friendship with him over a chick.  Classic doublethink.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineDrone
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2945510 - 07/30/04 05:44 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

yeah i had a friend like that. i was hard for me to understand and see what he was really doing. im not that kind of person and i cant be fake to people. i and who i am. but this guy...man he would just run his mouth about stuff and it makes it hard to see through the bullshit. but time and time again he let me down and i came to see that he was just one of those people that trys to tell everybody what they want to hear so he is "liked." you dont want to be around a person like that because they only care about themselves.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: Drone]
    #2946114 - 07/30/04 09:01 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

exactly.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2946966 - 07/31/04 02:17 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

I'm so tired of watching women reject guys that honestly care about them and instead go for guys that treat them like shit.




-well, i believe that women hurt too when they have to reject a guy..it's not something they want to do, it is something they kinda have to do though..

Women do not like being "treated like sh.t". those arent the right words.. attracting women, or the natural laws of attracting women, require that you kind of screw theories of natural reasoning and honest methodry.. the first thing that pops into my head as an example are those arcade machines filled with small stuffed animals and you put your dollar in and control where the claw thingy goes to and just hope that you can catch a little animal with the claw... but maybe you need to just tilt the machine :smile: get a few little pink and yellow stuffed bunnies for free instead of paying a dollar; or, just reach your hand through the little door where the prizes come out and reach through with a real long arm or a coat-hanger and jigg a few free pink rabbits or purple bunnies out of there without paying any money.

Definately do not treat women like sh.t. Ever.
More importantly, if a women ever treats you like sh.t then don't ever talk to her again, or at least tell her that her behavior is the pits and you refuse to be around someone with such unexceptable behavior. Dump her and tell her she is not to call you or hear from you for 2 weeks. Or even better, don't ever give her the opportunity to hang out with you ever again. Punishment for her completely unexceptable behavior of which you will not tolerate.

You can either do that (which will probably drive her wild and make her obsess about screwing your brains loose)
Or you can be a nice guy, and just sit there and smile and be thoughtful and forgiving while she tromps on you and stomps on you and beats on you and busts you up into a big pile of Pussy. And then have her dump on you for being a big soft pile of pussy and then she goes to get a real man who is stronger and doesnt act like he needs her or wants her and he has a life of his own whether or not shes there or shes not. And those are the things that women seem to be attracted to. And they are 100% not attracted to soft piles of mooshy breakable and nice pussy-boys.

lol

Keep shroomin
GG


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #2946988 - 07/31/04 02:20 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

I was in the same kind of relationship for 3 years starting in h.school and I finally had to break it off because he just wasn't right for me. I did want to be friends but just couldn't because it broke him up too much. For a long time. So I DID just want him out of my life (hopefully that doesn't sound cruel) because he didn't deserve to feel so bad, and I didn't want his sadness on my consience either. I think it was best to just totally cut him out of my life so that he could go on.





-.... yeah, that's a real heart-breaker of a story phshgrl.. :tongue2: a real heart-breaker, im crushed to hear such tradgic news..


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InvisibleHobo
Registered: 05/09/04
Posts: 74
Re: had to end a friendship today *DELETED* [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2947564 - 07/31/04 07:45 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Post deleted by Hobo

Reason for deletion: x



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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: had to end a friendship today [Re: Hobo]
    #2948179 - 07/31/04 01:06 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Hobo said:
Shit happens man, maybe MJ and your friend are meant to be.





he has repeatedly told me that he does not care about her like that. either he was lying to me or lying to her, and either way, friends dont lie to eachother. You have to understand what a chickenshit this guy has been over this whole thing. He didnt even talk to me for like 3 or 4 months after they got together, probably cause he felt guilty and he knew damn well it was a shitty thing to do. Maybe if he had come to me in the very beginning, maybe if his intentions with her were more pure than having a steady supply of pussy, maybe if he hadnt lied to me on several occaisions, maybe then it would have been OK.

Quote:

It doesn't sound like you and MJ would ever get back together and he didn't know you while you were with MJ so it's not like he was waiting in the wings for his chance. It must suck for you but try to see past it and keep a good friend.





well its a lot easier to accept the fact that she wants nothing to do with me when I dont have to see her all the time, kissing up on a friend of mine. Honestly I had forgotten about her until this kid basically brought her back into my life in a very painful way. And trust me, this dude really isnt that good a friend. I've helped him out a lot more than he's helped me; he's younger and kind of immature. I'm not the first person in my social circle to feel as if he had lied to them, or manipulated them in some way.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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