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InvisibleZippoZM
Knomadic
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Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
so im finally going to write this post......
    #2937140 - 07/28/04 04:40 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

so for a few weeks now i have been in this horrible place. i dont enjoy anything anymore.
like there is nothing in life that makes me happy. im pretty depressed. i ihave a decent history of depression and when i was younger i was put on all sorts of medication for it, 20+ perscriptions here and there.

i dont really connect with people and when i do i get too close "clingy" and then i scare them away.

all in all i guess im just lonely, im 20 and havent had a serious relationship, im also still a virgin, although i do want to wait to have sex untill i meet someone i care about and who cares about me.
i have horrible social anxiety and anxiety all around, and im parinoid to all hell. i guess thats what happens when your parents have you kidnapped to rehab in the middle of the night and you end up homeless for 3 days in the middle of a mexican desert 10 months later. (long story)

basically my life sucks, and how do i deal with it? i drink and i smoke weed, and i sit around at my house hating life.

i have wanted to write this post for like a week or 2 but i can never get around to saying it. and here i am with a drink in my hand feening for some weed, but too drunk to go and buy some....
i hate life, so many times i ave the thought of blowing my brains out. like my mond is torturing me because i know that i could never do it.

maybee somthing miraculous will happen when i have nothing left to loose, but probably not.

fuck maybee this makes sense, maybee it dosent, my friends dont seem to acre, or maybee they arent my friends, so maybee you wont care or maybee you will, who the fuck knows at this point. all i think i know is that this sucks


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2937341 - 07/28/04 05:37 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

sounds to me like your life lacks purpose. Set a goal for yourself and strive for it. Think of something you want to do and try to accomplish that. Learn how to play guitar or draw or write or program. Fuck man do something. When you have purpose in your life and you are good at what you do, friends just happen naturally.

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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2937567 - 07/28/04 06:39 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

I used to be in the same position as you, my social life didn't go further than msn. Same with relationships with woman, ugh...

After I did mushrooms I basically let go of everything superficial, and basically wiped my damn vagina off. I started living life the way I should, started meeting new people and stopped worrying what they thought about me. If someone doesn't like you, fuck them, don't retreat to your cacoon!!! You'll just be a quitter.

Set goals and acheive them. Start small and take baby steps of course, just go at your own pace. After all, you don't have much to lose right? C'mon man, cheer up. When I look back at things, and think of all the nights I cried myself to sleep, it was all over stupid reasons. Not many people are going to be there to hold your hand through things, so just be prepared to get your hands dirty and make mistakes. After all, you can't be successful and happy if you don't stumble along the way.

Very best of luck, keep us posted on how things work. And remember, the shroomery's always here for ya. :smile:

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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2938883 - 07/28/04 11:47 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

this is very good advice

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Offlinefreddurgan
Techgnostic
Male

Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2938941 - 07/29/04 12:09 AM (19 years, 7 months ago)

I agree. It sounds like you're going through the same thing I've been going through this summer. I have no job or schooling, and my summer is May 1st to August 16th. Soooooo long..my life has become utterly pointless. The only way I get through it is by setting goals for myself. I joined a gym, I work on my car sometimes, recently I've started thinking about taking up Magic again. Just stuff. Do SOMETHING other than sit around moping. Even if it's just a mindless activity, do it if it makes you stop thinking about how sad you are. When you stop thinking about how sad you are you have a chance of thinking about something happy.


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2939017 - 07/29/04 12:47 AM (19 years, 7 months ago)

It really is up to you to pull yourself out of this slump.  It may *seem* impossible right now, but if you make a conscious effort towards it, you can do it. 

I suggest exercising daily and finding a new hobby.  Everytime you realize that your mind is drifting towards negativity, gently guide it back.  It does take effort and self awareness, but take matters into your own hands and do it.  Get determined...you can do this. 

good luck  :heart:

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OfflineRoseM
Devil's Advocate
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 22,518
Loc: Mod not God Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2939075 - 07/29/04 01:16 AM (19 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

zippoz said:
basically my life sucks, and how do i deal with it? i drink and i smoke weed, and i sit around at my house hating life.





Try this:

Drink, smoke and feel good about life.

It really is that simple.

Good luck, you are not alone.

You may want to reduce your drinking, it is a depressant.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.


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OfflineTasty_Smurf_House
Stranger
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Registered: 08/20/03
Posts: 8,657
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2939458 - 07/29/04 05:19 AM (19 years, 7 months ago)

Listen to DoctorJ, he seems to know his shit.

I agree with Cervantes, drink, smoke and enjoy. Remember things could always be worse and just look up! You can do it.

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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 19 years, 24 days
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2939667 - 07/29/04 08:23 AM (19 years, 7 months ago)

Anxiety is a bitch and it's hard to deal with.  I struggle with it myself.

I agree with DoctorJ.  Find something that you enjoy doing.  Write poetry, get your feelings out, draw, learn to play an instrument.

About the friends not caring, if they are your true friends, they will care about you.  If they don't, do you really want them as friends?  It could also be your anxiety that leads you to believe that they don't when they do.

Try not to analyze so much; I know it's easier said than done.  But live life and do your best to be happy.  We're only here a short time so make the best of it.  You have friends here and we do care about you, even tho some of us may not know you in real life.

It's very hard to pull yourself out of a downward spiral.  When things start going downhill and you begin to think negatively, everything seems to go wrong.  Try to keep your positive energy up.  You may not realize it but your life is important to many people.  There are people around you who love you and would be devistated if anything bad happened to you.

Don't worry so much about what people think of you.  Be yourself and be true to yourself.  I've seen your posts and have talked to people who have met you and they have nothing but good things to say.  Don't do anything drastic because even tho you may not see it, there are many people out there who care for you and love you.

You can do anything you want.  Put your mind to it and accomplish it.

If you are into reading, I would suggest reading "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield if you haven't already.  It's quite a positive, uplifting, life altering book.  It may help you find and bring out the positivity in you.

I don't know what else to say other than don't be so hard on yourself.  It may seem like shit right now but these things pass and when they do, you will grow as a person because of it and you will find happiness in your life again.

We all need to experience the downfalls and depressions of life in order to truly feel and understand what happiness and good times are.  Without the negativity we experience throughout life, we would never know what positivity was.

It'll pass.  Just stick it out and all the people who love and care about you will be there when it does.  I send out my positive vibes to you and wish you the best as you come out of this rut that you're in.  Hold your head up high and be happy that you are you.  You're a unique individual.  We are all special.  Our differences make us special.

Take care of yourself.  We care about you.

:heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space

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OfflineChiefThunderbong
Inhale to theChief
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Registered: 10/18/02
Posts: 3,647
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2940531 - 07/29/04 12:33 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

I know how you feel man. I agree with the whole goals thing.

To live is to suffer.
To survive, is to find meaning in that suffering.


--------------------
Yeah spinnin' around again
yea caught in a tailspin

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OfflineMorbidHamster
Total Head Fook
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Un-United Kingdom
Last seen: 18 years, 10 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2941319 - 07/29/04 04:06 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

I suffered from depression for the past 4 years, im finally getting over it.. what helped me? Cutting out the weed, getting a job, talking to my friends who were concerned for me all this time but i turned my back on (luckily they are forgiving and true friends) seriously, now i have meaning in my life my social life has turned up to 300% im out all the time now! I've met a girl whos sweet as can be, all it took was getting some kind of structure back in my life instead of sitting around moping about my problems.

I sweriously suggest you just get out their man.

My 2 cents bud, hope it works out well for you mate.

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OfflineDrone
Derka Derka Derka
Male

Registered: 07/22/04
Posts: 667
Loc: Maryland
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: ZippoZ]
    #2945574 - 07/30/04 04:02 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

stop smoking weed cold turkey. as wonderful as it can be, its the worst thing in the world if its all you have. it will make you so miserable and depressed. weed is for happy people. STOP SMOKING BUD! it makes depression worse.


--------------------


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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: so im finally going to write this post...... [Re: Drone]
    #2945951 - 07/30/04 05:54 PM (19 years, 7 months ago)

Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. I used to have a case of the maddest anxiety, but all's diminished. You really have nothing to worry about, at least socially. We're all human...

As for bud, I've smoked very heavily and never let marijuana and depression connect. This is the way I see it. If I smoke under the impression that it will make me feel better, I get rid of all my weed and paraphenalia and quit for a week, strait up. There's no need for that bullshit. I'm not going to go through that struggle... and marijuana's never been a problem for me! Don't get me wrong, when I'm feeling shitty, I'll often go smoke with a friend or by myself for the purpose of feeling better. But it's a totally different mind set. Marijuana can definitely assist you in having fun, just never associate it with the only way of doing so..

I can honestly say that I've never had a problem with smoking pot. There's been times when my tolerence has gone up, and I've quit for a week, or month respectively. And it's not a hard thing to keep under wraps, but if it does, don't lie to yourself... same thing with any other situation. :thumbup:

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