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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Registered: 06/07/01
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taking a step backwards...
    #2925861 - 07/25/04 02:13 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

If theres one thing about life that really fascinates me, its how easily you can start to regress without noticing.

About a month ago i was shattered, my girl of 2 years cheated on me for the 2nd time, with one of my friends. I had given her infinite trust, even after she scarred me, and she did it again. But that is in the past. I was moving forward, i was feeling great about life, i was doing things and life was good.

Then last night, i went to my old apartment to grab all my old shit to move it into my new one. Hello regression, nice to meet you, my name is Kremlin. The moment i saw the building my stomach turned. Walking into my old room just brought this intense feeling of loneliness and pain that i hadnt felt for 2+ weeks.

I dont want or need this.

What happened happened, it was for the best anyway.

Why can i not seem to get myself to accept this and be ok again?


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/14/00
Posts: 29,281
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2925957 - 07/25/04 02:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Man, you were with her for 2 years? AND sunk in the work and emotional time/effort to forgive her for a cheating episode? AND she did it again?

It's only been a month.....from things i've read, and my own experiences, it takes about half the time of the relationship to get completely back to an emotional baseline....
and walking back into a situation/location loaded with triggers of past memories/happiness'/dreams is always hard, especially when they come crashing down.

It's a long road, my friend....and sadly explosives will help you naught in this particular instance. You'll get thru it tho, i'm sure. Just keep living your life, and dealing with the pain as it surfaces....don't rush it.

I wish you well.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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 Arcade Champion: Frogger

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
Loc: space
Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2926163 - 07/25/04 04:18 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I understand exactly what you mean.  I've gotten over chicks before, became happy with myself over a few weeks (or even months and years!!), but then the second I see them in a club or at school, my mind just reverts back to the second we broke up.  All that pain comes right back to the surface, and all that progress just gets erased. 

thats why I've learned to make clean breaks with people that fuck me over in life.  Especially women.  At the point you're at with this girl, getting sappy and emotional ain't gonna help shit.  Dont be sentimental and nostalgic: throw away all the shit that reminds you of her.  Stop thinking of her as a possibility and just see her as a part of your past that isnt too pretty, and shouldnt be thought about too often. 

man this shit is like a painful surgery.  You just gotta cut her and everything connected with her outta your life.  Stop hanging out at the spots she's always at, and tell your mutual friends not to bring her around anymore.  Obviously, she's bad for you; she's cheated on you twice.  Obviously, you dont want her in your life anymore, but sometimes our emotions can overpower us in certain situations.  Your responsibility is to do whatever it takes to avoid those situations.  If that means findin a new bar to hang at and throwing out all your old love letters, then so be it.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust man.  Out with the old, in with the new. 

Forget about your past and look ahead to the future.  Remember there will be finer chicks, and cooler chicks, and that the world is full of potential.  Delete her off your hard drive and allocate the space to something more useful :thumbup:

try going out and doing something new that you dont usually do or couldnt do within the confines of that relationship.  Try to change your habits, and dont go back to the old bars and spots until you feel you are strong enough to look her in the face and realize with 100% certainty that she was draggin you down, that you dont need her.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2926503 - 07/25/04 06:17 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

wow, thank you both

its amazing how much better just reading someone elses thoughts can make someone feel.

Believe me doctorj, i have no intentions of having any contact with this bitch.  I hate her, she is dead to me.  Our mutual friends have sided with me and told her to fuck off and die.  The problem is, the spots that remind me of her is my school.  I cant quite not go back there.  Thankfully i still have a bit more time before i have to venture onto campus (1 month more), but i will be living down in that area (ie the whole moving thing).

I know i dont need her, i know i dont want her, i know she is a lowly scum-sucking soulless bitch.  But the tretchery is what gets me.  Remembering all the times that i expressed concern to her about her and my friend R, and having her say there was nothing to worry about, giving me a kiss, and telling me she loved me.  What kind of person can do that?  It takes a person that is so involved in themselves that they cant even see past their own eyelashes to be able to burn someone so badly.

I dont even know how to trust people anymore.  My friends from school, or at least some of them, i think knew about htis, and didnt tell me.  That hurts more than what she did.  I've heard the timeless saying "you cant trust anyone but yourself" a million times, but this is the first time in my life when ive actually felt that.

I look at everyone with a new light now....and i dont like that.

But hey, i went bowling for an hour this morning to get my mind off things, and the dark cloud is passing, for now...

thanks again you 2 :smile:

--Krem


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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OfflineUncleMike
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Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2926535 - 07/25/04 06:24 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Hello

Well it's only been two plus weeks and your were with her for two years. I will take a while. You were doing good because you had not seen her. Out of site, Out of mind. Just set your path for ne horizions. She sound's like someone who need other people in her life. She will never have a meaningful relationship as long as she cheats. She will get her just due. What goes around comes around. Just forget her and move on with your life.


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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 Arcade Champion: Frogger

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
Loc: space
Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2927000 - 07/25/04 09:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

I dont even know how to trust people anymore. My friends from school, or at least some of them, i think knew about htis, and didnt tell me. That hurts more than what she did. I've heard the timeless saying "you cant trust anyone but yourself" a million times, but this is the first time in my life when ive actually felt that.





yeah, I wish I could help you there, but I have been wanting to believe in people for so long and have gotten burned many times as a result. So I find it pretty difficult to trust people too, and anytime someone asks me for something I can't help but feel used, since I rarely ask anyone for anything.

but I guess everyone has to learn that lesson at some point. Whats even scarier is coming to recognize all the times I myself have acted like a shithead without even being aware of it. No one is innocent in this world and we all have to watch eachother like hawks... sad but true.

anyway, chalk it up to experience. remember back in the days when you were just an innocent little tyke who didnt know about drugs? The more we come to know the world, the more we begin to see how dangerous a place it is, and how fragile life is. Sometimes learning these lessons is painful, but such is the price for growth and becoming stronger.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2927066 - 07/25/04 10:29 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

i hear that


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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OfflineStonedShroom
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Registered: 10/22/00
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2927167 - 07/25/04 11:06 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I know the feeling.

I can't even drive by my old house that I lived in when I was seeing my first love. I doubt I could ever walk into it. In fact, I don't even think I could drive down that road.

And I moved out of that place over a year ago.

I think it's just some places that bring back the memories... just steer clear of the offending buildings/areas for a while.

It's hard to get over people, and there's no magic words anyone can say to make the pain go away instantly. The only advice I can offer is 'let it be'.

Another trick I found to avoid thinking about them when you try to go to sleep is find a new CD and listen to it... I found that I focused on hearing new music for the first time and thought about the music right before I went to sleep rather then beating myself up thinking about her.

Anyway, little things are always going to haunt you... like certain smells can literally bring me to my knees or make me double over just because they would remind me of another time and place. Just the other day at work someone put on hand lotion thats the same scent my roomie wore, she lived with me when I was seeing my ex.

anyway it just takes time.

sorry dude.

let it be


--------------------
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.



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OfflineKremlin
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Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: StonedShroom]
    #2927197 - 07/25/04 11:14 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

oh man yeah, im waiting till i have to smell "love spell" by victorias secret....

scent is definately the strongest memory jerker

--Krem


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/14/00
Posts: 29,281
Loc: Shroomery B-list.
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: taking a step backwards... [Re: Kremlin]
    #2928608 - 07/26/04 02:40 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Well, as i'm sure you're aware, they've done studies to confirm that last statement of yours.....

And i fully understand your trust issue....i had this happen to me wayyy back when, with my first girlfriend....it was hellish.

The only thing i'd say is that it is hard to trust people again, and it's also hard to open back up after someone hurt you so badly, but without an occasional blind trust in something or someone, life is just a void of closed off avenues and opportunities missed....
I dunno....just try not to stay behind your walls forever....
It's not worth it.

Keep on keepin' on....and stay frosty.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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