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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Been having very strange dreams and weird thoughts
    #2916845 - 07/22/04 04:24 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

Not long after my first and latest psychadelic experience (mescaline) I started having very strange dreams, and I think they reflect some kind of weirdness in my thought process. Everything got weirder after a bad trip on weed led to an existential crisis a few weeks later.

First I had a dream in which all of the characters told me that they were me, and all of the dream was a projection of my mind. Kind of like in Waking Life. I started to get confused about my sense of ego.

Last night I had two very odd dreams. I'm not sure why I had them because I haven't been thinking about drugs. The first one was very disconcerting, I think in the dream I had taken acid or shrooms, and somehow reality (even in the dream) was totally nuts. It was like everything was reduced to these weird mathematical thoughts and patterns and I could see my sense of self as some strange but elusive illusion. Most of these weird thoughts seemed to be unconsciously related to the feeling of my face on the pillow, but I didn't realize at the time. I felt that I was experiencing something that made reality so completely irrelevant and unimportant, but it bothered me. I don't know how to describe it, it was a totally different state. Then I felt like I was floating out of reality and into eternity, like I was dying. Then I woke up. That realy surprised me.

The same night I went back to sleep and had a dream I had eaten shrooms and was tripping out, but in a much more normal and linear way. Still some fairly strange thoughts, but much more in line with the normal dreaming state.

All of this has been accompanying a realy strange state of mind. Sometimes it's like I am confused about my own reality, or like I am floating in and out of focus of reality. I feel like my mind could wander off, and maybe it wouldn't come back. I can get lost in my mind. I can't really decribe it, just lots of very strange subconcious thoughts. My mind seems alien to me.

I don't seem to have any known mental dissorder except depression, but something seems very strange. I don't really understand it.


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Offlinedaba
Stranger
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Registered: 12/30/02
Posts: 3,881
Last seen: 11 years, 15 days
Re: Been having very strange dreams and weird thoughts [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #2916850 - 07/22/04 04:26 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

When the ego is first made truly helpless, confusion ensues shortly thereafter. This is normal; you'll get through it and emerge with a better sense of self. Keep in mind that you are not your ego.


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: Been having very strange dreams and weird thoughts [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #2916891 - 07/22/04 04:45 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

It's so confusing because I know I'm not m ego, but all my thoughts, emotions and impulses operate like I am. They all cling very strongly.
I don't really know what I am, like an empty space and somehow I'm watching all these thoughts that make up my reality which seem to make sense on the surface, but deep down are very mysterious and strange. It's like underneath everything nothing makes sense, even the concept of nothing, sense and me to observe this lack of sense. It's all just weirdness. Very much along the lines of when you repeat a word until it is just a sound and not a symbol, sometimes everything is like that and I don't know what to make of it.


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OfflineBlue_Apocalypse
Central NervousSystem

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 108
Loc: Illinois
Last seen: 19 years, 6 months
Re: Been having very strange dreams and weird thoughts [Re: Divided_Sky]
    #2917309 - 07/22/04 07:09 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

This might sound kind of crazy but just hear me out.

When early humans first began to draw and write, all they had were sticks to write in the mud or tree bark and basic pigments to mark on rocks with. Nowadays we have prisma color pencils, photoshop, all kinds of chalks, leads, etc. do design whatever we want with them.

Right now, spiritually, you are trying to "draw" with a stick in the mud. Although you have the "masterpiece" in the back of your mind, you lack the tools to manifest it into physical existence or being. The tools exist, and when you look for them, you will find them. Start learning about philosophy, religion, mysticism, etc., in general, and you will eventually find something that strikes a chord with you. Just remember to always question and experiment with the information given to you and you will be successful. Im not claiming to be "enlightened" or anything like that, im just a seeker of answers like yourself. A "religious scientist" of sorts, able to penetrate the barriers of common thinking with psychedelics but with restraint like that of a sceptic, always questioning and testing.

You should check out the spirituality forums and start posting there. You will find more people who can help you out there.


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