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Anonymous #1
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I suck at dating *DELETED*
#2904342 - 07/19/04 01:14 AM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by AnonymousReason for deletion: .
Edited by Anonymous (06/11/17 05:23 AM)
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adrug
Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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The kiss on the second date does not sound inappropriate from the way you described it. Maybe she just wasn't feeling it and doesn't know how to tell you so she's just going to ignore you. I've seen women do that so many times... I would wait a few days, try and call her again, then if she doesn't call back, I'd say its a lost cause.
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SkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 9,954
Loc: You can't spell fungus wi...
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I am a victim of spam.
Fortunately, sometimes it is informational, good spam.
For example:
I'd like to share a secret to success with women that I've been thinking about and using for awhile now.
The interesting part of this particular secret that I'm going to share with you is that it involves CONFLICT.
And it involves conflict on more than one level.
Because this particular issue involves such a touchy and emotional topic (conflict), one which most people like to AVOID rather than talk about, I have to ask you to read this email ALL THE WAY THROUGH before making any judgments or decisions about how you're going to use what I'm going to share...
Fair enough?
OK, so here's the concept in a nutshell:
WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT SEEM "MEAN" OR "INCONSIDERATE" ON THE SURFACE IN ORDER TO GIVE A WOMAN WHAT SHE "REALLY" WANTS. IF YOU DON'T DO THESE THINGS, YOU WILL FAIL THE TEST, AND ULTIMATELY FAIL WITH THE WOMAN.
By the way, I really struggled with the idea of writing this particular newsletter. It's not always easy to explain things like this particular idea, and I know that I will lose subscribers, have some women get upset with me, and cause a little bit of commotion. But ultimately I do believe in what I'm sharing, so I feel that I have to say it.
Onward.
As I've mentioned many times in these newsletters and in my products, women aren't attracted to men who have lower STATUS than themselves.
This is one of the reasons why there is a lot of tension around the ideas of:
-A taller woman with a shorter guy
-A woman making more money than her spouse
-A man being "led around" by his female partner
...etc. etc. etc.
These are "naturally" sensitive issues, because these issues hint that the man is "lower status", and somehow we all know that this is somehow "not right".
Now I'd like to give you a situation that you may even have personally experienced (in fact, there's a pretty good chance that you have), and use it as an example to explain the principle I'm explaining.
Here's the situation:
You're going out on a date with a woman. You ask her where SHE'D like to go for dinner. She doesn't give you an answer, and seems to be indifferent.
So you ask her what her FAVORITE restaurant is.
She says "Well, I really like this one particular place, but it's up to you".
You say "But I really want to take you wherever YOU want to go... you decide".
You can hear in her voice that she's actually beginning to get annoyed. This confuses you, since you're just trying to find out what she wants so you can give it to her.
You finally decide to just take her to her favorite place, since... well... DUH, it's her favorite place, so she's obviously going to enjoy it.
As the evening goes on, you can sense that she's in a bad mood, but you can't understand why or how this could be. The evening ends on a bad note, even though you went out of your way to make it nice for her.
...OK, sound familiar?
Let's try another one:
You meet a woman, get her number, and meet her for a cup of tea. She's unusually attractive and beautiful, and at the first meeting you realize that she's also intelligent and successful. This woman is obviously exceptional.
After the meeting you go home and think about her.
A LOT.
You decide that it would be good to call her to tell her that you had a great time, and ask her out again.
You pick up the phone and call her. You tell her what a great time you had with her, and ask her if you can see her again the next night. She agrees.
The next night, you have a wonderful dinner, and great conversation. At the end of the evening, you start talking to her, and you tell her that you can't believe how beautiful, intelligent, and sweet she is, and that you are already beginning to have feelings for her.
She smiles and says "thank you", but doesn't offer any comments in return.
The next day, you decide to call her and ask her out again. She doesn't answer her phone, and doesn't return your call.
You get an email from her three days later saying "I'm sorry, I just need some time alone right now. I really like you, but I think we should just be friends."
Even though it was obvious that you were both having a great time and enjoying each other's company... something went wrong. You somehow suspect that it had to do with the fact that you shared how you felt with her, but you have no way of knowing.
And how about a third scenario:
You meet a nice girl, get her email and number, and call her to make plans to get together.
She flakes out on you, and doesn't show up for your first meeting.
You call her later that day and ask her what happened.
She explains that she got busy and wound up having to help her best friend who was going through a crisis.
You say "Oh, that's OK. No problem. Can we meet tomorrow instead?"
She says "Sure, give me a call then and we'll talk about it".
The next day when you call, she's not home, and she doesn't return your call.
You call her the following day, and she has another excuse for why she wasn't around and why she didn't return your phone call.
You keep calling to ask her out, but she keeps being busy, and eventually stops talking to you altogether.
Ever had THAT happen?
HERE'S THE KICKER...
In the first situation, the best thing to do would have been to just decide where YOU wanted to go for dinner, then take her there.
In the second situation, the best thing to do would have been to NOT call her right after you met for coffee, NOT go out the next night, NOT share how you "feel" so quickly, and actually LEAN BACK a little and give her space and time to miss you and pursue YOU a bit.
In the third situation, the best thing to do would have been to NOT TOLERATE the fact that she flaked out, and to actually CONFRONT her with her poor behavior, then to NOT call her for awhile (if at all), and to make sure she understood that it isn't acceptable to waste your time ever again.
SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
And why is it that sometimes, when you're trying your very damn best to be nice, considerate, honest, open, and respectful, women DIS you and run? Why is it that doing things that seem inconsiderate are best in some situations?
Well, part of the answer is that ATTRACTION isn't like other areas of life.
Attraction isn't a CHOICE, for one thing. We don't go through a logical decision-making process and carefully consider who we're going to be attracted to.
NO WAY.
It just HAPPENS.
POW!
And attraction isn't triggered by being NICE.
In fact, as ironic as this sounds, some of the characters in movies and romance novels that are considered to be the SEXIEST are mean, nasty, and horrible!
Go watch Marlon Brando in "A Streetcar Named Desire". Women will tell you that he is a SEXY BITCH in that movie.
Oh, by the way, he also beats his wife and rapes his wife's sister in that movie.
Attraction is NOT triggered by being nice and considerate.
Often, ATTRACTION is triggered by things that make no sense at all, and it's destroyed by things that SHOULD make it stronger.
Now, I'm not saying that you should treat women badly. Of course that's not a good idea.
I believe that you can take what I'm sharing and actually treat women VERY well. But if you don't understand the psychology of the situation and the psychology of ATTRACTION, and know how to handle situations like the ones I've just mentioned, you will fail the tests, and ultimately not succeed with women and dating most of the time.
To put this in plain, simple words, women aren't attracted to WUSSIES.
Women are ATTRACTED to men who DECIDE, who LEAD, who are in CONTROL. Women feel that gut-level emotional attraction for men who have DIRECTION... men who make decisions and then take action on those decisions... NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.
This is why you can ask a woman what she wants, take her to her favorite restaurant, tell her how you feel about her, and have get ANNOYED at you.
It's because you made a BIGGER mistake while you were trying to be "nice". When you asked her what SHE wanted to do, you put HER in CONTROL. This is annoying to women. When you couldn't make up your mind where to take her, and wound up taking her to her favorite restaurant, you demonstrated that you can't LEAD. Again, by being "nice and considerate" in one way, you were making a HUGE mistake on another level.
The reason why it's hard for me to express this thought and explain this concept is because this isn't exactly great news about life.
It means that you have to deal with and accept the fact that you might have to do something in a situation that seems "inconsiderate" in order to actually "do the right thing".
I have one friend who is VERY good with women who says that if you can get into an argument when you first meet a woman, she'll be far more likely to sleep with you.
This really shook me up when I first heard it, because this isn't something I wanted to hear.
But then I thought about it and realized that "jerks" often have the most beautiful women around them... and these hot women will often endure all kinds of abuse just to be with the jerk.
So there it is.
Sometimes you have to do things that don't seem to "make sense" or be "considerate" in order to make and keep a woman attracted to you... and ultimately give a woman what she REALLY wants.
I've spent the last few years taking what I've learned about how to be successful with women and dating, and distilled the process of ATTRACTION down to a few keys. I've also done something that I'm very excited about... I've figured out how to do the things that make women feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION... but without any of the ABUSE that jerks use.
I now honestly believe that it's possible to treat women well, while being interesting, challenging, ATTRACTIVE, and sexy at the same time.
But you have to know how.
It all starts with understanding the basic principles like the one I've just discussed, the origin and evolution of ATTRACTION, the beliefs and values of "naturally" successful guys, and, of course, the specific techniques and strategies to use in different situations to do things like approach women, get numbers, get dates, and take things to a physical level...
And where is the best place to learn all of these things, from the foundation to the specific techniques for how to be successful with women and dating?
My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD Series, of course.
Inside, I explain MANY different concepts and theories to help you understand the things that most men will never "get" about meeting women. And I'll show you literally HUNDREDS of ideas and techniques for every type of situation with women. I believe that it is the most complete system available for improving your success with women... check out free audio and video samples here:
http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/advancedseries/
...and if you haven't downloaded my original eBook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that now. It's the basic foundation for everything I teach in these newsletters, and it's an absolute must-read. Read samples and download it here:
http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/
I have about 20 other emails with similar information. Perhaps I'll just create a thread with every single dating-tip email I've ever recieved, someday.
Good luck!
-------------------- Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.
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UncleMike
Visionary
Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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If you feel you may have offended her then you should send her a red rose to her work not an e-mail. Then you can call her and ask if she got the rose. Women love getting flowers at work. It makes them feel good about themselves. At least it will open the door again.
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Red
spun
Registered: 05/12/04
Posts: 473
Last seen: 19 years, 5 months
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It sounds like she thought you were looking for a friend, and upon realizing you were looking for more decided to end the friendship, since it wasn't for mutual reasons.. though in a rather impolite manner.
Send her an email and ask why she hasn't answered your calls, either something has actually happened, or shes being a real wuss about ending things. If she doesn't respond, then forget her.
You really oughta date more than one woman at a time.. you're much less likely to find someone you're genuinly compatible with by dating only one person.
(You probably shouldn't take any of this advice, since I have no clue what I'm talking about.. but good luck to ya just the same.)
-------------------- Pussy Thunderclap, snap my back. Chop me into peices, and serve me as a snack.
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UncleMike
Visionary
Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: Red]
#2907637 - 07/20/04 06:33 AM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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This advice sounds like you do know what you are talking about. good work
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Phishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 18 years, 9 months
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I think the kiss on the cheek is sweet. And if she is giving you the cold shoulder, don't try to contact her again or you will come off as desperate. She has recieved your messages and she unfortunately is choosing not to reply, so you need to move on! Girls don't like guys who try too hard.
Find someone who will appreciate you. You deserve it!
-------------------- Once in awhile you can get shown the light In the strangest of places if you look at it right...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I suck at dating *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
#2910023 - 07/20/04 08:04 PM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by AnonymousReason for deletion: .
Edited by Anonymous (06/11/17 05:29 PM)
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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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the next time you to are alone & in a perfect intamate setting just smile & ask her "do you like me?"
timing=k3y.
inquire to her, sublty, where you 2 stand.
works like a charm.
-------------------- - - - - tiny_rabid_birds said: "your avatar is dirty."
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: 40oz]
#2911283 - 07/21/04 03:50 AM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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no, don't ask her if 'you like me'.
just tell her. 'you love me' 'you're madly and completely and utterly in love with me. obsessed. and i dont think this relationship is going to work out, because you're so obsessed with me i just dont think its going to work out when you're head over heals for me and im just trying to meet you first and be nice friends' .. 'you're crazy about me, im probably not going to call you back anymore because you might be a little too crazy and obsessed with the idea of me giving you a kiss...' and then grab that women and kiss her and make her see the stars and feel the sun and moon in perfect conjunction for 30 seconds and then push her away and tell her 'this relationship just isnt going to work out.'. lol
keep shroomin, gg
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adrug
Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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You are an evil evil man.
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: adrug]
#2911309 - 07/21/04 04:39 AM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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double-evil, thank you (i will smile for that)
fantastic.
a double evil Man who got seven messages on my recorder today from five (5!) seperate desperately seeking-gg women today 2 of which are torturously-hot babes hoping to see or hear from me tonight but i had my own plans to just be alone because im too busy tommorrow and ate too many shrooms and got too shroomy to answer the phone tonight.
... lol, see ill even laugh because i like that double-evil thing so greatly.
oh they'll get their gg..at least one or two of them will..
keep shroomin,
and get some sleep already, you should have been in bed hours ago.
gg
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DoctorJ
Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Quote:
no, don't ask her if 'you like me'.
hey, dont bust on forty's tactics just because you aint got the game to make them work!
I think forty is a good example of a guy that is good with girls while still being honest with them and himself. This is what psychologists refer to as 'healthy communication', and despite what your friend D'Angelo has convinced you of, this can indeed work.
not everyone is so socially inept that they have to take advice on getting women from internet pop psychologists.
some of us can get women without having to resort to games and the denial of our own feelings.
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
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Don't worry dude, you don't have it that bad. I suck at everything.....
-------------------- "What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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40oz
Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: DoctorJ]
#2912354 - 07/21/04 01:04 PM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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[Email]lol@GGreatOne234[/Email] yer too funny
thanx Doctor J! simplicity works. no need to complicate matters that shouldnt be too complicated.
-------------------- - - - - tiny_rabid_birds said: "your avatar is dirty."
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Requiem
More Better
Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 642
Loc: Hangin' out on the Sealab
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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I use the 2 call rule. If I call twice and don't hear from her, I take it as she's not interested in me. If I really like the girl I might go upto 3 calls.
Also I don't thin the kiss on the cheek was too pushy.
Hope things work out in your best interest.
-------------------- "I want your Soul. I will eat your soul." -Aphex Twin
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DoctorJ
Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: Requiem]
#2916904 - 07/22/04 04:52 PM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Requiem said: I use the 2 call rule. If I call twice and don't hear from her, I take it as she's not interested in me. If I really like the girl I might go upto 3 calls.
yeah that seems pretty right. anymore than 3 unreturned calls and she's gonna think you're a stalker and start poisoning your reputation with other chicks.
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SlapnutRob
Toolhead
Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 14 years, 8 months
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: DoctorJ]
#2917989 - 07/22/04 09:42 PM (19 years, 8 months ago) |
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A kiss on the cheek is never too pushy. On the lips, maybe. But not on the chee k.
-------------------- Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.
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Scarfmeister
Thrill Seeker
Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 8,127
Loc: The will to power
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: SlapnutRob]
#2937208 - 07/28/04 04:59 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah listen to these guys. Dont call more then twice. If you never listen to anything i have to say again alteast take this advice.
-------------------- -------------------- We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the fucking earth!
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777
Stranger
Registered: 07/29/04
Posts: 20
Last seen: 19 years, 7 months
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Was it appropriate to kiss her on the cheek on the 2nd date? I felt like "Well, if I do nothing then I'll look like I'm frigid or a pussy or something. Kissing her on the lips might be too much though, don't want to give it all away too fast or seem overly eager." Basically, I just wanted to express that I'm not just trying to be her friend.
I find Womens signals to be so unclear that it is too difficult for the average man to know what they expect, which is why we never know what they expect. The way you just spoke is the way men in general are thinking.... "Do I kiss her here? Do I kiss her there? Do I not kiss her at all? If I don't kiss her will she think I'm a whimp?" etc.
If Women would simply TELL US what they are feeling and thinking, instead of having us guess all the time, communication would work much better between us.
How often should I be talking to her/going out with her at this stage? Obviously I don't want to be calling her up and talking to her everyday, that's lame. Same goes for seeing her all the time. But it seems like it's also bad to date her once every two weeks. That's too infrequent to keep any chemistry going.
To me, it seems like the possibility of this materializing is dead in the water. Lets remove for a moment the possibility that you two would become an "item". Lets just think in terms of a friendship... Would a true friend ignore you on purpose for almost two weeks? I think not. Further, if this is the way she behaves, would you even want to be in a relationship with this person? I hope your answer is no.
Just stop trying to contact her and see if she calls/e-mails back, even though it's already been a long time. Seems to me that she would contact me if she were attracted to me. If she didn't want to go out again would she just ignore me and hope I go away? Is that common? I'd rather she just say so.
Now you have the right idea. Don't even bother with her anymore. If she likes you, she'll contact you BY PHONE. If not, then it just wasn't meant to be. Put it behind you and move forward and upward to better. At some point, Men have to quit putting up these juvenile head games that Women tend to play.
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