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OfflinepB0t
Generic Shroomery Member
Male

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 2,556
Loc: San Francisco, CA
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
I suck at dating
    #2904342 - 07/19/04 03:14 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah here's my situation maybe someone can provide some advice.

After last semester ended I started communicating with this girl in my class by e-mail. I had talked to her a little in class and thought she was pretty cute so I asked her out. We had all kinds of problems getting in touch and meeting up, but eventually we went out for drinks after work one day. That went fairly well, she wanted to go out again. She even sent a cute, flirty e-mail at work that week.

I called her and we went out again 12 days after our first date. We had dinner after work and went to a movie. This seemed to go really well. I had fun and it seemed like she did as well. When we parted ways I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said "I'll see you later". She got all flustered, I'm not sure if it was in a good way or not.

It is now 12 days since then and I haven't talked to her. Everytime I call she isn't home (or has caller ID and doesn't pick up). One week ago I left a message on her machine just saying hi and that I'd try her again later. 6 days ago I e-mailed her at work to see if she wanted to hang out that night but no reply (the e-mail at her work has failed many times before so I don't know if she got it). I e-mailed her personal address 3 days later, no reply yet.

Anyway if you read that whole boring story, props to you. I don't have a lot of experience dating, so my questions are these:

- Was it appropriate to kiss her on the cheek on the 2nd date? I felt like "Well,  if I do nothing then I'll look like I'm frigid or a pussy or something. Kissing her on the lips might be too much though, don't want to give it all away too fast or seem overly eager." Basically, I just wanted to express that I'm not just trying to be her friend.

- How often should I be talking to her/going out with her at this stage? Obviously I don't want to be calling her up and talking to her everyday, that's lame. Same goes for seeing her all the time. But it seems like it's also bad to date her once every two weeks. That's too infrequent to keep any chemistry going.

My options now are:
- Call her at work, set something up. We have done this before.
- Keep trying to reach her at home in the evening, maybe she'll pick up (and no, I don't leave messages everytime I call, just that one time).
- Just stop trying to contact her and see if she calls/e-mails back, even though it's already been a long time. Seems to me that she would contact me if she were attracted to me. If she didn't want to go out again would she just  ignore me and hope I go away? Is that common? I'd rather she just say so.

Yeah, so I don't really know what I'm doing here. I want this to work because I so rarely meet girls I find attractive. Any advice would be appreciated.  :shocked:


--------------------

5-MeOW-DMT

yageman said:
Dumb kids shouldnt even worry about trying salvia.

Dumb adults might want to give it a shot though.


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2904395 - 07/19/04 03:47 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

The kiss on the second date does not sound inappropriate from the way you described it. Maybe she just wasn't feeling it and doesn't know how to tell you so she's just going to ignore you. I've seen women do that so many times... I would wait a few days, try and call her again, then if she doesn't call back, I'd say its a lost cause.


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
Livin in theTwilight Zone...
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Posts: 9,946
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Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2904481 - 07/19/04 04:58 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I am a victim of spam.

Fortunately, sometimes it is informational, good spam.

For example:





I'd like to share a secret to success with women
that I've been thinking about and using for awhile
now.

The interesting part of this particular secret
that I'm going to share with you is that it involves
CONFLICT.

And it involves conflict on more than one level.

Because this particular issue involves such a touchy
and emotional topic (conflict), one which most people
like to AVOID rather than talk about, I have to ask
you to read this email ALL THE WAY THROUGH before making
any judgments or decisions about how you're going to
use what I'm going to share...

Fair enough?

OK, so here's the concept in a nutshell:

WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO
DO THINGS THAT SEEM "MEAN" OR "INCONSIDERATE" ON THE
SURFACE IN ORDER TO GIVE A WOMAN WHAT SHE "REALLY"
WANTS. IF YOU DON'T DO THESE THINGS, YOU WILL FAIL
THE TEST, AND ULTIMATELY FAIL WITH THE WOMAN.

By the way, I really struggled with the idea of
writing this particular newsletter. It's not always
easy to explain things like this particular idea,
and I know that I will lose subscribers, have some
women get upset with me, and cause a little bit of
commotion. But ultimately I do believe in what I'm
sharing, so I feel that I have to say it.

Onward.

As I've mentioned many times in these newsletters
and in my products, women aren't attracted to men
who have lower STATUS than themselves.

This is one of the reasons why there is a lot of
tension around the ideas of:

-A taller woman with a shorter guy

-A woman making more money than her spouse

-A man being "led around" by his female partner

...etc. etc. etc.

These are "naturally" sensitive issues, because
these issues hint that the man is "lower status",
and somehow we all know that this is somehow "not
right".

Now I'd like to give you a situation that you may
even have personally experienced (in fact, there's a
pretty good chance that you have), and use it as an
example to explain the principle I'm explaining.

Here's the situation:

You're going out on a date with a woman. You ask
her where SHE'D like to go for dinner. She doesn't
give you an answer, and seems to be indifferent.

So you ask her what her FAVORITE restaurant is.

She says "Well, I really like this one particular
place, but it's up to you".

You say "But I really want to take you wherever
YOU want to go... you decide".

You can hear in her voice that she's actually
beginning to get annoyed. This confuses you, since
you're just trying to find out what she wants so you
can give it to her.

You finally decide to just take her to her favorite
place, since... well... DUH, it's her favorite place,
so she's obviously going to enjoy it.

As the evening goes on, you can sense that she's
in a bad mood, but you can't understand why or how this
could be. The evening ends on a bad note, even though
you went out of your way to make it nice for her.

...OK, sound familiar?

Let's try another one:

You meet a woman, get her number, and meet her
for a cup of tea. She's unusually attractive and beautiful,
and at the first meeting you realize that she's also
intelligent and successful. This woman is obviously
exceptional.

After the meeting you go home and think about her.

A LOT.

You decide that it would be good to call her to
tell her that you had a great time, and ask her out
again.

You pick up the phone and call her. You tell her
what a great time you had with her, and ask her if
you can see her again the next night. She agrees.

The next night, you have a wonderful dinner, and
great conversation. At the end of the evening, you
start talking to her, and you tell her that you can't
believe how beautiful, intelligent, and sweet she is,
and that you are already beginning to have feelings
for her.

She smiles and says "thank you", but doesn't offer
any comments in return.

The next day, you decide to call her and ask her
out again. She doesn't answer her phone, and doesn't
return your call.

You get an email from her three days later saying
"I'm sorry, I just need some time alone right now. I
really like you, but I think we should just be friends."

Even though it was obvious that you were both having
a great time and enjoying each other's company...
something went wrong. You somehow suspect that it had
to do with the fact that you shared how you felt with
her, but you have no way of knowing.

And how about a third scenario:

You meet a nice girl, get her email and number,
and call her to make plans to get together.

She flakes out on you, and doesn't show up for
your first meeting.

You call her later that day and ask her what happened.

She explains that she got busy and wound up having
to help her best friend who was going through a crisis.

You say "Oh, that's OK. No problem. Can we meet
tomorrow instead?"

She says "Sure, give me a call then and we'll talk
about it".

The next day when you call, she's not home, and
she doesn't return your call.

You call her the following day, and she has another
excuse for why she wasn't around and why she didn't
return your phone call.

You keep calling to ask her out, but she keeps
being busy, and eventually stops talking to you altogether.

Ever had THAT happen?

HERE'S THE KICKER...

In the first situation, the best thing to do would
have been to just decide where YOU wanted to go for
dinner, then take her there.

In the second situation, the best thing to do would
have been to NOT call her right after you met for coffee,
NOT go out the next night, NOT share how you "feel"
so quickly, and actually LEAN BACK a little and give
her space and time to miss you and pursue YOU a bit.

In the third situation, the best thing to do would
have been to NOT TOLERATE the fact that she flaked out,
and to actually CONFRONT her with her poor behavior,
then to NOT call her for awhile (if at all), and to
make sure she understood that it isn't acceptable to
waste your time ever again.

SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

And why is it that sometimes, when you're trying
your very damn best to be nice, considerate, honest,
open, and respectful, women DIS you and run? Why is
it that doing things that seem inconsiderate are best
in some situations?

Well, part of the answer is that ATTRACTION isn't
like other areas of life.

Attraction isn't a CHOICE, for one thing. We don't
go through a logical decision-making process and carefully
consider who we're going to be attracted to.

NO WAY.

It just HAPPENS.

POW!

And attraction isn't triggered by being NICE.

In fact, as ironic as this sounds, some of the
characters in movies and romance novels that are considered
to be the SEXIEST are mean, nasty, and horrible!

Go watch Marlon Brando in "A Streetcar Named Desire".
Women will tell you that he is a SEXY BITCH in that
movie.

Oh, by the way, he also beats his wife and rapes
his wife's sister in that movie.

Attraction is NOT triggered by being nice and considerate.

Often, ATTRACTION is triggered by things that make
no sense at all, and it's destroyed by things that
SHOULD make it stronger.

Now, I'm not saying that you should treat women
badly. Of course that's not a good idea.

I believe that you can take what I'm sharing and
actually treat women VERY well. But if you don't understand
the psychology of the situation and the psychology
of ATTRACTION, and know how to handle situations like
the ones I've just mentioned, you will fail the tests,
and ultimately not succeed with women and dating most
of the time.

To put this in plain, simple words, women aren't
attracted to WUSSIES.

Women are ATTRACTED to men who DECIDE, who LEAD,
who are in CONTROL. Women feel that gut-level emotional
attraction for men who have DIRECTION... men who make
decisions and then take action on those decisions...
NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

This is why you can ask a woman what she wants,
take her to her favorite restaurant, tell her how
you feel about her, and have get ANNOYED at you.

It's because you made a BIGGER mistake while you
were trying to be "nice". When you asked her what
SHE wanted to do, you put HER in CONTROL. This is
annoying to women. When you couldn't make up your
mind where to take her, and wound up taking her to
her favorite restaurant, you demonstrated that you
can't LEAD. Again, by being "nice and considerate"
in one way, you were making a HUGE mistake on another
level.

The reason why it's hard for me to express this
thought and explain this concept is because this isn't
exactly great news about life.

It means that you have to deal with and accept
the fact that you might have to do something in a
situation that seems "inconsiderate" in order to
actually "do the right thing".

I have one friend who is VERY good with women who
says that if you can get into an argument when you
first meet a woman, she'll be far more likely to
sleep with you.

This really shook me up when I first heard it,
because this isn't something I wanted to hear.

But then I thought about it and realized that
"jerks" often have the most beautiful women around
them... and these hot women will often endure all
kinds of abuse just to be with the jerk.

So there it is.

Sometimes you have to do things that don't seem
to "make sense" or be "considerate" in order to make
and keep a woman attracted to you... and ultimately
give a woman what she REALLY wants.

I've spent the last few years taking what I've
learned about how to be successful with women and
dating, and distilled the process of ATTRACTION down
to a few keys. I've also done something that I'm very
excited about... I've figured out how to do the things
that make women feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION...
but without any of the ABUSE that jerks use.

I now honestly believe that it's possible to treat
women well, while being interesting, challenging,
ATTRACTIVE, and sexy at the same time.

But you have to know how.

It all starts with understanding the basic principles
like the one I've just discussed, the origin and evolution
of ATTRACTION, the beliefs and values of "naturally"
successful guys, and, of course, the specific techniques
and strategies to use in different situations to do
things like approach women, get numbers, get dates,
and take things to a physical level...

And where is the best place to learn all of these
things, from the foundation to the specific techniques
for how to be successful with women and dating?

My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD Series, of
course.

Inside, I explain MANY different concepts and theories
to help you understand the things that most men will
never "get" about meeting women. And I'll show you
literally HUNDREDS of ideas and techniques for every
type of situation with women. I believe that it is
the most complete system available for improving your
success with women... check out free audio and video
samples here:

http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/advancedseries/

...and if you haven't downloaded my original eBook
"Double Your Dating", then you need to do that now.
It's the basic foundation for everything I teach in
these newsletters, and it's an absolute must-read.
Read samples and download it here:

http://www.datingtechniques.com/emd42/






I have about 20 other emails with similar information. Perhaps I'll just create a thread with every single dating-tip email I've ever recieved, someday.

Good luck!


--------------------
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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OfflinepB0t
Generic Shroomery Member
Male

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 2,556
Loc: San Francisco, CA
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2906240 - 07/19/04 07:46 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Yeah, I'm on that list. It's just hard to do the stuff in David D's e-mails. Like I said, I'm trying to find the balance between being too distant and coming off like a wuss.


--------------------

5-MeOW-DMT

yageman said:
Dumb kids shouldnt even worry about trying salvia.

Dumb adults might want to give it a shot though.


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2906297 - 07/19/04 08:01 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

If you feel you may have offended her then you should send her a red rose to her work not an e-mail. Then you can call her and ask if she got the rose. Women love getting flowers at work. It makes them feel good about themselves. At least it will open the door again.


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OfflineRed
spun

Registered: 05/12/04
Posts: 473
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2907549 - 07/20/04 05:21 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

It sounds like she thought you were looking for a friend, and upon realizing you were looking for more decided to end the friendship, since it wasn't for mutual reasons.. though in a rather impolite manner.

Send her an email and ask why she hasn't answered your calls, either something has actually happened, or shes being a real wuss about ending things. If she doesn't respond, then forget her.

You really oughta date more than one woman at a time.. you're much less likely to find someone you're genuinly compatible with by dating only one person.

(You probably shouldn't take any of this advice, since I have no clue what I'm talking about.. but good luck to ya just the same.) :thumbup:


--------------------
Pussy Thunderclap, snap my back. Chop me into peices, and serve me as a snack.


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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: Red]
    #2907637 - 07/20/04 08:33 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

This advice sounds like you do know what you are talking about. good work


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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2907969 - 07/20/04 11:46 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I think the kiss on the cheek is sweet. And if she is giving you the cold shoulder, don't try to contact her again or you will come off as desperate. She has recieved your messages and she unfortunately is choosing not to reply, so you need to move on! Girls don't like guys who try too hard.

Find someone who will appreciate you. You deserve it!


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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OfflinepB0t
Generic Shroomery Member
Male

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 2,556
Loc: San Francisco, CA
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2910023 - 07/20/04 10:04 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Well, I called her and left a message telling her to call me back. She didn't call back, but she did e-mail me.

Ha, turns out her e-mail at work WAS down and the home phone # she gave me is a second line she can only hear when she is in her room. I guess she just decided to take awhile to respond to my e-mail (which she apologized for). Other than that all she said was "how's it going?"

I'm not sure how good of news this is, but it's definitely not bad news. I guess I'll try to set up some kind of meeting and try to 'rekindle' things if possible.

Thanks to everyone for their advice (feel free to keep it coming!).


--------------------

5-MeOW-DMT

yageman said:
Dumb kids shouldnt even worry about trying salvia.

Dumb adults might want to give it a shot though.


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Invisible40oz
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2911269 - 07/21/04 05:36 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

the next time you to are alone & in a perfect intamate setting
just smile & ask her "do you like me?"

timing=k3y.

inquire to her, sublty, where you 2 stand.

works like a charm.


--------------------
:pacman: - - - -  :pill: :mushroom2: :pill2: :mushroom2: :regularshroom: :mushroomgrow: :pill: :pill2: :mushroom2: :poison:

:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: I suck at dating [Re: 40oz]
    #2911283 - 07/21/04 05:50 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

no, don't ask her if 'you like me'.

just tell her. 'you love me' 'you're madly and completely and utterly in love with me. obsessed. and i dont think this relationship is going to work out, because you're so obsessed with me i just dont think its going to work out when you're head over heals for me and im just trying to meet you first and be nice friends' .. 'you're crazy about me, im probably not going to call you back anymore because you might be a little too crazy and obsessed with the idea of me giving you a kiss...' and then grab that women and kiss her and make her see the stars and feel the sun and moon in perfect conjunction for 30 seconds and then push her away and tell her 'this relationship just isnt going to work out.'. lol

keep shroomin,
gg


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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: I suck at dating [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2911286 - 07/21/04 05:54 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

You are an evil evil man. :smirk:


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/24/99
Posts: 8,946
Re: I suck at dating [Re: adrug]
    #2911309 - 07/21/04 06:39 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

double-evil, thank you (i will smile for that) :grin:

fantastic.  :smile:

a double evil Man who got seven messages on my recorder today from five (5!) seperate desperately seeking-gg women today 2 of which are torturously-hot babes hoping to see or hear from me tonight but i had my own plans to just be alone because im too busy tommorrow and ate too many shrooms and got too shroomy to answer the phone tonight.

... lol, see ill even laugh because i like that double-evil thing so greatly.

oh they'll get their gg..at least one or two of them will..

keep shroomin,

and get some sleep already, you should have been in bed hours ago.

gg


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InvisibleDoctorJ
Stranger
 Arcade Champion: Frogger

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
Loc: space
Re: I suck at dating [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #2911908 - 07/21/04 12:23 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

no, don't ask her if 'you like me'.




hey, dont bust on forty's tactics just because you aint got the game to make them work!

I think forty is a good example of a guy that is good with girls while still being honest with them and himself. This is what psychologists refer to as 'healthy communication', and despite what your friend D'Angelo has convinced you of, this can indeed work.

not everyone is so socially inept that they have to take advice on getting women from internet pop psychologists.

some of us can get women without having to resort to games and the denial of our own feelings.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2911917 - 07/21/04 12:26 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Don't worry dude, you don't have it that bad. I suck at everything.....


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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Invisible40oz
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: I suck at dating [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2912354 - 07/21/04 03:04 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

[Email]lol@GGreatOne234[/Email] :lol:
yer too funny :thumbup::thumbup:

thanx Doctor J!
simplicity works.
no need to complicate matters that shouldnt be too complicated. :wink:


--------------------
:pacman: - - - -  :pill: :mushroom2: :pill2: :mushroom2: :regularshroom: :mushroomgrow: :pill: :pill2: :mushroom2: :poison:

:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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OfflineRequiem
More Better

Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 642
Loc: Hangin' out on the Sealab
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: pB0t]
    #2916815 - 07/22/04 06:15 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I use the 2 call rule. If I call twice and don't hear from her, I take it as she's not interested in me. If I really like the girl I might go upto 3 calls.

Also I don't thin the kiss on the cheek was too pushy.

Hope things work out in your best interest.
:thumbup:


--------------------

"I want your Soul.
I will eat your soul."
-Aphex Twin

:dancing: :blah: :dancing: :blah: :dancing: :blah: :dancing: :blah: :dancing: :blah: :dancing:


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InvisibleDoctorJ
Stranger
 Arcade Champion: Frogger

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,451
Loc: space
Re: I suck at dating [Re: Requiem]
    #2916904 - 07/22/04 06:52 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Requiem said:
I use the 2 call rule. If I call twice and don't hear from her, I take it as she's not interested in me. If I really like the girl I might go upto 3 calls.






yeah that seems pretty right. anymore than 3 unreturned calls and she's gonna think you're a stalker and start poisoning your reputation with other chicks.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineSlapnutRob
Toolhead

Registered: 03/31/03
Posts: 520
Loc: Michigan
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2917989 - 07/22/04 11:42 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

A kiss on the cheek is never too pushy. On the lips, maybe. But not on the chee k.


--------------------
Anything stated above is fictional roleplay dialog by the character that is Slapnut Rob, in no way representing the actions or beliefs of the man behind the keys.


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OfflineScarfmeister
Thrill Seeker
Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 8,127
Loc: The will to power
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: I suck at dating [Re: SlapnutRob]
    #2937208 - 07/28/04 06:59 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

yeah listen to these guys. Dont call more then twice. If you never listen to anything i have to say again alteast take this advice.


--------------------
--------------------
We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the fucking earth!


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