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Anonymous #1
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I've become hated at my job
#28651312 - 02/08/24 06:13 AM (4 months, 16 days ago) |
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Hello. My first and only job has been at a local factory and I've been doing it for 6 years. It pays well enough to put me in the middle class wage-wise and the job isn't very intellectually demanding or exhausting physically so it's a good enough job for me. The problem is I've never been able to fit in with my co-workers and lately I've started to sense that their attitude towards me has turned for the worse. I've been depressed my entire adult life with the exception of the shroom honeymoon period and it's the last time I was happy, some 5 years ago. I've had a rough time and I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around. I've made some repeated mistakes at work due to brain fog and not being all there mentally so I've built a reputation of carelessness, incompetence and someone who is socially inept and stupid. They don't like me but I think highly of some of them, I'm just incapable of showing it. I keep up manners by saying hi and waving at people who look at me with unkind eyes and don't even nod their head in response. Even a couple people who used to somewhat like me years ago when things were better for me seem to have turned their back to me and it's getting to me. I don't belong there. Everyone there is quite normal while I'm at least a little autistic and abnormal. I often want to quit but I can't, I have no higher education and I don't think I'd make it in school and I've got bills to pay. Other jobs that don't require degrees pay half of this job and undoubtedly suck even more in unforeseen ways and the competition for them is fierce. I would end up unemployed long-term, get back into weed and alcohol and my life would only be worse.
Life is awful. I was bullied in kindergarten, primary school, secondary school and every other setting where I've ended up in a new group of people I've either withdrawn myself or taken the hint from people and realized I'm not wanted there. I've never belonged anywhere. Now I've had the joy of watching the last scraps of my youth wash away entirely wasted, leaving me to look towards a lonely and miserable future. There is something wrong with me, I wouldn't blame every bar in town for tossing me out because the problem is obviously me. Recently suicide has introduced itself as an option in my mind but I can't do that either because my parents would suffer too much for it. I've fantasized about selling everything I own and going on a long hike across the world until I drop dead or find the desire to live but based on my previous travels making even temporary friends and acquaintances abroad is hard for me and I'd most likely be lonely anywhere I'd go. It feels like I have no place in the world and the walls of my apartment are closing in around me, suffocating me while I feel myself lose my sanity.
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B Traven
Stranger



Registered: 03/10/20
Posts: 2,848
Loc: Central Megalopolis
Last seen: 1 hour, 45 minutes
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Re: I've become hated at my job [Re: Anonymous #1] 3
#28651335 - 02/08/24 06:41 AM (4 months, 16 days ago) |
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1. You should probably seek out some help IRL
2. The fact that you're depressed and feeling disoriented is going to impact your job performance and social life, true. But it's also going to impact your perception of how other people see you. This might sound a bit harsh, but I guarantee that most of your coworkers don't think or care enough about you to actually hate you. Half of them probably don't even realize they're coming across as rude jerks. But when you walk into work thinking about the last time you fucked up and how everyone hates you, you're not gonna do a good job of making typical factory-floor small talk and putting your coworkers at ease. They're going to react to the vibes you're putting out.
3. You describe this situation/job as kind of hopeless and boring, with no real prospects for advancement. But you're in a building full of people in a similar situation. Keep in mind that many of them are probably also depressed/mentally ill, suffering from substance abuse issues, and just generally miserable. Their shitty attitudes may not have anything to do with you at all, or you might just be one of many emotional punching bags they use.
4. Jobs tend to be all-consuming. If you can handle staying at this place, great. If you try a different job, I think you'll find that it completely changes your outlook. Not necessarily for the better, mind you, but your life will probably feel drastically different. Sometimes we can do a job just fine, but the environment is just wrong. Sometimes we're just not cut out for a job, which is also fine. Especially when it's just some mid-tier dead end factory job.
5. If you can get up and go to work every day, then you have the ability to pursue higher education or career training. You might honestly find it easier than working with a bunch of broken people in a factory. You might also find it an easier environment to find and make friends in.
-------------------- Beware of advice- even this.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I've become hated at my job [Re: B Traven]
#28651470 - 02/08/24 08:57 AM (4 months, 16 days ago) |
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1. I did a couple years ago, did weekly sessions with a therapist for a while and it felt like it kind of helped but looking back it didn't really alter my course. Therapy is exhausting in its own right and sometimes I felt even worse because I had to think on my predicament too much.
2. There's some truth in what you said, it's a mixture of both. Hate is the wrong word. I'm just not in the clique, they've had years to see and judge my character and decided they don't want to speak to me more than necessary and just don't like me as a person. Which is their right, I just wish I wasn't left out again and I wish I could be likeable. Half of this is indeed on me, I can't expect them to be happy to talk with me when I'm down all the time and mostly have downer things to say.
3. My job is very incestuous in its hiring, the overwhelming majority of workers are relatives/friends of older workers. I got in through my father who works in another department. Most are well adjusted upstanding people, have families and other things in life that drive them and that might be part of why they don't respect me much, I have no family and generally come across as aimless in life which I am. I am a genuine outlier there in my sheer inability to live life and that makes me a weirdo. There are a couple who have a stick up their ass 24/7 no matter what, they aren't a problem as I rarely see them anyway.
4. I'm just very scared to leave, thanks to glorious nepotism I have a secure full-time job with decent pay for manageable work. Outside, abusive worker rental firms rule the low skill job market and there aren't enough jobs that pay a livable wage to begin with so tons of people my age, especially men have become chronically unemployed or have to hope they're #1 out of 2000 applicants.
5. School was hell and since I got out I've been afraid of going back in, even knowing adult education is very different in nature. I have deep rooted beliefs about my stupidity and such so those thoughts and excuses have mostly stopped me from even seriously considering the idea. I guess I've been paralyzed by my fears for many years and find stepping outside harder and harder to do. Hell, I wouldn't even know what career to pursue.
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,502
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Re: I've become hated at my job [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#28651534 - 02/08/24 10:31 AM (4 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: 1. I did a couple years ago, did weekly sessions with a therapist for a while and it felt like it kind of helped but looking back it didn't really alter my course. Therapy is exhausting in its own right and sometimes I felt even worse because I had to think on my predicament too much.
2. There's some truth in what you said, it's a mixture of both. Hate is the wrong word. I'm just not in the clique, they've had years to see and judge my character and decided they don't want to speak to me more than necessary and just don't like me as a person. Which is their right, I just wish I wasn't left out again and I wish I could be likeable. Half of this is indeed on me, I can't expect them to be happy to talk with me when I'm down all the time and mostly have downer things to say.
3. My job is very incestuous in its hiring, the overwhelming majority of workers are relatives/friends of older workers. I got in through my father who works in another department. Most are well adjusted upstanding people, have families and other things in life that drive them and that might be part of why they don't respect me much, I have no family and generally come across as aimless in life which I am. I am a genuine outlier there in my sheer inability to live life and that makes me a weirdo. There are a couple who have a stick up their ass 24/7 no matter what, they aren't a problem as I rarely see them anyway.
4. I'm just very scared to leave, thanks to glorious nepotism I have a secure full-time job with decent pay for manageable work. Outside, abusive worker rental firms rule the low skill job market and there aren't enough jobs that pay a livable wage to begin with so tons of people my age, especially men have become chronically unemployed or have to hope they're #1 out of 2000 applicants.
5. School was hell and since I got out I've been afraid of going back in, even knowing adult education is very different in nature. I have deep rooted beliefs about my stupidity and such so those thoughts and excuses have mostly stopped me from even seriously considering the idea. I guess I've been paralyzed by my fears for many years and find stepping outside harder and harder to do. Hell, I wouldn't even know what career to pursue.
1. Every person has different experiences. Applying what your working on in therapy to your real life is often the most difficult part. If you decide to do another attempt, speak up and tell them you are feeling worse. That is something that can easily change. 5. Trade school and college are nothing like highschool. NOTHING. If you are disciplined enough to go to work you can do it. Especially trade school where your focus is on the trade. And college you go in at the level you test at... so its custom for you.
I hope you can get your attitude towards work to shift, and just go and earn a paycheck. And at home work on you're self esteem. Live for yourself and recognize none of your coworkers matter. You have potential than you are allowing yourself to have. Explore school, trade schools and college. SERIOUSLY trade schools are desperate, we need those workers and they are in high demand. I hope you feel better. Everything you expressed is very relatable. Your not alone in your feelings.
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 12,020
Last seen: 23 minutes, 56 seconds
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OK, let's work on your communication skills the easy way- Hypnosis,
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