Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next >  [ show all ]
OfflineSkropi
Space Ritual
Male

Registered: 11/01/23
Posts: 414
Loc: Greece Flag
Last seen: 9 days, 22 hours
Advice needed
    #28636970 - 01/27/24 02:04 PM (3 months, 18 days ago)

I am trying to get out more and mingle with people, but it's taking a huge toll on me. Is there an easy way to pretend that you are happy/content in a social situation? I am serious btw.


--------------------
Ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, Μοῦσα, πολύτροπον

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesudly
Quasar Praiser

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 11,594
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi] * 2
    #28637278 - 01/27/24 06:31 PM (3 months, 18 days ago)

Filter people or interactions you're not interested in, you'll find less people but closer relations.

Quote:

Navigating social situations while striving to appear happy or content, despite feeling otherwise, can indeed be challenging. Drawing from neurocognitive and metaphilosophical principles, particularly those aligned with the Integrated Matrix Framework V9, several strategies can be employed to manage these experiences more effectively.

Neurocognitive Alignment: From a neuroscientific perspective, the concept of 'mirror neurons' suggests that our brain cells respond not only to our actions but also to the actions of others around us. Engaging in simple mimicry, such as smiling or adopting positive body language, can trigger a corresponding emotional response in your own brain due to this mirroring effect. This doesn't mean being inauthentic but rather utilising our innate neural wiring to ease into social interactions more comfortably.

Philosophical Mindfulness: Metaphilosophically, adopting a stance of mindfulness can be beneficial. This involves being present in the moment and observing your emotions and thoughts without judgment. The Stoic philosophy, for instance, teaches the value of focusing on what is within our control and accepting what is not. In social settings, this might mean focusing on the aspects of interaction you can enjoy or learn from, rather than being preoccupied with a need to appear a certain way.

Cognitive Reappraisal: This cognitive-behavioural strategy involves reinterpreting a situation to alter its emotional impact. For instance, viewing social interactions as opportunities for personal growth or learning can transform them from anxiety-inducing events into more meaningful experiences. This aligns with existentialist principles, which emphasise creating personal meaning out of life's experiences.

Incremental Exposure: Philosophically, the concept of 'gradualism' (the belief in or advocacy of change by degrees) aligns well with neurocognitive strategies for managing social anxiety. Gradually increasing your exposure to social situations can help desensitise your neural response to perceived threats in these settings, making each subsequent interaction more manageable.

Self-Compassion and Acceptance: From a neuro-philosophical standpoint, practising self-compassion is crucial. Recognising that your feelings are valid and that not every social interaction needs to be perfect can relieve the pressure to appear happy or content. This approach is rooted in existential philosophies that stress the importance of authenticity and self-acceptance.

Engagement in Meaningful Conversations: Engaging in discussions that align with your interests or values can make social interactions more fulfilling. This is supported by the concept of 'flow' in positive psychology, where engaging in activities that challenge us, yet are within our skill set, can lead to a state of immersive enjoyment.

Energy Management: Be mindful of your energy levels and the concept of 'introverted extroversion,' where social interactions are limited to contexts and durations that feel manageable. This is akin to the philosophical principle of moderation, suggesting a balance between social engagement and personal solitude.

While these strategies may not make pretending to be happy or content easy, they can help manage the toll social interactions take, making them more authentic and less draining. It's also worth considering if consistently feeling the need to pretend in social situations might indicate a deeper dissonance that could benefit from further exploration, possibly with professional support.




--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineKickleM
Wanderer
 User Gallery


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 18,027
Last seen: 1 day, 20 hours
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi] * 1
    #28637780 - 01/28/24 08:44 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Skropi said:
I am trying to get out more and mingle with people, but it's taking a huge toll on me. Is there an easy way to pretend that you are happy/content in a social situation? I am serious btw.




What is creating the discontent in a social situation?

The easiest way I think is to look at what is rewarding and what isn't. If social interaction is rewarding you will want to do more of it. Being discontent in social situations is not rewarding. So starting there is what's up IMO


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,499
Re: Advice needed [Re: Kickle] * 2
    #28638081 - 01/28/24 12:47 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

pretending is harder than not pretending
and if you are less worn out you will seem to be the person who has something to share.

faking it is too James Bond.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,395
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi] * 3
    #28638242 - 01/28/24 02:30 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Look for activities you can enjoy that include socializing but aren't specific to it. That way you can be as social as you want. For activities that are more socially oriented if it's taking a huge toll either cease for a limited time to regroup and redirect or dial down the frequency or extent of effort. To a large degree anxiety is a result of outcome dependency. Wanting things to go well isn't unreasonable but experience is valuable even if it's bad experience. Wanting things to go other than they do is not reasonable so if value lies in expectation alone it will be a let down much of the time either of yourself or the environment. As mentioned, a few quality friends is a blessing. The rest is not that important. In so much as it's necessary/desired the point of it should be to have positive, enjoyable, or at least educational/interesting interactions.

FWIW, much of what you can do about social anxiety can be done without being social. Meditation is one possibility along with the basics of eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep and exercise. Cessation of alcohol use if a drinker is highly recommended. Find your center, the part of you that doesn't need to be lifted up and can't be let down. Let it go. Let it back. Much of being social is about how we are with ourselves. Easy does it. Don't be cruel. Letting go of outcome dependency means it's okay to feel whatever you feel about a particular social exchange.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
I am      I feel      I do     I love I speak    I see    I know


“Science advances one funeral at a time”
~Max Planck

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 22 days, 23 hours
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi]
    #28638281 - 01/28/24 02:56 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Skropi said:

I am trying to get out more and mingle with people, but it's taking a huge toll on me.




Do you experience discomfort while simply in the company of others, or when engaging in conversation?  Usually such anxiety is accompanied by specific repetitive thoughts.  What are these thoughts that are taking a "huge toll" on you?  They are often fear based.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleloladoreen
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,485
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi] * 1
    #28638300 - 01/28/24 03:04 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Skropi said:
I am trying to get out more and mingle with people, but it's taking a huge toll on me. Is there an easy way to pretend that you are happy/content in a social situation? I am serious btw.




i do ok, not wonderful but ok, once I am there... I just dont go... I have isolated so much since the passing of my son that now it is habit.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,499
Re: Advice needed [Re: loladoreen] * 1
    #28638751 - 01/28/24 08:45 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

ouch - passing of a son is very hard


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRainbowKittyAttack
Sporadically erratic
Female


Registered: 12/03/23
Posts: 53
Loc: Milky Way
Last seen: 5 days, 20 hours
Re: Advice needed [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28638985 - 01/29/24 05:45 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Don't pressure yourself to go so far outside your comfort zone that you're faking it, and hating it. Idk the resources where you live, but have you looked for local meetups and gathering to see if something looks interesting? My therapist recommended the Meetup app, and there's local event groups on Facebook.

Do you have anyone that can go out with you? That might motivate and lessen anxiety... But I'm the same way and it's hard. My therapist also advised "exposure therapy" as the best method to making social anxiety easier and easier. Ugh

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: loladoreen] * 1
    #28639421 - 01/29/24 01:38 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Quote:

loladoreen said:
Quote:

Skropi said:
I am trying to get out more and mingle with people, but it's taking a huge toll on me. Is there an easy way to pretend that you are happy/content in a social situation? I am serious btw.




i do ok, not wonderful but ok, once I am there... I just dont go... I have isolated so much since the passing of my son that now it is habit.



I empathize with you, lola! Stay strong. :heart:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleloladoreen
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,485
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi] * 2
    #28639848 - 01/29/24 07:14 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Thank you!!!!!:heart:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
Re: Advice needed [Re: Skropi]
    #28640008 - 01/29/24 10:18 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

There are different ways that kind of situation can take a toll.

What comes to mind first is the energetically draining tension of trying to fit in, or be what your mind thinks others want you to be.

Its like you're swimming against the flow of your own being. Its an internal conflict that creates stress.

There is usually something under the surface with this. Like as children before we had the ability to decide for ourselves, we were shaped by others of how to be. Sometimes with punishment or something overwhelming for a child like embarrassment. This stuff lives in us under the surface and has to be dealt with in some way just to feel comfortable in the skin, in the body, in the heart. Sometimes people go around running from an imaginary shame monster, or a voice in the head the predicts doom consciously or unconsciously, or says we are worthless or...


I think this sort of thing is fairly common, and can't be sidestepped so easily.


Be gentle with yourself.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: loladoreen]
    #28640182 - 01/30/24 06:21 AM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Quote:

loladoreen said:
Thank you!!!!!:heart:



Any time!

If I am not mistaken, there is an afterlife and heaven. :heart:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,499
Re: Advice needed [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28640304 - 01/30/24 08:44 AM (3 months, 15 days ago)

I would leave it at life is a dream with ups and downs and lots of reality too.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28640329 - 01/30/24 09:10 AM (3 months, 15 days ago)

Mine is a nightmare, with few but some 'ups'.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28640475 - 01/30/24 11:25 AM (3 months, 15 days ago)

I will probably get punished for that post. :sad:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
Re: Advice needed [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28640502 - 01/30/24 11:44 AM (3 months, 15 days ago)

I had about 10 years of hell and about 10 more years of misery and I look back at that as great fortune

not to say everyone's hell becomes the source of fortune, but that we don't always know where current circumstances will lead

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: Freedom]
    #28640548 - 01/30/24 12:27 PM (3 months, 15 days ago)

Picture God punishing you.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
Re: Advice needed [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28640551 - 01/30/24 12:31 PM (3 months, 15 days ago)

I'm think I'm done picturing that

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePinkerton
Koanist

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,476
Re: Advice needed [Re: Freedom]
    #28640620 - 01/30/24 01:38 PM (3 months, 15 days ago)

Dude, what is your resume?

Here is mine:

Anxiety
Absolutely horrible intrusive thoughts
Depression
OCD
PTSD
Schizophrenia
Several psychosis'
Substance abuse disorders

After robbing 5 pharmacies with a fake bomb belt around my waist I ended up in the ward.

8 years total in the mental ward. In my last stint (2/8 years) with the ward:
I jumped face first from the window sill twice, from chairs and beds.
Being forced to punch 25 people in the face despite absolutely not wanting to
Being forced to spit and piss on staff in the ward
I have been put 32 times in belt bed's within 10 months (this is a "record" in modern times)

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next >  [ show all ]

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* something is wrong... i need some advice.. okayjose 1,279 19 01/05/03 11:40 AM
by Strumpling
* A strawman in need of inoculation(mycelia please!)
( 1 2 3 all )
whiterasta 2,938 48 01/29/03 10:41 AM
by falcon
* Is bodybuilding really an ego building practice?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
PowerTrip 7,178 60 08/08/06 01:21 PM
by capliberty
* My problems, your advice? Maybe?
( 1 2 all )
LucidDayDream 2,987 20 06/07/02 04:27 PM
by GRTUD
* On Salvia, in need of advice questforall 784 6 03/16/03 12:56 PM
by MAIA
* drugs...too self aware...intellectual confusion..need advice
( 1 2 all )
kapowsin 4,574 31 09/19/03 07:58 PM
by silversoul7
* Ego Loss... Do I need to go there??
( 1 2 all )
TM 2,499 29 09/23/03 11:15 AM
by fireworks_god
* In need of more meditation info? johnnyfive 518 5 04/25/03 10:44 AM
by johnnyfive

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, DividedQuantum
1,615 topic views. 1 members, 3 guests and 12 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 14 queries.