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Baluba
Stranger
Registered: 01/28/24
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Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping?
#28637912 - 01/28/24 10:27 AM (3 months, 18 days ago) |
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[At the end of my rope]
I know, crazy just to think of, but the synchronicities have have been lining up as of lately, being shut of for many years...
I sat down at the computer and started clearing up some tabs, and started of with a 1960s youtube with LSD experiences, at the same time I plugged in an old xdrive and found vids from my fathers funeral from 2010.
The backstory here, is that I cut all ties with my brother after he stiffed us other 3 siblings on the inheritance (family company stuff). Come covid, and the last 4 years all in all, I cut contact with my mother and youngest sister because of lack of respect, to make it short.
My father was the glue of the whole family, and my grandmother who died 3 months earlier was the second runner up, with monthly family dinners, gathering up to 20 people. The whole family kinda broke apart, kinda just existing on separate islands, seeing each other only once in a while, but never like before, all in all.
I'm not one to tear up easily, but watching just a few seconds of the family around the grave, especially my closest family, made me rip... all while the LSD tube was playing in the background.
I am fully aware that I have some pride and stubbornnes to work through, but at the same time, I KNOW I'm in the right, and my girlfriend supporting me, why can't those who are in the wrong reach out to make amends? If someone made it load and clear they didn't want anything to do with me, I'd reach out and ask why, and apologize if I did them wrong, unknowingly.
Anywho, I haven't been tripping since october 2022, and this summer I bought a 10 strip of LSD but havent tried them myself yet, just giving some away here and there, as I never felt it was the right time... but lately I've had this urge, that it's long overdue to check my inventory, so to speak...
Having written this far... I don't know... not even sure if I'm writing just to vent, or sincerely asking if it would be a wise thing to do, tripping and putting on the funeral, perhaps after the peak.. something told me yes, but something is telling me no as well.
Not the typical question, but I'm not the typical guy either, prone to deliberately put myself into weird or kamikaze like situations..
I dunno.. I'm just at the end of my rope.. a hug for your thoughts..
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Goodlife0209



Registered: 12/30/23
Posts: 215
Last seen: 1 day, 3 hours
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Baluba]
#28637938 - 01/28/24 10:51 AM (3 months, 18 days ago) |
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Although giving you advice on whether or not to trip and watch the funeral is something I’m not qualified to do, I just wanna say that I’m sorry you and your family are going thru all of this. What you’re suggesting is pretty intense. I can’t imagine all pschonauts would be as brave. If you do decide to, I would consider talking to a therapist who is open to what you’re suggesting. You can have virtual appointments that can help you prepare for and integrate what will surely be an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Whatever you do, I hope things get better for you and your family.
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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 11,733
Loc: PNW
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Baluba]
#28638044 - 01/28/24 12:17 PM (3 months, 18 days ago) |
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I think this is a way you could push through some of the grieving process that it doesn’t sound like you fully dealt with yet. But it also sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved feelings with your siblings that would not be resolved. You would probably want to talk to those people before you did this trip. Otherwise, the urge to talk to them during it is going to be overwhelming. That’s just my opinion.
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Kiwi89
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Registered: 06/16/20
Posts: 655
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: GenesisCorrupted] 1
#28638059 - 01/28/24 12:27 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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To me it sounds like you know what the issues are but are not addressing them. So taking LSD and watching the funeral is just another way of not addressing the problems in the real world. It is probably time to start talking to people in your family. Just know that it for your sake not theirs, understand that your are probably not going to change anyone but provide relief for yourself.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,502
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Kiwi89] 1
#28638111 - 01/28/24 12:59 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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you don't need to put your attention on the past. but do be aware of how you carry the past in the present, when you do, as part of general awareness and being honest with your self.
do I think it is a good idea to do acid? yes, moderately. and do I think a video of a funeral is advisable on acid, no - not unless you are torturing yourself, or you are a professional undertaker.
Bear in mind you can heal yourself, but the family members have to heal themselves on their own.
being honest is the best support
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Baluba] 3
#28638176 - 01/28/24 01:49 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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If this was me, I'd say its a great idea, but I'm not you and can't tell if it would be helpful or not for you.
I would do it on a low to moderate dose, or after the peak when things are coming down on a higher dose.
The reason I think it would help me is I've had all sorts of stuck things that inhibited me in various ways. Psychedelics and meditation retreats have helped these things come to the surface to be released. I have a lot of practice with feeling difficult things without perpetuating them with thought. I've done so much of this that I know have to actively look for difficult stuff to let go of. Its still there, functioning without me noticing it most of the time.
Maybe you could take a tab with the intention of not watching the video but contemplating weather you should. Maybe even with this on your mind it will be enough for stuff to come up to be processed and let go of.
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Xerbia
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Registered: 02/24/10
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Freedom]
#28638229 - 01/28/24 02:22 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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It sounds to me like you're being confronted with something, and are looking for a way to keep running from it.
Swallow your pride, and forgive your family. Be the one that brings everyone back together again.
"If you forgive people their sins, your Father in Heaven will forgive your sins also." - Matthew 6:14
"A man's pride will bring him down, but he whose spirit is without pride will receive honor." - Proverbs 29:23
"Pride comes before being destroyed and a proud spirit comes before a fall" - Proverbs 16:18
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite



Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,347
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Xerbia] 1
#28638770 - 01/28/24 08:58 PM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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Sounds like you are being called to action Family is everything If father was the glue and he is gone, is that the end? Is there no one else willing to bring it all together?
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
   
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Pendleton
Stranger to no one
Registered: 01/14/24
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: CHUCK.HNTR]
#28639007 - 01/29/24 06:32 AM (3 months, 17 days ago) |
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I think for me, I would watch the funeral video a few hours before the trip, and if your anxiety isn't too high, then go with the trip. It sounds like you have some processing to do and it feels like you have started, but maybe a clear sober head can get you in the right mindset. Good luck friend.
-------------------- The next message you need is always right where you are. Ram Dass
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,700
Loc: Utah
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Baluba]
#28640033 - 01/29/24 11:20 PM (3 months, 16 days ago) |
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That sounds like an incredibly bad idea. Set and setting. This is probably one of the worst possible sets you could give yourself. People do stupid stuff all the time and live, but this is a bad idea.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,502
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Pendleton]
#28640332 - 01/30/24 09:13 AM (3 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pendleton said: I think for me, I would watch the funeral video a few hours before the trip, and if your anxiety isn't too high, then go with the trip. It sounds like you have some processing to do and it feels like you have started, but maybe a clear sober head can get you in the right mindset. Good luck friend.
This is a sane & therapeutic approach.
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: nooneman] 1
#28640351 - 01/30/24 09:31 AM (3 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
nooneman said: That sounds like an incredibly bad idea. Set and setting. This is probably one of the worst possible sets you could give yourself. People do stupid stuff all the time and live, but this is a bad idea.
Something I've been wondering about for a long time is why psychedelics are ungrounding or destabilizing for some people. For me they always give a greater capacity to accept without reactivity difficult things.
Like one time in Nepal I was tripping on mushrooms and durring the peak someone started training a baby monkey by canning it with a stick literally a few feet away from me, I was in a little hut without a door. It was terrible, but also the mushrooms helped me endure it much better than if I had been sober having to experience it.
A lot of people would say that kind of experience would be worse on mushrooms, and I believe them, but I wonder what the difference is.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,502
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Freedom] 1
#28640422 - 01/30/24 10:27 AM (3 months, 16 days ago) |
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because shrooms are more sedative (yawn) than lysergamides which are more stimulative (grin), one can descend into a dark sleepy fuge from which it is more difficult to address ongoing changes with awareness.
dark dreamy dealings with dastardly demons is more dreary than bright beginnings beaming buoyantly beyond boundaries.
I love them both.
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 6,016
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: redgreenvines]
#28640591 - 01/30/24 01:14 PM (3 months, 15 days ago) |
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thats a good point too
all though perhaps the stimulaiton can lead to delusion for some people as well
but i meant why for me do mushrooms (or any psychedelic) always give more resiliency than sober, while for some people, they are more destabilizing or ungrounding or make difficult things harder than when sober?
Finding this out could be really helpful, but I imagine it would be hard to figure out. Probably need some large detailed studies...
Edited by Freedom (01/30/24 01:14 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,502
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Re: Watching videos from my fathers funeral while tripping? [Re: Freedom] 1
#28641508 - 01/31/24 07:48 AM (3 months, 15 days ago) |
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everything is delusion if you look at it square in the face. but you can make the best of it using a balanced outlook or framework of understanding.
some people use ritual, others prayer, self soothing is required when too stimulated, and stimulation helps when things are stagnating.
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