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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
Bodhi
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28633171 - 01/24/24 10:52 AM (4 days, 2 hours ago)

yep.

time to get back to The Good Book!,
wait no, I meant, The Canterbury Tales ...

....

"The Ancestor's Tale: A Pilgrimage to the Dawn of Evolution"

:geordinod: :thumbup:


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 5,850
Last seen: 30 minutes, 20 seconds
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne]
    #28633613 - 01/24/24 05:48 PM (3 days, 19 hours ago)

Quote:

Cory Duchesne said:
"Now, the way I see it, stupidity is a form of assault. What is assault? What is rape? Rape is the invasion of your body without consent, any part of your body. Could be your genitalia, but could also be your brain.

Secondhand smoke is respiratory rape, because someone forces smoke into your body. Ambient noise pollution is auditory rape. The great unwashed is olfactory rape. Unwanted touch, invasion of private space are tactile rape. Not fully consensual sex is rape, pure and simple.

All forms of abuse constitute emotional rape. And in my view, stupidity is a rape. It is an intellectual rape. Someone forces his idiocy, his criticism, his moronic views into my brain without my consent and permission. He is raping me intellectually.

Rape should be criminalized in all its forms. Rape should be penalized in all its forms. The perpetrators should be relegated to penal colonies, virtual or otherwise."

Beware the Stupid Takeover! (Sam Vaknin Rant)

https://vaknin-talks.com/transcripts/Beware_the_Stupid_Takeover_Sam_Vaknin_Rant_Read_PINNED_COMMENT






I am aware that these words are being painted in the canvas of your mind. I'm aware that I  am participating in creating your mind at this moment as you read these words. You don't know what the next thing I'll write will be, and cannot consent to what I may say.

All things are interdependent. Creation and destruction are the same thing. The wind blows, the trees move, my mind becomes trees dancing in the wind. Life is intimate.

We are created out of each other's stupidity and intelligence. Each of us has stupidity and intelligence that helps create each other. This is just how it is; we can't change that. We can learn to accept it.

I think violence is different than this basic interdependence. When exposed to violence we can be harmed in ways that disrupts our basic functioning. To equate these things not only minimizes the impact of violence, it puts ourselves in a position of victimhood in relation to interdependence, to life itself.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne]
    #28633993 - 01/25/24 03:56 AM (3 days, 9 hours ago)

Quote:

Cory Duchesne said:
"Now, the way I see it, stupidity is a form of assault. What is assault? What is rape? Rape is the invasion of your body without consent, any part of your body. Could be your genitalia, but could also be your brain.

Secondhand smoke is respiratory rape, because someone forces smoke into your body. Ambient noise pollution is auditory rape. The great unwashed is olfactory rape. Unwanted touch, invasion of private space are tactile rape. Not fully consensual sex is rape, pure and simple.

All forms of abuse constitute emotional rape. And in my view, stupidity is a rape. It is an intellectual rape. Someone forces his idiocy, his criticism, his moronic views into my brain without my consent and permission. He is raping me intellectually.

Rape should be criminalized in all its forms. Rape should be penalized in all its forms. The perpetrators should be relegated to penal colonies, virtual or otherwise."

Beware the Stupid Takeover! (Sam Vaknin Rant)

https://vaknin-talks.com/transcripts/Beware_the_Stupid_Takeover_Sam_Vaknin_Rant_Read_PINNED_COMMENT




This seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black, because you have the option of not engaging with the stupidity of others. 

In what case do you think one could not do that?

If the case is that you can consent to not engaging with stupid ideas.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: sudly]
    #28634025 - 01/25/24 05:42 AM (3 days, 7 hours ago)

I have no opportunity of not engaging with the stupidity of myself or others,
but I do have the opportunity of doing it with dignity


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:๐Ÿง   _ :finger:


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OfflineCory Duchesne
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Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 915
Loc: Nova Scotia
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Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: sudly]
    #28634075 - 01/25/24 06:59 AM (3 days, 6 hours ago)

Quote:


This seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black, because you have the option of not engaging with the stupidity of others. 

In what case do you think one could not do that?

If the case is that you can consent to not engaging with stupid ideas.




This debate takes to the root of the problem, birth.

Birth Without Violence | Frederick Leboyer



--------------------
C.G. Jung: "Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know."

"I shall not commit the fashionable stupidity of regarding everything I cannot explain as a fraud." - Carl Jung

Krishna, as his friends called him, freely admitted his compulsive lying. He blamed it on simple fear of having his deceptions detected." NOTES OF A FRINGE-WATCHER MARTIN GARDNER on J Krishnamurti

"All your questions are born out of the answers you already have. Any answer anybody gives should put an end to your questions. But it does not." [UG-K]


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
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Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne] * 1
    #28634180 - 01/25/24 09:05 AM (3 days, 4 hours ago)

I've heard a similar sounding argument about rape... that all sex is really just a form of rape or something like that. I think that is wicked and evil rhetoric. Like... (ad hominem istum) Good for you, you don't feel anything about sex other than using the person for only your own sexual pleasure... That doesn't mean everyone else is the same way!
That sex is fundamentally a violent act. This is disturbing quite frankly.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


Edited by Blue_Lux (01/25/24 10:06 AM)


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Blue_Lux]
    #28634290 - 01/25/24 10:20 AM (3 days, 3 hours ago)

Agreed. Sex is an intimate activity which can develop a special kind of bond. Sex alone can't do that of course. Sex alone is shady, but when there's friendship and activities that promote seeing the other person as a whole person sex is what can make it special.

I have few female friends but some of them are people who I've had sex with before. We still communicate or see each other because we did develop a friendship and treat each other like whole people while we were getting naked together.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"Youโ€™re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." โ€”Ayishat Akanbi


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OfflineCory Duchesne
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Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Rahz]
    #28634354 - 01/25/24 10:54 AM (3 days, 2 hours ago)

I find it staggering how many people are not free in this world, myself included. The special connection and friendship you are referring to would be some kind of freedom. We're living in a partly unfree world. I don't believe I have any special connection that would lead to safe, enjoyable sex. I might have had it when I was younger, but I lost contact with those ladies. I had an alcohol problem when I was 17-20 years old, which would have been the time when I was most sexually active. I had another chance at a sexual relationship when I was 33, but I had a psychosis while with her. I've been diagnosed with bioplar disorder, schizophrenia, paranoid personality disorder....  so there's really nothing I can say that makes sense. Congrats to the people who have freedom in their relationships and can have sex without terror or tears. I find myself isolated and not really able to work very effectively. Here in Canada, they are offering maid for people with mental illness, and I really don't see the point of my existence. Would like to have a peaceful death, considering I can't seem to find much peace in life. I think it boils down to cognitive impairment. We really are living in a world with people who do have some measure of impairment when it comes to empathy, and their grandiosity gets in the way of them appreciating the moment for what it is.


--------------------
C.G. Jung: "Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know."

"I shall not commit the fashionable stupidity of regarding everything I cannot explain as a fraud." - Carl Jung

Krishna, as his friends called him, freely admitted his compulsive lying. He blamed it on simple fear of having his deceptions detected." NOTES OF A FRINGE-WATCHER MARTIN GARDNER on J Krishnamurti

"All your questions are born out of the answers you already have. Any answer anybody gives should put an end to your questions. But it does not." [UG-K]


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne]
    #28634382 - 01/25/24 11:17 AM (3 days, 2 hours ago)

Hmmh. I know personally older people who still get it on. Not impossible. A great deal of them do. Idk what to tell you, however. At this point it sounds wreckless. Maybe some ecstasy? I don't know.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


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OfflineCory Duchesne
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Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 915
Loc: Nova Scotia
Last seen: 2 days, 20 hours
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Blue_Lux]
    #28634386 - 01/25/24 11:24 AM (3 days, 2 hours ago)

Assisted Dying: A Personal Story:

I think when there's a long list of things that are going wrong with a person internally, then one should seek the assistance of professional help in medicine. I take sleeping pills at night and take anti depressant in the morning. Once a month I get an injection of abilify. My quality of life has become pretty low. I watch a lot of videos on assisted dying, euthanasia, etc. I'm getting ready to die, because living has become such a tedious pain. 



--------------------
C.G. Jung: "Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know."

"I shall not commit the fashionable stupidity of regarding everything I cannot explain as a fraud." - Carl Jung

Krishna, as his friends called him, freely admitted his compulsive lying. He blamed it on simple fear of having his deceptions detected." NOTES OF A FRINGE-WATCHER MARTIN GARDNER on J Krishnamurti

"All your questions are born out of the answers you already have. Any answer anybody gives should put an end to your questions. But it does not." [UG-K]


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne]
    #28634451 - 01/25/24 12:33 PM (3 days, 57 minutes ago)

That's pretty sad. I'm sorry. I wish things to look up for you.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne]
    #28634511 - 01/25/24 01:24 PM (3 days, 6 minutes ago)

Obviously I do not know what you are capable of achieving so will not make assumptions about it. You do not either and I suppose making assumptions about it isn't helpful.

I was a mostly sexless drunk from 18-31. Handful of one night stands which I did not initiate. It took the better part of 10 years being sober and generally reclusive before I started actively trying to be more social with females. I had little success until I met the right person, experienced various difficulties with that relation eventually leading to the personal realization I just shared about priorities in regard to how we treat others. Very difficult process for me.

I think it's true that we must work on being who we want to be for ourselves to build trust with someone we want to fuck. I think it's also true that we can't do it all alone and we are mostly helpless in that regard, waiting on the universe to supply necessary experience/right people which often means the hardship we need.

While I don't think the necessary path is generally straight forward, dwelling on the prospect of suicide isn't intuitively a reasonable path to mental health. I'm not a fan of positivity but I am a fan of curiosity, of sensing all potential in the unknown that is the future, not just fear and dread.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"Youโ€™re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." โ€”Ayishat Akanbi


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Rahz]
    #28634520 - 01/25/24 01:30 PM (3 days, 54 seconds ago)

A further note regarding potential. Etymology of respect is not looking up (or down) to someone as though they are a static image. It's a willingness to look again with curiosity. Not assuming potential, acknowledging that we are dynamic creatures that change. Respect yourself.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"Youโ€™re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." โ€”Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Rahz] * 3
    #28634663 - 01/25/24 03:42 PM (2 days, 21 hours ago)



--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:๐Ÿง   _ :finger:


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28634684 - 01/25/24 03:56 PM (2 days, 21 hours ago)

๐”ข๐”ฑ ๐”ฃ๐”ž๐” ๐”ฆ๐”ฉ๐”ฆ ๐”ฆ๐”ž๐”ช ๐”ฑ๐”ฏ๐”ž๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ฑ๐”ข ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ฐ๐”ฑ๐”ž๐”ช


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


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OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
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Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 5,850
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Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Cory Duchesne] * 1
    #28634689 - 01/25/24 04:04 PM (2 days, 21 hours ago)

Quote:

Cory Duchesne said:
I find it staggering how many people are not free in this world, myself included. The special connection and friendship you are referring to would be some kind of freedom. We're living in a partly unfree world. I don't believe I have any special connection that would lead to safe, enjoyable sex. I might have had it when I was younger, but I lost contact with those ladies. I had an alcohol problem when I was 17-20 years old, which would have been the time when I was most sexually active. I had another chance at a sexual relationship when I was 33, but I had a psychosis while with her. I've been diagnosed with bioplar disorder, schizophrenia, paranoid personality disorder....  so there's really nothing I can say that makes sense. Congrats to the people who have freedom in their relationships and can have sex without terror or tears. I find myself isolated and not really able to work very effectively. Here in Canada, they are offering maid for people with mental illness, and I really don't see the point of my existence. Would like to have a peaceful death, considering I can't seem to find much peace in life. I think it boils down to cognitive impairment. We really are living in a world with people who do have some measure of impairment when it comes to empathy, and their grandiosity gets in the way of them appreciating the moment for what it is.





I think this captures a huge issue in modern society. People are, in general, very out of touch with themselves. Because we learn from each other, we are constantly getting reinforcement to be out of touch with ourselves.

A couple years ago I had a girlfriend that got frustrated when I wanted to take things slow and really get to know each other physically and psychologically. Its like she just wanted to fuck without being aware of each other.

I think thats fine to do that sometimes, but I also wanted to really know each other with sensitivity. The relationship didn't work out.


People can only open up to you as much as they've opened up to themselves, and most people don't seem to trust themselves enough to get to know themselves and see all the layers of their mind. Like shame, or anger, or fear, or judgement, certain things are chronically and habitually avoided by almost everyone it seems.

And yet to open up its so helpful to do it with another. I think this is why therapy is becomming more popular, yet doing this an hour a week isn't really  a lot of time, and then we continue to have the reinforcement from others in social situations.

For years I simply avoided people who didn't seem to have much athenticity, and was lonely, but I think I needed to do that to see through myself and live more authenticlly.

It took years to find the confidence to express myself in a way that is counter to how other people seem to, to cut through the bs and show I actually care, and see, feel, that I love etc

and then it takes even more time to learn to do this in skillful ways that don't threaten others or step on their toes


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Freedom]
    #28634709 - 01/25/24 04:29 PM (2 days, 21 hours ago)

Quote:


People can only open up to you as much as they've opened up to themselves, and most people don't seem to trust themselves enough to get to know themselves and see all the layers of their mind. Like shame, or anger, or fear, or judgement, certain things are chronically and habitually avoided by almost everyone it seems.





People need actually someone who can break past their 'defenses,' which are really structures of association, which act with a natural defense. Notice when people are in love... They fall in love. Something pierces through to them. The unfortunate thing is the sort of defenses people can acquire... And not be able to see around them or change them. You can see this in people who constantly repeat horrible relationships with different people. It is really annoying to watch. There is a playfulness in love, but if someone isn't playful, they are going to be hard to love, even if you can see their inner playfulness, for instance. That isn't enough, because only someone else may be able to provide elements that allow all of that to come out and restrengthen. Once this happens, a person may actually think back to people who had feelings for them but they previously didn't likewise have feelings for... and may have feelings about it.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Freedom]
    #28634734 - 01/25/24 05:10 PM (2 days, 20 hours ago)

Love is dangerous. The philosopher Epicurus said a person should never fall in love too deeply with one person, because the pain is not worth it. He was a classical hedonist making a comparison between pleasures and pains, and the ethics of such things. He says people should be polyamorous. This is where I disagree but only very slightly with Epicurus. I think people can and should love one person and in a certain type of way, as many animals form pair bonding, and even stay together for life. I think, however, the pain of betrayal must be reckoned with. And this has to do with the joy or ecstasy of betrayal, of adultery. Such a thing only exists if sex and love are not separated. Many marriages have ended because one person has sexual feelings unmet, which that person feels for other people, often and usually in addition to feelings about their spouse. The spouse, on the other hand, usually sees the other's plea for forgiveness as evidence they are not to be trusted and no longer love them, that they have been betrayed because those feelings are not shared nor separated from the attachment of love of the pair. The issues of monogamy have been reconciled traditionally with brothels and strip clubs and pimps. If you want an alternative, it is actually an extremely proximal solution. It is in maintaining a distinction, if you have either feelings of polyamory or monogamy, between feelings that can only be properly given to one person versus feelings that can be given to others, and shared.
I am monogamous. We have discussed polyamory; however, there are few people to trust, and we both are pretty jealous about each other, even though that is really dumb. We have agreed we can do whatever we want with anyone we want, and it won't affect our marriage. We don't however. But we have discussed it, because we have fantasies, and some couples like to swing, whatever.
We have both agreed, however, that if we were to ever get a divorce, we'd never do it again. It is a lot to get to know someone. It is actually a lifelong commitment, but to have sex with someone and also have some sort of feelings of love for them, perhaps shared feelings, is not. There is a lot more to a marriage than sex. Actually... marriage is like a psychedelic experience. Seeing someone change alongside you... you know everything about them, and they you. That is something different than having some moments with other people, which, newsflash, people desire and experience pain and unhappiness when they don't get it. It may seem like a childishness, but it is something else, I think, which is programmed into us as a species, which is an important way we communicate/connect. And there are real, perhaps not explicitly stated anywhere else social and societal consequences of this.
I think the most brutal breakups, which are violent, are when the relationship was really based on a mutual escape into kink land. And then the other finds them doing the same with someone else... and how it was all then a lie. It's not bad to escape into kink land, just be intelligent about it.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


Edited by Blue_Lux (01/25/24 05:28 PM)


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InvisibleBlue_Lux
ฯ„ฯŒ ฮบแพฐฯ„แพฐฯ€ฮตฯ€ฯ„ฯ‰ฮบฯŒฯ‚ ฯ†ฯฮฟฮฝฯ„ฮนฯƒฯ„ฮฎฯ‚
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Freedom]
    #28634737 - 01/25/24 05:13 PM (2 days, 20 hours ago)

And it must be stated that the pleasure itself of adultery or betrayal is conditioned by the very fact of sex and love being combined in the spouse. The adulterer only betrays the person who can feel betrayed by their partner having sex with someone else. If the person cannot feel such a thing, then there is actually consequently no ability for the pleasure of what would lead to any 'betrayal' in the first place.


--------------------
โ˜†โœฎโ˜…โ‹†I โ™ก the music, not the blingโ‹†โ˜…โœฎโ˜†
https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm
๐”ฆ๐”ซ ๐”ซ๐”ฌ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข ๐”Ÿ๐”ฌ๐”ซ๐”ฆ ๐”ญ๐”ข๐”ฐ๐”ฐ๐”ฆ๐”ช๐”ฆ ๐”ช๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ฌ๐”ฏ๐”ฒ๐”ช ๐”ฃ๐”ฆ๐”ฒ๐”ซ๐”ฑ
May I ask what your bud type is?
โ‚  LXIVโถโดAMOR  โ‚
Profundรฆ lฤtissimรฆque vฤ“ritฤtฤ“s amandรฆ sunt, sฤซc ideo necesse est: rฤ“s maxima amanda est; pลtus sit is bene scฤซmus cum nลs id adeล explet, cum altล hฤซc movet ฤซmus: rฤ“s maxima omnis amor.


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OfflineFreedom
Pigment of your imagination
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Registered: 05/26/05
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Re: stupidity is a form of assault [Re: Blue_Lux] * 1
    #28634759 - 01/25/24 05:41 PM (2 days, 19 hours ago)

Quote:

Blue_Lux said:
Quote:


People can only open up to you as much as they've opened up to themselves, and most people don't seem to trust themselves enough to get to know themselves and see all the layers of their mind. Like shame, or anger, or fear, or judgement, certain things are chronically and habitually avoided by almost everyone it seems.





People need actually someone who can break past their 'defenses,' which are really structures of association, which act with a natural defense. Notice when people are in love... They fall in love. Something pierces through to them. The unfortunate thing is the sort of defenses people can acquire... And not be able to see around them or change them. You can see this in people who constantly repeat horrible relationships with different people. It is really annoying to watch. There is a playfulness in love, but if someone isn't playful, they are going to be hard to love, even if you can see their inner playfulness, for instance. That isn't enough, because only someone else may be able to provide elements that allow all of that to come out and restrengthen. Once this happens, a person may actually think back to people who had feelings for them but they previously didn't likewise have feelings for... and may have feelings about it.




I think this is part of why so many spiritual teachers have had sexual misconduct. When you learn to get comfortable letting down your defenses, which is a large part of spiritual practice, you then start to be able to help do this with others, and they can fall in love with you but its more like they are falling in love with their reflection as you as a mirror.

This is also why therapists need strong boundaries.

Taking advantage of someone in this situation is really harmful because they've let their defenses down.


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