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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,795
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 58 minutes, 5 seconds
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Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck.
#28622718 - 01/15/24 08:57 PM (12 days, 17 hours ago) |
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It’s either not wanted women or baby mommas.
Both seem desperate but both are unattractive…
Should I give up on sex?
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Dr. Funtime
Wipes Sideways

Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 134
Last seen: 5 days, 18 hours
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Patlal]
#28622720 - 01/15/24 08:59 PM (12 days, 17 hours ago) |
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just go tranny
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi



Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,773
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 2 days, 23 hours
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Dr. Funtime]
#28622730 - 01/15/24 09:08 PM (12 days, 17 hours ago) |
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That’s all you see out there?
P
-------------------- Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!! Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 7,184
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 8 minutes, 44 seconds
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Patlal]
#28622756 - 01/15/24 09:44 PM (12 days, 17 hours ago) |
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You’re not looking hard enough.
 Plus, there are some very hot baby mamas out there.
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ManianFH
living in perverty



Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 19 hours, 7 minutes
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Yah from what I’ve heard it doesn’t get much easier with the 40s and 50s crowds…
I guess at these ages everybody has pretty much been through some shit. Feel for ya though, if I were you I would probably find a hobby you like and go to those social events until you vibe with someone. Probably low odds as well but at least you’re gonna hook up with someone who shares some common interests.
Good luck man
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: ManianFH] 2
#28622842 - 01/16/24 12:22 AM (12 days, 14 hours ago) |
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Quote:
ManianFH said: Yah from what I’ve heard it doesn’t get much easier with the 40s and 50s crowds…
I dunno about that; I think 30s is a challenging age in terms of dating. There's a pretty toxic mix of a couple of things (speaking mostly from a straight male's perspective):
Most people are taken. Simple as that. Demographics are against you. Some long-standing marriages are still going strong (or at least, strong enough), while some new marriages have already formed. Of course, this means you can still date, but there's always a complex situation to contend with in terms of polyamory or, more commonly, plain cheating. As a 'third', you usually end up pulling the short straw anyway.
Then, the ones who aren't together exhibit either one of the following traits:
* Have never been in a relationship. There's always good reasons why, and it's usually no fun to figure that out.
* Have recently broken up, often from a long-term commitment, and need to regain their footing. That's nice and all, but between disappointment in the breakup and figuring out who they are, these people don't always make very stable/dependable mates. Take this woman who seemed all nice, and when it came to her divorce, I asked how long it had been since they separated and she said "well not quite yet, but we're dating again, or at least I am - no, we're still living together as a family and I think he's alright with the thought of me dating again..." Alright. Great. How about you figure out your life for a minute and then report back. Bye.
* In connection with the above: kids should have been around by now, but aren't, so thanks for the dinner hon it was lovely and yes we can have sex WILL WE MAKE BABIES ARE YOU GOING TO FATHER THEM MY OVARIES ARE BURSTING. Which can be interesting because the sex can be totally amazing - until you figure out it's not about you. Great if you also have bursting ovaries/balls and the burning desire to procreate, of course. By all means, indulge, but please do take a good look at the other end of the table before you make the gonads wiggle. They might be (seem) biologically fit, but are you emotionally compatible as well?
* Again in connection with the above: thanks for the dinner hon, it was lovely and yes we can do sexy ti...oh sorry, gotta run, this diaper smells full - can you hand me a fresh one please, and fold this one up? I swear John was supposed to take care of Junior this weekend but he had to fly off to Honolulu for work (with his new girl, the bitch is 10 years his junior and did you see the fake tits on that one!?)
* Insofar as the above doesn't apply, you also find that contrary to your teens or twenties, by the time you've hit your thirties, you (and any interested parties) have figured out what makes you tick, and that also means you've become a little more picky in terms of potential partners. So forget about "let's give it a go, you look nice and I'm horny" and prepare for some thorough rounds of mutual soul-searching. After all, the next one will be The One and Only Right One, this time for sure!!
By age 40-50, things tend to have crystallized out. Kids have grown up and are more self-reliant, so less likely to spoil a good date, and making them has mostly become a non-issue. People have mostly mellowed out a little and are more jaded have a more of a sense of realism. People are generally also more confident as they pass 40, which generally helps in negotiating the early phases of a relationship.
And women in their mid 40s are sexually in their prime...
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Patlal]
#28622872 - 01/16/24 02:10 AM (12 days, 12 hours ago) |
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Just tell 'em you think they'll be dead before 2030.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Sofaking420



Registered: 02/09/18
Posts: 1,126
Loc: Myco mountain
Last seen: 8 hours, 29 minutes
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Asante] 4
#28622886 - 01/16/24 02:50 AM (12 days, 12 hours ago) |
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Having been single the last 3 years and being 35 I agree the dating scene is a weird thing.
Its ether booty calls or straight up crazy after a few dates.
Or I want you to be my kids step dad.
I've tried a few dating sites and have had a few short but pretty cool relationships and a few that I wish I had never met the women.
Currently talking to an women I dated 12 years ago that's smoking hot, we've been friends for ever and been talking more and more getting to know each other as adults.
For the first time in a long time im real excited and interested in a women besides sex, and I hope this goes somewhere but if it don't that's cool too.
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,470
Last seen: 12 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Sofaking420]
#28622948 - 01/16/24 05:39 AM (12 days, 9 hours ago) |
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It takes way more rejection and searching then it should. I feel like the problem is these women can filter out matches that don't make as much money as they want you to make. I think that's total crap. But yeah it's absolutely brutal. My brother tried tinder and pof for a while. Met one woman that was as big as a house and wanted to have sex with him in the house where she still lived with her husband so he rightfully ran for the hills.
Then he "dated" more like fucked this chick that had a kid with her father and a lifetime of abuse, meth use etc. I believe she had herpes. She was string out by the time they broke up and she was getting blackout drunk every night, calling her ex husband yelling that she be able to see the kids more. Very agressive, destroyed teeth she was weird.
He finally met a cool chick but that was through osrs she turned out to be real and he's actually visiting her right now.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 3 hours, 25 minutes
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Just date women that are closer to 20. Less baggage. Instead of sorting thru mostly undesirable women, sort thru women that are desirable. Then you are only combing desirable women for one single factor, maturity/intelligence Much better fodder imo.
Ppl by the time they are 30ish are much more likely to be traumatized, bogged down, or just plain batshit(likely why still available). I don't know the best ways to access these younger women per se, but I'm sure a creative and determined mind could figure it out. Working in a college town comes to mind.
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: ashfiken]
#28622964 - 01/16/24 05:59 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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Quote:
ashfiken said: Just date women that are closer to 20. Less baggage.
Also less mature and less likely to result in a rewarding relationship. This will be fine if all you're looking for is to get your dick wet, but I think most of us have our aims set a little higher than that in life.
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 3 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: koraks]
#28622965 - 01/16/24 06:00 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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Refer to what I said to comb for
There will be some/few women nearer that age bracket that aren't idiots and are smart enough to desire a marriage and family or whatever you are referring to.
Might as well considering the 30s age range doesn't provide much improvement themselves either in this department. Humans in general are idiots no matter the age
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
Edited by ashfiken (01/16/24 06:02 AM)
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: ashfiken] 3
#28622968 - 01/16/24 06:00 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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You can comb all you want, but a 23-year old doesn't have the life experience of a 35-year old. By the time you're approaching 40, that sort of thing starts to matter.
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Mystikal
Arranger



Registered: 11/13/21
Posts: 335
Last seen: 1 minute, 42 seconds
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: koraks]
#28622974 - 01/16/24 06:13 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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I haven't even tried dating and I'm late 30's. I still hook up with my ex once in a while and get the odd escort.
-------------------- Not all those who wander are lost
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 3 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: koraks]
#28622981 - 01/16/24 06:18 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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By life experi3nce do you mean traumatized and beaten down? Do you mean in tow with a child or more? Experience means baggage imo. Why highlight that as a positive? Or worse yet; by experience do you mean fucked by who knows how many men before you? This "experience" you speak of doesn't seem highly valuable for a partner imo, unless there is some valuable experience they would have gained that I am unaware of. A mature 20 y/o will always be more desirable than a 30 y/o. Not to menti9n women after 30 start to fall off real quick on the ability to "give you a child" metric>> if that was part of the higher aims you were referring to
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: ashfiken] 1
#28623010 - 01/16/24 06:44 AM (12 days, 8 hours ago) |
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Life experience accrues from the sum of all experiences - positive, negative and neutral ones.
You make it seem like anyone beyond 30 is damaged goods and should be shunned. I hope I'll never be as pessimistic and jaded as that. I think you're also disqualifying yourself from a large part of society by taking that stance. Too bad; I hope your outlook will improve, for your own good as well as the people you'll associate with. I imagine it's no fun for the women over 30 to come across someone as cynical as yourself...
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 3 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: koraks]
#28623018 - 01/16/24 06:59 AM (12 days, 7 hours ago) |
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Most Are damaged it's simply the honest truth. There will always be outliers. Shunning not necessary. Simply put my explanations are why the op finds it so hard. I don't imagine it will do me much good to improve my thinking here.
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,332
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Patlal]
#28623036 - 01/16/24 07:25 AM (12 days, 7 hours ago) |
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And women in their mid 40s are sexually in their prime...
True! It hit me like a Mac truck! Around 45. You have the desire of a 18 year old boy Its wild! Can be fun and frustrating. Dating has changed. I got divorced in 2019 and had pretty much been married since 1992. Things changed a lot.
Online dating was weird to me. Everyone sends dick pics and I am not into that. I didn't know anything about fwb or dtf. It was like twilight zone to me. So online dating, I didn't like it. I ended up dating people I knew .
The pool of available singles is smaller. Thats definitely true. People are older and more settled into whatever their lifestyle is. Which can often mean their issues are issues that have been around for awhile. And people get bitter. I find it easier to pick out who isn't right for you.
I don't really understand the looking for a dad for their kids statement. I never allowed anyone around my kids.
And it is always weird to me to be hit on by young young men. People are brave behind a screen. Online is definitely different.
I wouldn't give up. Be open and try to not get discouraged. Takes awhile to know a person as opposed to what they post.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: ashfiken] 1
#28623042 - 01/16/24 07:31 AM (12 days, 7 hours ago) |
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Quote:
ashfiken said: Most Are damaged it's simply the honest truth.
Sorry you feel that way. It's you though, not them. If anyone with life experience is 'damaged' according to you, that's really your problem, not that of the rest of the world.
Good luck.
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,332
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Re: Dating in your 30s is hard as fuck. [Re: Patlal]
#28623050 - 01/16/24 07:39 AM (12 days, 7 hours ago) |
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I think maturity is awesome. People learn, grow and become better versions of themselves. You often find divorcees who grew apart because of that reason. There are amazing single people out there. Stay open minded and optimistic.
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