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encryptor


Registered: 05/15/03
Posts: 1,154
Last seen: 17 days, 14 hours
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Splitting Costs with Wife
#28615736 - 01/09/24 09:18 PM (18 days, 11 hours ago) |
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Last year I put my wife on my medical/dental insurance because she wasn't working. She ended up getting a job at a bank. Last November we had an enrollment period for medical/dental insurance. She did not show me the costs and wanted to be on my insurance. I was thinking that was fine, figuring it would be cheaper, I get to contribute to my HSA at the family maximum. However, now I find out having separate medical/dental insurances would have been cheaper than combining onto one. She tells me to forget it because it's already past the enrollment window. I think she avoided telling me the cost on purpose because I'm splitting bills 72/28 percent based on our incomes. She pays her own car insurance because it's a separate bill. Should I be covering her medical/dental insurance based on our incomes too? We already split the rent and groceries by 72/28. She has the 28%, so it's costing me more. There's pro's and con's in this marriage, but I'm not desiring sex from her anymore and we've only been married 1 year. I feel that I am better off by myself. Thank goodness no kids, no combined bank account (although she dislikes this), and prenuptial agreement in place. I am protecting my own finances.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor] 2
#28615916 - 01/10/24 01:58 AM (18 days, 6 hours ago) |
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So the underlying problem here is really that your marriage/relationship is dysfunctional. It's not really about the money.
You know what you gotta do, for the benefit of both parties: split.
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor] 1
#28615941 - 01/10/24 03:11 AM (18 days, 5 hours ago) |
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Soo, lets separate some bits here..
Quote:
encryptor said: Last year I put my wife on my medical/dental insurance because she wasn't working. She ended up getting a job at a bank. Last November we had an enrollment period for medical/dental insurance. She did not show me the costs and wanted to be on my insurance. I was thinking that was fine, figuring it would be cheaper, I get to contribute to my HSA at the family maximum. However, now I find out having separate medical/dental insurances would have been cheaper than combining onto one. She tells me to forget it because it's already past the enrollment window.
She's right. Oops, too late. Now you know, and can check the math in the future.
Quote:
I think she avoided telling me the cost on purpose because I'm splitting bills 72/28 percent based on our incomes. She pays her own car insurance because it's a separate bill. Should I be covering her medical/dental insurance based on our incomes too? We already split the rent and groceries by 72/28. She has the 28%, so it's costing me more.
72/28 seems.. oddly specific. What exactly are you asking here? You feel like because she's on your insurance, that means you're paying 100% of that bill? So you need her to pay the extra, what $50, $100, whatever a month.. for.. what? Does it really matter if this pushes the percentage to 75/25?
What I'd worry about is:
Quote:
There's pro's and con's in this marriage, but I'm not desiring sex from her anymore and we've only been married 1 year. I feel that I am better off by myself. Thank goodness no kids, no combined bank account (although she dislikes this), and prenuptial agreement in place. I am protecting my own finances.
So.. she wants to be on your health insurance, she wants to combine finances, does she want kids too? Sounds like she wants a marriage, but you're treating her like a roommate. I dunno man. Why did you get into this marriage? What changed? I think if you approach your marriage as if it's just a business deal then.. well.. that's what you get.
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encryptor


Registered: 05/15/03
Posts: 1,154
Last seen: 17 days, 14 hours
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: Lynnch]
#28616687 - 01/10/24 05:53 PM (17 days, 14 hours ago) |
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Thanks for the input. She doesn't want kids. At least not yet. I was hoping being married would have some benefits too. It's great to have someone else help with chores and help support the rent. It's nice having some company too. The 78/22 is just what 50/50 works out to be when looking at our incomes. I make more, so I pay more. In some aspect I do look at it as a roommate deal except the fact we are not both paying equal amounts because this is a relationship. With the insurance she was probably thinking if we have our own plans, she'll pay 100% for her premium costs and I'll pay 100% for premium costs. Similar to what we do for car insurance. Do I support my wife in all bills or just joint bills we share like rent and groceries. Now if an emergency I'd surely pay to avoid her getting penalties or having credit issues
Edited by encryptor (01/10/24 06:01 PM)
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Patchouli_Savage


Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
Loc: Somewhere between here an...
Last seen: 6 hours, 57 minutes
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor]
#28616862 - 01/10/24 08:20 PM (17 days, 12 hours ago) |
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I don't think keeping finances separately or splitting costs based on income is a bad thing, if that works for you guys.
I'm wondering if your insurance was just better than hers? Would her deductible have increased if she chose this new insirance? Would her in-network providers have changed woth the new policy which could cause her to have to either switch providers or meet an out of pocket maximum for the same cares she receives under the policy through your work? Are the dental/vision benefits the same with the plans?
With insurance, there's more to look at than just the monthly cost. I know you said it would've been cheaper, but would the benefits have been the same?
Maybe you could talk to her about picking up a different but relatively equal bill exclusively to even things out?
-------------------- "You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor]
#28624119 - 01/16/24 11:21 PM (11 days, 8 hours ago) |
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Why you'd enter a straight marriage without a clear roadmap for children is completely beyond me. Like. Why not just stay together without marrying?
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Why you'd enter a straight marriage without a clear roadmap for children is completely beyond me. Like. Why not just stay together without marrying?
This doesn't apply to OP obviously, but: romantic reasons. Some people cherish the symbolism of marriage. Human decision-making is rarely purely rational. We're just not wired like that.
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stubb
Dahg Rastubfari


Registered: 03/23/19
Posts: 1,310
Loc: Memory
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Why you'd enter a straight marriage without a clear roadmap for children is completely beyond me. Like. Why not just stay together without marrying?
Also because legal marriage confers a long list of legal rights and benefits. What difference does it make if the couple is straight and able of having children?
--------------------
🆃🄴🅰🄼 🅲🄻🅸🄽🅶🅆🆁🄰🅿 You wake up. The room is spinning very gently round your head. Or at least it would be if you could see it which you can't. It is pitch black. > TURN ON LIGHT
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: stubb]
#28624467 - 01/17/24 11:12 AM (10 days, 21 hours ago) |
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Quote:
stubb said: Also because legal marriage confers a long list of legal rights and benefits. What difference does it make if the couple is straight and able of having children?
That, too. In my country, there are alternatives to marriage that result in virtually the same legal and fiscal status, but it turns out that marriage is overall...cheaper. So even for the rationally inclined among is, it may make sense.
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mandrax360
Woodchipper Deluxe


Registered: 09/20/11
Posts: 1,890
Loc: Nelson Mandela House, Peckham
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: koraks] 2
#28625899 - 01/18/24 12:59 PM (9 days, 19 hours ago) |
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When I first met my wife she earned more than me . From the day we moved in together we opened a joint bank account and went 50/50 on bills, paying more into the account than what was needed as a nest egg .
A year later we bought a house together knowing that after that year of renting we could live together. By this time I was earning more so I suggested we just have 2 joint accounts, 1 for bills and savings and 1 for spending. We have never looked back, relationships are about trust. 20 years later and I never question her on what she spends nor does she ever question me .
We have friends who have been married years who have separate accounts and all they ever do is argue about 💰 . If you truly love your wife money shouldn't make any difference. Till death do us part doesn't seem to have much meaning in this day and age.
No judging, just my opinion. It's only money, I'd still love my wife if we were homeless and begging for money.
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CrayolaHalls



Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 216
Loc: The Lot
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: mandrax360] 1
#28627946 - 01/19/24 11:29 PM (8 days, 8 hours ago) |
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Quote:
mandrax360 said: When I first met my wife she earned more than me . From the day we moved in together we opened a joint bank account and went 50/50 on bills, paying more into the account than what was needed as a nest egg .
A year later we bought a house together knowing that after that year of renting we could live together. By this time I was earning more so I suggested we just have 2 joint accounts, 1 for bills and savings and 1 for spending. We have never looked back, relationships are about trust. 20 years later and I never question her on what she spends nor does she ever question me .
We have friends who have been married years who have separate accounts and all they ever do is argue about 💰 . If you truly love your wife money shouldn't make any difference. Till death do us part doesn't seem to have much meaning in this day and age.
No judging, just my opinion. It's only money, I'd still love my wife if we were homeless and begging for money.
I'm in 22 years and we just dump our money into one account and let it go where we want it to. Neither of us is an overspender, so no worries there. It would feel weird to argue about money or be concerned about it.
That said, what I read from OP was a wife who offloaded her cost of insurance on to him even though they had an agreement and it cost more in long run (sounds selfish and, worse, dumb) and also wants full access to his cash while the relationship is crashing after only a year.
I'd limit all losses and cut bait before she tries the baby trap. Saw that happen to a friend. His wife quit working within days of finding out she was pregnant. She admitted years later that she got pregnant to "save the relationship" and faked a hard pregnancy so she could get extra attention and stay home. Kids are all in school now and she still stays home on her fat ass all day while he works OT to pay for her daily Dunkin. He's miserable. Says he doesn't love her, never did.
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TrancedOutBrah
Stranger


Registered: 08/17/21
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor] 1
#28630411 - 01/21/24 08:21 PM (6 days, 11 hours ago) |
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Anytime I hear someone talking about how their relationship is transactional I just go "oops, that's not going to last"
You're either both on the same team and you're in it for the long haul or you are gonna be one foot in and one foot out and it definitely sounds like you've had your foot out ready to go whenever.
The fact you're worried about who is paying more or who is paying what instead of just having joint account for bills/expenses at the bare minimum just tells me you're not gonna be married for long
-------------------- Lead by example, words mean little when your actions don't reflect what you say. Spread kindness, love, empathy, compassion. Learn from mistakes. Try and do better. Each day is a new day, try to make it a better one. Coconut and Avocado is awesome for the skin. MIND OVER MATTER

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flugelizor
Furious ball of nothing


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,107
Loc: Western NY
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor]
#28631198 - 01/22/24 03:33 PM (5 days, 16 hours ago) |
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What happens if one gets a terminal illness?
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flugelizor
Furious ball of nothing


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,107
Loc: Western NY
Last seen: 2 days, 28 minutes
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: encryptor] 1
#28631206 - 01/22/24 03:42 PM (5 days, 16 hours ago) |
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Quote:
encryptor said: but I'm not desiring sex from her anymore and we've only been married 1 year. I feel that I am better off by myself.
To me this is the biggest red flag. Do you have desire for other women? If so, this desire will only grow over time.
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mandrax360
Woodchipper Deluxe


Registered: 09/20/11
Posts: 1,890
Loc: Nelson Mandela House, Peckham
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Re: Splitting Costs with Wife [Re: flugelizor]
#28631641 - 01/23/24 01:42 AM (5 days, 6 hours ago) |
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Quote:
flugelizor said: What happens if one gets a terminal illness?
Life insurance policy. If you take it out when you're still in your 20s it's cheap as chips.
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