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SeventhMushroom
just a tiny agar pin


Registered: 12/30/22
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The Fear 1
#28613533 - 01/08/24 12:48 AM (20 days, 7 hours ago) |
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I have a confession. I haven't tripped in maybe 9 months. I think to myself I want to, yet I don't. And now, thinking about it, I sense fear in tripping again.
I'm very verbose, but I'll try to avoid writing a novel here, for your sake.
On the one hand, I *want* to trip. I want to gain the clarity of thought that comes with mushrooms (for me at least). I want the focus to think some tough things through. I even want to try using the focus to just get normal stuff done, it's something I haven't tried, but suspect might work well. I vividly remember a thought from a trip that might explain this feeling to you. Right as I was coming up, I felt calm and said to myself "ahh.. I'm finally in control again.". I want to be in control again.
On the other hand, I *fear* a trip right now. I know what I will think about, it's been on my mind for awhile. I've been tossing this problem over in my head for years now, but it's coming to a head. I don't fear some unknown thing happening, I fear that I know *exactly* what will happen. I already *know* the conclusions I've come to. I've always managed to reach the same endpoint in all my trips. And yet there's very worldly, practical concerns that I don't think a free mind will pay attention to. Thus, in essence, I fear losing control.
I'm not really looking for advice, or for someone to "help" me here. But maybe putting my thoughts down will help me resolve this contradiction. Or maybe another person's thoughts can give me a perspective I lack. Thank you for this place existing.
-------------------- LAGM 2024
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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two things I can think of, one - great benefits can come with much lower doses than people imagine. i.e. 1/2 or 1/4 of the customary dose can be excellent.
the other thing is more real than psychological or philosophical, and that is that we never have control as such.
we can prepare a scene with great effort and still not predict what the out come will be so hold back on all predictions and stop second guessing yourself.
plan and create your safe place and your tools for reconnecting with the universe in a different way. and be free of predictive errors. you don't need to be right (or wrong) but just as you are without pretension.
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
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I get the sense you have your own wisdom about this and perhaps are second guessing yourself.
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite



Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,254
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Re: The Fear [Re: Freedom]
#28614529 - 01/08/24 08:47 PM (19 days, 11 hours ago) |
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Sending courage and blessings your way
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
   
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Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



Registered: 10/06/13
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There is no fear because there has to be a "You" to become fearful. It's just the ego, fear is a tiny fragment of the projected self, it doesn't exist within the true self. When you understand you are not your fear, just the attachment to a projected sense of self and the fear that arises in relation to that self, it will disappear. The true self doesn't even have thoughts, because it is simply a pure stream of unadulterated consciousness. All the noise you hear and feel is just your false self in a frenzy.
One of my favorite quotes; The mind doesn't know anything, it only thinks it knows.
-------------------- "In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply Different ways in which The All-That Is Perceives Itself"
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Soul Flight
Stranger
Registered: 05/04/23
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Howdy. I think we all have that fear. Terrance McKenna said you should be afraid before every trip.
Sometimes one hour into a trip I wish I had not done it. But now I have to grind it out for 6 hours. It is my perspective that screws up the trip. It becomes something to endure and to sober up from.
The ego can play tricks on us because it wants to remain in total control.
“The heart has desires of which the mind knows not.” So maybe your subconscious has made some decisions and your conscious mind fears integrating this information. The trip will actualize you and reconnect you and expose you.
Take it slow. Be safe.
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Tripping has become more difficult for me to with age! The distances I went when I was younger, and the relative lack of fear I possesed, amaze me now looking back!
Most of this is a sense of responsibility to my family. Can't trip in the day (could always get a phone call) and at night by the time I get to midnight I'm usually too tired and know I have to awaken early!
If you really want to do it, a good method is to prepare the materials and on an occasion you do have time place them close at hand.
Like you, I'm always going back and forth in my own mind, wanting to trip and then finding reasons not to, but I haven't ever regretted any trip I've had in over twenty years now. I am always glad I did it!
If the Syrian rue (and once that is down there's never any going back) or the vape is in reach, as with a passing train, the right moment will occasionally just arrive, and with no time to procrastinate (prepare the materials) I tend to just say fuck it and it gets done!
Once the trip is in the post I become calmer and prepare myself, showering, getting into bed, breathing, etc. That part in itself is often beautiful!
Without any doubt, the hardest thing for me is not actually tripping but simply doing it!
Spice is a whole other animal though!
Oral ingestion has never had my adrenaline flowing and my heart in my mouth before blast off!
But it all depends on what is holding you back. Sometimes (myself when I was younger) there can be clear warning signs (unresolved issues) that, in fact, you shouldn't trip!
Myself it isn't like that today. I fear it (and constantly put it off) now, in the same way I would, going for a long jog!
I know it will be great for me, but also know it will be a lot of hard work!
Just do it!
A rather profound slogan by Nike when one thinks about it!
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
Edited by wolf8312 (01/09/24 03:34 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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every minute spent in fear behavior adds impetus for future fear reflexes.
avoid spending time in fear, become aware of it and see through it as soon as you can while relaxing and keeping still.
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: every minute spent in fear behavior adds impetus for future fear reflexes.
avoid spending time in fear, become aware of it and see through it as soon as you can while relaxing and keeping still.
Are you fearless?
How can we avoid it?
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
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tree frog
eats bugs


Registered: 09/14/23
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Loc: lives in trees
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To deal with the fear I try to make safe spaces for myself and make taking the medicine about self care.
Basically if I respect the trip I find I don't need to fear it as much.
-------------------- Listen to the silence behind the engines' noise. Jesus, Sweets, listen. Hear it? It's a love song. For whom? You are loved. ~ David Foster Wallace, Westward the Course of Empire Takes Its Way
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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Quote:
wolf8312 said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: every minute spent in fear behavior adds impetus for future fear reflexes.
avoid spending time in fear, become aware of it and see through it as soon as you can while relaxing and keeping still.
Are you fearless?
How can we avoid it?
you cannot avoid it, but you can relax in the face of it, and you can steer away from worrying which intensifies fear's connectivity in your mind.
to steer away, first relax, and take stock of what you are doing which is facing fear without getting involved with it.
just running away from fear also intensifies the connections it has in your life.
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
wolf8312 said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: every minute spent in fear behavior adds impetus for future fear reflexes.
avoid spending time in fear, become aware of it and see through it as soon as you can while relaxing and keeping still.
Are you fearless?
How can we avoid it?
you cannot avoid it, but you can relax in the face of it, and you can steer away from worrying which intensifies fear's connectivity in your mind.
to steer away, first relax, and take stock of what you are doing which is facing fear without getting involved with it.
just running away from fear also intensifies the connections it has in your life.
I agree it can be managed. Although from what I've read of fighter/bomber pilots during WW2 (and that is true fear) the ability to manage fear is not unlimited, and everyone has a breaking point if the pressure is applied in the right place for long enough!
I've seen this even with tripping too tbh.
Sometimes, for whatever reason, the meditative/surrendering techniques just didn't work, and I was forced to surrender, even to my own inability to surrender!
And just have/accept a bad trip!
Might not have gone well in a Lancaster though! I think it's a question of whether one is genuinely able to accept death in the face of it?
And I don't think this can be said of most of us tbh.
This is why I always found cannabis so dangerous with psychedelics. As that particular combo (for myself anyhow) could, if things went south, create such a convincing and irresistible simulation of death comparative to a lone psychedelic (which are pretty forgiving IME).
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
Edited by wolf8312 (01/09/24 11:09 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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this is not like the air force, and there is no need to take it personally, in fact this is not about you it is about associative memory and triggers. if you are triggering fear, you have reason to slow down and relax and face the issue, neither running away nor combating the fear. this makes a new habit. the new habit takes over and moves into other areas as well, where slowing down and openly facing things becomes part of your lovely character.
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Blue Cthulhu
Undefined


Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 494
Loc: With the loons
Last seen: 10 hours, 14 minutes
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We can learn to re-know and redeem fear. Insights have come in the form of “fear is just energy that has gotten caught” and “fear is love in disguise” and “fear is a titrating mechanism for modulating the flow of energy through the body.”
In other words, fear is not bad. Adopting a state of curiosity helps us to take a closer look at it. I love the analogy of being afraid of the monsters in the closet, but then getting the courage to go over and take a closer look, only to find that the “monsters” are just shadows of hanging clothes. Within the psyche, we are afraid of the shadows of our own greatness, power, and beauty.
The OP’s language is very interesting. How one can be afraid of something one already knows to be true. But to know it fully might have real world implications (of change?). There’s still shadows at play here, though. Truly, to avoid truth is the bigger danger.
-------------------- "Things are true that I forget, but no one taught that to me yet." A disembodied-re-embodied consciousness be-ing (With all the accoutrements.)
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Blue Cthulhu
Undefined


Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 494
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Last seen: 10 hours, 14 minutes
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Quote:
wolf8312 said: Sometimes, for whatever reason, the meditative/surrendering techniques just didn't work, and I was forced to surrender, even to my own inability to surrender!
This really resonates with me. I’m having dim flashbacks to specific trip moments of trying to surrender, trying, trying… and finally after giving up in sheer exhaustion and having no choice but to give in to dying, then the portal to peace finally opens. It’s like if you’re the gazelle getting eaten by the lion, you have to run, resist, struggle until the last moment when you can struggle no more..
-------------------- "Things are true that I forget, but no one taught that to me yet." A disembodied-re-embodied consciousness be-ing (With all the accoutrements.)
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
Blue Cthulhu said:
Quote:
wolf8312 said: Sometimes, for whatever reason, the meditative/surrendering techniques just didn't work, and I was forced to surrender, even to my own inability to surrender!
This really resonates with me. I’m having dim flashbacks to specific trip moments of trying to surrender, trying, trying… and finally after giving up in sheer exhaustion and having no choice but to give in to dying, then the portal to peace finally opens. It’s like if you’re the gazelle getting eaten by the lion, you have to run, resist, struggle until the last moment when you can struggle no more..
Sometimes a bad trip is kinda of like depression in real life. It just washes over you (often for no good reason) and suddenly you're in a temporary and irreversible state of malaise.
There's usually no retrieving the situation after that IME (same as when one is not tripping) you just have to embrace your own suffering!
For myself it can often occur when I start to get over confident and lazy, especially if I trip too often.
Telling myself I'm experienced, and all I have to do is let go, for some reason having forgotten that it requires actual courage/hard work to do this, not the repeating of a magical mantra!
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 5,849
Last seen: 8 hours, 4 minutes
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Quote:
wolf8312 said:
This is why I always found cannabis so dangerous with psychedelics. As that particular combo (for myself anyhow) could, if things went south, create such a convincing and irresistible simulation of death comparative to a lone psychedelic (which are pretty forgiving IME).
This makes sense to me. I find cannabis has the ability to help stop thought, as well as psychedelics. When thought completely stops, the 'thinker' can 'die'. I say die because its common to feel like 'you' are dying. There is a stage in meditation where its common to face this existential fear. Meditators can get to this point and work with that fear for years.
What helped me for this kind of fear was to contemplate or meditate on the fact that I know I won't really die, and if I 'die', I'll come back and be ok. That I want to experience that. This kind of fear feels like panic to me, or terror. Also surprisingly repeating to myself over and over "I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok...." really helped.
Quote:
Soul Flight said: Howdy. I think we all have that fear. Terrance McKenna said you should be afraid before every trip.
I don't agree with Terrance on this. Existential fear, fear of losing control, fear of shadow material and fear of challenging experiences may be natural to some extent, however we can get used to these things and dissolve those fears.
This happened slowly over years. Part of the problem is I started using psychedelics as a teenager, so had the fear of illegality, prison, getting caught etc built into the experience, and all the media encouraged fears I had to slowly learn on my own were way exaggerated.
Quote:
wolf8312 said:
Are you fearless?
How can we avoid it?
...
Sometimes, for whatever reason, the meditative/surrendering techniques just didn't work, and I was forced to surrender, even to my own inability to surrender!
You can't become fearless because 'you' already are fearless. Awareness, the witness, is like the eye of a hurricane. The hurricane is all our thoughts and feelings and perceptions. The eye isn't an actually thing with a shape, size, color etc, its more of an absence. If you ask the question 'what is it that's aware?' or 'what is it that sees, hears, feels, things?' and instead of thinking about the answer look directly, you can find it.
This still place is always there, no matter what state the hurricane is in. By practicing this in meditation while in a calm stable state of mind, you can develop the skill of recognizing it, and then recognize it in difficult states of mind. Because this awareness is closer to you than the thoughts and feelings, you can notice that you feel at peace all the time, even when difficult states of mind appear. This is the old analogy of clouds passing through the clear sky. This is the place that is already surrendered. Seeing yourself as this sky rather than the clouds can dissolve fear.
I found this awareness useful during very difficult trips, and also helped me heal really extreme PTSD. It helps deal with the fear of shadow material as well.
'Pre-loading' acceptance is also helpful. For example I went through a period where tripping was physically and emotionally uncomfortable in lots of ways. During this time I was also training for a marathon. Before a trip I would think to myself, "The discomfort I may face today is similar to the discomfort of a 4 hour run. I am willing and capable to experience this discomfort. I am choosing this in the same way as the run." This helped put things in perspective for me.
Time helps too, becoming familiar with lots of different states of mind and body. Taking things slow and low dose can help build familiarity while minimizing the chances of having traumatic experiences that reinforce fear.
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: this is not like the air force, and there is no need to take it personally, in fact this is not about you it is about associative memory and triggers.
Well I am discussing my own fears, fears that are based on personal experiences!
The question is why some of us may fear using psychedelics?
I may fear psychedelics more than you do, and may also have better reason to fear them, as our past experiences are not the same.
If I put a gun to your head could you genuinely take the philosophy you've expounded upon above and truly surrender to your own death?
Would that philosophy really mean much in the face of such a cold and pitiless reality? Goodbye forever in this very instance!
Or would you -like me- beg and wail and probably piss/shit your own pants? Similarly, if you were having a truly awful trip, in which you genuinely, truly believed you were going to die, would you be able to surrender and be philosophical about it?
Honestly?
My point is that the 'fear' we are discussing is different for everyone because we are all carrying different baggage.
Personally, I know I can never truly conquer all my (psychedelic) fears!
Simply because I would be lying if I told you all that I had conquered my fear of death! A death that happens right now, at this very moment!
I've made strides (especially with cannabis the greatest death simulation of all) but conquered it?
Nah...
And therefore a bad trip (fear) remains a distinct possibility!
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
Edited by wolf8312 (01/09/24 10:16 AM)
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite



Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,254
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Quote:
wolf8312 said: This is why I always found cannabis so dangerous with psychedelics. As that particular combo (for myself anyhow) could, if things went south, create such a convincing and irresistible simulation of death comparative to a lone psychedelic (which are pretty forgiving IME).
I’ve always had strong disassociation effects with even the slightest too much weed. Partly why in my teens I avoided mushrooms peers would always say it’s like weed but much stronger. Later on I discovered the clarity that they more often provide. Fear and confusion, yes, but not at all in the way weed makes me.
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
   
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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right, it is not a thing to conquer, but to understand. we do not understand by walking away and giving up. but also we do not understand by pretending to be stronger than it.
yes everyone's fear is uniquely their own. we have to know our selves and can only know our selves. so what will you do?
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: right, it is not a thing to conquer, but to understand. we do not understand by walking away and giving up. but also we do not understand by pretending to be stronger than it.
yes everyone's fear is uniquely their own. we have to know our selves and can only know our selves. so what will you do?
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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breathe and be still
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tree frog
eats bugs


Registered: 09/14/23
Posts: 443
Loc: lives in trees
Last seen: 21 minutes, 37 seconds
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Quote:
wolf8312 said: Sometimes a bad trip is kinda of like depression in real life. It just washes over you (often for no good reason) and suddenly you're in a temporary and irreversible state of malaise.
There's usually no retrieving the situation after that IME (same as when one is not tripping) you just have to embrace your own suffering!
For myself it can often occur when I start to get over confident and lazy, especially if I trip too often.
Telling myself I'm experienced, and all I have to do is let go, for some reason having forgotten that it requires actual courage/hard work to do this, not the repeating of a magical mantra!
I avoid my suffering on the daily. So, often tripping is a means of going back to myself.
A self care day, where self care is often embracing my suffering and working with it rather than running from it.
Like, I'm still working on quitting smoking. The Welbutrin was a bust due to insomnia.
I'll avoid tripping if I don't want to quit smoking. Rather, the part of me that doesn't want to do the work will put off tripping and keep smoking.
Tripped a few days ago and haven't bought a pack of smokes since. Ate some fresh Bisporus, laid on the couch, watched strong emotions come and go (mostly go, was focusing on watching things go). Was a difficult trip but rewarding and has made the smoking urges more manageable having watched them disappear repeatedly.
-------------------- Listen to the silence behind the engines' noise. Jesus, Sweets, listen. Hear it? It's a love song. For whom? You are loved. ~ David Foster Wallace, Westward the Course of Empire Takes Its Way
Edited by tree frog (01/10/24 12:12 AM)
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elasticaltiger
Like Tigers in Coitus




Registered: 06/24/13
Posts: 8,042
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I see a lot of long posts here so I'll try to keep this brief.
What your describing is basically what I go through every time I trip (or abort plans to at the last minute.)
The truth is you can prep things, clean your space, do everything you want to create the perfect trip conditions.
The truth is there is always a chance for things to get scary.
The times I've just said "fuckit" and down the hatch, even when it's been bad, it's never been as bad as I thought it was going to be.
The thing is though, what you really seem to fear is fear itself. And I personally thinks that shows your own wisdom and self awareness. So at least you've got that going for you, and I think you'll be alright.
-------------------- First time growing cakes? DON'T make a Shotgun Fruiting Chamber The Shmuvbox. - The Old TC's Like it Afraid to Start Growing From Your Own Prints? Drop it Like a Tiger! No Pouring. No Syringes. No Cutting. No flaming. No Contamination. No Bullshit. "The best thing to do while your waiting is to start more stuff. I usually got so much happening that I have tossed projects simply because I didn't have time for them. -Pastywhite QFT Pastywhite's Easy Agar Tek (PastyPlates) Tiger Drop Video Demos By munchauzen Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.―Bill Watterson EZEKIEL 23:20
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SeventhMushroom
just a tiny agar pin


Registered: 12/30/22
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Last seen: 1 day, 23 hours
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aw, thanks everyone, all these points are great, and it sounds like my own experience relates to a good number of people here.
I'll be using some of these perspectives a bit! Somehow, I think this fits the best:
Quote:
tree frog said: I'll avoid tripping if I don't want to quit smoking. Rather, the part of me that doesn't want to do the work will put off tripping and keep smoking.
I do think that fear in general is a useful tool. It's a recognizable alert coming out of all the messy signals and data we have access to. However, I think a lot of times, our current environment doesn't allow us to deal with it directly. We can rarely run away from the really scary things anymore, and we usually get into trouble if we just start attacking the scary things too. Instead, we might adapt to just live with fear, instead of acting on it. In other words, we can learn to sit on the bed being afraid of the monsters, instead of learning to take action and walk over to see that there are no monsters.
As for me, I'm going to be preparing my space. I know what I'm afraid of, and now I get to choose how I act. At some point, the part of me that does want to put in the work will have a shot, even if today it's just prep
-------------------- LAGM 2024
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wolf8312
Pennywise


Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2,356
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
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Within the psychedelic community there is sometimes a tendency to portray fear from a Franklin D. Roosevelt "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" perspective.
In many ways I am on board with this philosophy and I certainly do believe (and often advise myself) that things like meditation, and "letting go" works wonders within the context of a psychedelic trip.
But I also believe this philosophy and these techniques have their limitations, both in life and when tripping.
Because what is fear? And what are our fears?
Nothing to fear but fear?
What about watching in horror as a loved one is run over and killed by a car? What about dying in agony?
Such things randomly occur each and every day, and although during a terrible trip, are not actually "real" they can often feel extremely real, and during an existential crisis-type trip, one can become haunted by the endless suffering and tragedies all of us (not to mention the poor animals) are -simply by living- on an inevitable collision course with.
It's sometimes much easier said than done to surrender to these "meat hook" realities, or be philosophical about them, if at the time you can feel these tragedies to the very depth of your own soul!
Once during an Anahuasca experience, for example, I was shown (wrongly) that my beloved father had died!
There was simply no way I was going to relax after that and surrender to the experience! Just no fucking way!
Little (demonic) tricks like this can occasionally pop up out of nowhere when tripping or under the influence (again especially with cannabis), and all the experience one may happen to have, flies out of the window!
Another experience (which I have related many times) is being led to believe that I would die after a count down reached zero (before watching 1408) and being convinced by the demons plaguing my mind that the worry in itself would kill me with a heart attack!
Telling myself to "surrender" and "let go" to this particular experience (edible cannabis) was especially problematic because the panic brought with it actual physiological symptoms (rapid heart rate, etc.) making it feel very possible that I was indeed worrying myself into a medical emergency!
I did kind of surrender to both of these experiences. Meaning I got through and survived (in large part due to prior experience with delusions/disaster) without losing my shit, or calling an ambulance, but didn't/couldn't ever surrender to them! Just had to ride out the nightmare!
I simply wasn't (truly) ready to die, anymore than I was ready to lose a loved one!
These experiences, and others like it, are the baggage I carry, and form the basis of my apprehension/fears when embarking on a psychedelic journey.
-------------------- "I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of." Pennywise the dancing clown
Edited by wolf8312 (01/11/24 04:04 AM)
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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I fear most is knowing what I've done as having wronged my own heart as per my understanding of things, and, as such, as having been done by my own hands. Sometimes easily as when simply pressed with stress, other times when i've been living life well so as to know the well lived life as more of goodness than of not- it happens less often, yet still I err. At worst, its as if having almost having stained my soul. In that, while somewhere some knowing abides by inside with countless other, greater, more excellent alternatives for enabling more wholesome interaction voa skillful means. Be it to go about in either way, as in, for better or worse; either, during some small or large disputed matter unfolding in the moment between myself and another, those that come about while heedless go on to generally be handled poorly, and the bite will sting a bit ~ be it in waking life, dream, or psychedelic experience. However, returning to the beginnings of what it is to be good, again, and again - not in some childish way - but in a mature, naturally harmonic way - that's also available while during whatever mode we may find ourselves as operating with.
Eg. By hurting another with some unruly unkindness, as in, adding further to the suffering of another or of myself. It happens much more than I care to admit.
Knowing how ignorant I am, there's always some sweeping up to do in that regard with respect to the above notion. Tripping can be approached in multitudes of ways, experimentation will show what it will and then the real testing of one's fortitude can be had in the day to day in a world where not everyone seeks to understand.
Understand yourself, above all else. Not as above others, nor lower than others, or equal with, nor disequal to - not as situated higher than any other; rather as in tandem or together beside with all ~ and see how what you've gleaned while on the down low while looking up at the light, might can make some light of your own, and thereby know of the shadows.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (01/11/24 04:28 AM)
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