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Anonymous #1
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Forgiveness
#28605079 - 12/31/23 07:29 PM (27 days, 15 minutes ago) |
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Let’s talk about the psychology of forgiveness. Can we forgive somebody? Or are there some things that are unforgivable? I think they’re very few things that would be truly unforgivable for me. That would make me ignore somebody forever. So if somebody threatened you with violence. Or if they were genuinely being really creepy. I’d say those are the only two examples that I would use as a basis for being unforgivable. What do you think?
The reason this is being done in anonymous before anyone asks. It’s because everyone can talk to everybody here. Regardless of whether or not they’re being ignored.
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Anonymous #2
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I believe in forgiveness.
I also believe that it is something that is done after repentance, when the behavior involved is discontinued and the person involved has been held accountable or accepts responsibility for their actions.
Grudges are not good things to bear and anger only harms the heart that holds it.
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Anonymous #1
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It is a heavy burden, carrying around a grudge. Letting go of a grudge when somebody hasn’t made an apology. Can be very difficult. But I feel like it’s the right thing to do. Thank you number two.
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Anonymous #3
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Regardless of whether or not they’re being ignored.
Do you forgive me for ignoring you?
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Anonymous #1
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Yes
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Anonymous #2
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Sometimes forgiveness can lead to further problems.
I don't mean that forgiveness is bad, It is good to forgive, but that should not mean accepting abuse. Abusive relationships are something worth thinking about as far as that goes.
Ever met a woman who lost a baby because the man she kept forgiving kicked her in the stomach when she was pregnant with his child?
I have.
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Anonymous #1
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Exactly. You need to know when to say no to a toxic relationship.
Some violence is unforgivable.
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Anonymous #2
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I see the act as unforgivable but think that anyone can be forgiven for anything.
In the case of the person I was mentioning, the woman did forgive him. They had kids together, I think they ended up separated but he was still close to her and the kids. They found him dead on a couch from a heroin overdose one morning a couple of years back.
I think he made it to about 38 years of age or so. He wasn't ever known for making good choices. Still, his death broke many hearts.
I stopped being friends with him after the whole beating his pregnant girlfriend thing. At the time he had a drinking problem as well. When he was sober he was very likable.
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Anonymous #1
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I can really sympathize. I would’ve done the same thing in your position and not wanted to contact that person after they had done that. Glad he was able to be a parent for a while. But I would never have forgive him if I was her.
The trust would’ve been broken. I wouldn’t have been able to be around them especially if I was getting ready to have children.
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Anonymous #2
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Abusive relationships and the cycle of violence they entail are pretty heartbreaking.
I'm not sure if I could forgive something like that if I was her either.
I've not spoken to her in years.
Long ago we barely knew on another and were walking together from a the house of a mutual friend and we passed over a bridge. We both threw pennies into the river to make a silent wish. We talked about it later, both of us had made the same wish. For bad stuff to stop happening to our friends.
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Anonymous #1
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I bet she’d like to hear from you. That’s a really cute story.
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Anonymous #4
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I had a therapist tell me years ago I didn't have to forgive It brought me peace
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Anonymous #2
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: I bet she’d like to hear from you.
A few years ago when I still had a Facebook account (long since deleted) we were friends on it. That's how I learned about the overdose. We didn't converse or anything though. I don't engage much in small talk and a lot of the people I used to know are still far too dramatic for me to be involved with today. I focus on my family.
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Anonymous #4
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Forgiving myself is something I have not accomplished
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Anonymous #1
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It’s never too late to improve yourself. You should be able to when you’re ready.
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Anonymous #5
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Some forms of disrespect and continued disrespect are unforgiveable
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said: Forgiving myself is something I have not accomplished
Before you forgive others you need to find the energy to truly apologize and forgive yoursrlf
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Anonymous #6
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Do yu think of forgiveness as a form of regaining trust?
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Anonymous #5
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Good point tbh. Thats the cobblestone of most toxic relationships Quote:
Anonymous #6 said: Do yu think of forgiveness as a form of regaining trust?
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Anonymous #1
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It doesn’t have to be. There are going to be times where we shouldn’t forgive. But there are times when we should. Such as to let go of a grudge. I’ve had to forgive dead people. I’ve had to forgive family members. It’s just about moving on.
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Anonymous #5
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You said it yourself. Forgiveness is about moving on. Sometimes we have to move on before we forgive. Whether it is ourselves or someone else
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Anonymous #1
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Precisely. It’s just not good for you to carry around a grudge. It’s better to just move past it.
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Anonymous #7
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True Forgiveness is offered more for your own mental health hygiene than as a trophy for the forgiven.
When you truly forgive someone you release the anxiety, hatred, anger, animosity, and other negative emotions that you are harboring within yourself. This cleans up the negative and allows you to focus on the positive aspects in your life that you want to own.
Always be careful not to be manipulated by narcissistic or "dark triad" user type personalities though. Just because you forgave them doesn't mean that you need them in your life, in many situations it is much easier to forgive someone and end all relationship with them as well.
For example if you forgive you gf or bf for cheating on you that doesn't mean that you will take back, especially if the relationship has been toxic. In this situation Forgiveness can mean that you have also acknowledged its time to move on.
Another example would be forgiving a friend from stealing from you. That doesn't mean you leave them alone in your house or car, in fact you may never let them in your home or car again, but that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them.
Forgiving a bad person for doing bad things is something we all learn to do at some level.
Forgiving is not forgetting and never let someone manipulate you because you want them to know that you have forgiven them, it's not always important that someone know you have forgiven them, especially if it's important for them to know that you can never forget their actions.
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #7 said: True Forgiveness is offered more for your own mental health hygiene than as a trophy for the forgiven.
When you truly forgive someone you release the anxiety, hatred, anger, animosity, and other negative emotions that you are harboring within yourself. This cleans up the negative and allows you to focus on the positive aspects in your life that you want to own.
Always be careful not to be manipulated by narcissistic or "dark triad" user type personalities though. Just because you forgave them doesn't mean that you need them in your life, in many situations it is much easier to forgive someone and end all relationship with them as well.
For example if you forgive you gf or bf for cheating on you that doesn't mean that you will take back, especially if the relationship has been toxic. In this situation Forgiveness can mean that you have also acknowledged its time to move on.
Another example would be forgiving a friend from stealing from you. That doesn't mean you leave them alone in your house or car, in fact you may never let them in your home or car again, but that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them.
Forgiving a bad person for doing bad things is something we all learn to do at some level.
Forgiving is not forgetting and never let someone manipulate you because you want them to know that you have forgiven them, it's not always important that someone know you have forgiven them, especially if it's important for them to know that you can never forget their actions.
You better listen to him
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Anonymous #5
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I've had lots of women try to manipulate me into abusive relationships by begging for my forgiveness in their own ways after doing something "unforgiveable". I forgave them the next day and just ran from the relationship lmao. Up sides to being raised by strong women I guess
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