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Milleresque
Stranger

Registered: 04/10/22
Posts: 326
Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
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I think the typical theory on bullies is that they’re deeply insecure within themselves, possibly sublimating family trauma by lashing out at others to give themselves the feeling of worth and or superiority they’re lacking outside of the school environment, for instance.
I was bullied relentlessly as a kid. Then there was a period in high school I actually became a bit of bully myself—and if I think about it yeah I was trying to compensate for, ohhh, you know, the ceaseless emotional and occasional physical abuse I received from my father.
I quickly dropped the bully act and apologised to everyone I’d been stupid toward.
Interesting thread
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: sudly] 2
#28596747 - 12/24/23 03:53 PM (1 month, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
sudly said: If a religious person thinks you're going to hell, and they tell you they want to 'save' you, but you don't want to convert or be 'saved', if the religious person persists, whatever their intention whether genuine or not, could that be considered a form of bullying?
I think a good POV is that if the religious person persists their intention wasn't genuine to begin with.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Nillion
Nobody

Registered: 04/14/22
Posts: 1,000
Loc: Terra Firma
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I think bullies have deficiencies in terms of empathy and awareness that are nearly always acquired from their environments and experiences. The problematic behavior is learned but is also a result of conditioning. Most people can be reconditioned to develop better awareness and increased capacity empathy. However reconditioning a person rarely a matter of their own willpower or choice, it is a whole process and it requires coherent method and structure.
Most people who engage in bullying behavior end up disliking themselves. They have to pretend to be someone they are not and they say so plainly by voicing their fears in reverse. Bullying is basically like a type of war and like Sun Tzu said, war is based on deception, only in this case there is as much self-deception as anything. The bully insulting the intelligence of other people typically fears their own stupidity. Their own feelings about sexuality frequently give rise to things like homophobia and transphobia. At the root of all of this behavior is fear and typically bullies are taught, falsely, that fear is the same as respect.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: Asante] 2
#28600023 - 12/27/23 04:35 PM (1 month, 20 hours ago) |
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I'm full of myself too, but also I'm full of others, mostly I'm pretty empty, but I feel full from Christmas.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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I am fascinated by how people portray themselves in their avatars, with or without sarcasm, (you suggest it relates to the anti-santa meme). then the The psychology of the bully thread pops up, with a twist on victim blaming, such that being an outlier exposes one to bullying which is an urge to harm the different person that we should expect is out there?.
In contrast to your idea, I think the real psychology is not about being a victim, but about being a person of low esteem and lashing out at those who may not fight back.
I am not calling you a bully as such, but - no bull, your new sarcastic avatar has bull horns and your new post is about bullying so <--> ? it's funny, I point out things ok?!
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Blue_Lux
τό κᾰτᾰπεπτωκός φροντιστής


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
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Anyone who bullies anyone deserves to be punched in the face is what my grandfather would say.
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
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Bullying happens because it's highly effective. You take someone who would outcompete you, who is better than you in some way, and you reduce that threat to zero often for the rest of the person's life. That's why it's common across societies and cultures. It's an instinct to remove the competition, and it's highly effective at doing so.
There are two downsides. One, it's detrimental as an adult to try to bully people in the workplace and in life. People who bully are more likely to have higher degrees of antisocial behavior in general, which holds them back as an adult. Two, the more prevalent bullying is, the more likely that the bully will be bullied themselves, which puts the bully at the same disadvantage that they were trying to cause in others. It's a bucket of crabs type scenario where the more people are doing it, the less helpful it is to the people doing it.
Because it is an instinctual behavior, it'll likely take thousands of years to weed out of the gene pool.
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Dick Casino
69 420



Registered: 12/21/23
Posts: 2
Loc: 22nd & Onyx Street Eugene, OR
Last seen: 14 hours, 41 minutes
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Them is krampus hornsQuote:
redgreenvines said: I am fascinated by how people portray themselves in their avatars, with or without sarcasm, (you suggest it relates to the anti-santa meme). then the The psychology of the bully thread pops up, with a twist on victim blaming, such that being an outlier exposes one to bullying which is an urge to harm the different person that we should expect is out there?.
In contrast to your idea, I think the real psychology is not about being a victim, but about being a person of low esteem and lashing out at those who may not fight back.
I am not calling you a bully as such, but - no bull, your new sarcastic avatar has bull horns and your new post is about bullying so <--> ? it's funny, I point out things ok?!
Thems is Krampus horns No bull
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Dick Casino
69 420



Registered: 12/21/23
Posts: 2
Loc: 22nd & Onyx Street Eugene, OR
Last seen: 14 hours, 41 minutes
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: Dick Casino] 1
#28595941 - 12/24/23 12:36 AM (1 month, 4 days ago) |
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The future is now 🧙🏿♂️
-------------------- Leave the gun Take the cannoli
Edited by Dick Casino (12/24/23 12:36 AM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: Freedom] 1
#28596725 - 12/24/23 03:27 PM (1 month, 3 days ago) |
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If a religious person thinks you're going to hell, and they tell you they want to 'save' you, but you don't want to convert or be 'saved', if the religious person persists, whatever their intention whether genuine or not, could that be considered a form of bullying?
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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what is known as Narcissism often comes out as bullying too.
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Freedom
Pigment of your imagination



Registered: 05/26/05
Posts: 5,850
Last seen: 33 minutes, 37 seconds
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: believing in something is never a choice. (not that anything is) people should not be made to believe things, is probably what GC is talking about, and I agree with that (truly a form of bullying). but honestly we do not choose to believe things.
We pick up the practice from others around us, and then become confirmed, barmitzva'd, re baptized, and publicly endorsed as believers in traditional ceremonies even if we are not actually in synch with all that stuff.
and the things that some people actually come to believe are really astonishing: crazy conspiracies, and some really obtuse political concepts. I cannot imagine people choosing to be so stupid.
I don't personally desire to convince people as I feel pretty confident that I am not the worlds leading expert on everything lol. (this is a real lol it cracks me up) 
However I did work in nursing homes, and I would pressure people to do things that I thought would be good for them. That encouragement was a really tricky thing for me. Its common in nursing homes to do that. At first it felt so wrong, because I have a strong value for personal choice (even thought I see choice as an illusion).
After observing things for a while, it looked like this encouragement was really helping people. For example there was a woman with dementia who was paranoid. She thought people came into her room at night, she saw bugs crawling around everywhere, and she was scared to go out of her room. Because her memory was impaired, she couldn't remember me. I got to come to her everyday and try things iteratively like groundhogs day. Eventually i learned how to encourage her out of her room. When she got out, there was a guy she naturally got along with. The enjoyed each other very much and would go on adventures together. (he also had dementia and it was really good for him too).
I had to be careful and I looked at how I spoke and what i said very carefully.
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Ferdinando


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 3,664
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: I am a bit concerned about the knocking over of a pile of blocks - a kind of bull-ish play behavior. should I be concerned when a 3 year old loves knocking things over, especially if asked not to do that.
yes
-------------------- with our love with our love we could save the world
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: Nillion] 1
#28599768 - 12/27/23 12:27 PM (1 month, 1 day ago) |
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Quote:
Nillion said:... typically bullies are taught, falsely, that fear is the same as respect.
This really resonates with me. brrrr arughh!
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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My playground my rules, dork! Just because you aren't awesome and feel sorry for yourself doesnt mean that I have to limit myself to your level just so you feel safe in your safespace.
I am just cool. Accept that and respect it.
What's all this talk about making me into someone i'm not?

redgreenlight, you're saying low self esteem but, projecting much? It takes a finer cut of character to be a bully, you can't just be shit and not get shit, you have to clearly be a better grade of person or it won't stick.
My playground, my way.
If you got more of that gum it's coming with me.
Gunnysix, you didnt spend your lunch money right?
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: The psychology of the bully [Re: Freedom] 1
#28599896 - 12/27/23 02:36 PM (1 month, 22 hours ago) |
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((for the record, i roleplayed an extraverted, grandiose bully in my earlier reply, not how I think))
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Bullies often have traits on the machiavellian-narcissist-psychopath triad, i borrowed some narcissist ego inflation to add tongue in cheek flavor to the bully.
Bullies can be very full of themselves, even though that too is often an act.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Blue_Lux
τό κᾰτᾰπεπτωκός φροντιστής


Registered: 12/07/19
Posts: 2,151
Loc: chillin' on Charon's skiff
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Trippin

-------------------- ☆✮★⋆I ♡ the music, not the bling⋆★✮☆ https://rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1730news.htm 𝔦𝔫 𝔫𝔬𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔢 𝔟𝔬𝔫𝔦 𝔭𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔦𝔪𝔦 𝔪𝔞𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔲𝔪 𝔣𝔦𝔲𝔫𝔱 May I ask what your bud type is? ❂ LXIV⁶⁴AMOR ❂Profundæ lātissimæque vēritātēs amandæ sunt, sīc ideo necesse est: rēs maxima amanda est; pōtus sit is bene scīmus cum nōs id adeō explet, cum altō hīc movet īmus: rēs maxima omnis amor.
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