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juststranger
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First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help 1
#28587728 - 12/18/23 02:44 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Hello! I just really need a person to talk this through, possibly to hear some advice from you guys.
Ok, so two days ago, 30 years old me, never having any experience with shrooms or psychedelics in general, going for my first trip on shrooms.
I haven’t smoked any weed or didn’t drink alcohol for more than two weeks beforehand. Finally, it’s Saturday, I’m carefully weighing on my scale 1,25 of golden teachers. A moment of hesitation, and down they go.
I don’t feel like I can describe in great detail what happened that night, but now it’s two days later and I haven’t been quite myself. It was an amazing ride first but then it felt like all my fears had come true and I was so worried, I felt so lonely and abandoned like I never had before.
Yesterday night I had a panic attack in my apartment, just similar too the one I felt when tripping. It took me more than 3 hours to calm myself down, I went for a walk, took a drive multiple times, drank a couple of cups of tea and somehow managed to get myself to fall asleep.
It’s two days since the trip and I’m not feeling quite there yet. Everything is the same yet at the same time feels much different. I’m still quite uncomfortable being in my apartment alone.
Has anything like that happened to you and how did you recover? Do you think I should see a doctor? I tried to make a psychotherapist appointment but everything is booked for like two weeks and I just don’t feel like I can wait that long. I think I need help.
Edited by juststranger (12/18/23 02:49 AM)
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Soul Flight
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger] 2
#28587755 - 12/18/23 03:31 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Hi there. Hang in there. We've all been there. You may have had dormant or underlying anxiety and now it has come to the surface. You may have subconscious issues like child abuse and the memories are coming out. Your mind is integrating stuff you previously blocked out. Are you familiar with Plato's allegory of the cave? Have you seen movies like The Truman Show, The Matrix, Source Code, Wizard of Oz, Groundhog's Day, Moon, Edge of Tomorrow, etc? You may be re-evaluating your reality. It could be god-realization. It could be a Kundalini Awakening. Do not get freaked out if you google all this stuff. Just take it slow and take it easy.
Taking tea before bed might be too much caffeine.
You may have had disassociation on your trip which is like being in purgatory. Sometimes trips make you feel like all is one and you are really plugged in and in the groove but the other side of the coin is an aseptic sterile clinical disassociation. Embrace it as the yin yang symbol.
My advice is to follow your intuition and trust yourself and trust the universe because you are the universe. Maybe stay sober for the next 6 months. You would want to see a psychedelic friendly therapist which are hard to find. Otherwise they see you as a substance abuser. Get sleep, get a routine, drink water, hear water, see water, see nature, hear nature, get sunshine, take vitamins, eat healthy, go vegan, consume positive media, listen to upbeat pop music with major chords and not minor chords, clean your house, clean your car, get a job, go to school, read a self help book, visit friends and family, get a pet, get a plant, join a gym, avoid salt, sugar, and caffeine. Time heals all wounds. Be patient. You may have started the true journey of your life which could take 50 years. So settle in and open your eyes and open your ears. The only way out is through. The only way to live is to die before your death. So die to yourself. Be reborn. He who knows does not speak, he who speaks does not know.
Why did you take shrooms in the first place? Were you looking for something? Did your inner voice want to break some mental walls? The heart has desires of which the mind knows not.
Hang in there. One love.
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: Soul Flight]
#28587784 - 12/18/23 03:57 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Soul Flight said: Hi there. Hang in there. We've all been there. You may have had dormant or underlying anxiety and now it has come to the surface.
Hello and thank you for your kind words. Yes, I certainly had a lot of unresolved issues and it would take pages and pages of text to describe them. I have a pretty good job, but when it comes to personal life, it’s such a complete mess. Even before that experience, it was no wonder to me that the life I was living was going to lead me nowhere. Constant troubles sleeping for years, barely being able to clean my apartment, because, well, why would I, it will get dirty anyway so what’s the point? I’ve been flirting with alcohol for years, and recently added marijuana to the mix, knowing full well that I was just running from reality. I was thinking about experimenting with some harder stuff like cocaine or xanax, but right now I feel I wouldn’t take xanax even if a doctor prescribed it to me.
I’ve seen many of the movies you’ve mentioned, so I certainly know what you’re talking about. A lot of people say that shroomies have a zero tolerance policy towards lying to yourself
I was interested in LSD and psychedelics ever since I was in high school. It’s hard to say that I was looking for some sort of revelation when I took it, but you could definitely say that I was looking for a different perspective.
I just keep thinking about all the things that I was worried about before, and most of them just seem so laughably futile now, you know what I’m saying?
I was thinking about all this stuff as I was driving to work today. I am still quite shaken after what had happened. I’ll definitely think about seeking online consultations with a professional who is knowledgeable about psychedelics. Don’t think that my local guy is what I need right now, it seems that he already has enough work prescribing benzos anyways, haha. Cheers.
Edited by juststranger (12/18/23 06:57 AM)
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Soul Flight
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28587803 - 12/18/23 04:22 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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If you wanna make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. Maybe your egg has cracked.
The funny thing is when we die, all our questions will be answered. But what no one tells us is in the afterlife we will realize we were asking all the wrong questions and so the answers to our questions will be trifles. 
Maybe some drugs are anesthesia. They numb the pain. Some drugs are fertilizers or catalysts.
You are likely drawn to psychedelics since high school because the stories surrounding them are about mind expansion and third eye opening. So your inner voice feels imprisoned and you want to break free.
See the karmic significance of movies about repeating the same day over and over. The karma must be released to break the cycle. How did all those movie characters escape their cycle? It is right there if you choose to see it.
Best wishes. You may be on a journey of spiritual awakening. Be safe. Have fun.
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GenesisCorrupted
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28587867 - 12/18/23 05:28 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Boy, I have been there. Every trip has a story to tell you. Or a puzzle for you to solve. What you saw or experienced was what you needed. You just need to figure out what the meaning was.
There are no bad trips if you understand that this compound wants to take you somewhere. It wants to show you things. Release control. Submit to the compound. Let it bring you where it wants to. Then you typically won’t have a bad trip.
Edited by GenesisCorrupted (12/18/23 05:58 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger] 2
#28587936 - 12/18/23 05:55 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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There is a lot of absurdity in life, and this needs to be appreciated willingly. Yes if you clean up your room it will become a mess again, but you do it to welcome yourself home. this is the crux of your issue, you have lost the thread of who and what you are.
even if the room gets messed up, you must straighten it at least once a day. same with your mind, even when it disconnects from your body, you must reconnect at least once a day. the absurdity is that people could imagine that a cleaned room is permanent, or that an intelligent view is permanent.
nothing is permanent.
You have a lot of conceptual work to do, and a lot of re-connection to do with your body. then trip again if you dare.
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Northerner
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: redgreenvines] 2
#28587956 - 12/18/23 06:20 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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No need to dwell juststranger.
Get yourself some chamomile and lemon balm and start drinking those teas each 3-4 times a day. This will make your anxiety plummet to zero in no time. Then do it for another few days, taking less. The symptoms should pass within a week. Everything is okay.
There's little to learn from this experience for you other than the things you already know. Low doses of psychedelics are often anxiety inducing and you have learned that the hard way.
Rest easy, don't dwell, let it pass.
There's other ways to address stuff that don't involve taking drugs. I know it's super cliche but journalling is a way to reflect and understand yourself without destabilising. Martial arts can help you to relax and focus. Turning off all screens whilst at home can force you to be with yourself too... people spend so little time with themselves these days it can be hard to process what is going on with all the constant noise and diversions.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: Northerner]
#28588024 - 12/18/23 07:45 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Thank you for all the support guys.
Woah, this is such an emotional rollercoaster. Bought myself some camomile tea and booked an appointment with a therapist online, hope he will be helpful and will provide me some guidance.
This is definitely not an easy thing to go through. Doing some of the things I was doing before feels strange. I don’t have the desire to listen to the same kind of music.
All in all, I am currently managing through my day at work. So far so good.
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Northerner
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28588044 - 12/18/23 08:10 AM (1 month, 10 days ago) |
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Lemon balm is more potent than chamomile, but through experimentation I found they work very well taken together.
I'm glad to hear you are managing. You're in company here who knows what it's like to come out of a trip feeling spun out. You're not alone. We really do understand. We've got different ways of dealing with it, that's human, though I don't think you'll find a more understanding group. Even a lot of people here read your posts and didn't respond know where you're at and have come out of it feeling stronger. As you will.
Every day will be a little easier if you let it pass. Breathe, relax, continue.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: Northerner]
#28588106 - 12/18/23 09:12 AM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
Northerner said: Lemon balm is more potent than chamomile, but through experimentation I found they work very well taken together.
Sure, I will get myself some, possibly today.
Quote:
Northerner said: I'm glad to hear you are managing. You're in company here who knows what it's like to come out of a trip feeling spun out. You're not alone. We really do understand. We've got different ways of dealing with it, that's human, though I don't think you'll find a more understanding group. Even a lot of people here read your posts and didn't respond know where you're at and have come out of it feeling stronger. As you will.
Thank you so much, friend. This definitely wasn’t easy, but I’ll manage. I breathe, I relax. I continue.
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CHUCK.HNTR
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger] 1
#28588131 - 12/18/23 09:47 AM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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Lots of good advice from other posters above.
I’d add exercise to the mix if you don’t already incorporate it. Exercise can really help center you and stimulate your entire body. It’s one of the greatest anti-anxiety anti-depression tools we have.
I can recommend some options if you don’t know where to start but if you already have a routine don’t skip out on it in this challenging time.
You got this!
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
   
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: CHUCK.HNTR]
#28588487 - 12/18/23 02:42 PM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
CHUCK.HNTR said: I can recommend some options if you don’t know where to start but if you already have a routine don’t skip out on it in this challenging time.
You got this!
Thank you! If you could give some recommendations I would appreciate it.
Anyway, guys, huge thanks to everyone of you for all the support. I wrote the first part of my opening post while parked at a gas station in the middle of the night, not knowing what to do. The day was a complete whack as well, but I managed. I was still a little sketchy going back to my apartment, but look, I'm here. Some of the street signs still remind me of that unpleasant experience, but I believe it will become more and more distant with time.
Sitting at home right now, having a cup of chamomile tea with some oatmeal cookies, listening to Terence McKenna talking about bad trips, it is fairly reassuring to me.
Much love to everyone of you
Edited by juststranger (12/18/23 02:42 PM)
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CHUCK.HNTR
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28588831 - 12/18/23 06:40 PM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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The most simple would be running/jogging all you need is a pair of tennis shoes/etc. There are online online resources and apps like “couch to 10k” that help you get started with a mix of walking and running.
I find cardio to be the most beneficial. For me the breath required for cardio becomes therapeutic while still requiring focus and determination.
I hate running but cycling is an incredible joy and excellent exercise however the barrier is more gear bike/bike shorts etc.
Hiking can also be excellent cardio if you have access to steep hills.
What part of the world do you live in? If you have access to public land it can be a great reason to explore new places and have a connection with place while still getting exercise.
Northern’s recommendation for martial arts could be good too if that’s of interest.
Anyway you are getting tons of info and input don’t try and do too much too fast just keep moving along. All these thing can be cultivated slowly over time and by no means are all of them necessary.
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
   
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ozzinated
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28589302 - 12/19/23 02:54 AM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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Oh yes Stranger, I'm no stranger to challenging experiences either sadly, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned to accept them as part of me over the ...decades. Similar occurrences as you've described them took a couple of weeks to fully dissolve, the first days after something like this were always hardest. Talking to a therapist may or may not help, if you go that route I hope you'll find someone with understanding and knowledge of the matters discussed, otherwise it's a waste of money. For me it is mostly time and only time that heals and brings the brain chemistry back to normal (aka "normal", hehe). Other substances to consider after panic attacks as you see fit: Valerian and/or Mugwort. All the best and keep smiling!
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AdderLadder
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: ozzinated]
#28589453 - 12/19/23 07:22 AM (1 month, 9 days ago) |
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Maybe something during the trip triggered a memory or fear that sent you into a spiral? I had something similar during my last trip, I felt really cold and it brought up a negative memory which changed the mood completely. They say to treat them as an amplifier. Personally, meditation before and during the next trip and a lower dose is what I'll be doing to try and control the outcome better and hopefully to not end up feeling anxious in anticipation and creating a vicious circle.
-------------------- Mushroom growing newbie 
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: AdderLadder]
#28589843 - 12/19/23 01:27 PM (1 month, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
AdderLadder said: Maybe something during the trip triggered a memory or fear that sent you into a spiral?
It was. I think I can try to describe it. In fact, I was afraid that something like this would happen and of course it did. My good friend, very experienced with the substance was sitting me over the phone. I took a walk as he was guiding me through the trip very gently. I was enjoying seeing beautiful scenery around every corner. After a while I realised that he had spent quite a lot of time with me, and as we live in different time zones, I realised he might need to go, so I told him that I was going to be fine further down the ride. Plus, my phone was about to discharge. He wished me a pleasant evening and went offline. That was when the things started to go south really quickly. I realised that I was quite far away from home, and for some reason I decided to go back through that pretty bad neighbourhood. The night had already settled in, I was walking through all those houses and everything seemed so threatening. Worst part was when I took a turn and realised that I was lost. By that time I started panicking. I went back, found the route to my house, but it didn’t make it better. As I was walking around a few construction sites in darkness near the building where I live, everything just seemed to have that dark, grim meaning to it, you know?
Getting back to my flat didn’t help much. My friend wasn’t picking up the phone, and realising that he’s probably asleep and would only come back in the morning made me panic even more. I tried calling him, but he wouldn’t pick up, notifications got messed up on his phone as he explained later. My apartment was a complete mess, and I was left alone in it by anybody and everybody, with no safe or comforting place to go to, no person to say that everything was going to be okay to me. Opened up youtube, tried to find something calming and positive to see… what do I get in my recommendations? A fucking documentary about an airplane crash.
Somehow I managed to walk to the nearest mcdonald’s, bought myself a coffee, although I almost rushed away out of it while I was waiting for my order to be served. Walked back to my flat with the coffee, finally my friend comes back online and I explained to him what had happened, it was such a relief to see him again.
After talking to him for a while, we said goodbye to each other. Even though I was feeling much better by that time, there were a few times during that night when my emotional state had turned into a torture. I laid in the darkness listening to some guided meditation by Anxiety Guy on youtube and that seemed to help. It was more than six hours since I had ingested the shrooms, and as I felt a little better, I decided that I was good enough to drive. Took a drive to a shopping mall, bought myself some hot chocolate and then went back and fell asleep.
I know this all may sound laughable to the people who have taken heroic doses and seen the daemons hunting them in the jungles or something. People ended up in psych wards, and walked out of there next day after. People have been running around naked and still recovered.
But for me that was a very frightening experience. I just realised I have barely eaten anything during the past few days. Things I’ve once found enjoyable don’t seem to be so attractive anymore. And the worst part is I just keep thinking and thinking and thinking about it all the time.
People here are so nice and they say that time will help. I really hope so. The nights are the hardest part, guys. Usually, before that happened, I would just sit in front of my computer screen until it’s like 4 am and fall asleep, now I just drive or wander somewhere in the evening. Somehow being around other people makes me feel better.
Well, at least I didn’t have a panic attack and was able to successfully go to sleep yesterday. Seems like a small bit of progress to me.
Edited by juststranger (12/19/23 01:56 PM)
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juststranger
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: ozzinated]
#28589857 - 12/19/23 01:41 PM (1 month, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
CHUCK.HNTR said: The most simple would be running/jogging all you need is a pair of tennis shoes/etc. There are online online resources and apps like “couch to 10k” that help you get started with a mix of walking and running.
Thank you, I’m actually already familiar with apps like C5K so I’ll consider running. I live in Southern Europe and there’s actually plenty of locations to go to. The ocean is nearby and plenty of hiking locations are available as well. I took a day off today and just drove to the ocean, took a small walk on the beach. I like the sun and it seems to have a soothing effect on me. And the nature in general feels very enjoyable.
Quote:
ozzinated said: Similar occurrences as you've described them took a couple of weeks to fully dissolve, the first days after something like this were always hardest.
Thank you, it really is reassuring to hear that someone went through something like this.
Dang, the worst part was deciding to do it in my apartment, and the nighttime didn’t make it better too. Now being in my flat just reminds me of all that.
Well, maybe I should move out to someplace else. I never really liked my flat anyway, haha. Everything in my neighbourhood just seems to be a little bit dull and sad, and psychedelics just multiplied that by a thousand.
Edited by juststranger (12/19/23 01:45 PM)
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Rukus
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28589878 - 12/19/23 01:54 PM (1 month, 8 days ago) |
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My wife's first mushroom experience was very similar. To be fair I did not have a great set and setting for her. My friend and I were drinking, watching baseball, hooting and hollering, while she sat terrified trying to process what was happening to her. We wont go there, that was years ago and I learned from MY mistake that night.
She spent much of the night crying, feeling like no one loved her, etc. Even our one dog, who she has had since she was a puppy, was giving her vibes like she didn't love her anymore. She had a panic attack and the night went on and on this way.
She had some effects for a few days later but got over it. She does not suffer from anxiety regularly, and I think she was able to move on from the event.
Now to my experience. I once had a bright idea to make cannabutter, without really knowing what I was doing. I ingested an unknown amount and got absolutely demolished. Ive done plenty of drugs in my life but this was by far the worst experience Ive ever had. I spent the night feeling like I was having heart attacks, telling myself in my head I was dying. Full blown panic. It took weeks for me to get over it. Even thinking of the experience I would have anything ranging from mild heart palpitations to a full blown panic attack.
I did go to the doctor, because it did not go away. I am not telling you to do this, or not to do it. But anxiety is a real bitch, it can take hold of your every thought. I have battled it on and off my entire life. Its unfortunate that sometimes an experience that is meant to be fun or enjoyable or spiritual can trigger anxiety to rear it's ugly head but it is possible.
I hope you can get it out of your head and get over the experience. Deep breathing can sometimes be a great tool to get you out of an attack. All the best.
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Soul Flight
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28590789 - 12/20/23 04:11 AM (1 month, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
juststranger said:Somehow I managed to walk to the nearest mcdonald’s, bought myself a coffee,
Took a drive to a shopping mall, bought myself some hot chocolate and then went back and fell asleep.
Things I’ve once found enjoyable don’t seem to be so attractive anymore. And the worst part is I just keep thinking and thinking and thinking about it all the time.
The nights are the hardest part, guys.
Hang in there. We have all been there. Just remember coffee and chocolate do have caffeine which can worsen a trip and anxiety.
Understand Plato's allegory of the cave and all those similar films I mentioned above. Accept your new perception of reality. Adjust. Read self help books and get therapy. Be patient for 6 months and you will return to normal. After a trip there is a period of "integration." So integrate the trip. Trust yourself. Be well.
Edited by Soul Flight (12/20/23 04:12 AM)
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redgreenvines
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Re: First experience ever fucked me up real nice, please help [Re: juststranger]
#28590813 - 12/20/23 04:56 AM (1 month, 8 days ago) |
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even panic attacks have to be acceptable as your consciousness recoils against your surroundings. calming out of a panic is probably your number one lesson in all your time here.
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