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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Afterthoughts
    #2855860 - 07/04/04 10:42 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I've been wanting to make this post for a while, but I realize there is a great deal of importance in exactly how I say it.  Keep in mind that I'm struggling with what, exactly, is the right thing to say in this case, so bear with me.  I do have some good advice, after the rambling.

Many of you know that many months ago (it seems like an eternity to me), I was in a very terrible state.  You can find my posts, but they only describe how I was feeling, not why.  I often thought that the way I felt was that I had abysmal social skills, or that I was ugly, useless, god was laughing at me, etc etc.  For a long time, I only had people who were "empathetic" to me  :rolleyes: (yes, I know it's the improper word, in this case, but thats what makes it somewhat of an inside joke to me).  That's bullshit, all I had was people listening to me whine, and telling me how sad it was.  It wasn't until I told my parents about how I was feeling, and had my dad tell me to stop whining and go to a fucking doctor, that I began my short quest to feeling better.  I'm not here to go in to specifics, but here are some things in summary, for those of you who feel down:

1.  Seek help now, you lazy fucker. Do not wait for yourself to get better.  Do it now.

2.  Trust your doctor!  They are not there to sell you anything, or to make you in to a zombie (unless you really need to be one, and you should listen to them anyway).

3.  This is somewhat of a continuation of the last one, but  naturopathy does not work. It is a religion, not a science, and it is something that you should do alongside medical help, if you believe in it.  Every single person advocating natural remedies to me has been an utter crackpot (with the exception of people who were just suggesting it).  My mother has been to various gatherings of mothers of children with depression, add, anxiety, etc etc, and from each one, she has always found that everyone says the exact same thing.  The kids who try the natural remedies sometimes believe that they work, but they still show many signs of the problems.  When they finally try proper medical help, they realize number 4. 

4.  Do not fear medication.  This is not to say that you shouldn't be wary when a doctor prescribes an SSRI to you before they have taken enough time to evaluate you.  In fact, I wouldn't ever accept any psychiatric medication from a physician, but only a psychiatrist, after a few appointments.  SSRIs do work, but the doctor should evaluate which one should be used.  It is hardly a guess of which concoction is right with you, as some people suggest.  Each one has specific properties, and if the wrong one is given without more evaluation, they can aggravate comorbid symptoms.  (For example, some of the SSRIs are worse for ADD, or for Anxiety, which will, in effect, make the depression worse)  Medication works.

Seems simple, doesn't it?  It is, and at the same time, it isn't.  One of the biggest problems about "feeling blue" is that you often do not possess the proper self regulation (and this is especially true of ADD, which is purely a disorder of self regulation), to understand what is fully making you feel this way.  Furthermore, it frequently makes us too lazy to do what needs to be done.

I'm getting tired of seeing textbook examples of certain mental disorders, and people just whining about their problems, and believing that they can somehow heal their mind.  If you feel this way, don't whine to the shroomery, do not wait for people to give you a shoulder to cry on, but do something about it.  Want to try something before going to a doctor?  That's fine, but do not mask your illness with denial.  Do not rationalize and say "oh, I'm feeling better now because I'm meditating, and entering a spiritual mushroom trip every month" when you know that it is not doing anything.  I can spot these people, in every case.  I know when someone is trying to pretend like they don't have a problem, and will not seek medical help.

For this reason, I'm offering my help.  I'm not offering a shoulder to cry on, though.  I will talk to people, but I will tell you what needs to be said.  I can also go in to specifics, if you'd really like, but this isn't the place for it.  All I can say is, I take 2x20mg doses of dexedrine per day, and don't have any restlessness, problems eating, rage attacks, etc etc etc.  I'm pulling off a 4.0 average at U of T in summer school (trust me, U of T summer school isn't easy; it's harder than the fall/winter semesters), while working nearly every day until late for my father, a lawyer.  I'm saving him a lot of time (and money), with absolutely no background in business whatsoever.  I don't have problems with girls, anymore (although I do still need to work on socializing MORE). 

Please feel free to talk to me about this on msn (jborlak@hotmail.com), or private messenging.  If you don't like talking over the internet (I hate it, and that's why it's hard for me to make large posts now), I can call you, or you can call me.  Don't feel timid about talking to me because of my aggressive demeanor, my nature is quite different, and I do have a lot more discretion than this would suggest.

Finally, to all of the people who will no doubt flame me for this post, please take it to OTD.  I will gladly embarass you there, but I would like to leave this post flame-free.  Oh, and to the people who said I'd feel like god for a little while, but then I'd crash in a month from taking dexedrine?  Yeah, fuck you.  It's been 3 months now, where's the fucking crash, huh?  :tongue:


--------------------
Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


Edited by CeeEssGee (07/04/04 02:27 PM)


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InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,376
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2856489 - 07/04/04 04:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

CSG,

I'm glad to see you're getting the help you need! Medication truely does work, for those who need it, but it is true that medication these days seems to be passed out at least a little more than it should be...

Hmm. Your post has made me want to type up one of my own...though I'm not sure where to start!

I have ADHD (inattentive type), social anxiety, and am probably depressed (is lack of emotion the same as depression?). I've been told all of this by doctors, friends, my mother, and the people around me. Do I care? No...not really :smirk:

I tried medication...I didn't like what it did to me. I've lived with myself for 23 years now, and the truth is I like who I am. I don't want to change. Yet I still have to live in a society where my personality is considered a "disorder". That is probably the biggest stumbling block in my life...and generally the only one I ever bitch about.

Which brings me to a point: I think a lot of us are just "different" than what medical science is trying to consider "normal". Does that make it a disorder? I don't think so. Please don't think I'm putting you down here or anything...but realize that the medication you are taking is a neurotoxin. Repetitive usage of amphetamines causes damage to the dopamine subsystem of your brain...that much is well known. Hopefully the damage from relatively low doses used in ADHD treatment are not overly toxic...but the damage is cumulative. That was one of the main reasons I stopped taking my ADHD meds. Under no circumstances will I take amphetamine-based drugs for an extended period of time.

I was prescribed several SSRI medications, and finally settled on Effexor (not a true SSRI because it inhibits noradrenaline reuptake as well). I took it for just two months, and I have to admit that it did help me quite a bit...by giving me time to evaluate myself psychologically. I have a LOT less social anxiety after taking it, and am glad I did so. I would never have continued to take it very much longer, though, because I prefer to live with my mind the way it is. I don't like being forced to change myself through the use of mind-altering medication.

I have chosen what I think is the hard road...to just deal with it. Somewhere along the way I simply stopped givign a shit about the fact that I have what society calls a "disorder". Why should I care? I like the way I am, and if society doesn't...well it can go fuck itself in a corner :wink:

One of my biggest annoyances is people who constantly bitch about their life yet do absolutely nothing to change it. If this is what you find yourself doing, then by all means get off your ass and do something about it! What you do about it doesn't have to be medication, though...it just has to end in you liking yourself and the way you live. That is all. I've found my "medication" (the absense of any!) and I will stick to it  :smile:


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: trendal]
    #2856593 - 07/04/04 04:57 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I took it for just two months, and I have to admit that it did help me quite a bit...by giving me time to evaluate myself psychologically.




Yes, that seems to be the most effective way for anti-depressants to be used.  As long as you acknowledge that it was important, of course!  I hear many people using the "I don't need them anymore" as an excuse to bash the drugs, when they don't realize that is the desired effect.

I guess the major difference between us, Trendal, is that I had to sift through many, many doctors before there was even the suggestion that I could have ADD.  It wasn't until a friend pointed it out to me, and recommended his doctor, that I thought about it.  Even then, after I approached my GP, he didn't buy it.  Given, he said that I probably knew better than him in that area, and gave me a blank referral, so he was certainly helpful. 

I went to so many therapy sessions in my life, had so many teachers wonder what was wrong with me, but most of all, I never had any point in my life where I *needed* to be responsible.  It's no secret that my family is rich, and I've lived a very priviledged life.  Furthermore, my parents were quasi-hippies, and because of that, have always given in to my demands, rather than punish me.  ADD is something that can change drastically as per the environment.

I don't care what it's called, whether it exists, whether my doctor has a chip in my brain to make me think that I'm okay, because I'm happy, and functional now.  What society says has no bearing on this, because I would have never dreamed that such a complicated problem could have had such a simple solution.  I have a lust for life to a degree that surprises even my doctors.

Quote:

I tried medication...I didn't like what it did to me




Well, then you did better than most people.  You tried it.  That's all I'm asking of people.  Try it out.  Accept help from doctors.  If you find that you aren't cut out for it, then prove me wrong, go ahead.  If you can make that sort of decision, then you really don't need the medication!

Oh, and, sorry that I never got around to driving over.  As I'm sure you can imagine, procrastination is a serious inhibitor :smile:.  Now.. I just don't do any more drugs, heh.  (One of the many stupid, impulsive things that was cut out!)

Quote:

One of my biggest annoyances is people who constantly bitch about their life yet do absolutely nothing to change it. If this is what you find yourself doing, then by all means get off your ass and do something about it! What you do about it doesn't have to be medication, though...it just has to end in you liking yourself and the way you live.




Very true.  I implore people not to sit around in limbo, though, using their placebo, religion, and therapy pretending that they are okay.  NEVER allow this to happen, especially if any thoughts of suicide exist.  Any suicidal tendencies should be brought to the attention of a doctor, immediately.


--------------------
Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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InvisibletrendalM
point of inflection
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 19,376
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2856627 - 07/04/04 05:10 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Any suicidal tendencies should be brought to the attention of a doctor, immediately.

  :thumbup:

VERY important!


--------------------
You're here because you know something.
What you know you can't explain,
But you feel it;
You've felt it your entire life.
That there's something wrong with the world.
You don't know what it is, but it's there....
Like a splinter in your mind...
Driving you mad.


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: trendal]
    #2856645 - 07/04/04 05:17 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Yes, in that case, being a zombie for a few months, or even a year is worth it, if needed.


--------------------
Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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Anonymous #1

Post deleted by Anno [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2860105 - 07/06/04 12:23 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)



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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 14 days
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2862874 - 07/06/04 10:51 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

I am behind you 100 percent. I finally feel like I'm a real person now. For so long I tried to be a real person ugh dosen't make sense does it? I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. when I finally admitted that I had a problem and got help for it then I really started to feel like I was really part of the human race. I feel good about me and I know that I'm a better person for it. oh yea before anyone starts to flame me I don't care you can't bring me down.


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OfflineCeeEssGee
Canadian-American

Registered: 09/29/02
Posts: 1,894
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: ]
    #2871047 - 07/09/04 01:17 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

There is one thing in this world that I will never find a lack of. This is people who will call someone else ignorant, in a smug manner, and yet be completely unable to relinquish their vast knowledge. Please, feel free to enlighten me as to why I show "ignorance on so many levels". I'm guessing the naturopaths being crackpots comments? That's not ignorance, that's wisdom, and experience. This is not just my experience, but many, many others. Let me just reiterate this: naturopathic medicine is a joke.

Hey, that may make me an asshole, but it sure as hell doesn't make me ignorant.

Quote:

Happiness is almost like a choice, and no one can help you get there if you aren't helping yourself.




True, but there IS help. Case in point, my family, and my doctors.


--------------------
Why, sirrah, why may a caudled fillhorse be deemed the brother to a hiren candle in the night? Withal, because a candle may be greased, yet a fillhorse be without a fat argier!


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OfflineDivided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Afterthoughts [Re: CeeEssGee]
    #2874567 - 07/09/04 11:54 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Hi, I've been struggling with a very painful depression brought on by aa very bad weed experience. Since then life, time, death, mundane things, profound things all make me feel very anxious, depressed and sometimes paranoid. I have reasoned my way around all of these issues in my mind, but those painful emotions just won't go away. I thought I was fine before, but it seems that I was in denial of my pain. I would hide in fantasies and hopes that the future would be better, neglecting the fact that I wasn't enjoying the present. That trip really woke me up to all of this but also complicated it with an existential crisis.

I have been considering seeking help and medication. I saw a psychiatrist for a while before all this happened, and I thought I had straightened alot of things out, but now I have discovered a despair that goes even deeper.
As another person who has witnessed some of realities that altered states show, do you think medicine could help me? I try to change the way I think by meditating or focusing my attention on the present, but these feelings are so much stronger and deeper than everything else. I have a hard time believing in hapiness, I don't think I have ever experienced it.
Did you ever experience anything like this, and did meds help you? I'm worried they could screw up my mind even more and make me more unstable.


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