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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28575268 - 12/09/23 04:04 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I guess I am a psychopath too, hahaha, I love it silent, but I make no efforts to shut people up.
I am not desensitizing myself by exposing to abuse or negativity, however. I am not that bad.
also
when I am sitting in meditation, I use the sounds to keep myself attentive in the moment. I am aware of them but do not react to them, except to keep my general awareness sharp. I do not appeal to my wife to be quiet - usually she has some exercise routine going on video, so it is usually not quiet. I am not annoyed or self-important about the noise people or trucks or machines make.

the other night, my wife went to sleep in the next room. my desk is in a hallway alcove right near the laundry, and the dryer kept going and going.
I started humming and singing quietly with it.
it was exquisite.

I am partly deaf, what do I know about sound?


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InvisiblePinkerton
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #28575374 - 12/09/23 07:07 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
I was just going to make a thread called "Being labelled a Psychopath" but im gonna add to your thread instead.

I struggle with this too. I take what people say very personally.

For example, last week, this female co-worker of mine were alone together after a shift gathering pot luck. She asked me why i wear earplugs all the time and i said "Its because im sensitive to noise". Then she asked "Do you listen to music or podcasts?". I was like "No, i just like ir silent". So she finally says "Ohhhh, so you're a psychopath?". In the moment, it didnt bother me that much but today and Thursday, it just bothered me to no end. How dare she label me when she barely even knows me?

Ive realized in my life that Im quite empathic. My Mom has psychic abilities so being empathic must be my genetic expression of it. I can barely watch some Anime's, shows or movies because if the story gets too sad and traumatic, it affects my mood too intensely and i have to stop watching it or I will get emotionally overwhelmed.

My only advice is being prepared and expose yourself to as much as you can to personal attacks to build up resistence and fortitude. Practice learning how to deal with the emotions. Treat it like an illness that you can build up resistence to.

I once listened to an interview of Lil Jon talking about a fan degrading one of his Rap songs online and he said it really affected him negatively. I think its a pretty common experience to go thru intense feelings when people target you personally. Its a shitty but common feeling.



Such a sensitive soul you are, LC! :heart: I am too.


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28575383 - 12/09/23 07:17 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
I was just going to make a thread called "Being labelled a Psychopath" but im gonna add to your thread instead.

I struggle with this too. I take what people say very personally.

For example, last week, this female co-worker of mine were alone together after a shift gathering pot luck. She asked me why i wear earplugs all the time and i said "Its because im sensitive to noise". Then she asked "Do you listen to music or podcasts?". I was like "No, i just like ir silent". So she finally says "Ohhhh, so you're a psychopath?". In the moment, it didnt bother me that much but today and Thursday, it just bothered me to no end. How dare she label me when she barely even knows me?

Ive realized in my life that Im quite empathic. My Mom has psychic abilities so being empathic must be my genetic expression of it. I can barely watch some Anime's, shows or movies because if the story gets too sad and traumatic, it affects my mood too intensely and i have to stop watching it or I will get emotionally overwhelmed.

My only advice is being prepared and expose yourself to as much as you can to personal attacks to build up resistence and fortitude. Practice learning how to deal with the emotions. Treat it like an illness that you can build up resistence to.

I once listened to an interview of Lil Jon talking about a fan degrading one of his Rap songs online and he said it really affected him negatively. I think its a pretty common experience to go thru intense feelings when people target you personally. Its a shitty but common feeling.




It's common for empaths to seek silence. It can be very overwhelming to them.
Its also a good way to keep yourself calm. Empath or not.
I seek solitude often. No music, no sound ... nothing .
Alone


--------------------
“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton] * 1
    #28575389 - 12/09/23 07:24 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Psychopathy has become an interesting topic to me because it's both well defined and vague. Within the concept of the high functioning psychopath is the idea that while they are born with lower empathetic ability how they turn out is largely a function of how they were raised. Everyone's road map of customs is to some degree influenced by what they were taught as well as social feedback.

Using these ideas it would seem that the psychopath is perhaps more likely to turn to sociopathic behavior in the right conditions, and perhaps a natural psychopath makes for a different breed of sociopath.

If a person has low natural empathy is this a bad thing? They might seem more mentally stable.

At any rate, these days using the term sociopath seems more of a direct insult or if not meant as an insult a more direct indicator of anti-social behavior.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Rahz]
    #28575581 - 12/09/23 09:19 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Psychopath means inconvenient


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OfflineFreedom
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28575677 - 12/09/23 10:29 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
I was just going to make a thread called "Being labelled a Psychopath" but im gonna add to your thread instead.

I struggle with this too. I take what people say very personally.

For example, last week, this female co-worker of mine were alone together after a shift gathering pot luck. She asked me why i wear earplugs all the time and i said "Its because im sensitive to noise". Then she asked "Do you listen to music or podcasts?". I was like "No, i just like ir silent". So she finally says "Ohhhh, so you're a psychopath?". In the moment, it didnt bother me that much but today and Thursday, it just bothered me to no end. How dare she label me when she barely even knows me?

Ive realized in my life that Im quite empathic. My Mom has psychic abilities so being empathic must be my genetic expression of it. I can barely watch some Anime's, shows or movies because if the story gets too sad and traumatic, it affects my mood too intensely and i have to stop watching it or I will get emotionally overwhelmed.

My only advice is being prepared and expose yourself to as much as you can to personal attacks to build up resistence and fortitude. Practice learning how to deal with the emotions. Treat it like an illness that you can build up resistence to.

I once listened to an interview of Lil Jon talking about a fan degrading one of his Rap songs online and he said it really affected him negatively. I think its a pretty common experience to go thru intense feelings when people target you personally. Its a shitty but common feeling.




what makes your self image so important to you?


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Freedom]
    #28576120 - 12/09/23 04:56 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

I dunno, i guess i dont want people to think Im a psychopath when Im not :shrug:


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28576156 - 12/09/23 05:24 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

I completely understand.
I do the same.
In my past it will control me.
I realized a lot is from shame, being shamed and shamed as a child.
And for me, I know others it wont resonate with them. I saw an astrologer who showed me a placement I have and said I allow what others say to hurt me.
Sooo true
I have to consciously make an effort for ot not to hurt me or stop me from doing things.
Could be something small like that girl said to you to someone gossiping about me.
It really hurts me
I am a confident person but some things knock the wind out of me.
I've learned everyone does it to different degrees


--------------------
“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: LyleChipperson]
    #28576989 - 12/10/23 12:36 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

Quote:

LyleChipperson said:

Why do you place so much importance on other people's words and opinions?




Ah, the holy grail of insight and wisdom!

Quote:

LyleChipperson said:

You may see these words directed towards you, but when someone speaks to you, they are mostly speaking to themselves. Their point of view is always based on their own awareness and understanding. So they will never be able to see the complete you, same as you will never be able to see the complete them.




:thumbup:

Quote:

LyleChipperson said:

Words have a lot of power, yet they can also have none.




:thumbup::thumbup:

Quote:

LyleChipperson said:

In an altercation, I may call you a stupid cunt, that doesn't make you one. It just means that I see you as one, but that is just my opinion and not a fact.




:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

OK, I'll stop now.

Great post.  Not to imply you are great.  My mind interprets your words as great.


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OfflineFreedom
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28577160 - 12/10/23 02:24 PM (1 month, 17 days ago)

I'll share how i might work with this kind of thing

First I notice in such a situation I would probably be reactive, so I'd wait for a calm mind before exploring (the reactivity really confuse things, like creating a sense of conflict, thinking that one view is right and one wrong, concretizing ideas and position

When the mind calms around such a thing, the way its viewed changes. sometimes just calming is enough, and then its like a joke, it seems funny I'd take that thing so seriously.

if it doesn't drop with calming, it means the thought is sticky. For me this usually means I'm afraid of experiencing something. in this case i might be afraid of experiencing the thought that someone i care about judges me and the feelings that come with it. so I might genetly let my mind open a little to scary possibilitites, and with that calmness explore and feel what im afraid to feel. Sometimes just feeling that takes away the stickiness

there are also may be other things at play. like for me i had some tough childhood stuff, and so a critical remark can fool me into overlaying the associations from the past onto the present. this can take a lot of exploring to find, although one direct way that works sometimes is be simply focusing on the direct sensation of the feeling of hurt or pain or fear or whatever. Without interpreting it at all. Sometimes its like going into the sensation, then the sensation goes through a change, there is a sense of catharsis or release, and then a memory or understanding might appear after the release. Like oh yeah that person that made fun of me as a kid, I was projecting that

another way is to see the story from a perspective outside of the story. like we usually imagine we are in the story, we are the subject and the story is really happening. but its possible (and i don't know how to explain how) to see the story from outside the story. From that perspective it looses its grip. The stories and thoughts and stuff still appear, but they can be laughable, or seen as just a story, use it if you like leave alone if you like

another thing is the attachment system. we learn how to relate to others by our caregivers (parents usually), and sometimes that learning process gets messed up and can cause reactivity. like maybe i got punished when i wasn't good, so internalize that idea for all my relationships, and so when someone says im a psychopath, even if its a joke, i might think they are my dad or mom about to punish me.

i think there will always be level of insecurity as long as we are identified with something that is always changing


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Freedom]
    #28578157 - 12/11/23 06:57 AM (1 month, 17 days ago)

How can I implement these cognitive strategies if I lack free will?

Oh, sorry - wrong thread  :wink:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28578178 - 12/11/23 07:22 AM (1 month, 17 days ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
How can I implement these cognitive strategies if I lack free will?

Oh, sorry - wrong thread  :wink:



obviously they become a contextual reflex


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OfflineFreedom
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28578396 - 12/11/23 10:13 AM (1 month, 17 days ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
How can I implement these cognitive strategies if I lack free will?

Oh, sorry - wrong thread  :wink:





"you" can't, but the brain might


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Freedom]
    #28578438 - 12/11/23 10:58 AM (1 month, 17 days ago)

If it makes sense and you do not stand in the way of it, then it happens.


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