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InvisiblePinkerton
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How do i care less what people say to me? * 3
    #28552862 - 11/22/23 01:31 PM (2 months, 5 days ago)

I have struggled for a long time in regards to what people say to me. It could be the smallest of things like someone looking me in the eyes and say "fuck them, man", I get terrorized by the fact he/she said fuck and looked me in the eyes, even thought he/she did not mean me. I amplify that word to the maximum and get all crazy telling he/she to say sorry for what they said.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28552867 - 11/22/23 01:36 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

use your breath to be calm, and to avoid restless actions, and be aware of each thing you feel and think and hear when they arise; nothing more you can do IMO.


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InvisiblePinkerton
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28552881 - 11/22/23 01:57 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

If I did not have Faith in the future I would off myself. On the spot.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28552884 - 11/22/23 02:01 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

That's one benefit of a good aim and a close target.


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InvisiblePinkerton
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28552887 - 11/22/23 02:04 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

I truly hope you mean it is close as in duration of this madness. :heart:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28552901 - 11/22/23 02:17 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

I can only guess


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton] * 1
    #28552907 - 11/22/23 02:22 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

Emotions are catchy. While some people are more sensitive to it than others it's a long road to maturity for many to be unreactive to emotional outbursts.

Think of yourself as being on a spectrum rather than an alien creature, if that makes sense. We're all trying to work on it.


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rahz

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"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Rahz]
    #28552912 - 11/22/23 02:32 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

I was very emotional this morning when my wife kept suggesting that we sell the dining table rather than moving it to our new apartment in another city.

We had already worked out the dimensions several times and we know that it will fit;
however it is a 9 foot long solid oak table and it dominates the space, but we can work on multiple projects or have many people over to eat, and I would rather have it than sell it and try replace it and it's many functions.

3 times already we solved this problem using mathematics computers and photography, and I just lost my patience,

then I drove her to IKEA to return a pillow, and that took all day.


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28552918 - 11/22/23 02:35 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

Sounds like a nice table!


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rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Rahz] * 2
    #28552974 - 11/22/23 03:38 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

It cost us 6 grand 5 years ago, to replace it would be 15000, there is no replacement; it weighs 250 lbs. German imported

here it is in a previous apartment that I renovated just before covid, (it does not fit in our current apartment)



our most classy thing I guess.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton] * 1
    #28553102 - 11/22/23 05:47 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

One way to be less emotionally reactive is to pause and ask yourself, "Does this really matter?"  Think of reacting as an investment.  Is what was said really so important that you want to make an investment in it?  And maintain a sense of humor about it all - one brain reacting to the products of another brain can appear pretty funny.  I laugh at my mind all the time.  It's fucking nuts!  I claim no ownership of it.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28553267 - 11/22/23 08:38 PM (2 months, 4 days ago)

Agreed 👍 that's the usual
But relationships are supposed to work both ways.

I have to show my human half at least some time or I will turn into a Vulcan servant


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OfflineBrendanFlock
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28553471 - 11/23/23 01:43 AM (2 months, 4 days ago)

My opinion is to stand up for your emotions to the point of conflict if need be..


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: BrendanFlock]
    #28553496 - 11/23/23 04:13 AM (2 months, 4 days ago)

sometimes, annoyance is actually an aggressive tactic,
and an aggressive response can burn it off,
however,
there is no turning back on both sides, you have to own the history of it.


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Offlineepilectric
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28553507 - 11/23/23 04:35 AM (2 months, 4 days ago)

Quote:

Pinkerton said:
I have struggled for a long time in regards to what people say to me. It could be the smallest of things like someone looking me in the eyes and say "fuck them, man", I get terrorized by the fact he/she said fuck and looked me in the eyes, even thought he/she did not mean me. I amplify that word to the maximum and get all crazy telling he/she to say sorry for what they said.




i can totally relate to that. i'm feeling like that very often. in fact nothing has stopped it but i've been receiving a lot of positive feedback at my new workplace (since 1,5y now) which balances out the stresses that you mention (ppl looking at me, saying certain things etc.)

what also helps me is the fact that the same ppl might just smile at me in the next moment and then they actually mean me :smile: i quickly forget strange looks or comments. at our call center, there's just too many ppl to keep caring about every little detail. maybe if you be around ppl more, this might get less


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28553530 - 11/23/23 05:29 AM (2 months, 4 days ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:

Agreed 👍 that's the usual
But relationships are supposed to work both ways.

I have to show my human half at least some time or I will turn into a Vulcan servant




I notice my reactivity is unusually ego based, and comes from a place of, "How dare you think or say that?!" and/or the habitual desire and occasional attempt to convince people of one thing or another.  I tend to see our "human half" more akin to our heart - versus our mind.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 2
    #28553537 - 11/23/23 05:38 AM (2 months, 4 days ago)

my human half is territoriality defensiveness mixed with swirls of empathy.


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InvisibleLyleChipperson

Registered: 09/29/23
Posts: 61
Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton] * 1
    #28559638 - 11/28/23 03:45 PM (1 month, 29 days ago)

Quote:

Pinkerton said:
I have struggled for a long time in regards to what people say to me. It could be the smallest of things like someone looking me in the eyes and say "fuck them, man", I get terrorized by the fact he/she said fuck and looked me in the eyes, even thought he/she did not mean me. I amplify that word to the maximum and get all crazy telling he/she to say sorry for what they said.




Why do you place so much importance on other people's words and opinions?

You may see these words directed towards you, but when someone speaks to you, they are mostly speaking to themselves. Their point of view is always based on their own awareness and understanding. So they will never be able to see the complete you, same as you will never be able to see the complete them. They may see a behavior, they may form an opinion based on what they see in you, but they will be seeing a reflection of themselves and speaking to that reflection. In my opinion, anything said by someone else shouldn't be seen as more of a suggestion to be examined before agreement or denial.

You have agency in this world, so you don't have to accept anything as is. You get to make a choice. And if you now choose to let everything in until it drowns you, you can also choose to flip that coin and keep everything out until you decide that "Yes, this is true" or "No, this is false".

Words have a lot of power, yet they can also have none. In my own internal dialogue I can be extremely harsh, both in regard to myself and others, and that is sometimes reflected in my speech. I may swear using the most foul language, but that doesn't mean that there is any emotional load attached to the words. Or the words themselves may be a conduit for the release of the corresponding emotions, as opposed to physical action.

In an altercation, I may call you a stupid cunt, that doesn't make you one. It just means that I see you as one, but that is just my opinion and not a fact. It may actually be to your benefit, if all I want in that moment is to smash your face and calling you that name lets me vent my anger before I get physical, you will actually suffer less consequences despite being insulted. I will suffer less consequences because I don't know how physically capable you are and you may prove much tougher than me, or I will suffer more if you take offence and escalate the conflict futher. Who's the cunt in that case? No one knows at this point. Maybe we're both it. Maybe none of us is. It's still up to our own perception of the situation.

I may call you the same thing in a completely friendly context, if we know each other and you know that I am prone to using such language, why would you be affected by it? It may even be a sign of trust that I would only talk to people who are close to me in that way, people who I know for certain won't take it in a negative light.

At the end of the day, words only have as much power as you allow them to have. Context should always be taken into consideration before you let your mind run wild.


Edited by LyleChipperson (11/28/23 03:52 PM)


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OfflineFreedom
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton]
    #28560468 - 11/29/23 08:43 AM (1 month, 29 days ago)

I'd explore more about whats going on.

like were you neglected by your family and so have a hypersensitivity to what people think about you because it used to relate to survival needs?

or is it just a mild anxiety and its hard for you to accept that mild anxiety?

these are just two possible examples and each would need a different approach


but non judgmental curiosity always helps


Edited by Freedom (11/29/23 08:47 AM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How do i care less what people say to me? [Re: Pinkerton] * 1
    #28575221 - 12/09/23 01:26 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I was just going to make a thread called "Being labelled a Psychopath" but im gonna add to your thread instead.

I struggle with this too. I take what people say very personally.

For example, last week, this female co-worker of mine were alone together after a shift gathering pot luck. She asked me why i wear earplugs all the time and i said "Its because im sensitive to noise". Then she asked "Do you listen to music or podcasts?". I was like "No, i just like ir silent". So she finally says "Ohhhh, so you're a psychopath?". In the moment, it didnt bother me that much but today and Thursday, it just bothered me to no end. How dare she label me when she barely even knows me?

Ive realized in my life that Im quite empathic. My Mom has psychic abilities so being empathic must be my genetic expression of it. I can barely watch some Anime's, shows or movies because if the story gets too sad and traumatic, it affects my mood too intensely and i have to stop watching it or I will get emotionally overwhelmed.

My only advice is being prepared and expose yourself to as much as you can to personal attacks to build up resistence and fortitude. Practice learning how to deal with the emotions. Treat it like an illness that you can build up resistence to.

I once listened to an interview of Lil Jon talking about a fan degrading one of his Rap songs online and he said it really affected him negatively. I think its a pretty common experience to go thru intense feelings when people target you personally. Its a shitty but common feeling.


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