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Anonymous #1

Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation * 2
    #28523010 - 10/30/23 04:37 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Sorry it's a little long, but it's not the typical problem, needs to be fully explained, I'm confused honestly.

Me and my wife haven't had sex in over 2 years until a few weeks ago. It was pretty much mutual due to circumstances that recently changed. She still gave me hand jobs and I was good with that cuz she's really good at it. Usually doesn't take her long to make me cum. Sometimes in less than 5-10 minutes. Even up until a few weeks ago.

Now we're fucking like rabbits, basically any chance we get. In the past I was done in 10-20 minutes, 30 tops. This shit is going for 2-3 hours, and the only reason it ever stops is because we're both exhausted and just can't keep going. I mean this is after even taking breaks for nicotine and hydrating and to breathe. So she tries to just jerk me off, and the first time she finally got it after probably 30 minutes, but all the rest I've had to do it and even I am having great difficulty doing it. I know my dick well. I can make myself cum in 2 minutes if I want to. But for some reason after sex is initiated, I can no longer do that.

So I'm not really sure what's going on. The sex is mind blowing, like this is a whole new relationship to us. We're bonding in a way we never have and we've been together forever, going on 20 years. It's not a stimulation issue.. we haven't been doing anything, she's tight as hell. The very first time putting it in, was like trying to get into a virgin, even with a lot of lube.

Anyone have any ideas? I can only imagine it must be psychological, some kind of mental block. But like I said, even a few weeks ago she could jerk me off and be done in less than 10 minutes.


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OfflineBlueberry Muffin
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28523027 - 10/30/23 05:28 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Hi! Most likely psychological. You might be feeling pressure not to ejaculate early when having sex or trained yourself to think of something else and not let go. Now I guess it's time to train yourself to let go. If you also have trouble peeing or the flow is not as strong as it used to or you go more frequently then get your prostate checked.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Blueberry Muffin]
    #28523028 - 10/30/23 05:31 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Have no issue with peeing at all.. my diet hasn't changed, not on new medication. Really nothing but the sex itself is new.


Edited by Anonymous (10/30/23 05:32 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28523039 - 10/30/23 06:00 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

OH! I forgot, that's not the only weird thing.

When I do finally cum it's, different.. Normally ejaculation and orgasm happen at the same time. Even still does outside of sex. Right when I hit that peak is when it starts coming out pretty much..

These are different though. It starts coming like a full 30 seconds before I even actually reach orgasm. I swear it's like one of those small pistol water guns, just rapid fire, for like that whole 30 seconds. How it feels anyways. I'm having to go pretty hard and fast to get there, not very conducive to analytics.

Never had nothing like that happen before, but it's happened every time we've had sex so far.


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OfflineBlueberry Muffin
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28523058 - 10/30/23 06:28 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

If you are having problems, could still be some sort of inflammation. Go get some blood work :smile:


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OfflineBlueberry Muffin
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Blueberry Muffin]
    #28523101 - 10/30/23 07:20 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

My personal experience is that when ejaculation starts to feel wrong, it's most probably prostate inflammation, but could also be that your pelvic floor muscles need some exercises for relaxation. You can google some exercises


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28523398 - 10/30/23 01:08 PM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Im gonna guess its a tolerance issue. It sounds like you've adapted to the pleasure and now its difficult to reach orgasm. Its happened to me in the past with my ex-GF. Sometimes we would have sex so often, i could just keep going without a peak orgasm. Tolerance to the pleasure i guess :shrug:


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28523928 - 10/30/23 08:59 PM (2 months, 27 days ago)

What’s your diet?
Age?
Vitamins?
Weight and height?

Also to go from nothing for two years to fucking like rabbits… what was the mutual agreement for no sex?

What changes that agreement?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Jewstress] * 1
    #28524027 - 10/30/23 09:57 PM (2 months, 27 days ago)

I don't really eat healthy or anything, I try to make sure I'm getting enough of the essentials though, lean protein, vegetables and stuff. I take a multivitamin. 39 and like 5'6" and 170?.

I didn't want to get into the specifics cuz I'm not sure she wanted me talking about it but it's anonymous, so if you do read this don't get mad lol.

She's not comfortable being "active" during sex. So for the vast majority of the time I've been the one doing mostly everything during sex. After so long it's just not fun anymore. Well she can be active and fun, but she has to drink. I quit drinking because I was just starting fights and she didn't want to bring it up or drink in front of me, so we never really talked about anything. We just came to a point where we just didn't have sex anymore. The longer it goes the less you even think about it.

I'm the paranoid type and I saw a lot of signs, and it didn't matter that I knew for a fact each one had a valid reason, I couldn't shut that voice in my head up "she's about to leave you".. so I told her what was going through my head and we had a long talk and the end result is she knows she can drink around me and I'm not gonna care or want it. That now we can have fun and as long as she's participating my sex drive is actually really high...

The sex feels incredible based on past experiences with how strong the feeling is and how turned on I am, I shouldn't even last 10 minutes.

After about the hour mark it does start to get less sensitive but there's still plenty to stimulate me, more than I get from masturbation. I know it's almost definitely got to be psychological, but I have no idea how to correct that.

I can try the floor muscles thing. And I'm currently in the middle of going to the doctor for testing (unrelated but he couldn't figure out what was going on, he sent me to her my blood and piss tested for everything and an MRI). The only thing they found so far is low white blood cell count, I'm still waiting to go to a specialist for that.


Edited by Anonymous (10/30/23 09:58 PM)


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28524440 - 10/31/23 10:09 AM (2 months, 27 days ago)

I think it’s a lack of that exact communication. I know I cannot connect with my partner if I feel there is not open ended conversations about what we both want.

The other thing is, how in touch are you with the mood of the moment?

I’m sometimes less active in moments when I’m sure my partner would like me more active however that is because I’m not currently on this planet and I am fully feeling with my senses as much as possible.

It becomes a moment of sexual meditation and I am sure it can seem like something else.

Adult play conversations are just as important as what’s for dinner. It’s how you keep a vulnerable authentic love going. If you are afraid they may not be interested in what you are or vice versa, complaints won’t be heard, you may not have a mature play partner or you may have self work needing to be down for more awareness.

It sounds like an emotional and intellectual disconnect more than a physical.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Jewstress] * 1
    #28524784 - 10/31/23 04:54 PM (2 months, 27 days ago)

We talk about all that stuff regularly. We're doing a whole new thing. We've never had sex like this before. It's always been very vanilla.. Right now we're doing all kinds of new positions, and things we've never done to each other. Talking about it so we both know what we like and don't and stuff is pretty much required at this point. We're actually being extremely open.. I'm telling her and doing things I've never been comfortable with before.

She's not the only one that's weird when it comes to sex. I've always been very shy and self conscience. Like I never would have been able to just lay there naked before. I would feel too weird. Now we're taking breaks cuz it's going so long and I'm not putting on clothes or covering up.

As for the emotional, I can't speak for her, but I feel a bond stronger than I ever have before. I'm pretty sure she does too though. We work opposite schedules. A few weeks ago I'd come home at like 5 in the morning and she'd be asleep and her alarm would go off at 545 and she'd keep snoozing it until she absolutely had to get up to go to work. Now when I come home, she's getting up and we're just spending time together, talking and holding each other and shit until she has to go to work. Whether that's 4 in the morning or 530.. I try not to wake her up, but every time she wakes up anyways.

And we're both really into the mood, I mean REALLY into it. I am going to try an experiment next time we get the chance to see something though.

I gotta go get in my work truck, I'll check back in a little bit if I missed anything from your post I'll address it then.


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OfflineBeefSupremeJr
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28524822 - 10/31/23 05:46 PM (2 months, 27 days ago)

theres a kindof sensory therapy you can do under the guidance of a sex therapist if youre quite serious about this. if its threatening your marriage, i recommend seeking help.

it goes something like this but dont quote me its been a long time since i did it.

youll spend weeks touching eachother with no intention of cumming.  touching anywhere but the gentials or breasts. 
during this time neither of you should be masturbating.  youre taking turns touching and really being present about it.  thinkint about how it feels.  is the skin cool or warm or whatever.  like really being perceptive about it.

then its weeks of touching without cumming but yes, touching genitals. same thing.  preception is the key.  its like meditation but youre meditating on touch and keeping your mind clear of anything else.  no masturbating during this time.

then iirc youre adding your mouths...

then the obvious fucking but with the thoughtfulness you leaned in the exercises before.  for me, by the time we actually started fucking again, cumming prematurely was more of the risk than not at all.

i mean, if it sounds useful, you coule maybe try it out or expidite the process. 

personally, i think if you just dont jack off or look at porn for a few weeks, sex tends to be a lot better in general and youll cum much easier.

um.  mushrooms help but acid makes me horny as fuck.  i just cum a lot easier when im really into it and junk. 

thats my two cents. good luck now


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OfflineBlueberry Muffin
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: BeefSupremeJr]
    #28525086 - 11/01/23 01:39 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

The other thing to note is that there's no need to ejaculate to enjoy sex, but if that is what you're after than that's another story


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Blueberry Muffin] * 1
    #28525099 - 11/01/23 02:41 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

Well yeah.. I mean that's what I'm working towards, I mean I don't care about the ejaculation.. it's the orgasm I'm after, just generally they are linked for me.

But after 2-3 hours, it's almost a moot point. I don't necessarily need to go for hours, and she doesn't either.. we both want it to go back to where it didn't take hours.

And I'll be close, like really close and then for no reason it just shuts down. Like you can feel that steady build and then suddenly it drops all the way to it's base value if that makes sense. It'll happen again and again.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28525114 - 11/01/23 03:39 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

Are you using kratom by chance? Has pretty much the same effect as you're describing for me, including the weird ejaculation.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28525166 - 11/01/23 05:36 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

Definitely sounds like pleasure adaption (tolerance) to me. Maybe finish off with a handjob? Its kinda funny cause in porns, the last scene is usually the guy jerking himself off onto the woman (which i think is weird as fuck).

Ive read some guys can only cum in very specific ways. Perhaps that is you.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28525183 - 11/01/23 06:33 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

No kratom. I've only ever done it a few times in my life. I don't really like it much.

Handjobs is how we've been finishing. Cuz it's the only thing either of us has energy for at that point. She'll try for awhile, doing all the same shit she always does (and new stuff in an attempt to make things cooperate).. all but 1 time so far I've had to ultimately finish and just damn.. we just got done like 10 minutes ago and my arm is fucking dead. I almost gave up twice cuz my arm was so tired. Finally did, but I never have to work like that to reach orgasm.

For like the last hour and a half I was constantly right on the verge of reaching that point of no return. But no matter what either of us did, just couldn't push it past that point. It just hovered there.

The only time I've ever had a problem making myself reach orgasm is on certain drugs. Other than that, it doesn't even take me long cuz I can hit the right spots the right way at the right pace to make it happen fast. BUT it should be noted that when it's drug induced, it's almost always a sensitivity issue. Mainly dex (cough syrup). I'd say like 50-70 of the feeling is gone at those times. That is definitely not the case here.

The only thing I've came up with psychologically is it's over once I cum and I don't want it to end so my brain is stopping me. I dunno how to fix that though. Because the conscious, "in control" side of me does want it to end, cuz I'm tired.


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OfflineBlueberry Muffin
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Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28525216 - 11/01/23 07:30 AM (2 months, 26 days ago)

Personally I feel that the longer the sex goes on, the more unlikely is that I will ejaculate. I just get used to it I think, maybe penis gets a bit numb too. It's quite hard to have sex for an hour and then ejaculate in my experience


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Anonymous #3

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28526127 - 11/02/23 02:16 AM (2 months, 25 days ago)

I have personally experienced this with a partner before.
It’s not that you aren’t having good sex. It’s just that some people need different stimulation. Try a different position.
This person I was with could only finish. In a specific position. Doing a specific thing.
Once we figured that out. We tried to deviate from it. But that seemed to always be the Sure Shot guaranteed way to do it every time. You just need to figure out what that is.

The only other thing I was ever able to do that. Got them to arrive.
Was while I was going down on her. I fingered her.
There’s a lot of work on the button being done.

That I would say, would be a good suggestion, if you are having trouble arriving.

Even anonymous it feels odd saying this.
But I genuinely do want to help.


Edited by Anonymous (11/02/23 02:24 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Having trouble reaching orgasm/ejaculation [Re: Anonymous #3] * 2
    #28526150 - 11/02/23 03:15 AM (2 months, 25 days ago)

No I appreciate it. And we're still experimenting. More or less doggy style really does it for me, especially when going hard, which isn't my thing usually.. but even fresh I don't have the stamina or leverage required to sustain it long enough. But when I'm close from other less tiring positions I'll get her to flip and try.. gotten really close a few times. Leg cramp or just can't keep going and need to stop and breathe is what gets me. That and I'm still not great at finding the right angle to keep it in, in some of the more advanced positions.

I need practice, but she says she doesn't mind just keeping trying until we figure it out. I mean it's fun for both of us anyways. And for me, it's really helping with the stress at my job.... Which I really needed because the last year or so has me so stressed out and jaded.. after our first night I noticed how much better I felt at work. People still piss me off but I just try to let it go and think about her now. Before I was just completely losing my temper and snapping (it's well deserved but I'm not that type of person and I don't like being that person) every damn day.

I don't think I've actually snapped at anyone or lost my temper since we started having sex again.


Edited by Anonymous (11/02/23 03:24 AM)


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