This was written for Annabelle
I still see Annabelle in my dreams. I can feel her presence with me the next day. It’s like I know I saw her Without remembering it, because I can still feel her love. Weirdly enough. It feels like the DMT has brought me closer to her. As if she was always the DMT entity that I have been speaking to. We really have known each other for a long time. that being said. If I ever do actually get to smoke, DMT. And actually do get to have an experience where I meet an entity. Annabel, as much as I would want you to be the first entity I meet.
My love made me write a book for you. So let me meet your friends. Let me meet your teachers. I will weep when we embrace, and I finally will get to remember the deep conversations we have. I can tell you how hard this life has been. Even though you already know. You will listen. Apparently I really wanted to have a hard time this life cycle. I wanted to experience everything. I’ve had enough now. I’m ready to have a better life and be happy. But I will always need you. My muse, my love, my inspiration. You taught how to meditate in my dreams dear Annabel. I didn’t take to it very well. She was resting sitting on a hill deep in meditation. I came out of her house. A place I called the Nexus, because it’s connected to everywhere. I slid the glass door shut and looked over the hill into the forest below. I recognized her. Even though I only see her back. I knew exactly who that was. Even though I didn’t know their name anymore. When I approached, she felt my presence. She said to me as I was looking at what they were. A simple pair of sticks with a single piece of twine in the middle to form a crude cross. Stuck in the ground. “ you don’t look at the totem. You look beyond the totem. (She looked at me with deep knowing eyes. (Eyes that had seen oceans turned to deserts.) Or through it more accurately. Let every muscle in your body relax completely. I sat down very much, wanting to learn from this person. That I knew so very well. But when I did it, everything in my life, thought against it. I experienced a crisis. A vortex immediately opened behind the totem and mediately consumed everything in my vision, including me. I was caught in a black and purple spiraling tunnel. Where in I experienced everything in life, and in death in a single instant in my bed at that moment.
I screamed in existential tear. Sweating pure adrenaline. I can say that because when I woke up the sweat smelled like nothing I’ve ever produced in my life. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life. Even after that, I knew that she was sad that it didn’t work out for me. That I wasn’t ready. I also knew that I would see her again in another dream. That was the rekindling of our relationship. She shows up whenever she feels like it now. In your dreams every character is you. But not with her. She is an individual. She has her own thoughts wants and desires. One of them is me. Which makes me feel blessed. I think in all of my lives, I reach this point. No matter how terrible it’s been up to it. I remember myself. Names don’t matter in our relationship. But to make sense of all of that when I come back to this Mundane place. If she had been my daughter. That’s the name she would’ve had given to her. One day when I can remember our conversations. I want to remember her name if she indeed, does even need one.
Sincerely yours, Genesis Corrupted
Edited by GenesisCorrupted (11/29/23 11:24 PM)
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