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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 7,183
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 minutes, 45 seconds
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The VA. (Therapy)
#28504947 - 10/14/23 11:11 PM (3 months, 12 days ago) |
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You’ve seen some shit. I understand that you want to talk about it. That is the first step in recovery. Feel free to tell us what you experienced. I am there for you.
Edited by GenesisCorrupted (11/29/23 11:34 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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back to the front line
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_ 🧠 _
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Quote:
GenesisCorrupted said: You’ve seen some shit. I understand that you want to talk about it. That is the first step in recovery. Feel free to tell us what you experienced. I am there for you.
I've put down a young kangaroo that was run over by a car. It had a track mark on it's body, and was zombified or stupified however you want to put it. I knew what the humane thing to do was, and I did it.
what glee I felt didn't surprise me, but it was an experience to know what I'll do if I think it's for the better.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Milleresque
Stranger
Registered: 04/10/22
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Re: The VA. (Therapy) [Re: sudly] 1
#28505086 - 10/15/23 04:15 AM (3 months, 12 days ago) |
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I’ve become addicted to watching two hour podcasts with former US special forces soldiers, and in their psychological brokenness and a lack of self worth only the military could fill, I see myself. Part of me still wishes I had followed through on a young and dumb plan—the rest of me knows what would have happened. I wouldn’t have the perceptive, incisive and critical-thinking diamond for a mind that I do now, not to mention the horror I’d have dealt and witnessed for no good reason at all.
My fathers best friend was a captain in the SAS. Had a long career. When he heard that I was (as an 18yr old kid) seriously interested in the ethos and qualities of the special forces, he took me aside one day in our family backyard. Me 5 foot 7, him 6 foot 3. He said
“There are some good people in the regiment. Honorable people who love their kids. But Milleresque there are a lot who, if it weren’t for the SAS in particular, would otherwise be in prison for violent behaviour. Some of them are not good people to be around, so ask yourself what kind of a man you want to be and the company you’re comfortable with.”
I’ve never forgotten it. He knew I had a big heart and a creative streak. I think it was a polite warning.
That mountain of a man hung himself a little over five years ago. Left a huge hole in my dads life. Apparently it was over a woman who basically manipulated his whole world, but you never know. He was in the military for twent years and saw…a lot.
he told me about the aftermath of US forces using an bomb that aerosols fuel before igniting it over the ground, thereby sucking out all the oxygen. I can only imagine what it’s like walking past dozens of bodies with their eyes sucked out of their skulls or their lungs having been drawn up into the throat.
It all takes a toll. Of this I’m sure.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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I think you're describing a vacuum bomb, pretty sure you'd only be finding pieces of their skulls or lungs if that hit them.

Some bitches ain't shit but hoes n tricks.
I think he gave sound advice though, the SAS is well suited to certain individuals and commiting violence under order really is a key part of it.
Maybe that friend was a kind of father figure to you.
I listened to hundreds of hours of true crime podcasts over the years as I worked on my own and had the time to do it. The plot twists and investigations really intrigued me, and some of them described the childhood and other psychological factors of the perpetrator that might have influenced their life decisions. It really can be interesting to see how people reach the extremes of life, whether it be in the SAS, or on the most wanted list.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Quote:
Milleresque said:...him 6 foot 3. He said
“There are some good people in the regiment. Honorable people who love their kids. But Milleresque there are a lot who, if it weren’t for the SAS in particular, would otherwise be in prison for violent behaviour. Some of them are not good people to be around, so ask yourself what kind of a man you want to be and the company you’re comfortable with.” ....
This part of your story is a diamond, the rest just emeralds and rubies or maybe gold.
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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 7,183
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 minutes, 45 seconds
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Re: The VA. (Therapy) [Re: sudly]
#28505606 - 10/15/23 02:08 PM (3 months, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
sudly said:
I've put down a young kangaroo that was run over by a car. It had a track mark on it's body, and was zombified or stupified however you want to put it. I knew what the humane thing to do was, and I did it.
what glee I felt didn't surprise me, but it was an experience to know what I'll do if I think it's for the better.
I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to do the mercy kill. I would try to do it. But I feel like it would destroy me. Thankfully, I haven’t been put into that situation before. It takes a lot of strength to do that. I’m sure the kangaroo was grateful.
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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 7,183
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 minutes, 45 seconds
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I’m super glad you took that man’s advice by the way. I feel like he probably saved your life. You said that you have artistic tendencies. It would be really nice and therapeutic if you made some art that was inspired by them. If you haven’t already.
Edited by GenesisCorrupted (10/15/23 02:49 PM)
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Milleresque
Stranger
Registered: 04/10/22
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Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
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Quote:
GenesisCorrupted said: I’m super glad you took that man’s advice by the way. I feel like he probably saved your life. You said that you have artistic tendencies. It would be really nice and therapeutic if you made some art that was inspired by them. If you haven’t already.
Hey, thank you genesis. It’s off hand comments from virtual strangers that count more for me.
It’s complicated at present. Actually it’s not, but I’ll leave the malady undescribed here and only say that I’ve fallen foul of my highest hopes and determinations. I’m a writer who once sketched like one possessed, and I used to paint until about 12-16 months ago.
I’ve made the promise to myself not to write again until I finally put alcohol behind me. It’s sterilised all of my creativity—but as with any problem or dependancy there’s a whole fell geography beneath the ocean of white wine you keep trying to drown.
I made an appointment to see a psychologist in a few weeks, as every day I’m forced to identify and take hold of another incarnation of the way I treat myself like I’m not worth much.
So hence the full circle, back to hearing stories from those at the pointiest edge of and at peak performance for their “craft”. Individuals who could endure almost anything; who kept going, who saw hell and dealt it. And quite often, like my dads friend, you learn of all the ways they’re broken along lines they are: self worth, dependancy, early abuse, the demolition of once closely held belief systems.
Life is a funny thing. I mean to get me back from the me that sits on my shoulders and screams “you can’t, you won’t, it’s too late and you won’t make it”. Sobriety is a selection process. I just have to truly start it and never ever give up, giving up.
Because however trite and small it may be, I was meant for things other than this present personal hell. I just have to believe that.
Peace, friend.
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GenesisCorrupted
Taoist, Writer, Student, Artist




Registered: 08/01/23
Posts: 7,183
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 minutes, 45 seconds
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Always know there are people to support you. You’re never alone unless you let yourself be. Sometimes you have to hit rock before you can see alcohol for the poison that it is. Just take things one day at a time. Because it will get easier each day.
If you don’t mind sharing. What type of writing will you do?
Edited by GenesisCorrupted (10/16/23 01:47 AM)
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