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Offlinetraveller_47
namaste
Registered: 08/05/23
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death * 2
    #28503933 - 10/14/23 01:40 AM (3 months, 13 days ago)

Hi.

I did my second trip ever yesterday. Last time it was ten years ago. I was way more young and there was less baggage to handle in my life. I was also meditating a lot at that time. Yesterday I did a trip, a friend was with me in the beginning. Started great, took me to the past, different beautiful places. This happened for a space of two hours. After that she left. I was feeling pretty good that time. I lie down on the sofa. My mind thinking about things and their nature. Dissecting everything, at one point I felt I could reach out to the people in the past and felt connected to them. Felt love at the core of everything, even deeper than the fabric of the universe. Then it took me to the uglier parts. Like why I dislike ugliness. Maybe because I do not want to wither and die lile everything does. And then to death. I felt like it is taking me there or briging it right next to me and asking me to jump. I know a lot of meditations in Buddhism are around death but I am no expert in meditation. Hell I don't remember when did I meditate last time. This feeling felt like touching it, accepting it, thinking about if I am ready to go. And I did give in. It was really peaceful after that. But I am still a bit dazed from it.

Subjectively this morning, I am feeling good. Better than before I did the trip. Just wanted to ask if others have had similar experiences. How did it affect you? Was it similar to what I described?


Edited by traveller_47 (10/15/23 04:34 AM)


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Invisibleconnectedcosmos
Neti Neti
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Registered: 02/07/15
Posts: 7,426
Loc: The Pathless Path
Re: Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death [Re: traveller_47] * 1
    #28504077 - 10/14/23 08:16 AM (3 months, 12 days ago)

I've had very similar experiences , sounds to me like a classic psychedelic experience where one sees the duality of nature :yinyang: the fragile beauty of the life with the death , love being one of the fundamental aspects of existence, not knowing what that is without suffering and ugliness ... etc

Sounds like a nice run down the halls of psychedelia :awecid:


--------------------


54. The true nature of things is to be known personally , through the eyes of clear illumination and not through a sage : what the moon exactly is , is to be known with one's own eyes ; can another make him know it?


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Offlinetraveller_47
namaste
Registered: 08/05/23
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
Re: Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death [Re: connectedcosmos]
    #28504095 - 10/14/23 08:33 AM (3 months, 12 days ago)

Did you also experience these same things? I'd like to think that fundamental nature of things should stay the dame regardless of who is doing the trip. Did it ever bring you this close to death?

People do trips thinking it is a magical cure for everything. But the lesson it takes us to is the one we need to learn. We go on in our lives avoiding death and ugliness, like we'll never grow old or die. But can we even live if we do not accept death and aging? On a philosophical level we all say this, but the trip really takes you to it, like you can actually understand it and not just as a concept. I must say I feel like I am mind fucked, but in a nice way. I am thoroughly shaken, but also living this moment, I feel peaceful and present. I am thinking, it is foolish to go on a trip thinking we would get certain something out of it. The trip does not give us what we want, but what we need to understand.

I feel so humbled right now. Is this ego death people talk about? Or is it something before this or beyond this? I might take another journey next year, or when I feel brave enough to do it. But surely this has really been an eye opening experience


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
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Re: Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death [Re: traveller_47]
    #28504550 - 10/14/23 05:00 PM (3 months, 12 days ago)

Quote:

traveller_47 said:
Hi.

...
...

Was it similar to what I described?




In many respects.

Certainly. :thumbup:


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Offlinetraveller_47
namaste
Registered: 08/05/23
Posts: 4
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
Re: Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death [Re: connectedcosmos]
    #28504938 - 10/14/23 10:57 PM (3 months, 12 days ago)

Sorry, I was so focused on reading the things you described, I missed the part where you said you have had similar experience. Thank you for sharing this šŸ™


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Offlinesolarshroomster
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Re: Not dying but reaching the doorstep of death [Re: traveller_47]
    #28505277 - 10/15/23 09:22 AM (3 months, 11 days ago)

I think you will get a lot out of the below ketamine trip report published by Marcia Moore and Howard Alltounian in their book Journeys into the Bright World.

I've been reading it in preparation for my first ketamine trip, and a lot of what you mention dovetails with the first ketamine session Marcia describes below:


Quote:

1: You have to Die to be Reborn

"In the next half hour, during which the drug was operating at maximum potency, I never
lost consciousness, even though ordinary body awareness was totally gone. To an observer I
would have appeared completely insensible, deeply anesthetized. Yet, even though the memory
of that state remains it can only be called "indescribable." To speak of a thunderous silence, or a
multidimensional sphere turning upon itself, or of identification with undifferentiated vibratory
energy is probably as close as words can come to portraying a truly ineffable condition of
existence. This inner realm, full of sound, color, and sensation was itself entirely formless. Here
there could be no distinctions between subject and object, this and that, I and thou. Only the vast
nameless faceless process remained, churning on and on and on. Somehow it seemed evident that
it would continue to roll around that way forever like a ponderous wheel upon which the chariots
of the gods might ride on to eternity.

It came to me that this was also a millwheel by whose grinding action my small personal
concerns were being entirely rubbed out. The last husks of "I-ness" were wrested from my grasp,
pulverized, and shucked off like chaff reduced to dust. Yet the light of awareness shone on
undiminished. That is, the ego was gone-yet the Self was exactly as it always had been.

For a discipline-prone individual like myself who had always made a staunch effort to
remain on top of every situation this necessity to relinquish every last vestige of control was an
amazing state of affairs. But now there was no choice but to drop all sense of separate identity,
all plans, purposes, thoughts, feelings, and desires, and simply urge onward upon this sonorous
revolving circuit of primal power. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could be done
except to submit and let it be. In all this I did not feel that I was being elevated to a higher level
of existence. Rather, the substance of my earth-bound psyche was being inexorably reduced to its
own common denominator, like molecules and atoms dissolving into some infrangible
substratum of electricity.

To summarize that instant-and insistent-transformation I would say that the lesson this
and subsequent ketamine trips taught me was that one can discard all traces of ego awareness and
individual volition and still be more than one was before. The loss of personality does not bring extinction.
"

:trippinbawelz:





--------------------
Chopin in Eternal Sonata: "I believe that I am somehow being tested. That I am on this journey to come to some realization. And in order to do so, I think I’m supposed to live my life to the fullest, even if it is in this muddled world of dream and reality."


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