I began my journey about a year ago when I was gifted some APE. Being ignorant at the time as to dosing and different potencies I took 2.5g thinking I was using GT dosing. Wrong. It was however needless to say, a life changing experience for the better as it affirmed my notions of death, nature, interconnectedness, oneness, love, etc. Fast forward about 6 months and my wife decides she wants to try them. We’ve both since tripped together multiple times and it has rejuvenated and galvanized our marriage and love, and without getting into too much detail, helped me resolve some serious long term trauma. My last trip however was a terrifying experience as I was consumed by what I can only guess was ego death.
I’ve been experimenting with lemon tek and have really enjoyed it. I don’t often have time for a 6 hour trip so lemon tek has gotten me down about 4 hours with a fast come up and down, and felt effects similar to twice the conventionally eaten dose. This time I did 2.5g of GT in lemon juice, my highest lemon tek yet. Come up was very fast after about 20 min. The trip started off relatively mundane with some revisitations of childhood places and some visuals. I soon began an introspective journey that led me to question the nature of my reality. Eventually I began to question the validity of memories and experiences. I wasn’t certain if I was now remembering dreams, actual experiences, or memories of dreams of actual experiences. Soon I was questioning if any of my memories were in fact real, or a figment of my imagination. This led me to question the very existence of my wife and I became terrified that I had imagined her. This realization caused me to fear that if I had imagined her and my memories, then “I” was by proxy, imaginary. I became terrified that I was becoming insane or that I was in fact correct and my existence and recollection of my existence was a fabrication and that I somehow didn’t exist. In a panic, I stood up out of bed in an effort to ground myself in reality and instead the world was spinning and I lost all sense of reality. Suddenly “I” fell through and out of my body, into a deep abyss. I had no memory but was just aware that “this” is “here.” The abyss was boundless and so was being in it.
I then woke up, roughly 3 hours after my last recollection of the clock. A few days later I’ve digested it all. It was a difficult trip but I’ve come away from it better. I am now aware, I am real, I have been real. However, my reality is subjective and really is a construct of my consciousness. The people in my life and experiences of all manner are as integral a part of my existence as I am. Without having had them I wouldn’t be who I am. My vague memories are just that; uncertainties of days long ago, or faint recollection of dreams once had. They all hold the same relevance to my existence as, regardless of them being real experiences or memories of dreams, they are an important part of the fabric of “self.” I stand better prepared for the future and have a better understanding of what makes up the notion of “l.”
Edited by Charmon (10/02/23 07:35 PM)
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