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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
Posts: 24
Last seen: 1 month, 21 hours
When your ex moved on * 1
    #28481248 - 09/24/23 05:03 PM (4 months, 1 day ago)

Just found out that my ex of several years who I dumped 5 years ago is now married with a kid. Feels super weird. We were best friends but I left him because he wouldn’t get off H or treat me right. Now he has what I want (a partner that’s in love with him and there for life) and I haven’t met anyone that I could have something serious with again. Who is this person and how could he suddenly be right for someone else? Damn that hurts. Do you guys have an ex that treated you like trash and got everything anyone could want when it ended?

I’ve met this nice dude and we have been on a few dates and he seems into me in public, but I’m totally unsure if he feels the same about me in private. I’m so tired of trying to find my person.

Sorry for the bad energy, just needed somewhere to dump my feelings. I hope I find someone, I’m so tired of dating and being alone.


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead]
    #28482010 - 09/25/23 05:31 AM (4 months, 1 day ago)

PleaE hold! JEWSTRESS IS HERE I SHALL MAKE A VIDEO JUST FOR YOUUUU


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😇


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: Jewstress] * 2
    #28482019 - 09/25/23 05:52 AM (4 months, 1 day ago)

si=PfeN9EsgqNEeRNrk


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Invisiblemandrax360
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: Jewstress] * 1
    #28482255 - 09/25/23 11:12 AM (4 months, 1 day ago)

Jewstress hit the nail on the head . You need to look at your own problems and learn to forgive not just others but also yourself.
Moving on in life is as hard as You make it . If anything you should be pleased for your ex , he sorted his shit out and settled down to a family life. Not judging you as I don't know you from Adam but sounds like you just need to let go


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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: mandrax360]
    #28482826 - 09/25/23 07:02 PM (4 months, 21 hours ago)

Thank you Jewstress! Took me forever to load that video but you’re right. It feels a bit hard because he dumped a cat on me that until now has caused me to have so many vet bills and financial problems. I need to move on but I’m making it harder for myself because I’m still trying to recover and it’s hard to see someone move on when those actions I’m still trying to recover from and get my life back.


Quote:

mandrax360 said:
Jewstress hit the nail on the head . You need to look at your own problems and learn to forgive not just others but also yourself.
Moving on in life is as hard as You make it . If anything you should be pleased for your ex , he sorted his shit out and settled down to a family life. Not judging you as I don't know you from Adam but sounds like you just need to let go



Thank you too! And I know, but it’s sometimes so hard because I resent him for dumping all these responsibilities on me that have led my life to circling around on a hamster wheel. It’s only recently that I’ve started to make any meaningful progress because I can save money now. Thanks for the advice. I’m trying to take it but sometimes it’s hard not get caught in resentment when they got to walk away clean.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead] * 1
    #28485986 - 09/28/23 05:03 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

He probably promised her he'd get married and have kids to bang her.

I can be happy for him he got off H though, you overcome the void of addiction by filling it with something like a family and it sounds like he did that.

Having a kid for a lot of guys is a nightmare they have no control over. He now has to heel to the master of his own creation. He isn't free anymore, his life is forever altered.

I would be happy for him he overcame H, but as a man I wouldn't want to be in those married shoes of his.

You'll never know the underlying complexities of good and bad in your exes later relationships, but you can have compersion for them.

Maybe a family is what he needed.

If that's what you want, a family of your own, maybe it's worth thinking about the idea that trauma is what didn't happen, and trying to come to terms with that.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
Posts: 24
Last seen: 1 month, 21 hours
Re: When your ex moved on [Re: sudly]
    #28490708 - 10/03/23 07:54 AM (3 months, 24 days ago)

Sorry, it’s taken me too long to respond because I haven’t wanted to think about it. I do know he wanted to be married. Seems like they didn’t get engaged until she was pregnant so you could be right, but it still hurts that he has the life I want (minus the kid right now).

Thank you! You’re definitely right and I like what you said about trauma being what didn’t happen and the dreams I (/we) had hoped for that didn’t happen. I’m back out dating so going to keep trying to find someone that would actually be a good fit for me. Hopefully there is someone like that.


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Registered: 04/02/08
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead]
    #28490773 - 10/03/23 09:03 AM (3 months, 24 days ago)

Quote:

Who is this person and how could he suddenly be right for someone else?




I've gotten this kind of behavior from party friends, who I have known for many years, and who want to keep their family life compartmentalized, far away from their party life, and I am associated with their party people.


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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: durian_2008]
    #28491295 - 10/03/23 06:11 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

durian_2008 said:
I've gotten this kind of behavior from party friends, who I have known for many years, and who want to keep their family life compartmentalized, far away from their party life, and I am associated with their party people.




I’m sorry, that’s so hurtful. Idk how you can just a huge chunk of your life away and keep it hidden from your partner. I understand growing out of things or stopping partying but to cut everyone off like that?


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead] * 1
    #28491404 - 10/03/23 07:36 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

Cutting off the part of their life associated with their addictions is just a thing lots of people go through. Sometimes the people you're partying with have less self-control than you do. The one or two beers you have with them might be multiplied by 10 different people. It can be hard to tell exactly where you might be in their internal system of triggers and unhealthy patterns.

They also might have foggy memories from that period, and associate you with stuff that legitimately has nothing to do with you.

Shit happens, life goes on...

Quote:

still hurts that he has the life I want




Do you know the person he's married well? Are you somehow privy to their innermost feelings?

You saw and experienced things that made you decide to dump him. Has this new person even had enough time to see those things? Or did he learn from your relationship how to hide them better?

Getting married and having kids is a quick and dirty way to make everything look really, really cool from the outside. But you have no idea what's actually going on behind the scenes, or where they'll be five years from now. And based on what you know about this guy, it's probably not going to be a fairytale ending.

In short, you really don't know whether the life he has resembles the life you actually want. But I seriously doubt it.


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Beware of advice- even this.


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead]
    #28491530 - 10/03/23 10:27 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

durian_2008 said:
I've gotten this kind of behavior from party friends, who I have known for many years, and who want to keep their family life compartmentalized, far away from their party life, and I am associated with their party people.



Quote:

jughead said:
I’m sorry, that’s so hurtful. Idk how you can just a huge chunk of your life away and keep it hidden from your partner. I understand growing out of things or stopping partying but to cut everyone off like that?



I was the one who found blackouts in the snow and didn't want people to burn their clothes with lighters.

They had reportedly cut everyone off, every few years or so, as though they were reinventing themselves.

Their old besties were pretty human by comparison.


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InvisiblePastywhyteMDiscord
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead] * 2
    #28494148 - 10/06/23 06:59 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:


I’ve met this nice dude and we have been on a few dates and he seems into me in public, but I’m totally unsure if he feels the same about me in private. I’m so tired of trying to find my person.





Seriously if this is correct then you likely won’t need to worry. If a guy is taking you out and showing you around, introducing you to his friends then he is into you. However if you’re making a big deal that “maybe he isn’t into you somehow” and acting neurotic, or making scenes over these perceptions your having, don’t be shocked when he bolts. This “tiredness” you speak of might be acting as a big red flag, that’s making dudes pause when considering the next step. Last thing a guy wants is to answer for the sins of the dude before him. In fact, he doesn’t need to be reminded ever that there were dudes before him.

As for being jealous over your ex, it isn’t a good look. You don’t know his whole story. Maybe he’s baby trapped, maybe he’s madly in love. Maybe she is good to him in ways you weren’t. Either way it’s not your problem now. Perhaps the fact that you haven’t moved on from him is affecting your ability to find someone.

A huge part of why I had to leave my ex was her neurotic, stalking, jealous behaviour. It was over the top and even now two years later she still stalks me on social media, and tries to shame me for not coming back. It’s definitely made me wary af about dating and relationships. I’m gonna give you a hint, most guys are very easy to please. Most of the time if you can let him smash at least twice a week, feed him a bit, and not drag a pile of drama into his life, he won’t be going or looking anywhere else.


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: Pastywhyte]
    #28494151 - 10/06/23 07:07 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

:whathesaid: I don't see why people can't handle the facts of life. No offense intended toward present company, but there are people who can't handle it.


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Invisiblecovertjoy

Registered: 07/09/23
Posts: 272
Re: When your ex moved on [Re: durian_2008]
    #28494391 - 10/06/23 12:26 PM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:

jughead said:
Just found out that my ex of several years who I dumped 5 years ago is now married with a kid. Feels super weird. We were best friends but I left him because he wouldn’t get off H or treat me right. Now he has what I want (a partner that’s in love with him and there for life) and I haven’t met anyone that I could have something serious with again. Who is this person and how could he suddenly be right for someone else? Damn that hurts. Do you guys have an ex that treated you like trash and got everything anyone could want when it ended?

I’ve met this nice dude and we have been on a few dates and he seems into me in public, but I’m totally unsure if he feels the same about me in private. I’m so tired of trying to find my person.

Sorry for the bad energy, just needed somewhere to dump my feelings. I hope I find someone, I’m so tired of dating and being alone.




Probably a surprisingly common pattern. When a guy is broken up with it will usually trigger them to focus on themselves and self improvement for a while, even if subtlety and not straight away. They experience a sense of having to start again and do the work to get back to where they were before in the process. This often includes addressing the things that caused them to be broken up with in the first place and ironically they become desirable to the breaker-upper again after they have already moved on.

I think it's just one of those dynamics of human mating. The good news is that if you had have stayed with him it is unlikely that he would have gone through this process. So you most likely didn't miss out.


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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: covertjoy] * 1
    #28503396 - 10/13/23 03:18 PM (3 months, 14 days ago)

Quote:

covertjoy said:
This often includes addressing the things that caused them to be broken up with in the first place and ironically they become desirable to the breaker-upper again after they have already moved on.

I think it's just one of those dynamics of human mating. The good news is that if you had have stayed with him it is unlikely that he would have gone through this process. So you most likely didn't miss out.




You’re 100% right that he wouldn’t have changed if I had stayed. I didn’t/don’t want to be with him, but sometimes you get nostalgic over good times even with the wrong people, you know?


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Offlinejughead
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Registered: 06/20/23
Posts: 24
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead]
    #28503401 - 10/13/23 03:22 PM (3 months, 14 days ago)

Now the guy I’m seeing has asked to be exclusive. We live kind of far apart so I hope I can get to see him again soon and get to know him better until then. He’s really smart, sweet, kind, compassionate, and on top of all that hot.


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OfflineBeefSupremeJr
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: jughead] * 1
    #28504954 - 10/14/23 11:19 PM (3 months, 12 days ago)

i was married 9 years. she left me one day pretty unexpectedly.  she used to cheat on me and then id find out about it years later and i think she just got tired of feeling the shame of it. well that and im a hard one to love.  i can be distant and cold.  i accused her of cheating on me alot too which didnt help.  although.. it wasnt always untrue.

i took that hard.  really hard.  went awol for some years. i did see like 15 countries.  lot a drugs.  slept with more people than i can remember

fast forward some years and im layiny there on the backporchncouch and i decide "im gonna call her"

i called her and couldnt believe she answered.

I told her that I forgave her and I wished her all the best.  I told her that her and her boyfriend made an obvious couple and i wanted them to be happy.

she was speechless.  she started crying and said thank you.

i told her that I wanted to talk to her boyfriend.  He did call me and I said approximately the same thing. His reaction was approximately the same as hers. He said he always knew he would have to talk to me someday but he never expected that.

felt pretty good about that. i think i was still sad. I dreamt about her still. i still had a hard time but i wasnt angry and poisoned.

Fast forward more years and i got attacked one night on new years.  stabbed to death. almost.  stabbed a lot, i will say.  randomly.  stabbed in all my organs and lungs.  when I woke up from a coma I didn't have my phone.  no phone no numbers.  Just the stupid hospital phone.  Hers was the only number I could remember. 

when i called to tell her what happened and ask for some phone contacts of my friends, she said she was also in the hospital.  she said she just had a baby.  i was so happy to hear that. so happy to be alive.  so happy to be anything at all.

the end.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: BeefSupremeJr]
    #28505018 - 10/15/23 01:10 AM (3 months, 12 days ago)

So she cheated and gas lighted you..

You can forgive someone for cheating but you can never forget, and shouldn't.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineBeefSupremeJr
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Re: When your ex moved on [Re: sudly] * 1
    #28505026 - 10/15/23 01:32 AM (3 months, 12 days ago)

theres worse things


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

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Posts: 10,798
Re: When your ex moved on [Re: BeefSupremeJr]
    #28505031 - 10/15/23 02:03 AM (3 months, 12 days ago)

In a relationship maybe physical violence is worse but what else were you thinking?


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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