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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 4
    #28509231 - 10/18/23 09:49 AM (3 months, 9 days ago)

Attachment breeds suffering.

Now this is not to say that I am advocating for complete detachment, but in recognizing this truth, you may be able to focus a partial lens of clarity on your situation.  I recognize individual life circumstances are highly varied, the human social experience can be complicated, especially amidst the associated task of surviving, let alone thriving.

Nevertheless, any time we hinge our sense of personal well being on our attachment to those outside of ourselves, we risk a dependency that has the real potential to destroy us.

I won't tell you to change anything, because those are decisions you must come around to for yourself.  But I would encourage you to practice acceptance of the realities of your situation.  In accepting the complications, the difficulties, the odds, and ultimately the reality of your paradigm, you may find yourself with greater peace of mind even if nothing else has materially changed.  And of course, there is also the option of material change, whatever it may be.  Whether or not you may choose to influence that change, change will always find its way into your experience, as you have already witnessed time and again throughout the aforementioned losses you have endured.

Best of luck to you in finding your footing and comfort in this life, fellow human. :heartpump:


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: geokills] * 1
    #28509251 - 10/18/23 10:15 AM (3 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

geokills said:
Attachment breeds suffering.

Now this is not to say that I am advocating for complete detachment, but in recognizing this truth, you may be able to focus a partial lens of clarity on your situation.  I recognize individual life circumstances are highly varied, the human social experience can be complicated, especially amidst the associated task of surviving, let alone thriving.

Nevertheless, any time we hinge our sense of personal well being on our attachment to those outside of ourselves, we risk a dependency that has the real potential to destroy us.

I won't tell you to change anything, because those are decisions you must come around to for yourself.  But I would encourage you to practice acceptance of the realities of your situation.  In accepting the complications, the difficulties, the odds, and ultimately the reality of your paradigm, you may find yourself with greater peace of mind even if nothing else has materially changed.  And of course, there is also the option of material change, whatever it may be.  Whether or not you may choose to influence that change, change will always find its way into your experience, as you have already witnessed time and again throughout the aforementioned losses you have endured.

Best of luck to you in finding your footing and comfort in this life, fellow human. :heartpump:



Thank you <3 the funny thing is I already realize the only thing I can control in this life is my own happiness and I never used to hinge that on another person ever. Just all the trauma throughout my life has caused me to hang on because of the reasons I mentioned previously.

I am currently working on changing that aspect of myself. It is extremely difficult to change a core aspect of yourself....


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28509252 - 10/18/23 10:16 AM (3 months, 9 days ago)

And seriously, thank you for the responses. It means a lot to me <3


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28509311 - 10/18/23 11:02 AM (3 months, 9 days ago)

Oh, I have also been educating myself as much as possible on her depression and stuff. It has made me realize that I have mistook her symptoms as her not wanting to be with me anymore so I am trying to change my entire perspective and emotions accordingly.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28510740 - 10/19/23 03:44 PM (3 months, 7 days ago)

Boss is letting me leave a couple hours early today cos I'm not ok mentally. It has gotten worse and I think she is about to leave me and I'm doing nothing but trying my literal hardest. It's all so busllshit :'(


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28510753 - 10/19/23 04:03 PM (3 months, 7 days ago)

I understand you're feeling a bit unstable here, so I would advise you to hold off on reading the rest of my writings here until you feel confident in facing some potentially difficult truths to embrace.  I do however believe that if you can see what I am about to say as a genuine truth, you will be better for it and for anyone else in your life, in the long run, on account of it.  Nevertheless, I also understand that a person facing loss or grief may benefit mostly from support in the moment, before considering some of the deeper ramifications of their approach to their situation.  If that is the case, then I wish you nothing but love and encourage you to leave the rest of my response unread until you might feel more ready to be faced with some critical analysis.

Here's the thing about relationships, and I know it probably won't help you feel any better whilst amidst the throes of acute emotional trauma, but the fact of the matter is that relationships are, at minimum, a two party agreement.  If either party, for whatever reason (because ultimately the reason doesn't matter to anyone but the person reasoning it), believes that a relationship isn't worth continuing, then it isn't.

We can feel sorry for ourselves and call it "bullshit", but frankly, it is as fair as fair can be.  We don't get to hold other people accountable for their desire to be with us or otherwise, just as we would never want to be forced to behave in any given way for anyone else.  We do however, get to hold ourself accountable for how we react to others and get on with our life.  Embrace yourself.  Continue to be there for that lady across the pond if you feel the need to, and if you want to try to build/rebuild that connection into something increasingly more intimate, that is certainly your right to pursue.

Just please remember that you aren't going to be doing yourself or anyone else any favors by trying to force things that aren't the reality of the situation.  Let the self-imposed attachment melt away.  You can still be there, you can be kind, you can be a friend.  But if your suspicion that this lady is about to leave you proves to be true, please remember that it is not your fault.  Rather, it is simply her choice, and that is nothing that you can control.

This circles back to a central mantra in my life.  Something I first was told here on the Shroomery 20 some years ago... Don't worry about things you can't control.  It seems overly simplistic, cliche even, but if you make it your truth, the whole experience of life and everything within it becomes orders of magnitude more easy to navigate.  Good luck spirit_shadow.  If you are alive, you are whole.  Don't fall into the trap of letting yourself be defined by your relationship to others.  You are still you.  Be the best you that you can be.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: geokills]
    #28510789 - 10/19/23 04:39 PM (3 months, 7 days ago)

The reason I say it's bullshit is because there has been many consecutive traumas that have been out of my control IN A ROW and this is the last bit of life I have in my life....it just hurts.....


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28510871 - 10/19/23 06:00 PM (3 months, 7 days ago)

Yeah, I get it.  Life seems to be hittin' you with a lot of consecutive struggles.  That sucks and I can understand why you feel hurt.  Although it might be hard to conceive of at the moment, try to remember that life can hit you with some good stuff too!

Ends lead to new beginnings.

Hang tight brother. :heartpump:


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: geokills]
    #28510954 - 10/19/23 07:05 PM (3 months, 7 days ago)

Quote:

geokills said:
Yeah, I get it.  Life seems to be hittin' you with a lot of consecutive struggles.  That sucks and I can understand why you feel hurt.  Although it might be hard to conceive of at the moment, try to remember that life can hit you with some good stuff too!

Ends lead to new beginnings.

Hang tight brother. :heartpump:



I really do count my blessings, I just don't know how not to care about things I can't control.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28511564 - 10/20/23 10:13 AM (3 months, 7 days ago)

My grandmother gave me a Xanax last night and I slept for 10 hours.....I feel a bit better today and I really am taking your advice to heart geokills.


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28511588 - 10/20/23 10:37 AM (3 months, 7 days ago)

Body and mind are inextricably intertwined.  Good call on copping some solid rest! :rockon:

Make sure your diet is up to a good standard and try to get yourself moving a bit as well, even if it's only a simple stroll around the block to catch a little sun on them peepers!  These things can sometimes seem insignificant, and in our most depressive episodes become something we actively neglect, but maintaining our physical baseline health lays the foundation for our mental success.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: geokills]
    #28511593 - 10/20/23 10:42 AM (3 months, 7 days ago)

Quote:

geokills said:
Body and mind are inextricably intertwined.  Good call on copping some solid rest! :rockon:

Make sure your diet is up to a good standard and try to get yourself moving a bit as well, even if it's only a simple stroll around the block to catch a little sun on them peepers!  These things can sometimes seem insignificant, and in our most depressive episodes become something we actively neglect, but maintaining our physical baseline health lays the foundation for our mental success.



Yeah that's another thing....I have not been eating enough and I know it :/  I'm still super active just not eating. I'm using more energy than I am consumming on a daily basis. I just can't manage an appetite even after hours of manual labor :/


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28512685 - 10/21/23 08:31 AM (3 months, 6 days ago)

What I want to do is the emotional equivalent of cutting off one of my arms. I can't do it....Id need somebody to cut it off for me while I close my eyes and turn away :/


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28513226 - 10/21/23 03:56 PM (3 months, 5 days ago)

you're not alone OP. it's been an exhausting few years.

i was finishing grad school when COVID hit. lost my job, twice, but somehow made it through without losing my home. it's been quite a ride and a huge part of me is just.... tired.

i am a couple of years into a new career, which is a good distraction. i'm doing relatively great but the world is changing in ways i've never experienced before.

it's a lot to deal with on top of day to day life. crazy times we're living in.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: millzy] * 2
    #28513919 - 10/22/23 09:39 AM (3 months, 5 days ago)

@geokills, I am working on letting go of unnecessary things in my life. It's really hard but I am really attempting a change. Thank you for your advice. No matter which option I choose working on myself is key so thank you for emphasizing that. All your guys support means a lot <3

Quote:

millzy said:
you're not alone OP. it's been an exhausting few years.

i was finishing grad school when COVID hit. lost my job, twice, but somehow made it through without losing my home. it's been quite a ride and a huge part of me is just.... tired.

i am a couple of years into a new career, which is a good distraction. i'm doing relatively great but the world is changing in ways i've never experienced before.

it's a lot to deal with on top of day to day life. crazy times we're living in.



Hang in there man, you aren't alone <3


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28523182 - 10/30/23 09:26 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

"Being happy with myself" is not working. Money, games, nothing is making me feel better and filling the void of complete loneliness, I miss my fucking family....


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28524147 - 10/31/23 12:41 AM (2 months, 27 days ago)

The thing that bugs me most about your situation here.... is that you guys haven't been able to connect physically for any decent stretch of time.  That's what makes this situation harder to call, for me.  I haven't been through that.  I imagine it'd be a completely different ball game if you 2 were close together physically.  It'd be much easier to call the best shots if you were on same location.  Seems it'd be easier to see and know, one way or the other, which way to go.  Separately or together, the only way to go is onwards, and being at present a kind of aggravating, confusing, saddening mixture of the 2, together and apart at the same time, makes it so much more difficult to call the best way. 

I will say too, that I was in a relationship for 18 years, with a woman who has always been very abused, neglected, sad, and struggling with mental health and drugs in a way that just breaks my heart to see.  When she chose the darkest of dark paths in 2018, and when I got custody of our 4 kids, I never would have guess that now, 5 years later, that we wouldn't be seeing her, kids haven't seen her this whole time, and that she'd stay on that dark strange path instead of work through her issue in order to see the kids.  Of not for me, then for the kids, I thought shed work on herself.  I only say this to illustrate that I am no stranger to loss, rose colored glasses, cognitove dissonance, wanting to help and even save a woman you love.... even having her say for years she loves you and appreciates your patience and love of her.... but nothing I could do was enough, and I finally had to admit that.  Now after this 5 yr has passed, I feel a lot better about our situation, but am battling my own mental health and inadequacies, job unhappiness, strife, loss of family, and stress from this insane world.  I've lost 30lbs since 2020 started, but finally started making sure to eat at least on lunch at work, and then some of dinner most nights. Just don't have much appetite... I really relate a lot to what you've said above, in my own version.  I'm struggling.  I'm a sad person I think.  But again, your situation, with the distance.... makes it impossible for me to say any which way is good or bad. Things would be different if you were together, and I know you've said that is a big challenge that you're working on.  I can only imagine the frustration and sense of unfairness, and being a type not to play victim willingly, or even perceive of oneself as such, makes you want to banish the word "fair/unfair" from the vocab.... but yet still the sense resides. As well as the ever ticking clock, and the feeling of her slipping away from afar.  The last years spent planning togetherness, and the prospect of this not to be taunting you, even trying to make you believe this was a failing on your part. 

One thing I know - if this love from her
end dwindles and slips away before you are able to make it out there to warm the souls and kindle the flames, please friend do not consider this a failure on your part, and thusly beat yourself up over it.  That would be unjust to yourself, for a man who can love and seek to protect from afar is not lacking in any merit or ability so much as it is the wheels of fate and time teaching us the lessons and bringing us our custom flavors of pain and loss.  We cannot beat ourselves up, because surely as the love and desire slips from one set of circumstances, it will or would have slipped from another.  She can't be expected to wait forever, but she must understand your struggles, of she deserves you who would struggle for her.  Just don't let yourself convince yourself of negative self worth, dictated by her feelings for you, or her own mental sadness that you are drawn to remedy.  I'm not saying you are.... probably 80% of what I wrote is really from me to me.... and I thank you for the thought provoking messages you wrote and brought out from others.

Its times like these when I must remind myself, and encourage others to remember:  I have someone's dream life.  Someone out there would kill and die for the life I have, even amidst all my struggles and pain, and I think that goes for many of us. 

Anyway man, I do wish you the best.  I personally find a lot of comfort in prayer, my own version of such, a sort of emitting thankfulness and appreciation for strength to endure struggle and hardship, thankfulness of life and experiences, and opportunity and potential - and the acceptance that I will fall short at times and get behind, but that I can control my steps and get better and go further in time.  I think many here do not find use in this kind of thing,  and not knowing where you stand spiritually, and without me even suggesting this way for you, I can just say that for me it has helped very much. 

Thinking and hoping for your best friend.  I don't come in here often but I always seem to come across some familiar faces when I do, and am very thankful for that familiarity and thought provoking words since i too have few to none in the department of people I can talk about these things with. 

We are living in a crazy time friend. With all the words and sense/nonsense it may/may not have made, one thing is certain - we must MUST take care of and value ourselves.  We are worth it.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #28524343 - 10/31/23 08:06 AM (2 months, 27 days ago)

Thank you, I'm sorry things have been shitty for you too. It's just so much that I actually feel sick.....id much rather just stop existing at this point.


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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28524352 - 10/31/23 08:17 AM (2 months, 27 days ago)

The only reason I haven't already gone and just laid down on the tracks  is because if I did there is 4 people it would destroy and I can't do that to them.....


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