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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Emotional Exhaustion * 2
    #28493771 - 10/05/23 08:43 PM (3 months, 21 days ago)

I don't really expect a response I just need to vent...

I'll try to condense it down. Long story short, I was about to move to the uk to be with my love as we have been together over a decade(she has been here many times but I could never go there as I was taking care of a dying family member), then covid hit and fucked up the travel plans, THEN multiple people closest to me in my family died including my father which I had to deal with alone.

Also, I have previous experience with being cheated on which severely damaged my trust(which I have majorly worked on) but being so far away and alone and for so long, when my girl would talk about things I would get jealous, I don't anymore but she still holds that over me and uses that as an excuse to be cold to me.


All I fucking want is my companion to show love back. I have gotten to the point where I'm about to just say fuck everything. None of this is worth it anymore.


A new companion/family would not work. I don't view people as objects. I can not replace the people I have gained which took a lifetime to gain . So I am just stuck in this hellish loop of me taking the coldness and dealing with everything while no/barely any love is shown....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Registered: 03/01/05
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 5
    #28493916 - 10/05/23 09:52 PM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:

I have gotten to the point where I'm about to just say fuck everything. None of this is worth it anymore.




bro i get it, i've been there, just hang on, it's amazing how shit can change

i know i ain't you and nobody knows the future so i can't promise you things will get better but on the flip side you don't know they wont

i was really close to blowing my fucking brains out and now i'm happy af

anyway even though you said you didn't want any replies i still respect you for posting it because that's real shit /

people die people come in and out of our lives people become emotionally distant

but dude new people come in too and they're not replacements they're new chaptors and the connections aren't the same - they might be better or worse but they'll be different and new and where you're at now will fade and a new day will dawn

anyway i wish you the best - even if i'm just words on a screen i'm also a real person that cares so just hang in there don't do anything crazy and let time do its thing


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


Edited by TheFakeSunRa (10/05/23 09:53 PM)


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: TheFakeSunRa] * 2
    #28493934 - 10/05/23 10:08 PM (3 months, 21 days ago)

I appreciate your response. I understand about the new connections and I have made a few new friends but when it comes to my companion that can not be replaced. We have been through so much together and formed a strong bond. She has mental issues as well(like anxiety and depression) which also makes everything so much harder because I know it's not her fault but I still suffer.

It's like what I need annoys her and her mental stuff causes me pain from the lack of showing the kind of emotion I need....it's one of those scenarios where it's nobody's fault, it's just a very very shitty situation....which has been my entire life. I don't like complaining about it but I have never caught a break even once in my life. It has been one dark moment after the next ever since I can remember....sure there were short breaks in between all the bad shit but if I had to put it into numbers I would say a solid 80% has been complete bullshit.

It's almost funny.


Edit: Literally every single person that was the closest to me in this life has died and I even watched it happen with a couple of them with my own eyes....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Edited by spirit_shadow (10/05/23 10:11 PM)


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 2
    #28494033 - 10/06/23 12:36 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

si=t2YQ4jEiN6xxWUXz

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time

Quote:

  Literally every single person that was the closest to me in this life has died and I even watched it happen with a couple of them with my own eyes....




i'm sorry man - i feel like i've had more than my share of deaths but not that many

it's was way back but one of best friends that i loved so dearly killed himself

man i was fucking gutted - still makes me sad - ungetoverable

i had another friend murdered

another suicide - overdoses - other shit

my parents

honestly reading helps me a lot


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Invisiblecubedryeguy
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Posts: 536
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 3
    #28494061 - 10/06/23 01:39 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Suffering. It’s something humanity shares on a whole with varying degrees in each life and set of circumstances. It also is the greatest teacher and eventually leads to growth. A relationship will inevitably bring plenty of those lessons. Death of our love ones, even more so.

Nobody can say what’s best for you or your relationship. Educated guesses at best. You’re obviously going through some lessons right now whether it’s learning what situations cause different emotional responses within your body, how you react to those emotional responses, learning what the best responses are to those situations, identifying your recurring thought patterns such as when you were dealing with jealous emotions and etc. Whether your current relationship continues or not all of these lessons that you learn will start to make you into the person that you ultimately want to be. But you’re already that hero right now so quit hiding him and start acting like him.  You absolutely got this.

As far as the death part goes my own experience has been strengthening my sense of spirituality and what that means to me. When I get ‘serious’ about it the experiences I have are like little sign posts comforting me along the way no matter how terrifying life gets.

If you are not already doing so my recommendation would be to start a disciplined meditation schedule.

Last but not least big hug to you buddy. We’re all with you and you with us. We got this.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 3
    #28494077 - 10/06/23 02:52 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Not gonna offer advice OP, just letting you know you're heard. Life gets pretty hard sometimes. Maybe this thread'll get bumped in 10 years and we'll all be trading recipes and posting pictures of our future GMO space weed.

Sending you a hug and/or heartfelt elbow bump

:heart:


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If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: jack_straw2208] * 2
    #28494191 - 10/06/23 08:00 AM (3 months, 21 days ago)

Thank you all <3


It's just really hard to get out of this head space.


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28495806 - 10/07/23 07:38 PM (3 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said: Also, I have previous experience with being cheated on which severely damaged my trust(which I have majorly worked on) but being so far away and alone and for so long, when my girl would talk about things I would get jealous, I don't anymore but she still holds that over me and uses that as an excuse to be cold to me.




Focusing specifically on this part, if it's long distance it's probably not destined to work. Hek, further than 45 minutes travel time can strain a relation. I don't know if that's relevant to your case.

Sometimes people want to make their partner jealous to feel a sense of being wanted. I think trying to make other people jealous is an insecure behaviour that takes a lot of experience to grow out of.

Not getting jealous is a fine skill to have, and it can show trust in your partner.

I once had an ex bring up things to make me jealous but it ended after I told her I wasn't jealous, just annoyed that she was trying to make me jealous. Things went pretty well after that actually.

People get better at communicating as they age and grow, and cheating is often a symptom of poor communication skills by the perpetrator.

I don't know how she might be holding some of your past jealous over you, but if you're actually over them it should come more naturally to joke about them.

I think that going through the experience of being cheated on can lead to strong boundaries and better recognition of red flags in relationship as well as the importance of open and honest communication. It just means you start looking for people you can find mutual respect in.

If she's holding past jealousy over you, maybe you just have to show her you're not jealous by joking about how you were but you trust her and are comfortable now.

But jealousy isn't envy, envy is fomo and that is not the same as jealousy.

A fear of missing out, in my experience is countered by compersion. So if she's going to the movies with a friend you can be happy for her etc.

If she wants to go to the movies with an ex bf or something suss, then that's what boundaries, open communication, and self respect are for.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: sudly] * 1
    #28495810 - 10/07/23 07:44 PM (3 months, 19 days ago)

That was a really good read, thank you <3

We have been together for well over a decade and we do have trust and are on the same page. It's more that I'm jealous that I can't be there in that moment if that makes sense? Either way I know it is irrational and I have done major work on myself and have gotten past that. She is just a fragile being is all and I truly belive she is the person I want to spend my life with in which case I'm willing to go through hell and I can't guerentee I'll survive the journey but if I can make it I know for a fact it will all be worth it....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28499728 - 10/11/23 07:39 AM (3 months, 16 days ago)

I wish I was like other humans, I wish my entire life was controlled by sex like everyone else. It would make it easy to cut her out of my life because I am still getting treated like garbage.....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28500145 - 10/11/23 01:35 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

I hear you brotha, I'm glad you're you, you are who and where you're supposed to be. One love!


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If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #28505884 - 10/15/23 06:23 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

It's getting worse. I am doing nothing but being accommodating and I still don't get affection, in fact I get the opposite. Blamed for suffocating just for wanting basic fucking affection. I'm so done with this life. I could take it if it was just this one issue but it has LITERALLY been shit on this scale one after the other for YEARS and I'm about to my limit on bullshit I can take....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #28505888 - 10/15/23 06:25 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

I ended my last relationship because I felt there was poor communication and differing goals between us.

I'm less stressed not having to walk on egg shells and be the emotional support of someone else.

While I can be caring for other people and try what I will, I don't want to be responsible for the emotional security of another person at the cost of my own true happiness, and maybe you don't either.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: sudly]
    #28505944 - 10/15/23 07:14 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

Quote:

sudly said:
I ended my last relationship because I felt there was poor communication and differing goals between us.

I'm less stressed not having to walk on egg shells and be the emotional support of someone else.

While I can be caring for other people and try what I will, I don't want to be responsible for the emotional security of another person at the cost of my own true happiness, and maybe you don't either.



That's the thing. I wish I could cut my feelings our but I can't. She means the world to me and I know it's not her fault which is the worst part....nothing in my life has ever been I my control and I just had to take everything life had to throw straight in the face. And now it seems that also applies to my relationship....it sucks because I can't blame her because it part of her depression....without a target I can't properly unload...


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28505945 - 10/15/23 07:16 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

Whenever I try to explain this it is ALWAYS taken as me saying she is the problem and she I'd ready to back out. It's part of her mental issues I know but it is just hell for me and I don't want ro give up something that is precious to me even if I Jake to get dragged through hell....I just had to vent and get others perspectives so seriously, thank you to anyone who replies <3


Edit: you guys are really the only people I have left to talk to on any given day...


--------------------
ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Edited by spirit_shadow (10/15/23 07:29 PM)


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow] * 2
    #28505978 - 10/15/23 07:47 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

No you're right, I was in love for 5 years and I still care dearly for my ex. I just recognised that I was becoming more independent in life and that I wasn't treating her as affectionately as I once did to my own occur. I was in love, I enjoyed her company and being so much, I have no regrets, it was the best time of my life being with her. We did so much together and had so many good times, I can never forget her or how I felt for her at the time. But as time went on, and 5 years had passed, I knew we weren't happy anymore, we weren't very experienced with relationships and still had a lot of practice to do before we were able to both communicate ourselves with eachother in a comfortable and understanding environment where none of us feel upset or negatively judged for our actions and decisions.

I had never entertained the idea of cheating on her throughout the 5 years we were together, and I trusted her immensely and still do. She's bright, and beautiful and talented, and I know she's capable of doing well in life.

I fell out of love with someone because I grew in a different life direction to her. I wanted what I wanted in life, and I didn't want to keep trying to live up to the expectations of being responsible for the emotional security of another person other than my own. I started to think that the relationship was feeling draining, and that my partner at the time had recognised this in me.

I think I can say it now clearly, but even then we both understood some things about eachother, and I wish her nothing but the best in life and I absolutely believe she's capable of achieving great things. I'm happy for her.

And I'm happier for myself, and I think we can both acknowledge it was the right thing to do.

I haven't contacted her in 9 months, but I didn't block her on any social media.

I don't react to her images but neither of us post that often. It's nothing in your face, it's just this is what we're like.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: sudly]
    #28506038 - 10/15/23 08:28 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

That is sad. I'm happy for you but sad because I hope that doesn't happen in my case. I haven't even got a fucking CHANCE to have a normal life with her yet. I would feel robbed on the deepest level if it were to end after putting literally everything I have into getting to her....


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ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28506149 - 10/15/23 09:53 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

I already lost the love of my life once before, but that didn't end on such a positive note. I had the rose tinted glasses on tight  my man. but kids solidify it so there's no going back.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: sudly]
    #28506157 - 10/15/23 10:04 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

Quote:

sudly said:
I already lost the love of my life once before, but that didn't end on such a positive note. I had the rose tinted glasses on tight  my man. but kids solidify it so there's no going back.



I have those bitches surgically implanted...I know the capacity is there so it is not impossible which is why I'm betting my entire being on it. Most people would leave and "feel better" but I would not feel better and in fact would be completely worse. She is the last person from the group of people closest to me in life that has all died. She is literally the only living connection I have left to my past and the people I miss dearly and I would rather die than to lose that....


--------------------
ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Emotional Exhaustion [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #28506160 - 10/15/23 10:06 PM (3 months, 11 days ago)

You're that scared of being alone?


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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