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Ptob_B
Stranger
Registered: 09/04/23
Posts: 1
Last seen: 4 months, 18 days
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[ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks 1
#28458650 - 09/04/23 05:01 PM (4 months, 21 days ago) |
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I am a 22-year-old male living in Germany. I started taking magic mushrooms about 1.5 years ago. The reason why I started was because I read a forum post that stated that magic mushrooms can lower inhibition and help with anxiety.
I have always had social anxiety and I have been suffering from panic attacks since elementary school (fear of death/finality of life). I never went to therapy or took medication because my conservative parents thought only crazy people go to psychiatrists.
The first times I only took microdoses with mixed results but quickly got curious and wanted to try out a macro dosis. My first times on a macro dosis were great, I had pleasant visuals, was euphoric and generally felt very energetic and ready to take on the world. I never felt this good in my life, I was confident and felt this incredible drive to live my life to the fullest. But this feeling was always gone the next day and I started to crave the next high. I didn't start to take mushrooms regularly for the most part.
About 5 months ago I started taking them again after a couple of months without. The first few trips were great but then I had my first bad trip. I was on a normal dose and suddenly got this uncanny feeling that is very hard to describe (exiting reality? / slipping into a parallel universe?) followed by anxiety and panic attacks. It wasn't too bad though so I just took a break for a few weeks and started tripping again.
I don't know what got into me, but one night I decided to take a huge dose and also try out lemon tek for the first time (it was about 10x as much as a high dose). The following trip was beyond awful, terrifying and disturbing. When the shrooms started kicking in I realised I made a huge mistake but it was too late. I started getting the worst anxiety and panic attacks of my life and was slowly slipping away, losing control of my thoughts, getting stuck in time loops and I was kind of warping around. The concept of time and space started to break down nothing made sense anymore and I started to forget who and what I was. I started to realize that my whole life was a lie and didn't exist, that everything I ever experienced was just made up. I also experienced this unbelievable loneliness and thought that I would be stuck in this trip forever. My thoughts started to melt together and I witnessed pure chaos (or entropy?). After I was dead it just felt like I was a clump of matter glowing in the universe (It didn't feel good).
Afterward, I swore myself to never take mushrooms again (1) and I kind of forgot how bad the trip was (probably because it is unimaginable in a sober state). The days and weeks following were the first time I felt this weird disconnect from reality. After some time I don't know what got into me again but I started getting high once more. I had a few good trips but then I had my second ego death trip on a normal dose that I usually just get a pleasant high on. It was somehow even worse than the prior one. Incredible anxiety, panic attacks that lasted forever, existential dread and so on. It also felt like the trip was somehow connected to the prior one which also added fuel to the fire.
I swore myself to never take mushrooms again (2) but started taking them anew. After some pleasant trips, I had a strong and bad one once more. Luckily it wasn't as bad as the prior ones. It was still dreadful but I somehow managed to get through it. I was on the edge of losing it a few times but somehow was able to manage it.
I swore myself to never take mushrooms again (3) (this time for good?)
I went to a psychiatric clinic and was diagnosed with psychosis and depression. The doctor treating me isn't helpful at all. The first time I went there she just repeatedly told me how dumb I was and made me feel even more miserable than I already am. They made a few tests and want to prescribe me some kind of SSRI and get me started on therapy.
Yesterday evening I went for a bike ride. I was riding down this narrow road with trees and bushes along both sides of the road it felt like I wasn't moving and stuck in some time loop again. I had to get off my bike and sit on the ground for a while. After a while, some strangers came along and asked me if I was okay. They kind of anchored me back to reality and they were kind enough to escort me away from this road.
I am a mess and I feel lost. I am confused and not present in reality. Everything feels different and weird and I am generally confused by life itself. I go through an existential crisis basically every day. I quit college last month and moved back in with my parents. Even small things like taking the trash out is a difficult and exhausting task for me. I simply can't manage my life and think clearly. I can't sleep at night and I am anxious all the time.
I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to everyone who has taken the time to read my post up to this point. Your understanding and empathy mean a lot to me.
Now, I'm turning to this community for help, advice, or any shared experiences you may have had. If you've ever faced similar challenges or have valuable insights to offer, please don't hesitate to share. Your words can provide immense comfort and guidance during this difficult time.
Specifically, I'd love to hear:
Any coping strategies or techniques that have helped you manage psychosis, anxiety, or panic attacks.
Recommendations for mental health professionals who specialize in these areas, especially if you've had positive experiences with them.
Personal stories or anecdotes that might shed light on what to expect or how to navigate this journey.
Suggestions for support groups, online communities, or resources that have been beneficial to you or others you know.
Your contributions could make a significant difference in my life, and I'm eager to learn from your wisdom and experiences.
Thank you in advance for your support and kindness.
Warm regards, P. B.
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yoosername
Lab Member


Registered: 03/28/13
Posts: 459
Loc: Terra Fracta
Last seen: 8 minutes, 9 seconds
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: Ptob_B] 1
#28458757 - 09/04/23 06:41 PM (4 months, 21 days ago) |
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It takes time, you have to let your mind recover. Do what you can to start a routine, and keep with it. That will help pass the days, and keep you active.
I'd also try a variety of neuroprotective and adaptogenic supplements. For psychosis, broccoli sprouts are a good one to take daily. I also like ginseng, schisandra, reishi, lithium orotate, and n-acetyl cysteine.
Eat well and healthy, get plenty of exercise and sleep, and find your way into a routine that helps you maintain your health and sanity. You don't need to sprint, take baby steps until you get your footing.
I was poisoned with mercury about 5 years ago, which left me with a permanent psychosis. Shit sucks to deal with, but it's not impossible to overcome.
-------------------- O son of Kunti, I am the taste of water, the light of the sun and the moon, the syllable om in the Vedic mantras; I am the sound in ether and ability in man.
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CreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: yoosername]
#28471003 - 09/16/23 10:56 AM (4 months, 10 days ago) |
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Hello, OP. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I do have a few suggestions.
First a general piece of advice: you need to have a mindset of recovery. This was a brain injury, even if it is psychological. Your brain needs to start rebuilidng connections, so you need to rest, surround yourself with good things, be patient and slowly build up your capacitiy again. With some trauma the brain cells recover, and with other traumas the brain has to make new cells to do the same things; it can take a long time to relearn basic things. However, I think your outcome will be good since it is clear you are taking active steps to improve your health. I think if you keep the mind active and keep up hope, your brain will do its thing and fix itself. It may take a while, but bear with yourself, and give yourself some grace.
I'm really glad to hear that you're pursuing therapy, but I think you might want to switch providers. Look into what options are available under your insurance, whatever it is. The most important aspect of the therapist-patient relationship is mutual respect. If you feel that your therapist was unduly blaming you or calling you 'dumb', it just won't work in any way that will make you better. You have to be able to tell your therapist as much as possible; do you think you'd be able to do so with a doctor that finds you dumb? And further, she wants to prescribe you SSRIs, which may work or it may not, but do you think she'd listen if you had some kind of problem with them and needed to adjust? A doctor that doesn't respect their patient is not much of a help at all.
Not all psychiatrists are like that. I recommend you keep looking around. You may need to find a different person who gives you therapy vs manages your medications. I think talk therapy should be a bigger priority for you, but you should also consult a doctor that can prescribe medication as well (some therapists can't).
What you said doesn't sound like psychosis to me - I'm not a doctor, but the reason I say that is psychosis usually involves delusions and unusual/uncontrolled behaivor. You don't really in your post describe moments of beliving things that are completely untrue, as is common with delusional psychosis. What you said, to me, sounds like depersonalization/derealization. It sounds like you're experiencing moments in which you lose your sense of reality and can no longer find your footing, feeling lost in your own identity.
I think you should read experiences of 'HPPD'. That is called 'hallucinogen-persisting perception disorder' - it's a name for a rare disease, caused by hallucinogens, in which the same effect one gets on the drug persists for a long time after they've stopped using. It commonly comes along with depersonalization and depression. Your experience seems to fit that, insofar as you have frequent call-backs to experiencing the same thing you did on mushrooms. There is a forum for HPPD sufferers you can peruse (link here), and many articles too.
Some get benefit from a drug called lamotrigine, which slows electrical activity in the brain, and which you might be able to try with the help of a doctor. But again, only do so with careful medical supervision. Some who get HPPD say that SSRIs can make it worse. I can't answer whether they'd help you or not, but it's worth considering that if your problem is in the serotonin receptors, making your brain produce more serotonin has a chance of aggravating the issue. But maybe they'd be the silver bullet for you and help you immensely, who knows. Just be careful with any drug. A lot of people who suffer from HPPD say that drugs of all kinds can worsen their issues. A careful monitoring of side-effects, and stopping if it isn't right, is the best approach to starting medications.
For talk therapy, you may want to consider exploring the psychological reason behind why you took mushrooms even knowing it was causing you such distress. Was it addiction? Maybe you felt like your sense of reality was damaged, and only more mushrooms, paradoxically, could fix it. But it was a destructive cycle, as you're aware. You'll need to use therapy to explore other healthy ways to address your emotions so it doesn't happen again; you can work on strategies to prevent yourself from slipping into the same habit.
It sounds like your injury is primarily to your sense of reality. In that way, it's not unlike what happens with any trauma - a lot of people have been where you are. Someone who gets into a car accident for example, will have to adjust to life with injuries, and relearn living again. You may have to in a sense 'start again'. But invest in yourself and believe in yourself, that you will keep getting better. Since you are aware of where you went wrong and are taking steps to improve it, you'll build your reality back up. You just have to keep plugging.
Edited by CreonAntigone (09/16/23 11:10 AM)
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VeganRights
Sentient Being

Registered: 03/20/18
Posts: 37
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: CreonAntigone]
#28471422 - 09/16/23 05:34 PM (4 months, 9 days ago) |
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Hey man, sorry to hear about your struggles, i feel ya.. i find it a good choice you sharing about it.
Personally, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. These extistential questions.. also struggled with trauma and anxiety and stuff.. jeez.. i can say life can be tough..
Well.. mushrooms.. I feel like they can be therapeutic, but I've also had very difficult experiences on them. I think it's all about dosage & life situation in general feel like. Nowadays, whenever I take shrooms, i just take very little, wait a bit, take a little more, wait a bit.. that way.. it's not too overwhelming. A nice environment, in nature is inspiring I find.
Therapy.. can be helpful imo, but I totally agree, it depends very much on the person. Let's be real, nobody's got life figured out.. there's all kinds of philosophies, religions, cultures, ways of viewing this whole experience of life.
I've visited therapists, and it totally depended on the person. You might wanna check out alternative stuff too (i went to a sweating lodge ceremony, was powerful stuff too).
By the way, sometimes I take kratom, I find it helpful for anxiety. However, it doesn't really fix any underlying issues and it can be addictive, but occasional use i find it to be relieving in some situations.
And yeah, in life, i feel like.. everybody wants to feel well, healthy & happy.
If we look in the animal kingdom, animals also first go after basic stuff, they want safety, food, preservation, and such.
Well, we are ofc a bit more advanced, and i do believe there is more to life than only materialism. But definitely basic needs in order is definitely very valuable & worthwhile, basically pyramyd of maslov stuff..
I also gotten interested more into meditation, where it's being spoken of to let go more of thought & get more in touch with feeling & the experiential.
But yeah, sometimes i also dunno how to navigate things, kind of have to go with intuition I guess.. sometimes i find it can be complicated. But the teaching that life cannot really be comprehended by thought or concept.. and meditation is to allow to get more into kind of flow feeling i guess. So that's what I'm also practising, cuz i've been a hugee overthinker.
But definitely, healthy lifestyle, good food, good night's rest, and all those things I find very helpful. Finances in order.. love.. well.. life is a broad thing right. We want to create harmony in our lives, and sometimes I also struggle with different areas.
So, I just try to take it easy.. and go with what feels natural, nature was here long before us, i believe, so there should definitely be significance in the natural. At least there has to be a balance in the modern stuff & natural life.
Well.. gl, we're all here on this journey finding our way, i love this community and how it's supportive in sharing viewpoints & experience. Cheers cheers
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Psil-y-nat-y
Don't listen 2 me


Registered: 04/24/23
Posts: 158
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: VeganRights]
#28481324 - 09/24/23 05:55 PM (4 months, 1 day ago) |
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Hey there,
May I ask what you were going to college for?
It sounds like there is a lot more going on in ur life besides just the shrooms. Quitting college and moving back in with the family is a big life change. Positive or negative is up to you.
I feel like you had a type of goal in your mind that you were working towards. Abruptly ending any goal that you had ur mind set on can bring some uncomfortable feelings.
How is your family relationships?
How long were you attending college for?
Did you have friends that you hung out with often?
If yes, do you still hang out with them?
Edited by Psil-y-nat-y (10/02/23 08:42 PM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: Ptob_B]
#28485919 - 09/28/23 03:56 PM (3 months, 28 days ago) |
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Psilocybin is anxiolytic and has an LD-50 that is extremely safe at 2kg of dry material and 20kg of wet material.
If you're anxious about the physical safety it's a misnomer, reflect on the ld-50 to notice this.
Keeping record of the dose is important for assessing what effects to expect. Dry weight is a good calibration.
More than 6g dry is a heroic dose. Etc.
The environment you put yourself in makes a big difference in what anxiety you may feel. Not having responsibilities the next day and not being in public areas while tripping is key. Having the privacy and time to enjoy it reduces anxiety greatly.
Experiencing serendipity under the influence of psilocybin can be a confronting experience and the ambivilance around it can feel unnerving.
When you felt dissociation while riding your bike, if it was the day after taking psilocybin that's normal.
If several days or weeks later, medications like SSRis may lead to feelings of dissociation, or sleep deprivation from sleep apnea. The extreme example, for devils advocate, is hyperactive mental delirium, an effect of serotonin or dopamine syndrome.
These are not common, very unlikely and usually related to specific medications and how they interact.
If you think your anxiety is because of psilocybin I would reflect on the idea that trauma is what didn't happen, and to look at when you've felt that way.
If your concerns are relevant to your philosophical considerations being exposed to an unknown perspective, it depends where you land right now in regard to viewing deities and spiritual entities.
You could interpret experiences in a way not tied to a ground understanding and the related ambivilance can be unnerving.
Small tasks like dishes, picking up your rubbish, cleaning clothes or replacing the cat litter are all simple tasks that are capable of being done with immediate action. They are not more moderate goals that require planning or resource allocation.
In crisis people are able to overcome barriers and apply themselves effectively.
While this is just a practice, it may be useful to be aware of.
80 percent of the effect is often accomplished with 20% of the effort, as described by the Pareto principle.
If you're feeling anger towards an issue in your life that was traumatic (trauma is what didn't happen), that feeling of wanting to make a change is what leads to you making change.
If you are angry enough to make a change, you are capable of harnessing that as a well developed human being. We all are, bar serious disabilities.
Not sleeping at night is another can of worms that can be mediated with a rotation of medications or physical exercise.
Personally I've have a lot of success with gaba meds, real melatonin and neurotropics. Smart drugs. Their medical use varies with country.
I hope some off this comes off as insight but I'm just trying to reflect my personal experiences in a way that tracks what I've learnt from them.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Cynb
Stranger
Registered: 10/01/23
Posts: 1
Last seen: 3 months, 21 days
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Re: [ Help / Advice ] Horror trips, psilocybin-induced psychosis, depression, anxiety, panic attacks [Re: Ptob_B]
#28489190 - 10/01/23 05:57 PM (3 months, 25 days ago) |
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Hello, I just wanted to reassure you that you are not the only one. My, I suffer from CPTSD and I have been in therapy relentlessly for 20 years. I have try SSRIS, It was the worst thing they could have ever done to me, I Try TMS therapy and currently I am on Ketamine therapy intra muscular. I have a regular therapist I meet weekly and a psychedelic informed one to. SOME OF US ARE JUST MORE SENSIBLE TO CHEMICALS. I DO NOT experience welling everytime during Ketamine or psilocybin as a matter of fact invasive thoughts, traumatic insisting thinking, low self esteem, loss, you name it! All comes to the surface and can terrorize me. What it happened that was so life changing is a very loving experience I felt towards my self ( with K and psilocybin) only twice AT A VERY LOW DOSE. I as for K to be 60 mg only ans psilocybin micro ONLY and even like that it takes you wherever it takes you. So 1) TRAUMA INFORMED THERAPY may be a must for you or 2) psychedelic therapist one with a lot of experience 3) naturally you can take together with micro dose l theanine , aswaghanda, lions main. This is the number one mistake I see on anyone who Try ANY chemicals INCLUDING SSRIS, THEY WANT TO BY PASS PSYCHOLOGIC/ psychotherapy WORK with chemicals. IT doesn't work that way, it brings everything up and you need the support of an experienced profession to take advantage of ALL THAT SHOWS UP FOR YOU to HEAL IT.Respect yourself of how sensible your body is and advocate for the support you deserve. 💜
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