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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Trauma is what didn't happen.
    #28486019 - 09/28/23 05:44 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

Some lessons can not be taught, because they have to be experienced.

So how do you teach someone to learn from trauma?

One approach would be to tell the person to think about the idea of trauma being what didn't happen.

To try and help people recognise where their trauma might be coming from. To help them recognise that their trauma could be coming from what didn't happen in the experience of a given personal situation that they are still clinging on to and thinking about. When a concern over what didn't happen becomes an obsession. That person may benefit from being told to recognise what they were obsessing over. To provide them with a ground understanding of the events that didn't take place in their traumatic experiences.

Just recognising what trauma is might be a key to overcoming it. To be able to recognise the idea that trauma is what didn't happen.



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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28486070 - 09/28/23 06:39 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

My trauma is what didn't happen.

I wasn't the cricket hero I wanted to be.


Can I convert money into time, and time into money again? I think so.

I do it all the time.

My time is my money and my money is my time. I value them both and claim value as the constant between them.

And if that constant has infinite value, or a large number like a google, then maybe I can figure out how to better assess the value and productivity of my personal behaviour.

Because if money can be converted into time, and they share a constant of infinite or exceeding value, then m =tv^2

Where are the socialites to scald the man thinking on his own at home alone with a cat. With time to splunder.

I'm someone weird enough to claim time can be converted into money and vice versa as a serious theoretical proposal..



I think that a broader perspective on time and money can come from recognising and being aware of how money and time are relevant to your actions and behaviours.

To begin reflecting the idea that trauma is what didn't happen, be it financial, from relationships or sporting experiences in youth.

And I think I figured out how to roughly calculate the conversion of time to money.

If I were an artist I could value my pieces more accurately.

This is $25 of raw sapphire on the left against 3 hours of work on the right.







Edited by sudly (09/28/23 07:01 PM)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28486170 - 09/28/23 07:50 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

this thread seems really stoned.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28486182 - 09/28/23 08:12 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

That was a good lapidary pun.

This is an attempt to summarise the value of a recent crisis in future aspirations. Future aspirations I have reseeded.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28486430 - 09/29/23 05:25 AM (3 months, 28 days ago)

my hairline receded quite a bit, so I now use a Philips hair trimmer and I look like a monk 4 days out of the barber.

letting go of the grass of ignorance is a huge relief.


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OnlineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28486467 - 09/29/23 07:14 AM (3 months, 28 days ago)

I always appreciate a good lapidary pun.

Quote:

sudly said:

To try and help people recognise where their trauma might be coming from. To help them recognise that their trauma could be coming from what didn't happen in the experience of a given personal situation that they are still clinging on to and thinking about. When a concern over what didn't happen becomes an obsession. That person may benefit from being told to recognise what they were obsessing over. To provide them with a ground understanding of the events that didn't take place in their traumatic experiences.

Just recognising what trauma is might be a key to overcoming it. To be able to recognise the idea that trauma is what didn't happen.




The mind seems to hyper-focus on certain deficits and deficiencies, such as the damages caused by parental neglect.  The obsession can last a lifetime.  But I suspect that's not the concept you are referring to when you say the "trauma is what didn't happen".  Unsure what you mean by this.


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28486722 - 09/29/23 12:22 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

I think he means important goals not achieved.

I should have been a billionaire by now and I'm not happy about it!


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rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: Rahz]
    #28486740 - 09/29/23 12:58 PM (3 months, 28 days ago)

Quote:

Rahz said:
I think he means important goals not achieved.

I should have been a billionaire by now and I'm not happy about it!



I have spent too much time driving.
I am trying to make up for all the time I spent without being stoned.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: Rahz]
    #28486914 - 09/29/23 05:17 PM (3 months, 27 days ago)

Quote:

Rahz said:
I think he means important goals not achieved.

I should have been a billionaire by now and I'm not happy about it!




If you weren't physically hurt and the trauma isn't something that actually put your health at risk, the likelihood of the trauma being what didn't happen seems plausible to me. I think that recognising the source of trauma in the eyes of what didn't happen can be helpful.

Acknowledging unmet expectations and addressing the emotions attached to those experiences can be a significant step forward to overcoming trauma.

It's about acknowledging the pain, understanding its source, and finding ways to heal and move forward.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28487292 - 09/30/23 02:04 AM (3 months, 27 days ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
Quote:

Rahz said:
I think he means important goals not achieved.

I should have been a billionaire by now and I'm not happy about it!



I have spent too much time driving.
I am trying to make up for all the time I spent without being stoned.




"trauma is what didn't happen," captures the idea that unfulfilled expectations or experiences can leave a lasting emotional impact, contributing to trauma.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28487441 - 09/30/23 07:21 AM (3 months, 27 days ago)

orientation or disposition  is a word i might use to replace trauma here


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: My trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28488259 - 09/30/23 09:25 PM (3 months, 26 days ago)

Well, there are orientations and dispositions I have that I now perceive as a kind of emotional turmoil or ambivilance based trauma influenced by my behaviour of holding on to negative interpretations of what didn't happen during pivotal life experiences.

Like what could have happened, and what would have happened if..

But now I'm starting to recognise that thinking about what didn't happen as a reflection of what didn't happen during my experiences has helped me to more easily pinpoint the likely origin of my upset dispositions.

I have reoriented my disposition on the matter. Like how I overcame feelings of what I thought were envy with recognition of fomo in relations and being able to experience compersion for those I've dated.

So instead of thinking about what didn't happen, I've found it's good to think about what can happen next too.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: My trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28488276 - 09/30/23 09:52 PM (3 months, 26 days ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said: The mind seems to hyper-focus on certain deficits and deficiencies, such as the damages caused by parental neglect.  The obsession can last a lifetime.  But I suspect that's not the concept you are referring to when you say the "trauma is what didn't happen".  Unsure what you mean by this.




Focusing on certain deficits or deficiencies can be productive to some extent I think.

Because when taking personal responsibility, as I do, I don't fear it. I don't fear from taking personal responsibility in life, I do it all the time.

I'm taking back responsibility for my life from the idea that it was the expectations of other people I was trying or wanting to live up to. The reflection is that I didn't want to live up to their expectations, I was forced into a high payoff gamble with low odds that didn't pay off as I hoped at the time it would be.

I didn't expect to be put in the position of a lynchpin to victory, but I was, and we didn't win.

What didn't happen is that my dad wasn't there when I got back to the stands.

That's the sorrow I feel over the situation. At one point I thought about living up to what I thought were my dad's expectations, but clearly they were none and he told me as much.

He didn't tell me he was a dad, he was my dad for sure, but in no way a dad.

Some of my hangups are about what didn't happen, and I didn't grow up with a real father figure. I learnt a lot about the natural world from documentaries when I was younger.

I grew up with figures like David Attenborough and Steve Irwin.

I didn't really think about parental neglect till now, but I feel it, I think it also influences my disposition on not wanting kids but it's because I don't want to be a dad either.

My father lives a wealthy life of exorbitant travel and business.

I don't expect anything from I'm, but he did show up from the other side of the world when I went to hospital a few years ago.

He might visit Australia once a year or two, and although I get along with him, I don't want to be too involved as I don't like the experience of seeing someone off as the airport you don't know if you'll see again for several years.

In last saw him at our grandmother's funeral. I went on a road trip afterwards.

It can be hard for me at times to form emotions around a relative you have to detach from.

When someone comes into and out of your life at pivotal moments then is gone for every other.

I've learnt the habit of taking my own direction more often. And having the competency to do prepare for, plan, and do it.

From my experience so far I still think this concept of 'trauma' being what didn't happen, has some merit to it to be explored.

An attempt to help people struggling with specific events in their lives to be able to recognise the difference between their emotions, and the events that took place in their memory.

I'm just thinking about the differences between the emotions I have, the events that took place, and what I thought could happen at the time, against what did happen, and how the events unfolded.

And even thought refinement continues, the idea captivates me.

I find solace in my recognition and my acceptance that what didn't happen is a memory from over a decade ago. I can reflect well on an experience from over a decade ago that focuses on what expectations I had at the time that weren't met by my experiences.

I was upset because I didn't have the support of a father figure at a time where I felt I needed it most.

I was upset because of what didn't happen, and I think this translates to other experiences in life.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
Re: Trauma is what didn't happen. [Re: sudly]
    #28488308 - 09/30/23 11:02 PM (3 months, 26 days ago)

Tldr: dad issues


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