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Big_Dub
I'm just some guy



Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 2,639
Loc: Los Angeles
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mania + depression
#28480971 - 09/24/23 12:33 PM (4 months, 2 days ago) |
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For a longtime (starting as a teen) I smoked weed, drank booze, and took lots of psychedelics bc I was depressed. I tried engaging in lots of hobbies like skateboarding and guitar. But I'd always go through cycles of depression and happiness.
I was hallways highly functioning, so it was easy to be reckless with, in particular, psychedelic and weed usage. But I knew I needed to stop, deep down.
Now over the past 2 years I've smoked weed like 5 times, taken lsd twice, and probably had less than 20 beers. I even started to exercise regularly. I have a house to live in, fridge full of food, and a nice job. The only thing I wish I had was like a girlfriend, but the past few girls I talked to over the years weren't ready for anything serious.
But no matter what I just always revert to depression. I'll have like 4 weeks where I am so productive, and life is beautiful. Then I just wake up one day and want to die.
I probably have manic depressive disorder. Idk man
-------------------- split_by_nine said: click me you fuck do the right thing
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Kryptos
Stranger

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Re: mania + depression [Re: Big_Dub]
#28481120 - 09/24/23 02:36 PM (4 months, 1 day ago) |
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I don't think it ever goes away.
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
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Re: mania + depression [Re: Kryptos] 1
#28482480 - 09/25/23 02:53 PM (4 months, 23 hours ago) |
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I've had a pretty similar experience as you Big_Dub. Tried to medicate the cyclical depression away and just ended up wasting so much of my life's potential. At least you've jumped out of the wasted life cycle relatively early and you're not old and still drinking booze, smoking weed and feeling lost.
Like you I considered it likely that I was manic depressive as well. But I've since come to realise that the human psyche is cyclical. That that is a normal thing, but dealing with negative mood is a skill that I didn't learn from my parents. They were/are emotional retards (despite being very nice people) and it is up to me to learn coping mechanisms on how to deal with life's ups and downs. If you watch around you closely on how other people are you will see over time everyone is going through the same thing. The only ones who escape this is children. The joys of childhood. But once they hit puberty they turn into moody bastards just like the rest of us.
I've found that there are warning signs to the depressive cycles and with a little presence of mind I am able to recognise it coming and potentially even mitigate it. For me what has helped more than anything (after quitting booze and weed) is Wing Chun. It forces me to be calm and focused. When I'm in "that place" and everything goes quiet I can feel the undercurrents of my mood far more clearly. I head off the depressive cycle witn LSD, which leaves me with a mood elevation for 4-6 weeks. It's not an overwhelming positive, not a mania, but a general feeling that I am aware of when I force calm. There's a lot of studies starting to show mushrooms have this same effect. But there's no half measure. You gotta jump in feet first and eat 4g, and do it when it matters, if you want that sort of benefit. It's hard to overcome the hesitance when a dark mood is coming as you know already. It seems disingenuous and contrary to popular mindset advice too. But if you think about it your set is still just fine, everything is okay, it's just a mood that isn't even on you yet.
Anyhow, you're not alone man. You can learn coping mechanisms and self awareness that will make this easier to deal with. You are in control and there is a way. My way of dealing with it might not be the best way for you, but mindfulness is the key to understanding how you feel and will lead you to your best way.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Big_Dub
I'm just some guy



Registered: 01/12/11
Posts: 2,639
Loc: Los Angeles
Last seen: 17 minutes, 5 seconds
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Thank you for the thoughtful response.
I am hesitant to do psychedelics right now, not for any particular reason but idk man the vibes are off haha
I've had nothing but positive experiences from mush and lsd. No matter the dose, but I feel like it's a crutch (?) For just dealing with this stuff. That's the message I kept on getting when I'd trip.
-------------------- split_by_nine said: click me you fuck do the right thing
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,137
Loc: FNQ
Last seen: 7 hours, 3 minutes
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Re: mania + depression [Re: Big_Dub]
#28482925 - 09/25/23 07:53 PM (4 months, 18 hours ago) |
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Maybe there's a line between healthy use and abuse. If you go to a doctor and talk about this the first thing they will do is pull out a pad and try to get you to medicate daily. Really all that's telling you is that they don't understand and have a default mode for that.
I don't trip that much these last years, between maybe 6 and 0 times a year. Sometimes I've left it so long though and I'm stuck in this fucking rut that I don't know how to get out of mentally, then I force myself to trip despite not really wanting to that much, and the relief is palpable. I wonder why I dragged it out for so long and made myself suffer unnecessarily when I always knew what the "cure" was.
I'm not trying to tell you that your vibes are wrong though. If the message you're getting is don't trip you're your own best advisor, just chucking it out there that maybe if you look at and approach the substance as a medicine rather than a recreational substance it's a different sort of relationship.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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