First post, I did omit sequence breaking moments from these notes. at about hour 3-5, I start to have some bad trip energy as you can see. The wife took me on a drive through the mountains, so it ended okay. enjoy!
Notes from 8/28/23, LSD - 2 hits (roughly 250 micrograms)
How can you convey to the world that you are not fucking around? take all pursuits to obsessiveness. (1 hour)
The world holds onto expectation like a crutch, and I seek to disrupt expectations. The quiet man becomes the loudest, the most docile becomes feral, the most predictable becomes dangerous. (1.5 hours)
the cunning of a man not to be measured by his actual wits but how long he ponders the same question until he is a master of all of its qualities. (2 hours)
unseen to most, the constant and unstable conflict between myselves, instinctual animal- driven shamelessly by impulses. the raw reaction of neural chemicals, this beast claws at the stoic witness who catalogues and pontificates and lectures and critiques me. (3 hours)
to whom do I owe my surrender? to whose authority do I answer? I never asked to participate- and I might corrupt absolutely. (3.5 hours)
lashed to this slave post of needs, hunger, thirst, sex, and I am punished for and by these things. how escape might result in chaos, each thought away from the physical is a rung out of the abyss of biology.(4 hours)
I fight on the side of those like me, kings of loss. they may not know how much I have felt what they have felt. their hunger was once mine. my eyes see many sins- knowing I am fallible. My enemy believes he is righteous- and fate blesses him with delayed karma, and I watch with rage as I am held to account immediately. I have become my victims, from guilt, from empathy, from shame. Those who do not share the pain of their victims are truly evil. (4.5 hours)
I am forcing myself to write as if I am relieving an abscess. These poisons I have consumed, unyielding hatred. A lumbering sentinel, who wishes he could be awakened so he may lustfully pursue uninhibited brutality. is the really in me? (5 hours)
|
do the timings mean that far into the trip? quite a bit of poetic ratiocinating, did you also have time to enjoy the oceanic sensations?
I find this a bit inside out Quote:
The world holds onto expectation like a crutch, and I seek to disrupt expectations.
generally I would say that what is familiar is perceivable or recognize-able, and what is not recognize-able may become so once experienced or learned, but experiencing new things is challenging or can be disruptive.
so as we navigate our way, each familiar thing reflexively guides us to what we seek. and the unexpected is a kind of obstacle course.
probably you want to be more relaxed when faced with the unexpected, but you phrase it as if you are doing battle with others and not with your own nature, and you want to bravely be the unsettling thing.
--------------------
_ 🧠_
|