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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Registered: 02/09/20
Posts: 47
Last seen: 23 days, 22 hours
Living Alone Happily
    #28458763 - 09/04/23 06:56 PM (4 months, 22 days ago)

Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?


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OfflineAspectOfTheCreator
Mastering the Art of Success
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Registered: 12/07/22
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28458792 - 09/04/23 07:29 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

Ive been alone off and on all my life. I feel the opposite from you though. I feel like everyone else is crazy. Most relationships that I actually get to see the inner workings of are super dysfunctional. People so insecure and afraid to be by themselves they stay in these shitty relationships plagued by addiction, codependency, restraining orders, abuse, violence, unfaithfulness, cops always at their house, etc etc.

My sisters been with this bum for several years. Hes in prison now because he stole her car while drunk and struck and killed 2 people with it. He doesnt work and just mooches off her. She has a nice house and is independent. I dont understand it. She chooses to stay with him.

I feel like im single solely because I refuse to accept any of this trash. I could go shack up with some dumpster fire if I really wanted to, and sometimes I do until I just get too fed up with the situation. Sure it gets lonely sometimes but its MUCH better than the alternative.

Im blessed to have children I love though and thats my main motivation in life. Maybe id be worse off without them. But yea, thats how I deal with it.

Women come and go. Im in my 30s as well and ive accepted its impossible to find anyone at this age. These chicks now days are all used up by the time theyre 19. 25 or 30? Forget about it. Focus on your career, amass power and wealth so you can dump your misery on other people.


Edited by AspectOfTheCreator (09/04/23 07:33 PM)


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OfflinePatchouli_Savage
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Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 2
    #28458800 - 09/04/23 07:45 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

I'm a single person in my 30s living alone and while it can be isolating at times, I really value having my own space and would not be open to a nesting partner.

Some things I do...

-Arts and crafts
-Taking care of my space
-Treating my home like an art project
-Exploring my neighborhood
-Reading
-Listening to music and dancing alone
-Gardening
-Focusing on self growth (exercise, education, etc)
-Cooking and baking- trying new recipes
-Self care- exfoliate. Moisturize. Taking care of your skin isn't just for girls
-I visit with friends and family
-I go places like the beach, hiking, etc
-Take myself for coffee
-I take friends' dogs for walks
-Photography
-Go on mini vacations (3-5 hours away)


I know what you mean about how it seems like everyone is partnered. I think that partnership is the expectation and the default, and when I feel down about it I remember that I'm not partnered because I'm not settling for relationships that aren't a good fit for me.

It's not worth it to me to be partnered just for the sake of it, so when I'm feeling like I would rather be partnered I ask myself what I feel like I'm missing that a partner would provide, and I find a way to do that for myself. 

Other things I do include having a nice luxurious set of bamboo bed sheets, burning lots of incense, and having a good collection of sex toys. I budget 1 massage per month for myself.

I speak positively to myself and have faith in my abilities. I undertake new projects and challenges.

I accept that I'm not for everyone and I'm  truly okay with that. 

I practice gratitude.

I am building the life for myself that I've always wanted, that many people imagine they would have once they found their "person" except I'm not waiting to find my person, I am finding myself.

Hope this helps.


--------------------
"You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Patchouli_Savage]
    #28458870 - 09/04/23 08:47 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

Patchouli_Savage nailed it! Its all the things I do in my spare time. I would just add the use of psychedelics to the list. Nothing like that Psychedelic Healing.

:loveheart:

I cherish my rare moments I have with the ladies, even if brief. Ive come to terms with my long-term singleness.


--------------------
"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:| Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth šŸŒŽšŸŒšŸŒ                                                         
:sunny::bliss::mushroom2: Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise :mushroom2::bliss::sunny: :rainbowdrink: Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek :rainbowdrink: | šŸ’§ Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method šŸ’§ | :cacti::bongload: Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! :shpongle:Shpongle:shpongle:   


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 3
    #28458941 - 09/04/23 09:48 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

I was actually pretty happy when I was between relationships, only started dating again because my family and friends started getting weird about it.

I think the key is to find the joy in living alone. It can be really freeing. You can do whatever you want, you don't have to worry about anyone else, don't have to coordinate your plans with them. You just do whatever you want whenever you want. Try to find the joy in that freedom.

Try rearranging your place however you want it. Buy new furniture. Take up some new hobbies that dominate your living space. Spend money on stuff you like to do. Clean your place and keep it clean.

Honestly, living alone is fucking awesome. I seriously enjoy the shit out of it, we give up a lot when we live with someone else, and it's 100% worth making that trade, but I think it's also worth admitting how amazing it is living alone.

It sounds like you're really feeling down about not dating, so do some dating, too. Also get a good therapist who can help you work through your self confidence issues.


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OfflineDr. Funtime
Wipes Sideways

Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 134
Last seen: 5 days, 21 hours
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: nooneman] * 1
    #28458987 - 09/04/23 10:34 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

You are better off alone. Everyone will disappoint, upset, and betray you eventually if given the chance. Keep your guard up and learn to love solitude.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
Doctor
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Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
Loc: Earth
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28458992 - 09/04/23 10:52 PM (4 months, 21 days ago)

Get involved in your community!


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


Edited by jack_straw2208 (09/15/23 11:14 PM)


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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
राम राम
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Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 2,240
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28460046 - 09/05/23 09:12 PM (4 months, 20 days ago)

I read a lot and meditate. Also I have been getting back into writing stand up style comedy. I have 2 cats and I'm hoping to be sober soon. Living alone the silence gets loud sometimes and it's hard to stay sober. Most of the time though I enjoy the silence. Most of the time when I'm around people I can't wait to be alone again. Psychedelics have made me more comfortable with this lifestyle I'm too unique or different to mix with most beyond friendly basic interactions. I'm also super introverted and socially awkward after my time with Psychedelics.


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28460129 - 09/06/23 01:03 AM (4 months, 20 days ago)

And if you get lonely and horny, theres always expensive sex toys.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28470266 - 09/15/23 04:33 PM (4 months, 11 days ago)

They're called hookers


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28470522 - 09/15/23 09:43 PM (4 months, 10 days ago)

Escorts are another option.


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 22 hours, 29 minutes
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28471737 - 09/16/23 10:45 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?





dude if i were you no joke i would get one of those crazy expensive sex dolls, like the 15K one that talks back and shit. and just slam the shit out of that fake pussy :thumbup:

IMO you grew up in the perfect time to be single permanently if thats what you want. You can even hook that plastic bitch up to a VR set and fuck her in a different reality. The future my friend, is NOW


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: ManianFH] * 1
    #28471740 - 09/16/23 10:49 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Oh also, for the like non-sex lonliness part, just find a group of friends that you hang out with regularly. find some common interest shit and start building upon that. For instance i play magic the gathering with my friends every sunday. one of our friends has been single for the 20+ years ive known him. He seems super happy, i dont really question his love life and just figure hes not interested in one. All of us couldnt care less what he does with his love life so long as hes happy with it, really its none of our fucking business.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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InvisibleWhyterye
Male


Registered: 02/23/18
Posts: 1,218
Loc: Colorado
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: ManianFH] * 1
    #28471747 - 09/16/23 11:00 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

A period of isolation is extremely beneficial for growth on all levels if you use it wisely.


Edited by Whyterye (11/12/23 10:46 PM)


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Invisibleseldom seen
April Fool
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Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 1,032
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Whyterye] * 2
    #28473772 - 09/18/23 01:23 PM (4 months, 8 days ago)

Everything everyone else said...and hammer out some tubs while no one is around to fuck it up.


--------------------


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: seldom seen] * 2
    #28474335 - 09/18/23 09:40 PM (4 months, 7 days ago)

Great advice in this thread.

The best part of being single is having full-freedom. You can come and go whenever you want! Thats a precious freedom to have.

I find getting deep into hobbies is where its at for the single life. Grow some shrooms, make some art, craft something, create something, travel and learn something interesting. Lots of ways to find happiness outside of loving another person.

And as Manian said, it really helps to have a supportive group of friends.


--------------------
"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:| Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth šŸŒŽšŸŒšŸŒ                                                         
:sunny::bliss::mushroom2: Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise :mushroom2::bliss::sunny: :rainbowdrink: Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek :rainbowdrink: | šŸ’§ Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method šŸ’§ | :cacti::bongload: Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! :shpongle:Shpongle:shpongle:   


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OfflineKryptos
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Posts: 12,262
Last seen: 20 minutes, 3 seconds
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28476595 - 09/20/23 03:43 PM (4 months, 6 days ago)

Older I get, the more I relate to those Eminem lyrics:

Bitches they come they go, Saturday through Sunday Monday, Monday through Sunday, yo.


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InvisiblePastywhyteMDiscord
Say hello to my little friend
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Registered: 09/15/12
Posts: 37,808
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Kryptos] * 3
    #28476803 - 09/20/23 05:57 PM (4 months, 6 days ago)

When you can sing along to superman and mean it


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Invisibledurian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant
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Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,685
Loc: Raccoon City
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Pastywhyte]
    #28480016 - 09/23/23 01:46 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Excellent self care, except go outside enough to get sunburned.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
I DID-DENT
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: durian_2008] * 1
    #28480053 - 09/23/23 02:19 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Living alone happily does not happen to the majority of people, we have evolved to be social creatures in spite of any personality or introverted traits you may feel you have.  Denile is not just a river in Egypt.


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Registered: 04/02/08
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #28480111 - 09/23/23 03:23 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Post must be intended for somebody else. :wink:


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
Doctor
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Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
Loc: Earth
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: durian_2008] * 2
    #28480222 - 09/23/23 05:06 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Some people really do prefer to live on their own. There are 3 kinds of people in this world and you should stay away from all of them!!


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #28480313 - 09/23/23 06:46 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Living alone happily is common for people that are capable of having fulfilling platonic interactions with others.

Of course, having fulfilling platonic relationships is pretty unmanly, from the perspective of traditional masculinity. Real men get 100% of their emotional support from sexual partners, and failure to find a sexual partner is a personal failing that is entirely your fault, soyboy.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
Doctor
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Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
Loc: Earth
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Kryptos]
    #28480559 - 09/24/23 02:53 AM (4 months, 2 days ago)

Heh heh fulfilling interactions, sure


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Offlinekyu
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 6
    #28482384 - 09/25/23 01:20 PM (4 months, 1 day ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?




I'm too lazy to read the entire thread and I accept the risk of repeating someone's reply and hence wasting my precious time.

Here's my takeaway from my own experience.

It IS a relationship. When you're on your own, you're still interacting with a human being, it's just you on both ends. Relationship with yourself can improve or deteriorate just like any other relationship. And just like any other relationship, it requires investing your time, attention, and effort. The only catch is that you can't go to different rooms if you have an argument. That's challenging.

I'm very grateful for being single for a while, because it made me realize this valuable thing. On the bad days, I kept thinking that I'm so worthless and nobody needs me, but then one day I asked myself: what if it was someone else telling me all this? I would punch them in the face or at least never talk to them again. But here I was saying these things to myself. And that's what was making me sad and desperate, not the loneliness.

I also realized that masturbation IS sex. It's not just something you do in the absence of a partner, you are your partner. You're giving pleasure, receiving pleasure (and, coincidentally, you're receiving exactly what you're giving). Masturbation can be the best sex if you're ready to do it as an expression of love, admiration, intimacy, passion etc. (And if you don't mind being a tiny bit gay.)

In a similar way, it's possible to be happily single if you're ready to give up on the "I'm stuck with this guy (myself) because I couldn't find anyone better" attitude and really commit to yourself, take care of yourself, spend quality time with yourself, love, respect, and accept yourself, be honest with yourself - in sickness and in health and so on. Is it narcissism? No, it's the opposite - narcissists depend on other people and use them as a source of approval, while you'll need to become your own source.

But you'll still need friends and a strong support network, of course.

Mazel tov.


--------------------
You gave me a wonderful, wonderful world,
And you gave me eyes to see it,
And you gave me LSD to open them.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 2
    #28485993 - 09/28/23 05:19 PM (3 months, 29 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?




I have learnt to cope with feelings of anger towards difficult aspects of my life with a calculated and informed choice to direct my attention and eventually focus to what I want to change. I recognise that anger can be diverted. And that the action in crisis can be replicated.

Overcoming procrastination is a fight between what is a crisis, and what you're emotional enough to act on for change.

This involved recognising the idea that trauma is what didn't happen.

I have a cat and that makes a big difference too.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28486585 - 09/29/23 09:13 AM (3 months, 28 days ago)

Being "happy alone" is another way of saying one prefers to avoid the stress of being around other humans.  If other people's presence causes us anxiety, that's a sign of deep trauma.  Turn and face the pain.  Make no excuses.


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28499495 - 10/10/23 11:08 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Or, AI sex doll :naughty:


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28499548 - 10/11/23 01:00 AM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Being "happy alone" is another way of saying one prefers to avoid the stress of being around other humans.  If other people's presence causes us anxiety, that's a sign of deep trauma.  Turn and face the pain.  Make no excuses.




From 2:30 on, there's a club, and you're not in it.



--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineEternalDreamer
Stranger
Registered: 02/09/20
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Last seen: 23 days, 22 hours
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28520353 - 10/27/23 05:22 PM (3 months, 1 hour ago)

Still haven't found anyone or come even remotely close to since I've written these posts. There's one girl I've been texting back and forth with on a dating app, but she's given me judgy feelings so I'm not so hot on her. I'll meet her and give it a chance, but... yeah, nothing's changed.

Very confused how people form relationships.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28520730 - 10/27/23 11:28 PM (2 months, 30 days ago)

I went on a date today with a classy girl, intelligent and accomplished etc, similar interests, mindset and such.

She's girlfriend material alright but Is probably high maintanence to a degree. I've been single the whole year and have met people down for casual fun. I've really enjoyed that, but a deeper connection hasn't really been the goal.

I'm kind of at a heads up if I'd want to invest myself to someone else? I know I wouldn't want to change her or myself, and I do respect her a lot. We both seem to want similar things in general, but I'm pretty reflective at the moment on whether I want to even try a relationship again.

I haven't tried to rush anything with this girl and it was a great date. Its a hard balance between lust and respect and desire for connection and friendship.

Maybe I'll find more clarity on the next date but I enjoyed it for what it was today and that was really nice.

I didn't meet her online though, I met her while volunteering at an event and we chatted a lot throughout.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly] * 1
    #28520770 - 10/28/23 01:26 AM (2 months, 30 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Very confused how people form relationships.



Quote:

sudly said:
I didn't meet her online though, I met her while volunteering at an event and we chatted a lot throughout.




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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch] * 2
    #28520840 - 10/28/23 05:12 AM (2 months, 30 days ago)

I met my last partner online and we dated for 5 years. I've several people and dated a few for a few months. They weren't long term but they weren't meant to be, and we kind of agreed on that from the start. There isn't just one thing I want, friendship is a major part of what I want. And this girl I've just met has been a good friend so far.

But we do share a lot of similar interests and the volunteering does correlate with that a whole lot so there's that too.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch]
    #28521626 - 10/28/23 08:29 PM (2 months, 29 days ago)

I live happily alone because I go out and make friends by meeting new people. That's a part of valuing my independence. I don't have work stress, I'm financially stable, I don't have responsibilities outside of feeding a retired blind cat, and I don't care about marriage or have intentions on having kids.

At this point in my life I'm a single man through and through, and I have a sustainable lifestyle. I'm qualified in any state and have ample opportunities available.

I live on my own and have the privacy I need to not care if I'm heard.

I live alone and spend a good chunk of time on weekends meeting or seeing female friends and dates.

I realise I am a privileged person in these regards, but I didn't inheret any of it, my dad wasn't in the picture and my mum is a hard working and caring person who raised two sons in a foreign country on her own for their memorable youth.

We weren't rich and still aren't. But I think we've made it to middle class, and I recognise that's a priviliege.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28521945 - 10/29/23 04:36 AM (2 months, 29 days ago)

I was trying to illustrate: I think some folks over complicate this stuff, but it's pretty simple. You go to a place where there are people and you do stuff, and you talk to people about the stuff you're doing. Sometimes you meet someone you talk more with, and wind up doing more things. All a relationship really is at its core is just going places with a person, and talking with them.

Now, I understand that for someone with anxiety issues or a lack of social skills, that can be difficult; but there is no secret hidden cheat code.

The way I got into my last relationship: I was going to school, a place with a lot of people. I took a bunch of art classes, a situation where its socially acceptable to casually approach people, chit-chat about what they're working on, ask questions and give compliments. I learned folks' names, made casual acquaintances. Then one day, I saw a classmate on the bus on the way to school with an open seat next to her. I said hi, sat down next to her, chatted about whatever, and we walked to class together. We saw each other on public transit a few more times, and "hey want to get a drink after school?" led me to be sitting on her bed in her apartment...  ....Nothing more than a small investment of time and interest.

Now keeping a relationship, being happy in a relationship, and keeping a partner happy in a relationship- that's where it all gets tricky. I tend to be pretty picky, and often the perks of a relationship don't make up for all of the sacrifices. I've ended several relationships because I couldn't literally sleep with them, they woke me up so much it drove me insane.


Edited by Lynnch (10/29/23 04:38 AM)


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch]
    #28522677 - 10/29/23 05:43 PM (2 months, 29 days ago)

Yeah there doesn't have to be any commitment in dating, but definitely honesty if you just want to date.

Relationships have great benefits but can have overhangs like facing jealousy, being able to trust someone and of course the courage to ask, make and stick to plans, or adapt accordingly.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back of my last relationship was a talk about kangaroos in a zoo and whether they were sedated with narcotics or conditioned through human interactions and fed well.

I said the later, she questioned why I didn't entertain the former, and it left me with a taste in my mouth that knew we were growing apart.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28522915 - 10/29/23 11:06 PM (2 months, 28 days ago)

It sucks having to live alone I never being able to have a girl that comes over and just ride your cock just whenever you want. You know what else sucks though?

Having some relationship that starts out good some girl that starts out good and then she's not really having sex with you anyway and then she just wants all your money and she's at your place all the time and she never leaves and you want to have sex with someone else or at least fantasize about having sex with someone else but you can't even jack off because you can't go to the bathroom and take a shower without her coming in to just ream you out on what a piece of crap you are.

Like sometimes a relationship is much better but sometimes it's a much better to have the Privacy to be able to jack off. Like you know it's great when you have your favorite girl and you can fuck her all you want and it's the best feeling and the best relationship. But when that sucks sometimes it's nice just to have some privacy and to be able to jack off.

Like imagine having your favorite crush and looking at her Instagram and you just want to jack off but then there's some dumb money grubbing hoe living in your place fucking all your friends and you can't get rid of her and you can't get any privacy to even touch your own cock.

And your bank account is drained.

Is that fun??????

I don't think so! We all want our soulmate our spiritual bonded second half but you know if you can't have that why settle for less. Sometimes living by yourself and having your privacy can be really really really nice.

That is real talk


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28522919 - 10/29/23 11:15 PM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. You've got to be open about what you want and to put yourself out there.

Good women have autonomy and are worth respecting though. Treat em clean in the streets and mean in the sheets y'know?


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28533397 - 11/07/23 07:42 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I'm genuinely confused out of my mind how people form relationships. I'm a self-made millionaire, am 31 years old, and find it next to impossible to find a woman. I don't get how this happens. Is it supposed to come regularly? I've been alive for 31 years old and never have been close to getting a girlfriend and don't perceive women as interested in me for whatever reason. I look decent. I'm a nice guy. I don't get it.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28533418 - 11/07/23 07:51 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Have you ever tried going outside, doing stuff, and having conversations with women who are doing the same stuff nearby?

Cause the way you just wrote that, you seem to be trying to get all the requirements for an achievement in a videogame. Which works for certain types of women, colloquially known as "gold diggers".


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28533537 - 11/07/23 09:11 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Im afraid some guys are naturally good interacting with women :shrug: good looks and money dont mean much if you can't allure a woman's romantic interest :shrug:

Maybe consider paying a non-sexual escort to keep you company? Gotta better than being alone all the time...


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28533543 - 11/07/23 09:16 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Social skills are just that, skills. Skills are gained through practice. Practice comes from doing stuff. Don't be a dick, don't expect anything, and you will go far.

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
Maybe consider paying a non-sexual escort to keep you company? Gotta better than being alone all the time...




Doubt that.

Plus, this teaches you transactional skills. Transactional skills do not translate to attracting women, unless, again, you like gold diggers.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28533630 - 11/07/23 10:46 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I'm genuinely confused out of my mind how people form relationships. I'm a self-made millionaire, am 31 years old, and find it next to impossible to find a woman. I don't get how this happens. Is it supposed to come regularly? I've been alive for 31 years old and never have been close to getting a girlfriend and don't perceive women as interested in me for whatever reason. I look decent. I'm a nice guy. I don't get it.




Don't be a doormat kinda nice guy :shrug:

If you end up talking to someone, ask about their weekend or something and if you want to spend some time with them getting to know them or go to an event with them, just ask. Be vulnerable enough to face rejection and sometimes you might be pleasantly surprised if they show mutual interest.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28533813 - 11/08/23 06:11 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I don’t understand, where do I find activities to do with others? Is this advertised? Where? How? Do I just show up to a random place with activity in it? I’m being serious. It seems like a Catch-22. You need friends to get friends.

Also, every women that I meet just says I can’t relax, im too shy, nervous. This is impossible.

Why doesn’t online dating work for me? 25% of marriages come from it, yet I get nothing. Im sick of the excuses. Sick of it. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE.

I don’t care how socially awkward I am, Im a nice, responsible, and safe guy: this makes 0 sense. Im so confused by this that I’ve entertained whether im living in the Truman Show and this is all just a practical joke.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28533987 - 11/08/23 08:52 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I don’t understand, where do I find activities to do with others? Is this advertised? Where? How? Do I just show up to a random place with activity in it? I’m being serious. It seems like a Catch-22. You need friends to get friends.




Meetup groups. Local events. If you wanna go real old school, go to a bar. Drinking is an "activity", of sorts. But in my experience, bars are (a) difficult and (b) you don't want to date barflys.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Also, every women that I meet just says I can’t relax, im too shy, nervous. This is impossible.




This is called social skills. Practice, and you'll be less shy and more relaxed. My first mushroom grow didn't give me a forest of mushrooms with 4000% biomass efficiency either.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Why doesn’t online dating work for me? 25% of marriages come from it, yet I get nothing. Im sick of the excuses. Sick of it. IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD TO FIND SOMEONE.




Online dating is visual. If you really want it to "work" (i.e. get your foot in the door more often via matches), then go buy some nice clothes, take them to a tailor, then go to a high end men's salon, get your hair fixed, then go to a skincare place, get dolled up, then find a pro photographer and makeup artist, and spend a day or two taking pictures. You will absolutely get matches. Whether those matches lead to dates is up to your social skills.

Otherwise, it's a numbers game.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I don’t care how socially awkward I am, Im a nice, responsible, and safe guy: this makes 0 sense. Im so confused by this that I’ve entertained whether im living in the Truman Show and this is all just a practical joke.




Okay, so, imagine someone collapses in the street. Their friend yells "I NEED A DOCTOR!", you come up, and their friend asks: "are you a doctor?" "No, but I'm nice and responsible and safe!"

Being nice and responsible and safe are all good things, but they are (mostly) irrelevant to the social activity that is dating. Being nice and responsible and safe is how you maintain a good relationship. Being social and putting yourself out there is how you start a relationship.

Being "nice and responsible and safe" is also the bare minimum for being an adult. Those are not special qualities, those are pretty much standard for the vast majority of the population. The guy who brought his guitar to parties was also nice and responsible and safe, plus he could play guitar.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Kryptos]
    #28534050 - 11/08/23 09:55 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I’m sick of the excuses. Online dating should lead to compatible marches after being on it for 5 years. I look decent, I list a prestigious job on my profile, I list an Ivy League college on my profile, I list ā€œcompassion and kindnessā€ as my values as well.

Many relationships involve people who are absolute jerks, and yet I’m a nice guy and can’t find anyone through online dating????

Look, I get it, I acknowledge that I shouldn’t expect to get dozens of matches, but THIS? Heck, I wouldn’t even expect a criminal to fail this badly in getting dates through online dating.

IT SHOULDNT BE THIS HARD. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE GONE EXTINCT, THIS IS SO IMPOSSIBLE. ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

Thanks for mentioning meetups, but I’ve done social gatherings, and they too go nowhere... it’s literally been the story of my life.

Basically, in all of these social activities with women, the social strong alpha guys circle the women with their popped collars, and I’m out on the side — attracting no one. I’ve tried to approach the women, but it just goes nowhere. I can’t compete against these alpha males and, quite frankly, I don’t want too — I’m not going to start immigrating someone that I’m not.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28534117 - 11/08/23 10:43 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

I can’t compete against these alpha males






You're grading yourself on a points system, in which you are intending to be considerate of other people, who don't want to be forced to do math. 

While decorum and family planning probably seem most important to any self-conscious person, the situation calls for liberal amounts of stupidity and convenience more along the lines of spawning salmon than a personality profile.

My qualifications have nothing to do with me being alpha.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28534158 - 11/08/23 11:25 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Online dating should




Remove "should" from your vocabulary when it comes to dating. Nothing "should" happen.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I look decent, I list a prestigious job on my profile, I list an Ivy League college on my profile, I list ā€œcompassion and kindnessā€ as my values as well.




Once again, you are treating this like an achievement in a videogame. I beat this boss using this weapon, therefore I deserve the achievement for beating this boss with this weapon. That is not how relationships work. Women are people with their own thoughts and desires. Sometimes, those desires are contradictory and don't make sense. I have contradictory desires that don't make sense. You are not entitled to a woman because you have a job and a car and a million bucks. This is not a logical progression based on some sort of LifeScript(tm). I recently ceased contact with a woman who has the job and the house and the 8 figure bank account and the looks...because she wasn't really all that interesting.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Many relationships involve people who are absolute jerks, and yet I’m a nice guy and can’t find anyone through online dating????




They are jerks from your perception. Again, being a "nice guy" is not an achievement, it is the absolute bare minimum for participating in a society. Everyone else is a nice guy, but they're also fun to talk to. Or play guitar. Or whatever else.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Look, I get it, I acknowledge that I shouldn’t expect to get dozens of matches, but THIS? Heck, I wouldn’t even expect a criminal to fail this badly in getting dates through online dating.




Criminals are often, at the very least, interesting. They do crimes and have poor impulse control. They provide excitement.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
IT SHOULDNT BE THIS HARD. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE GONE EXTINCT, THIS IS SO IMPOSSIBLE. ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!




Perhaps you will go extinct. C'est la vie.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Thanks for mentioning meetups, but I’ve done social gatherings, and they too go nowhere... it’s literally been the story of my life.




Are you going somewhere with the intention of picking up women, or are you going somewhere for fun? I go to social meetups for fun. Women give me their numbers. This is not because I'm "alpha" and have a popped collar. This is because I enjoy myself and the people around me pick up on the fact that I am enjoying myself, and they wanna be near someone who's having a good time.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Basically, in all of these social activities with women, the social strong alpha guys circle the women with their popped collars, and I’m out on the side — attracting no one. I’ve tried to approach the women, but it just goes nowhere. I can’t compete against these alpha males




When people give advice like "It'll happen when you least expect it!" what they mean is to relax and have fun. If you're there to approach women, women will immediately catch on. They can feel that you're not there to enjoy yourself, you are there to pick up women. This is not attractive. Nobody wants to get "picked up". People wanna "fall" in love. It's something spontaneous that just happens, when two people are having a good time in close proximity.

Also, remove "alpha male" from your vocabulary, entirely. Dating and non-dating contexts.

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I don’t want too — I’m not going to start immigrating someone that I’m not.




I assume you mean "imitating", not "immigrating". Becoming a passport bro is just finding a gold digger with extra steps and lower income requirements.

Don't imitate someone you're not. Become someone who is interesting. Become someone who is fun to be around, without any ulterior motives. Imitation will get you nowhere.

Find something you like doing, and then get good at it, and then be friendly and helpful to anyone new that wants advice. A portion of those new people will be women, and they will want to date you. And I literally mean ANYTHING. You ever see an esports tournament? You've got the nerdiest no-life dudes on the planet playing competitive videogames that are famous for their toxicity, and e-girls throw themselves at those guys. Because those guys are there to play, and they clearly enjoy it, and that is attractive.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28534164 - 11/08/23 11:34 AM (2 months, 19 days ago)

You're making a mental function out of what is a bodily function for most people.

Not even jerkishness is a qualifier.

People are randomly throwing shit at a wall and seeing what sticks.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28534188 - 11/08/23 12:04 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I have the solution. You need to go back to school. But not just any school, but a school that specializes in developing social skills for adults.

Something like PEERS: https://asdachievement.org/peers/

A University might have a similar program thru a Sociology or Social Psychology program but i feel like a school that specializes in adult social skill development would be your best bet.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28534235 - 11/08/23 12:42 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

You need to make friendship have a relationship. Through online dating, volunteering, community events, shared hobbies, work, studies etc.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28534284 - 11/08/23 01:24 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I appreciate all of the well thought out comments: they mean well, and I particularly appreciate how I am being asked to not "force" love. I agree. That I should not be at places with the goals of picking up women, but to be there to have fun and form meaningful relationships.

I think that may be the issue. I really just don't have fun around other people in social settings, because I've never gotten vibes that people want me around...

Let me explain: At school, I was always last picked and partnerless in gym class or whatever other class from pre-school to high school (so much so that whenever I hear the phrase "find a partner", it still gives me mini-panic attacks!) At college, I tried desperately to change and make friends, but never could and just ate alone for lunch. At work, I yet again tried desperately to make friends and, despite all of my efforts, was referred to as a "lone wolf" and I was relegated to the third wheel.

Obviously, the result from this is a natural apathy, at best, for wanting to be involved in social settings. No wonder going to meetups isn't "fun" for me.

So, my issue isn't so much that I don't "put myself out there", but that I'm genuinely unable to form relationships, even when in social settings. I don't know why. I'm not socially illiterate, but for whatever reason, I just can't form relationships... like, at all. And the fact that I can't even do it on dating apps is a testament to that, when 25% of marriages come from that. Why can't I attract a woman on a dating? Seriously, what the fuck is going on with this simulation?

What's frustrating to me is that I think you all mean well, but I don't think you walked two moons in my moccasins. If you did, you also would be perplexed by my situation. It's hard, if not impossible, to appreciate or relate to something that you yourself did not live through. An analogy: you're like birds trying to teach a fish how to get to the grocery store, oblivious to that you have something that I lack.

So, it's not just as easy as going "out there" to an esports activity and "having fun" when you've been socially rejected your entire life. Instead of telling me to do stuff that has never resulted in me being successful, maybe the question is: why am I so unsuccessful in forming social relationships, period. Instead of assuming that I'm doing something wrong, maybe we should assume that there's something wrong with me: I don't know maybe it's the way I breathe, something shady about my looks, the way I talk sends bad cues. I don't know, but there's something innately off with me that causes me to not form social relationships when others seem to so easily get them. This is really sad. I feel so unwanted.

I've been diagnosed with "schizotypal personality disorder", which the noteworthy feature of that is an "inability to form relationships" or "feel comfortable around people even after repeated exposure". That's certainly the case for me. I've tried and tried, and it just doesn't feel comfortable to me, but having a family is very important to me.


Edited by EternalDreamer (11/08/23 01:26 PM)


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28534295 - 11/08/23 01:35 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Buddy I'm on the psychopathy (ASPD) spectrum. For me, empathy is an intellectual exercise, not inherent. I have no close friendships offline.

How you describe your school, college, and work relationships is quite similar to my own experience.

That's the whole thing. Social skills are skills. I started learning social skills by spreading out my shopping trips to hit 3-4 stores almost every day, and trying to joke with cashiers. This was my way of having "low stakes" interactions, because you really only have time to trade 2-3 phrases during those 30 seconds before you start holding up the line and people get pissed.

Try starting out with similar, low stakes, and very short interactions. Going out to a meetup event for three hours for your first interactions will seem like an exercise in futility, much like jumping off a boat into the middle of the ocean is a terrible way to learn to swim. You gotta build up your comfort level slowly.

Normal people had those initial low stakes interactions on the elementary school playground. We didn't. We need to work past that, and find low-stakes interactions in the adult world to practice.

This is also why I end up editing each of my posts 5-6 times to make sure I'm not being a dick. You can't let yourself be defined by your neurospiciness.


Edited by Kryptos (11/08/23 01:42 PM)


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28534309 - 11/08/23 01:44 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I appreciate all of the well thought out comments: they mean well, and I particularly appreciate how I am being asked to not "force" love.




You're appreciative and nice and putting emphasis on the wrong word.

I hope you can find someone who is up to your level.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28534321 - 11/08/23 01:54 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

That sounds like a tough problem to have, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.
But this seems like a conversation you should be having with a mental health professional. I don't think any of us can provide therapy though this forum.
I don't know how you feel, you're right. But I wonder if you would benefit from some kind of anti-anxiety medication.


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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28534906 - 11/08/23 10:02 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Ok, so i read more about Schizotypal personality disorder. I think your only choice is to get regular therapy for your condition. Even better if shes a woman so you can get the benefit of interacting with a woman too. With regular therapy, you should be able to make a relationship with a woman (that isnt your therapist) sometime in the future.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28535007 - 11/09/23 12:41 AM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Honestly, you can't win if you're too afraid to lose.

At my last volunteering event there were lots of people, even at parties I've been to there were plenty around, but I didn't get any group vibes or try to make friends with everyone, if at all, there was one person that caught my eye and that I actually paid attention to.

Recently, I only remembered the name of the girl I was interested in and still don't know the names of anyone else there.

It was nice to meet the others, but I wasn't genuinely attracted to any of them but one. That's also because I've been on enough dates and met enough people to have an idea of what I want and what I like in a partner.

I filter those I'm interested in, and even from those people it doesn't always work out as more than one date, or a casual dalliance.

There came a point in time where the event was ending and we'd all just had a brief down, I was standing next to the woman I'm interested in and said, "Hey 'name', it's been really nice meeting you today, could I add you on Facebook?'

She said she didn't have Facebook but had her phone number to share. We talked about social media use a bit and she gave me her number.

I asked because I wanted to ask her to hangout some time if she was interested, the biggest part of being able to ask I think, is that I did so out of genuine interest and didn't expect a yes. I was okay if she didn't want to add me on fb.

The part of that which is remarkable which took me a while to realise, is that by me asking that, I was able to gain some insight into whether or not she was interested at all. If she wasn't interested that'd be fine. Solid rejection isn't as bad as a non-answer, because it doesn't leave ambiguity or ambivilance to worry about, it's just a solid no and move on. But instead she gave me her phone number and the rest was history because from that point on I knew she had a bare minimum of interest.

She's smart enough to know what it means or why I might be asking for contact details, and I'm now aware enough to realise what a bare minimum or mutual interest is.

I messaged her a day or two later and talked about some art project I was doing for a bit. Then after 3 or 4 replies I asked if she was interested in breakfast at a nearby park and she said yes. At no point did I actually flirt with her, I was just interested in getting to know her. It was only near the end of the date when she brought up my sexuality that I told her I was definitely straight, she was gorgeous, smart and an accomplished woman.

I can only offer a little bit of insight from my experience, but it only went that way because I was genuinely interested in her for her, and want more than one thing from women, because friendship is a major part of any relationship too. Friendship is the foundation for any dalliance or beyond I enjoy.

Again, I want to reiterate that you can't win if you're too afraid to lose. You might be pleasantly surprised from time to time if you embrace it.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OnlineGenesisCorruptedS
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28535008 - 11/09/23 12:43 AM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Grow plants, take care of animals.
My grandpa loved it. He did not like people.
That being said, humans are naturally social animals.
Be willing to go to a Park and talk to some people every now and then.


--------------------

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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: GenesisCorrupted]
    #28535108 - 11/09/23 05:33 AM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Thanks for all these messages, they really hit home. I’m surprised you’ve all been this patient with me.

Anyhow, sudly, I think you point out a big issue with all of this: I am way too petrified of rejection. Heck, I just recently reached out to someone, not even on a romantic way, and I’m terrified of being ignored, or, worse, rejected. It would devastate me.

I guess it just confuses me why I am the way I am. I’m shy, introverted, and really afraid of rejection, and I can’t really change those fundamental aspects of myself without being someone who I’m not. Lithop is right, I wouldn’t sneeze at this diagnosis of schizotypal… psychiatrist didn’t just create the term out of haphazard fun. It really does truly mean that, due to my personality, it’s very hard to form relationships as naturally as someone who isn’t schizotypal. Think of it as an autistic person but someone who isn’t quite autistic… just unable to form relationships.

Obviously, I’m not going to throw in the towel. Finding a soulmate will always be a lifelong goal of mine, even if it’s really hard for me.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28535627 - 11/09/23 12:23 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Just remember that even rejection is a form of assurance, and that one day you might be pleasantly surprised at how someone shows interest.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly] * 1
    #28535745 - 11/09/23 01:42 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Quote:

sudly said:
Just remember that even rejection is a form of assurance, and that one day you might be pleasantly surprised at how someone shows interest.



How is it a form of assurance?


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28535948 - 11/09/23 04:22 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

If I wasn’t on a ghost collar as a dust bunny with ghost handcuffs j would be so alone


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28535983 - 11/09/23 04:55 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Quote:

sudly said:
Just remember that even rejection is a form of assurance, and that one day you might be pleasantly surprised at how someone shows interest.



How is it a form of assurance?




It's assurance that you don't need to try, that they're not interested. It stops you from wondering.

It's like if someone told you they're married.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OnlineGenesisCorruptedS
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28535984 - 11/09/23 04:56 PM (2 months, 18 days ago)

It’s all about perspective. Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Every rejection is an opportunity to be accepted in the future.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28536302 - 11/09/23 09:15 PM (2 months, 17 days ago)

And since this is the Shroomery, i have to also suggest drug therapy.

Certain drugs have anti-social anxiety properties. Some of these drugs are Kava, MDMA and Cocaine.

Kava is probably your best bet since its the safest. MDMA (XTC) is a good choice too just make sure you test it to make sure there are not any other dangerous drugs within the MDMA. And always start low! Cocaine has positive social and confidence-boasting properties however its addictive, short-lasting and can be unsafe with repeated use. If you do use cocaine, make sure you also test it to make sure its as pure as possible, start with a low dose and make sure it does not have other harmful drugs laced within it. Cocaine could also trigger psychosis in people with certain predisposed mental illnesses so be careful!

Hope this drug advice helps :sadyes:


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28536334 - 11/09/23 09:56 PM (2 months, 17 days ago)

I doubt that will lower anxiety in any way in a social situation, especially if it's not with a group of people who are also partaking.

If it's a sesh, and there are level headed and experienced friends around, maybe. But definitely not in a club and hardly if you don't know the people.

It could go either way, just saying, better odds if you know everyone there.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28536343 - 11/09/23 10:03 PM (2 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
And since this is the Shroomery, i have to also suggest drug therapy.

Certain drugs have anti-social anxiety properties. Some of these drugs are Kava, MDMA and Cocaine.

Kava is probably your best bet since its the safest. MDMA (XTC) is a good choice too just make sure you test it to make sure there are not any other dangerous drugs within the MDMA. And always start low! Cocaine has positive social and confidence-boasting properties however its addictive, short-lasting and can be unsafe with repeated use. If you do use cocaine, make sure you also test it to make sure its as pure as possible, start with a low dose and make sure it does not have other harmful drugs laced within it. Cocaine could also trigger psychosis in people with certain predisposed mental illnesses so be careful!

Hope this drug advice helps :sadyes:




Aminophenylbutyric acid, goes by "Phenibut". Common anti-anxiety medication in Russia. 100mg of that hits like a glass of beer or two, socially speaking...minus the rest of the alcohol effects.


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 2
    #28536941 - 11/10/23 10:27 AM (2 months, 17 days ago)

My friend and I just had this conversation. She gets involved with special olympics, community and her children. She adopted children out of the foster system.
She yearns for a life partner, she is a widow, became one young.


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ā€œOne doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.ā€


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OfflineJoh.Ke
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Registered: 07/03/23
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: ManianFH]
    #28577329 - 12/10/23 04:15 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

Quote:

ManianFH said:
Oh also, for the like non-sex lonliness part, just find a group of friends that you hang out with regularly. find some common interest shit and start building upon that. 




I find that as you get older, it gets harder and harder to maintain friendships with people.  Like for me, most people my age all have family.  It's not that they don't want to be a good friend, it's that a lot of time, they can't, due to family obligations.  And I don't blame them.

OP: personally I would just focus on your career.  Make lots of money, this should take your mind off your singlehood.


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