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Invisibledurian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant
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Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,685
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #28480111 - 09/23/23 03:23 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Post must be intended for somebody else. :wink:


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Registered: 02/12/07
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: durian_2008] * 2
    #28480222 - 09/23/23 05:06 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Some people really do prefer to live on their own. There are 3 kinds of people in this world and you should stay away from all of them!!


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If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #28480313 - 09/23/23 06:46 PM (4 months, 3 days ago)

Living alone happily is common for people that are capable of having fulfilling platonic interactions with others.

Of course, having fulfilling platonic relationships is pretty unmanly, from the perspective of traditional masculinity. Real men get 100% of their emotional support from sexual partners, and failure to find a sexual partner is a personal failing that is entirely your fault, soyboy.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Kryptos]
    #28480559 - 09/24/23 02:53 AM (4 months, 2 days ago)

Heh heh fulfilling interactions, sure


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If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Offlinekyu
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 6
    #28482384 - 09/25/23 01:20 PM (4 months, 1 day ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?




I'm too lazy to read the entire thread and I accept the risk of repeating someone's reply and hence wasting my precious time.

Here's my takeaway from my own experience.

It IS a relationship. When you're on your own, you're still interacting with a human being, it's just you on both ends. Relationship with yourself can improve or deteriorate just like any other relationship. And just like any other relationship, it requires investing your time, attention, and effort. The only catch is that you can't go to different rooms if you have an argument. That's challenging.

I'm very grateful for being single for a while, because it made me realize this valuable thing. On the bad days, I kept thinking that I'm so worthless and nobody needs me, but then one day I asked myself: what if it was someone else telling me all this? I would punch them in the face or at least never talk to them again. But here I was saying these things to myself. And that's what was making me sad and desperate, not the loneliness.

I also realized that masturbation IS sex. It's not just something you do in the absence of a partner, you are your partner. You're giving pleasure, receiving pleasure (and, coincidentally, you're receiving exactly what you're giving). Masturbation can be the best sex if you're ready to do it as an expression of love, admiration, intimacy, passion etc. (And if you don't mind being a tiny bit gay.)

In a similar way, it's possible to be happily single if you're ready to give up on the "I'm stuck with this guy (myself) because I couldn't find anyone better" attitude and really commit to yourself, take care of yourself, spend quality time with yourself, love, respect, and accept yourself, be honest with yourself - in sickness and in health and so on. Is it narcissism? No, it's the opposite - narcissists depend on other people and use them as a source of approval, while you'll need to become your own source.

But you'll still need friends and a strong support network, of course.

Mazel tov.


--------------------
You gave me a wonderful, wonderful world,
And you gave me eyes to see it,
And you gave me LSD to open them.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 2
    #28485993 - 09/28/23 05:19 PM (3 months, 29 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Since I am unable to find a spouse and seem to be unable to attract anyone, I wanted people's advice, for those who live alone. What are things that you do to feel okay with yourself?

My problem is that it makes me feel really dysfunctional and strange. I feel like a stranger in a strange land being partnerless. I mean, by definition, everyone that exists was a product of two partners (well, technically not, given sperm banks, but you get the point...) Wherever I go, I usually see people with partners or families, and there I am enjoying the movies or Chipotle by myself. Isolating feeling, and it definitely hurts.

I have a lot that I like to do by myself, and am mostly a solitary, introspective person, but I really feel weird not having anyone else in my life. It feels like I'm unwanted.

For those who live alone and are in their 30s and up, what do you do to stay happy? How have you come to terms with your singleness?




I have learnt to cope with feelings of anger towards difficult aspects of my life with a calculated and informed choice to direct my attention and eventually focus to what I want to change. I recognise that anger can be diverted. And that the action in crisis can be replicated.

Overcoming procrastination is a fight between what is a crisis, and what you're emotional enough to act on for change.

This involved recognising the idea that trauma is what didn't happen.

I have a cat and that makes a big difference too.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28486585 - 09/29/23 09:13 AM (3 months, 28 days ago)

Being "happy alone" is another way of saying one prefers to avoid the stress of being around other humans.  If other people's presence causes us anxiety, that's a sign of deep trauma.  Turn and face the pain.  Make no excuses.


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28499495 - 10/10/23 11:08 PM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Or, AI sex doll :naughty:


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28499548 - 10/11/23 01:00 AM (3 months, 16 days ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Being "happy alone" is another way of saying one prefers to avoid the stress of being around other humans.  If other people's presence causes us anxiety, that's a sign of deep trauma.  Turn and face the pain.  Make no excuses.




From 2:30 on, there's a club, and you're not in it.



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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28520353 - 10/27/23 05:22 PM (3 months, 1 hour ago)

Still haven't found anyone or come even remotely close to since I've written these posts. There's one girl I've been texting back and forth with on a dating app, but she's given me judgy feelings so I'm not so hot on her. I'll meet her and give it a chance, but... yeah, nothing's changed.

Very confused how people form relationships.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28520730 - 10/27/23 11:28 PM (2 months, 30 days ago)

I went on a date today with a classy girl, intelligent and accomplished etc, similar interests, mindset and such.

She's girlfriend material alright but Is probably high maintanence to a degree. I've been single the whole year and have met people down for casual fun. I've really enjoyed that, but a deeper connection hasn't really been the goal.

I'm kind of at a heads up if I'd want to invest myself to someone else? I know I wouldn't want to change her or myself, and I do respect her a lot. We both seem to want similar things in general, but I'm pretty reflective at the moment on whether I want to even try a relationship again.

I haven't tried to rush anything with this girl and it was a great date. Its a hard balance between lust and respect and desire for connection and friendship.

Maybe I'll find more clarity on the next date but I enjoyed it for what it was today and that was really nice.

I didn't meet her online though, I met her while volunteering at an event and we chatted a lot throughout.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly] * 1
    #28520770 - 10/28/23 01:26 AM (2 months, 30 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Very confused how people form relationships.



Quote:

sudly said:
I didn't meet her online though, I met her while volunteering at an event and we chatted a lot throughout.




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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch] * 2
    #28520840 - 10/28/23 05:12 AM (2 months, 30 days ago)

I met my last partner online and we dated for 5 years. I've several people and dated a few for a few months. They weren't long term but they weren't meant to be, and we kind of agreed on that from the start. There isn't just one thing I want, friendship is a major part of what I want. And this girl I've just met has been a good friend so far.

But we do share a lot of similar interests and the volunteering does correlate with that a whole lot so there's that too.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch]
    #28521626 - 10/28/23 08:29 PM (2 months, 29 days ago)

I live happily alone because I go out and make friends by meeting new people. That's a part of valuing my independence. I don't have work stress, I'm financially stable, I don't have responsibilities outside of feeding a retired blind cat, and I don't care about marriage or have intentions on having kids.

At this point in my life I'm a single man through and through, and I have a sustainable lifestyle. I'm qualified in any state and have ample opportunities available.

I live on my own and have the privacy I need to not care if I'm heard.

I live alone and spend a good chunk of time on weekends meeting or seeing female friends and dates.

I realise I am a privileged person in these regards, but I didn't inheret any of it, my dad wasn't in the picture and my mum is a hard working and caring person who raised two sons in a foreign country on her own for their memorable youth.

We weren't rich and still aren't. But I think we've made it to middle class, and I recognise that's a priviliege.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28521945 - 10/29/23 04:36 AM (2 months, 29 days ago)

I was trying to illustrate: I think some folks over complicate this stuff, but it's pretty simple. You go to a place where there are people and you do stuff, and you talk to people about the stuff you're doing. Sometimes you meet someone you talk more with, and wind up doing more things. All a relationship really is at its core is just going places with a person, and talking with them.

Now, I understand that for someone with anxiety issues or a lack of social skills, that can be difficult; but there is no secret hidden cheat code.

The way I got into my last relationship: I was going to school, a place with a lot of people. I took a bunch of art classes, a situation where its socially acceptable to casually approach people, chit-chat about what they're working on, ask questions and give compliments. I learned folks' names, made casual acquaintances. Then one day, I saw a classmate on the bus on the way to school with an open seat next to her. I said hi, sat down next to her, chatted about whatever, and we walked to class together. We saw each other on public transit a few more times, and "hey want to get a drink after school?" led me to be sitting on her bed in her apartment...  ....Nothing more than a small investment of time and interest.

Now keeping a relationship, being happy in a relationship, and keeping a partner happy in a relationship- that's where it all gets tricky. I tend to be pretty picky, and often the perks of a relationship don't make up for all of the sacrifices. I've ended several relationships because I couldn't literally sleep with them, they woke me up so much it drove me insane.


Edited by Lynnch (10/29/23 04:38 AM)


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Lynnch]
    #28522677 - 10/29/23 05:43 PM (2 months, 29 days ago)

Yeah there doesn't have to be any commitment in dating, but definitely honesty if you just want to date.

Relationships have great benefits but can have overhangs like facing jealousy, being able to trust someone and of course the courage to ask, make and stick to plans, or adapt accordingly.

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back of my last relationship was a talk about kangaroos in a zoo and whether they were sedated with narcotics or conditioned through human interactions and fed well.

I said the later, she questioned why I didn't entertain the former, and it left me with a taste in my mouth that knew we were growing apart.


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Anonymous #3

Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28522915 - 10/29/23 11:06 PM (2 months, 28 days ago)

It sucks having to live alone I never being able to have a girl that comes over and just ride your cock just whenever you want. You know what else sucks though?

Having some relationship that starts out good some girl that starts out good and then she's not really having sex with you anyway and then she just wants all your money and she's at your place all the time and she never leaves and you want to have sex with someone else or at least fantasize about having sex with someone else but you can't even jack off because you can't go to the bathroom and take a shower without her coming in to just ream you out on what a piece of crap you are.

Like sometimes a relationship is much better but sometimes it's a much better to have the Privacy to be able to jack off. Like you know it's great when you have your favorite girl and you can fuck her all you want and it's the best feeling and the best relationship. But when that sucks sometimes it's nice just to have some privacy and to be able to jack off.

Like imagine having your favorite crush and looking at her Instagram and you just want to jack off but then there's some dumb money grubbing hoe living in your place fucking all your friends and you can't get rid of her and you can't get any privacy to even touch your own cock.

And your bank account is drained.

Is that fun??????

I don't think so! We all want our soulmate our spiritual bonded second half but you know if you can't have that why settle for less. Sometimes living by yourself and having your privacy can be really really really nice.

That is real talk


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28522919 - 10/29/23 11:15 PM (2 months, 28 days ago)

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. You've got to be open about what you want and to put yourself out there.

Good women have autonomy and are worth respecting though. Treat em clean in the streets and mean in the sheets y'know?


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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: sudly]
    #28533397 - 11/07/23 07:42 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

I'm genuinely confused out of my mind how people form relationships. I'm a self-made millionaire, am 31 years old, and find it next to impossible to find a woman. I don't get how this happens. Is it supposed to come regularly? I've been alive for 31 years old and never have been close to getting a girlfriend and don't perceive women as interested in me for whatever reason. I look decent. I'm a nice guy. I don't get it.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Living Alone Happily [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28533418 - 11/07/23 07:51 PM (2 months, 19 days ago)

Have you ever tried going outside, doing stuff, and having conversations with women who are doing the same stuff nearby?

Cause the way you just wrote that, you seem to be trying to get all the requirements for an achievement in a videogame. Which works for certain types of women, colloquially known as "gold diggers".


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