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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28434841 - 08/15/23 11:15 AM (5 months, 11 days ago)

Bro-man, would you talk to your best friend like you talk to yourself? If he came up to you and said everything you say, would you say "you're shit out of luck because the world hates you, so just surrender, because you are forever unlovable"?

The negative self-talk is probably impeding you more than anything else you listed.


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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: Roflspammer] * 1
    #28434851 - 08/15/23 11:23 AM (5 months, 11 days ago)

The fact is, those who are happy being single are more likely to find partners. Confidence and feeling yourself is attractive. You've talked about before how you don't think being confident around others is part of your personality... but it's certainly something you can work on. Not to stop being reserved or introverted. But you can definitely work on caring less about social interactions and putting yourself out there.

I say go to a bar and start conversations. If that's too hard, that's the point. It's supposed to be hard. I'ts practice and exercise. If you're not ready for that, work up to it.

The next thing I recommend is to start finding things you like about your life right now. It will make you feel better about yourself - and THAT, magically, will make it easier to have charisma.

You are a millionaire so it's obvious you got a lot of great things going on. This is the one area you struggle with. Why are you making this the most important part of your life?

I think you need to start letting go of your fret over your past and your inabillity to find someone so far. Learn to love your life right now. That's step one. Finding a partner is step two once you've become confident within yourself.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #28434947 - 08/15/23 01:12 PM (5 months, 11 days ago)

OP, do you exercise/lift weights?


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OfflineVP123
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28435387 - 08/15/23 07:57 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

OP, maybe if you describe your typical dates, people here maybe able to contribute ideas. What works for some may not work for others. Maybe something less conventional than dinner, drinks or coffee. For some people physical activities like rock climbing works better (the physical exertion gets rid of the nervousness for both persons and makes social interaction easier). Maybe a concert if both have the same taste of music. Maybe a volunteer experience for both, etc.

If you describe a bit more the places you take your dates to and the nature of the interaction it may help figure out where the problem may be. If you are successful in other parts of your life, I bet your shyness is not the problem. I haven't seen anyone succeed by being shy with customers or co-workers. I doubt you work without interacting with anyone.

As 'lifeiswhatyoumake' hinted, physical exercise is helpful in more ways than one. If you don't it may be something you need to get into. It will help you. And don't consider weed a hobby. That is going to turn off a lot of people.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28435672 - 08/16/23 04:07 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

The reason why women dont like shy guys is I think it makes them insecure. This year, I recently got back from a small-sized outdoor music festival. It was amazing. While i was there, I attracted this gorgeous shy girl. The problem? She was very quiet. And that makes me quiet. And then I realized why Im attracted to outgoing women: they make me feel less insecure about my social skills.

And I think a similar thing with women. Perhaps all women are a little shy but are insecure about it. I know I am! Perhaps thats why shyness is such a turn-off for most women....

But lets back to my idea: seeking out a shy women. What do shy women like? What do shy women enjoy in their free time?

Well, heres a little basic psychology about shyness.

People who are shy can have many interests or hobbies because of their lack of social life. These activities would be easily done solo. Heres a short list of hobbies and interest a shy woman would enjoy.

Reading
Writing
Singing
Playing Music
Enjoy/Making Artwork
Exploring Nature
Playing Video Games
Travelling Solo

All of these activities are perfect for shy people because you can do them by yourself

Some places you might meet a shy woman:

Anime Convention
Book Convention
Comic Book/Movie/Geeky Convention
Art/Dance Convention
Music Festival (especially moody, chill, low-key, alternative, introspective music)
Volunteering Activities/Helping the Community
National Parks
Solo-friendly Sports like Golf, Bowling, Frisbee Golf, Soccer, Basketball
Libraries
Museums
Exhibits

I hope this list helps you. Theres another option, this one more uncomfortable and maybe againist your ideals. But why not suggest it? Hanging out at a Strip Club.

Ive had some amazing social interactions with Exotic Dancers (strippers) at Strip Clubs that have lounge areas. I hold them as dear memories since they are so special. You could go to a local Strip Club that has a lounge area and just hang out with some talkative Strippers. You dont even have to get a lapdance, just talk with them and maybe buy them a drink or tip them for talking to you.

This will do two things: one, it will make you more comfortable with talking with women in general. Two, it will slightly devirginize you (mostly mentally), which will make you less shy around clothed women. However, you may not be comfortable with this path, and I totally understand, so its really up to you if you wanna do something dramatic like spending time at a Strip Club.

My first time having sex was later in life than I wanted and the actual act was not great at all. I kinda regret it, to be honest. I dont want that to happen to you, I hope these words help you out....


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28435802 - 08/16/23 08:08 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

lifeiswhatyoumake said:
OP, do you exercise/lift weights?




You got me.

I don't lift weights, but I am lean. Not a fat slob. I don't want to look like a muscular hunk, because it doesn't exactly fit in with my persona of being intellectual or my values. I don't really value "looking tough"... to me, that screams insecure. Again, it's just not me, and I can't change who I am.

To be honest though, I've thrown in the cards on this one and started lifting weights a week ago.


Quote:

VP123 said:
OP, maybe if you describe your typical dates, people here maybe able to contribute ideas. What works for some may not work for others. Maybe something less conventional than dinner, drinks or coffee. For some people physical activities like rock climbing works better (the physical exertion gets rid of the nervousness for both persons and makes social interaction easier). Maybe a concert if both have the same taste of music. Maybe a volunteer experience for both, etc.

If you describe a bit more the places you take your dates to and the nature of the interaction it may help figure out where the problem may be. If you are successful in other parts of your life, I bet your shyness is not the problem. I haven't seen anyone succeed by being shy with customers or co-workers. I doubt you work without interacting with anyone.





My first date is usually a FaceTime video call. If there's chemistry, I move it onto a sit-down event, like coffee or dinner. If that works, I then do a walking activity, like a museum. I'm actually fairly decent in converting first dates into a second or third date, but usually by the third date, they "discover" me. The last three women that dated me over the span of 2 years:

(1) Women #1 (4 dates): she told me that she wanted someone who was more of a "man", wasn't as anxiety-ridden.
(2) Women #2 (3 dates): told me that I needed to "relax more and just be myself"
(3) Women #3 (1 date): said she didn't like "quiet shy intellectual men".

Notice the theme here? Women don't like men who are like me. It's very clear they don't like soft spoken, shy, intellectual men. They don't.

At the end of the day, it doesn't how many dates I go on, I just got to be myself. And, if who I am, is fundamentally someone women don't like, it doesn't matter what activities I do and in what order I do them in.

You mention physical activities like rock climbing. Fuck no! That doesn't fit my type of style at all. I prefer more "getting to know you"-styled dates, where I can ask questions and learn (gee, that's novel for extroverts to understand, right?) That's why I like coffee and FaceTime. I don't feel comfortable doing an activity with someone who I don't even know what their personality or interests are like.

As for work, my shyness has definitely been a problem. I became a millionaire the old fashioned way, just through choosing a high-earning profession, grinding it out, and investing in the stock market. That's it. I've been fired two times in the span of 10 years, explicitly because I'm "not assertive" and "can't sit with a CEO", so, yeah, my shyness has hindered my professional success for SURE.

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:


Some places you might meet a shy woman:

Anime Convention
Book Convention
Comic Book/Movie/Geeky Convention
Art/Dance Convention
Music Festival (especially moody, chill, low-key, alternative, introspective music)
Volunteering Activities/Helping the Community
National Parks
Solo-friendly Sports like Golf, Bowling, Frisbee Golf, Soccer, Basketball
Libraries
Museums
Exhibits

I hope this list helps you.




It does. Now, where do I find them? I've walked around museums before, and women don't appear to want anything to do with me. They're generally with other groups, etc.

**

I'm depressed. The more I think of it, the more helpless I feel.

I just don't get why it's this hard to find a woman. I feel like most people are able to get relationships easily, it's just maintaining them that is hard. Turn on any radio, and they are all talking about relationships. I feel like I lack something so fundamental to human existence. I don't get why I'm so unique. It should not be this hard.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28435859 - 08/16/23 08:52 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

You aren't that unique. You need to work on yourself. I think you're getting decent signal that women are turned off by your (INSERT THING RELATED TO ANXIETY/NEGATIVE SELF-TALK/UNCONFIDENCE HERE). The order of operations is nested, but does have a vector direction toward it: first you get confident in yourself, then you attract a high value mate.

If you go the other way (mate --> confidence) you are probabilistically more likely to attract a low quality mate that you resent, then break up and find that you never had confidence in the first place. Run towards your anxiety. You're single and untethered presumably, so you really can do that (INSERT WILD ACTIVITY HERE THAT SCARES YOU a.k.a. LIVE YOUR LIFE).

Just my 2c, hope it stirs something inside you. If it does, try to understand that. If it doesn't, then let it fly.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28435863 - 08/16/23 08:58 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Quote:

lifeiswhatyoumake said:


You mention physical activities like rock climbing. Fuck no! That doesn't fit my type of style at all. I prefer more "getting to know you"-styled dates, where I can ask questions and learn (gee, that's novel for extroverts to understand, right?) That's why I like coffee and FaceTime. I don't feel comfortable doing an activity with someone who I don't even know what their personality or interests are like.






This may also be telling; why are you uncomfortable living life in settings where you don't know the person? Do you not trust others? That's totally understandable if yes, but that's something women... no, people in general, can smell from a mile away. Not being able to trust on some level can indicate that you are untrustworthy. Would you date someone you suspected was untrusting? Trusting others, even if it is as little as trusting someone else to enjoy (INSERT YOUR FAVOURITE ACTIVITY HERE) with you, another thing you could consider working on.


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OfflineFridgedoor
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28435877 - 08/16/23 09:06 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I don't really value "looking tough"... to me, that screams insecure.



I get that, but that doesn't matter when you're obviously already insecure not looking tough right? I mean working out is not necessarily about superficial things like looking good or being perceived as "manly". It can also do something to your mental state like balancing you out emotionally and therefore have a positive effect on how you interact with others.


Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I'm depressed. The more I think of it, the more helpless I feel.

I just don't get why it's this hard to find a woman. I feel like most people are able to get relationships easily, it's just maintaining them that is hard. Turn on any radio, and they are all talking about relationships. I feel like I lack something so fundamental to human existence. I don't get why I'm so unique. It should not be this hard.




Maybe turn off the radio. Don't compare yourself to others. Do your own thing.

Have you already considered to let go of this and try to achieve something else? I am asking as I struggled to find someone during my teenage years and I got really depressed over that, asking myself very similar questions. It was only when I kind of gave up and focused on other things that I met someone that I actually ended up in a relationship with.

I don't think it's hard to find a woman, it is hard to find the right woman. Obviously that also goes the other way around. Pick your partner carefully.


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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: Fridgedoor]
    #28435890 - 08/16/23 09:33 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

OP, you're getting a lot of advice here but it's all good. I hope you can process it and maybe read over it if it starts to speak to you.

To the point of exercise being against intellectualism: it's not true. Studies show that resistance exercise, like lifting weights, literally helps restore cognitive function in the sick and helps preserve it into old age. It makes you SMARTER. Plato, in his Republic, decrees all the philosopher rulers start with a gymnastic regimen from a young age. Strength and smarts are partners, not opposites.


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #28435906 - 08/16/23 09:59 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Roflspammer said:
You aren't that unique. You need to work on yourself. I think you're getting decent signal that women are turned off by your (INSERT THING RELATED TO ANXIETY/NEGATIVE SELF-TALK/UNCONFIDENCE HERE). The order of operations is nested, but does have a vector direction toward it: first you get confident in yourself, then you attract a high value mate.

If you go the other way (mate --> confidence) you are probabilistically more likely to attract a low quality mate that you resent, then break up and find that you never had confidence in the first place. Run towards your anxiety. You're single and untethered presumably, so you really can do that (INSERT WILD ACTIVITY HERE THAT SCARES YOU a.k.a. LIVE YOUR LIFE).

Just my 2c, hope it stirs something inside you. If it does, try to understand that. If it doesn't, then let it fly.




Thanks, this was actually pretty good, as well as your comment about trusting other people a bit more in settings that I don't know them in. Unfortunately, again, I have pretty much every anxiety disorder in the book, and it makes it really difficult to do any of what you are suggesting.

Basically, you all are saying variations of... I need to develop confidence. I can still be shy and introverted, but I need to develop confidence. But what if I'm just innately a very unconfident person? I'm not confident about virtually anything in life; I don't know how anyone is.

I think people are taking for granted the ability to become confident.

I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder. To give you an idea, this is the diagnostic criteria (5 or more need to be met; I meet all but one.

- Ideas of reference (but not delusions of reference)
- Odd beliefs or magical thinking (e.g. the supernatural or special connection or bond to an abuser)
- Unusual perceptional experiences (hearing a voice, dissociative experiences, illusions, etc.)
- Odd thought and speech (e.g. jumping from one topic to another)
- Eccentric behavior and/or appearance
- Paranoid ideation
- Moods and facial expressions that don't match each other or the situation
- Few to no close supports
- Excessive social anxiety that remains even with familiar people


Of relevance is "excessive social anxiety that remains even with familiar people. Fuck, I get nervous talking to my brothers! It's hard for me to talk to the bank teller. I've tried developing social skills and, honestly, the more exposure I get interacting with other people, I definitely don't think it makes me more confident. I think it really just makes me more annoyed at other humans.

I really think I'm shit out of luck.


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28435911 - 08/16/23 10:04 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Because I have schizotypal personality, my social anxiety doesn't go away with increased exposure to the person. At least not after until MANY times of exposure. And it's always rough the first time I meet someone new, no matter what.

Personality disorders are notoriously difficult to change, there's no medicine for it, and some argue it simply can't be changed.

I think you all are presuming one can become confident, but that's just not in the cards for me.

I'm not sure why our culture has so much of a boner towards "confidence". It's not even that good of a trait to have in my books. I like nervous, shy, introspective, and humble.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: Rache2020]
    #28435951 - 08/16/23 10:52 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Rache2020 said:
So you haven't mentioned to any of these women that you're a millionaire yet am guessing lol.




LOL that would for sure do the trick getting into bed huh? For sure FTW. Things of that nature. Simply of the nature of sleeping with women because you mentioned you're a millionaire


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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 2
    #28435972 - 08/16/23 11:31 AM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Because I have schizotypal personality, my social anxiety doesn't go away with increased exposure to the person. At least not after until MANY times of exposure. And it's always rough the first time I meet someone new, no matter what.

Personality disorders are notoriously difficult to change, there's no medicine for it, and some argue it simply can't be changed.

I think you all are presuming one can become confident, but that's just not in the cards for me.

I'm not sure why our culture has so much of a boner towards "confidence". It's not even that good of a trait to have in my books. I like nervous, shy, introspective, and humble.




Respectfully OP - this seems like a self sabotaging attitude. This is based on the idea that you 'cant be changed'. It's not true of anyone.

You have a certain type of personality. That doesn't mean you can't work with and develop that personality. Build the skills you have - use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses.

I don't agree that confidence is over-emphasized. In my mind it is neccesarily for all people - you can't exist in the world with no confidence. Even those who aren't outgoing need their own type of confidence. Confidence is simply acknowledging your abilities and believing in yourself. It's possible to be overconfident, but that isn't your problem here - you are dealing with a lack of it in your relationships, and so you should lean towards over rather than under to correct the imbalance.

You must in fact have some confidence if you have a million dollars. How could you make so many smart investments if you never believed in yourself? You have confidence in your job at least. You just don't have confidence in relationships.

I think you need a bit more respect for the skills and capacities you already have, which must be considerable.

I don't think I'll post more in this thread as I think you are getting a ton of advice and need time to process it. But I wanted to say being 'schizotypal' doesn't disqualify you from doing anything. Having a unique personality isn't a disorder. Work with who you are, respect who you are.

And I got to say, you should have skepticism about diagnoses of personality disorders such as this. Schizotypal personality sounds like schizophrenia, yet they diagnose it even if someone has no delusions and is not in any way sick... They diagnose it because someone thinks differently. It's a pathologizing of something that isn't a disease.


Edited by CreonAntigone (08/16/23 11:47 AM)


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Is it hard to find a shy woman? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #28436005 - 08/16/23 12:23 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:

Rache2020 said:
So you haven't mentioned to any of these women that you're a millionaire yet am guessing lol.




LOL that would for sure do the trick getting into bed huh? For sure FTW. Things of that nature. Simply of the nature of sleeping with women because you mentioned you're a millionaire




Haha no it was just a joke based on the fact he keeps casually telling us he's a millionaire. Which is kind of rare (at least where I come from!) I do get the impression he comes across as very high-brow and he's probably smarter than 95% of the population. Most average men and women are gonna struggle to find much in common with someone SO intellectually gifted. But I have confidence he will find that woman and settle down long-term.

Now I'm not an intellectual unfortunately, but I'm sure others on here will know where the smart chicks hang out?


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #28436012 - 08/16/23 12:29 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

I appreciate the great advice on here, but I don't think people are quite meeting me with where I'm at.

I definitely don't agree that you can just develop confidence... I think that's quite an assumption and presumes I haven't been trying to develop it for years. Believe me, my job has demanded it, and, when it's been demanded, I've failed. Again, I've been fired two times in the span of 10 years, because I was told I "lacked assertiveness" (strike one) and "could not hang with other executives" (strike two). The last job I left (strike three), the writing was on the wall, and I was told in my review that I lacked "situational awareness" and was "socially awkward". These are not things that I haven't tried to correct, especially with each successive occasion that's left me increasingly demoralized--it's more an aspect of my personality that is fundamentally very impossible for me to correct. Sure, not impossible, but very, very difficult.

Where do I go to meet other women in book clubs, art classes, and so forth? Where do I find these activities? And why would the women there even be interested in me? I live in Miami; I don't know where to find any activities shy, like-minded women are at.

I don't know how to translate the advice that I'm getting into practical action.


Edited by EternalDreamer (08/16/23 12:32 PM)


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28436018 - 08/16/23 12:33 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
Quote:

lifeiswhatyoumake said:
OP, do you exercise/lift weights?



I don't lift weights, but I am lean. Not a fat slob. I don't want to look like a muscular hunk, because it doesn't exactly fit in with my persona of being intellectual or my values. I don't really value "looking tough"... to me, that screams insecure. Again, it's just not me, and I can't change who I am.

To be honest though, I've thrown in the cards on this one and started lifting weights a week ago.




You don't have to look like a muscular hunk to get the benefits of exercise/weight lifting.
I read a study recently that said something like lifting heavy weights even for 30 seconds a day can positively effect your health. 
I run and lift weights for a few reasons:

1. it's healthy.  When you're healthy you feel better and more confident.  When you feel better you attract more girls/boys.
2. it feels good.  You get that natural high from endorphins, serotonin, dopamine.
3. you can meet other like-minded people trying to better themselves.

What kind of exercise/weight lifting have you been doing the last few weeks?

I don't think you understand what "insecure" means because lifting weights isn't an obvious sign of being insecure.  It's just a sign of someone wanting to better themself. 

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."

- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"The resistance that you fight physically in the gym and the resistance that you fight in life can only build a strong character."

-  Arnold Schwarzenegger






Quote:

EternalDreamer said:

My first date is usually a FaceTime video call. If there's chemistry, I move it onto a sit-down event, like coffee or dinner. If that works, I then do a walking activity, like a museum.





hell ya, I love museum dates.
I started talking to this one girl online for a few weeks, then we had out first date at a science museum.
After walking around for an hour or so we went outside and sat at a bench for a while.
Eventually, I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes.  This was the first date still, don't forget.
We were together for many months after that.
Maybe you should try to make a move earlier than you currently do?  And by "move" I mean kiss.  Make sure to ask politely and look her in the eyes when you do.



Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I'm actually fairly decent in converting first dates into a second or third date, but usually by the third date, they "discover" me.




What, do they see your reptilian skin showing from when your pants are rolled up too high or something? 


Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
The last three women that dated me over the span of 2 years:

(1) Women #1 (4 dates): she told me that she wanted someone who was more of a "man", wasn't as anxiety-ridden.
(2) Women #2 (3 dates): told me that I needed to "relax more and just be myself"
(3) Women #3 (1 date): said she didn't like "quiet shy intellectual men".






Everyone is different.  yes, some girls won't like quiet, shy intellectual men.  Others will love them.  Just keep your chin up and looking and you'll find the right one for you, I promise.





Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I'm depressed. The more I think of it, the more helpless I feel.




Bro, trust me, exercise/lifting weights will help combat depression.  Get into a routine and stick to it.  You'll see how much it can help.


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:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake] * 1
    #28436120 - 08/16/23 02:07 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

All, thanks for the advice on here--it's really helpful.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: EternalDreamer]
    #28436168 - 08/16/23 02:47 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
I appreciate the great advice on here, but I don't think people are quite meeting me with where I'm at.

Where do I go to meet other women in book clubs, art classes, and so forth? Where do I find these activities? And why would the women there even be interested in me? I live in Miami; I don't know where to find any activities shy, like-minded women are at.

I don't know how to translate the advice that I'm getting into practical action.




Well, do your research! Look online for local events. Keep doing research on local events where shy women would gather at.

Also, I forgot you were in Miami. Miami is probably the worst place to find a shy woman, probably why you are having so little luck with finding a woman. As a general stereotype, women who live in Miami are probably really outgoing and desire men who are as well.

Check out this cool map showing personalities by region in the US: https://www.16personalities.com/country-profiles/global/united-states#global

Have you considered moving to New Mexico, West Virgina, Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire or the Pacific Northwest?


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OfflinePatchouli_Savage
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Re: Is it hard to find a woman? [Re: EternalDreamer] * 6
    #28436175 - 08/16/23 02:53 PM (5 months, 10 days ago)

Lots of good advice in this thread.

I'm wondering if you genuinely enjoy spending time with yourself? Most confident people I know genuinely enjoy their own company, whether they're shy or extroverted.

Also, it sounds like your disposition would be off-putting for me in person. There is nothing attractive about people who settle for partners they don't really want just to be partnered. As far as your shyness goes; shy men aren't off-putting to me so much as insecure men (and there is a difference, just like there is a difference between confidence and machismo). 

You keep asking how to magically cultivate confidence- I think confidence stems from forming a healthy relationship with yourself first and foremost.

It sounds like you've achieved the material markers of success and are blessed with good genetics- but how do you really feel about yourself as a person if you strip away your material wealth and your looks?


--------------------
"You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"


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