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Offlinelilalolo
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Registered: 08/25/20
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Last seen: 6 months, 4 days
First Major Trip - a universal search for meaning by consciousness * 1
    #28403108 - 07/21/23 04:30 PM (6 months, 4 days ago)

I am writing the following as 'truths' or statements of fact, because that is how it felt to me as I experienced it. I do not claim to know some ultimate secrets of reality, in fact, I feel like I just got a glimpse of something. That being said, this experience will definitely shape my understanding of our collective life going forward. Most of this is from the notes I wrote down in the week or so after the experience, a lot more happened during the trip but it proved too complex and conceptually difficult to bring back with me in any meaningful way to normal reality. I'm not a writer, so bear with me, I'm using some clunky language to try and express what I experienced.

---
Before this trip, I had attempted to trip four times with different batches of mushrooms. I tried 2g cubensis, 2.5g cubensis, 35g truffles and 3g cubensis. Each time I got a 5/6 minute 'come-up' period where I noticed light visuals and a body high, which promptly gave way to nothing. I am not sure why I am so resistant to mushroom trips, as each time it was on an empty stomach and with a lot of preparation - meditation, intention setting, vegetarian diet etc. I have twice taken a tab of LSD and neither time did I experience anything except a body high and ultra brief periods of mild visual effects throughout the following hours, like for a minute at a time. I don't take any SSRIs or similar.

I must stress that I absolutely do not advise anyone else to take this much mushrooms in one go! I was a bit shocked at myself afterwards and it really could have gone in another direction, but I'm glad it didn't.
---

This time I decided to take 3.8g lemon Tek on an empty stomach. Again, not much happened visually or mentally but my pupils dilated and my body felt slightly 'buzzy'. I waited a long time and then decided to take the plunge with another 3g. After a while, my room looked slightly psychedelic for a few minutes and then the effects disappeared.

After 70 mins with little noticeable further effects, I decided to consume another 9g of dried cubensis, (powdered and in capsules). I know for a fact that the mushrooms were of typical potency, as two friends had each successfully used 2.5g of the same batch.

My memory after this point is a bit blurry, and I feel as though I briefly fell asleep, as a short period of time seems to be missing from my memory until I woke up (or came to awareness) in bed, finally tripping. I was wearing eye shades.

From this point on, I saw beautiful visions that did not seem separate from myself.

I saw and FELT a vision of the original source of consciousness in the universe, coming to awareness and reckoning with the implications of being aware. It was like a cloud in a void, which formed a foetal shape of red and beige hues. It was deeply moving and emotional

I felt its pain at being conscious and alone, struggling to find meaning in its own existence. I also felt that it felt a deep sense of beauty and marvel at being conscious.

I interpret(ed) this consciousness as God, but a very different God to the one that is usually presented. This God was not complete, it was eager to grow and develop and expand in complexity. It needed to create sense and meaning in a void. It needed to split and limit its omnipotence in order to develop.

I witnessed the universe and organic life develop from its probing search for meaning, from consciousness' search to understand itself.

I saw how millions and millions of lives were like tendrils of this consciousness-God, and how the creation of human lives allowed God a chance to grow and change, to feed a constant flow of new developments in consciousness (ideas, feelings and experiences) back to the source. The other parts of nature were also an attempt to express itself in a new form.

I saw God posing meaning-questions that pulsed through many many lives, though the people they pulsed through were oblivious to how their lives were connected, many tiny individual elements in one grand search for meaning. The same questions were posed through lives of different historical, technological and cultural contexts

I saw a kind of conscious-searching-meaning-energy shoot through millions of people and millions of interactions (people interacting with one other and with the physical world), as consciousness formed a network of minds with which it could interact with itself. I hope this is not too difficult to follow.

It was somehow explained to me through these images that some sort of limitation on the original consciousness was needed so that growth could take place, that full omnipotence would be a barrier to new ideas and developments, that is why each human mind primarily has access only to what it has learned and encountered in the material world. Lives die off and are replaced with new lives, each an evolution and change from what came before it. Separation from one another is a necessary illusion, but we are all like separate faces to one brain.

I saw how pain and suffering were an integral part of life, as they allow patterns of meaning to emerge and take form. I experienced that we feel pain and suffering in a similar way to how the original Consciousness did as it became aware. Without it, our lives would be a futile exploration of what it means to exist.

I saw a deep deep core search at the fundamental level of existence, as an overarching awareness puzzles and probes what it means to exist, what it means that it can feel, conceptualise, experience.

This felt kind of bittersweet. It contained all of human emotion at once. I saw nodes and branches of meaning stretching through humanity, and felt something that operated like a discerning-meaning-sieve that combs through millions of lives searching for something. There was a terrible and beautiful piercing emotion through all of this, a searing passionate feeling that combined so many complex emotions that it is difficult to describe but it was hopeful and deeply sorrowful all at once. A tender, raw feeling, that I feel must somehow shape and animate the human search for meaning. This feeling vibrates through our lives and unconsciously connects us, even if we seem totally at odds with one another. I am reminded of the Shakespeare quote 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players'. We are consciousness improvising a play with itself to see what emerges. Our lives all form one deep boundless well of experience that makes up God (?)

I saw stories of great complexity, both beautiful and horrifying. Much of this I struggled to bring back with me, but for example, I could understand how climate change is a problem posed by consciousness to itself, as the natural world and the ocean of human mind are one and the same at the fundamental level. The destruction of the natural world mirrors developments in consciousness and human society, and how consciousness responds this crisis (through us, millions of individuals with varying views, understandings and society-shaping-abilities) felt very important, one of the overarching 'stories' (acts/questions/tests?) of this stage of consciousness.


The trip got more down to earth after this.

As I became aware of myself once more, I acutely understood how the pain and emotions of my own life are felt through me by God, and mirror those felt by the fundamental consciousness itself. I saw a hunger for meaning in my own life, and a need to contribute my small part to the overarching meaning of existence. I also felt a deep sense of comfort, that I was just a tiny part of the massive project of consciousness, and that most of my worries were trivial and irrelevant to what is really important, the search for meaning and understanding that animates the universe. The universe and human reality is all just a means to feel through, express and explore the deep emotions of conscious existence.



On one page of my notes I just wrote:

Life is fundamentally the tension of meaning-search vs being. Take time to just feel, it needs to be FELT through us by the experiencer. Meditate on this.

Networks/currents/waves/branches/tendrils of meaning are feeling it out through us all.
-----

I'm not a super serious person but this contained some deep deep emotion for me and I feel like I can access that emotion radiating from my chest ever since. I am going to try and remain aware of this burning emotion that feels inherent to conscious awareness going forward. Being conscious contains inherent pain but it is also infinitely beautiful.


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Offlinelilalolo
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Registered: 08/25/20
Posts: 3
Last seen: 6 months, 4 days
Re: First Major Trip - a universal search for meaning by consciousness [Re: lilalolo]
    #28403113 - 07/21/23 04:46 PM (6 months, 4 days ago)

Just to add something, I recently did a 10 day Vipasanna meditation course. 5 days in, I suddenly had beautiful open-eyed psychedelic visuals when walking outside after a great session of meditation. Until then, I had never experienced visuals like that, and they were finally experienced without taking any substance at all (+ for many months beforehand). This experience is actually what prompted my renewed attempts with psychedelics. Has anyone ever naturally achieved visuals like that without the use of a substance? It has not happened since, sober or not.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
Re: First Major Trip - a universal search for meaning by consciousness [Re: lilalolo] * 1
    #28405672 - 07/23/23 09:09 PM (6 months, 2 days ago)

of course - vipassana can be superbe.
I do a form of it daily.
attending the breath and being aware of and open to fleeting mental contents is a great practice.
the feeling is something like waves at a beach mixed with kaleidoscopic honesty


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


Edited by redgreenvines (08/11/23 12:06 PM)


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OfflineSoul Flight
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Registered: 05/04/23
Posts: 236
Last seen: 20 hours, 37 minutes
Re: First Major Trip - a universal search for meaning by consciousness [Re: redgreenvines]
    #28411698 - 07/28/23 01:29 PM (5 months, 28 days ago)

Beautiful post.

Vishnu is dreaming all realities. The brahman is all. Pythagoras had the monad. The Genesis story says "I am that I am." There is some creation story where God becomes self aware but then becomes fearful of some other but wonders who is this other?

I have also experienced some of what you experienced. I felt I was lonely or god was lonely and god has always been in search of finding an "other" or a wife or another god. But god is lonely and alone as the only awareness. So Krishna invented Rhada and god can love himself/herself. I felt god is tortured by being alone and eternity or no time or infinite time. But maybe I am anthropomorphizing god or projecting my own feelings onto god.

Very cool post. Thanks. :smile:


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Offlineshed light
Stranger
Registered: 08/06/23
Posts: 116
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: First Major Trip - a universal search for meaning by consciousness [Re: Soul Flight]
    #28428948 - 08/10/23 07:07 PM (5 months, 15 days ago)

What an incredible post.  I hope for some followup after sitting with it for a while.  Very beautiful and exceptionally clear for how complex of a subject it covers- very well done.  I'll go to bed tonight thinking about it.  Thanks for sharing!


--------------------
Love is everything
Life is good
The opposite of negativity is gratitude
Be KIND


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