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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #28410302 - 07/27/23 12:01 PM (5 months, 30 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:

My last piece of advice is watch Romantic Comedies and take notes on paper of what the guys do around the lady they are attracted to.




:thumbup:

I especially find romcoms from the 30's (and 40's) very insightful.

Rollo Tomassi's writings have really helped me to understand the dynamics around male female attraction, seduction, and courtship. Much of his focus is dismantling many wrong and inaccurate ideas men hold about women and he dissects some of the behaviors associated with attracting women.

Sometimes when I watch comedies from the 30's (It Happened One Night, My Man Godfrey, Platinum Blonde, Dinner at Eight, Nothing Sacred, The Merry Widow, etc) I holler at the screen because the writers were exposing some of the exact ideas that Rollo talks about today. He should do a Ted talk and use movie clips to demonstrate his points. 

Some of the ideas are simple.  If you treat a woman like she's a celebrity, she will treat you like a fan.


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OfflineRache2020
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Registered: 10/18/20
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28410795 - 07/27/23 07:12 PM (5 months, 29 days ago)

Quote:

I’m a 31 year old guy. I have a successful career, I’m said to be slightly above average looking. I do have bad social anxiety. I’m not charismatic. With that said, I just don’t get why I’m that much of an outlier in my inability to attract woman. At 31, I’m still a virgin.




Incels should take note of this-proves it's not got anything to do with looks or success (assuming OP is being truthful) I wonder why men seem to find dating so hard these days though. My parents met at dances (it sucks ballroom is not as popular anymore) it was easy back then. I feel like dating strategy has changed and men no longer want to do the approaching?


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
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Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: ashfiken] * 1
    #28412005 - 07/28/23 08:25 PM (5 months, 28 days ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
Quote:

EternalDreamer said:
So, I politely asked the girl who dumped me if she had any suggestions, and she kindly advised: "my only suggestion would be to relax and just be yourself more".

You see what my problem is? I have high social anxiety, shy, and am not confident... and this is built into my personality DNA. Acting otherwise forces me BE someone who I am NOT.

So it's either (a) I act out my shyness and nervousness and be authentic to who I am, or (b) be fake and conceal my shyness, and wind up look nervous anyway. Between the two, (a) is obviously preferred, but I don't think that's going to ever attract any woman.


How on Earth am I then ever going to be able to attract a woman, when consistently poll after poll indicates that women like men with confidence and men who take initiative? That's just not me.




I think this could help
You can't be shy AND nervous.
I would agree that your personality may very well not be best suited for "socializing" or w/e..
BUT!!!
The nervousness is the only part of your personality you will not easily lose..
Lots of ppl are nervous, and deal with it in a variety of ways, AND still come off as nervous! That's ok! Life isn't easy and most understand that except extremely privileged assets, who's company you don't want anyway!
However,
Shyness is just fear(in a social sense)
You have to get rid of this fear, in order to share your personality.
That is your must.
The way to do this is to simply realize that nothing is that serious or highly implicative here! It's a social interaction at whatever minimal or maximum it ends up as!
And many of is have 1000s of variable interactions in a day!
That can make one nervous itself
I think if you can realize nothing is serious enough be shy or in fear about then you can express whatever personality you have with anyone interested..





100% this. Stop worrying about it so much. If you're not so worried about how people perceive you people will be more receptive to you.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Last seen: 37 minutes, 35 seconds
Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #28412572 - 07/29/23 09:03 AM (5 months, 28 days ago)

Quote:

CookieCrumbs said:

Stop worrying about it so much. If you're not so worried about how people perceive you people will be more receptive to you.




:thumbup:

So called "social anxiety" or feelings of self-consciousness are egotistical cognitive behaviors.  It's a totally inward focus and gives off a nasty distasteful odor.  One might say social anxiety is related to narcissism.  It's all about ME, ME, ME


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
I DID-DENT
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28412997 - 07/29/23 03:20 PM (5 months, 28 days ago)

OP this guy has some perfect advice for you

https://www.tiktok.com/@metaljeremynebraska/video/7149066856148536622?_t=8XPt5VJ5HGU&_r=1

It'll work if you're a millionaire :rofl:


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28413026 - 07/29/23 03:59 PM (5 months, 28 days ago)

I mean I have alot of social anxiety but I stopped worrying so much about people being able to tell that I have anxiety and am acting weird and it's improved substantially. I was getting anxiety about my anxiety.

I really like what was said about it being okay to be nervous. Especially if that's just apart of how you are.

Imo you go alot further embracing it and letting things be as they will. Lots of people are understanding and those are the people I want in my life. For those who aren't then that's fine. Their loss.

Much better to just roll with it than to try to project confidence. I've become more confident in just being who I am.


And I feel that's especially relevant to OP.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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InvisibleTerry A. Davis
Divine Intellect
Male

Registered: 07/29/23
Posts: 1
Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #28413545 - 07/30/23 06:11 AM (5 months, 27 days ago)

Polarity generates attraction.
So what you should think about is why are you closer to the feminine than the masculine.

Some hints:

Dopamine feedback loops
Prolactin
Porn addiction / Masturbation
Estrogenic processed foods
Contraceptives in tap water
Insulin spikes
Sacred Secretion


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InvisibleJess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher
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Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Lynnch]
    #28415624 - 07/31/23 09:35 PM (5 months, 25 days ago)

> have you ever steered a conversation with the intention of learning if a woman is single and a potential partner?

yeah, watch a situation comedy to see how "the nerd inquiry" goes in real life. Hey:

It doesn't.

And the only thing worse than watching that embarrassing spectacle is being on the receiving side of it.

Look, your process needs to execute in a different context. Stop trying to simulate being a person on their stage. They all have the script. You don't know the play, the day, or the way.

Nevertheless, if you describe yourself accurately, you are the perfect guy, the one we're all looking for. A genuinely friendly, nice guy who's not a selfish jerk. Someone we can trust for real With our secrets and our life.

You're probably not going to lie to us or turn into an insane monster or fuck other women in secret. If you want to do it in a threesome though, that's great! Bring the secretary and her stupid husband home for playtime!

That is, if you're actually at least average attractive, like you say. Don't lie to yourself about that, Poindexter. The research of Elaine Hatfield shows how devastatingly critical appearance is in every possible interaction. Especially this interaction.

Would you date a wrinkled old woman, or an ugly fat lady?

Yes, the question is shocking. But only because it's important and real! No one  would be shocked by asking if he would date a Wizard or a ghost.

Some people ARE  old ladies, see, and we don't get to be shocked by the question. We don't get anything at all. So pay attention to your appearance.

Now then, young Skywalker...

You need to be in a context that is not overtly about mating. I should  have been in the journalism club in high school because I like to write. I would've sat next to people laying out, uhh, the newspaper. So to speak....

see, that's the problem: Contradictory Concurrent Contexts. This is a situation that the left brain can't handle. And if your right brain is as nonfunc as a space pod in a hotel room, you're shit out of luck.

you'll crash and burn when you realize you're permanently disconnected from other people, rotating alone between galaxies. You'll wake up next to the wreckage, doomed to endure the rest of the nightmare completely alone — waiting for death to disassemble you and release your mass into the galaxy.

That sucks. But THC lets you take your journey inward. When your high as a muhh fuhh, you can understand the universe while you're waiting to for the blessed release of falling over on the floor. It's not so bad.

Particularly here in The Future.


Edited by Jess_Fukket (07/31/23 09:46 PM)


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OnlineJoh.Ke
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Registered: 07/03/23
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Rache2020] * 2
    #28418944 - 08/03/23 03:43 PM (5 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Rache2020 said:
I wonder why men seem to find dating so hard these days though. My parents met at dances (it sucks ballroom is not as popular anymore) it was easy back then. I feel like dating strategy has changed and men no longer want to do the approaching?




The culture has changed, I think.  Nowadays if a guy chats up a girl at work, and she doesn't find him attractive, she can complain to the HR about him.  And it's not just at work.  A lot of women have become unfriendly towards advances from men in general.  This demoralizes men and makes them give up before even trying.


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Joh.Ke] * 2
    #28420626 - 08/04/23 02:58 PM (5 months, 22 days ago)

Yes like the act of attraction is against some form of ethic..


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List


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OfflineRache2020
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Registered: 10/18/20
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Last seen: 21 hours, 40 seconds
Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Joh.Ke]
    #28420877 - 08/04/23 07:04 PM (5 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:

Joh.Ke said:
Quote:

Rache2020 said:
I wonder why men seem to find dating so hard these days though. My parents met at dances (it sucks ballroom is not as popular anymore) it was easy back then. I feel like dating strategy has changed and men no longer want to do the approaching?




The culture has changed, I think.  Nowadays if a guy chats up a girl at work, and she doesn't find him attractive, she can complain to the HR about him.  And it's not just at work.  A lot of women have become unfriendly towards advances from men in general.  This demoralizes men and makes them give up before even trying.




Yeh that's really sad. I always hate it when you see women rejecting men in a mean way, so unnecessary. I imagine it must be hard for men to get the balance right between showing interest and coming on too strong. Don't know what the solution is :confused:


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA Flag
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Joh.Ke]
    #28421019 - 08/04/23 08:32 PM (5 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:

Joh.Ke said:

The culture has changed, I think.  Nowadays if a guy chats up a girl at work, and she doesn't find him attractive, she can complain to the HR about him.  And it's not just at work.  A lot of women have become unfriendly towards advances from men in general.  This demoralizes men and makes them give up before even trying.




:thumbup:

Approaching a woman is 100X more difficult now because so many people are staring at their phone.  When a man sees a woman he wants to flirt with, and she is transfixed by her phone, he feels aversion to breaking her attention.  Spontaneous flirting is dead, or nearly dead.

Also, for many, "feminist independence" and "female empowerment" means not needing a man.  Women who are "gender nonconforming" means they can find one of the other 42 genders. Men are now just one of dozens of other options.

BTW, you'll NEVER see a college course called "Male Studies"

Men don't even deserve a course.  The evil patriarchy!!!


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InvisibleJess_Fukket
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28425672 - 08/08/23 11:58 AM (5 months, 18 days ago)

>for many, "feminist independence" and "female empowerment" means not needing a man.

Not for very many. Virtually every woman except me is either married or is going to be. I never will because I'm autistic and crazy and 43. It's a 3 strikes thang.

Look, calm down and think of all the women you work with. How many of them are married or have boyfriends, and how many are lesbians?

See, before you can solve a problem, you have to tell yourself the truth about it. In this case, the actual problem is that you're revolting and crude and stupid and ugly, you live with your parents at 34, you fall in love with girls in cartoons, you don't have any male friends either, you don't have a job, you don't own a car, and you blame it on the women at bars who politely decline your mumbling, stumbling, bumbling attempts to fuck them and secretly record it.

Jocelyn Bell discovered pulsars. Her supervisor told her there was nothing happening, but she did anyway against his wishes. He stole the credit, won the Nobel Prize when he didn't have anything to do with it, and nobody knew her name until many years later when she told a friend.

That's what lack of empowerment is. You think it's funny.

To a lesser extent, that's happened to me my whole life. Same with every other smart woman.

Though I don't, second-wave feminists call that system a "patriarchy." Unlike them, I don't think it's even loosely organized. Unlike you, they don't think it's funny.

So fuck you, angry little boy! Yank off to my naked pix and crave what you can't have because you're an angry, presumptuous asshole.  I got my own problems.

...Say, have you ever taken a look at men? I certainly have!

I can confirm that being spanked and ass-raped by fat old drunks is humiliating, but with your attitude about women, I guess it's the best you can get

...and more than you deserve!!


Edited by Jess_Fukket (08/10/23 10:07 AM)


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Offlinehuey.bluey
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: EternalDreamer] * 1
    #28425697 - 08/08/23 12:35 PM (5 months, 18 days ago)

I feel ya brother. I would not say I have social anxiety per say. I just don't like enjoy talking with humans. I'm extremely introverted. I do not have many friends. I don't even have a job right now, I'm just a humble mushroom farmer and open source programmer.

Honestly my goal and passion in life has never been to obtain and fuck pussy. I would consider myself asexual which is lame, but I also take some pride in this. I don't have to really maintain any relationships or contacts. Its really easy. I just satisfy my primal urges without paying anyone a dime. I don't have to take anyone out, pay for their shit, or show anyone attention but my own self. In its own way, its a blessing. I guess pussy would taste good; I am more into practical stuff that actually changes my life. Like knowledge and art. One-day ill connect with a woman who has similar passions as me. Should happen naturally; I don't want to just hook up on tinder and sporulate into a 7/10 and suddenly i have a kid or some dependency. yuck yeah not till im like 35 or 40 I wanna even start having kids and a long dependency structure.


--------------------
:mushroom2: huey.bluey's Trading List


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InvisiblePastywhyteMDiscord
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Jess_Fukket]
    #28425941 - 08/08/23 04:21 PM (5 months, 18 days ago)

I have read this thread with a mixed level of amusement and interest. The reactions and responses are interesting. Anytime I go to add my comments though I find that it feels like too much effort to put down thoughts laden with nuance and consideration. That's pretty much how I feel about dating now. Would I like to find a good woman to share life with? Absolutely. But I can't risk it now. I've had 2 long term relationships in my life and both ended terribly, one in tragic loss, the other with malicious and calculated attacks on my character.

To the OP I would say to not worry about not finding someone. It's not a knock against you, some people just don't fit in this world. I'm 6'2, in great shape, take care of myself, have a good job etc. But it's not in the cards for me. Maybe you're in a similar situation. People on the internet might enjoy calling us fat incels and to them I say cool. Personally I know now that there are worse things than being alone. Being with someone who doesn't respect or love you and treats you horribly is worse. Better to be alone and if it's meant to be someday then it will. Until then be good with yourself. Cultivate and nurture the relationships you do have. Check in on your friends and family. Be a decent person. A girlfriend might seem to be the answer to fulfillment in your life but, in time that person could also be the reason you no longer want to keep living. Even a great relationship can end in tragedy.


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OfflineEternalDreamer
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Re: I feel like I’m completely unable to attract a woman [Re: Pastywhyte]
    #28433876 - 08/14/23 01:58 PM (5 months, 12 days ago)

I don't understand how it's this hard to attract a women. I'm literally on 3 different apps, swiping yes on virtually everyone (barring any serious red flags), and I wind up with a trickle. Yesterday, after a month of that process of getting rejected, I found another match.

I was so excited! We had so much in common, we both like psychedelics and weed, we both use it "maturely", and we're both into spirituality! We're both INTJs! We're both introverted and weird! Sounds great, right?

We go to dinner, and she's stoned. I thought it was a little questionable choice, but I was like... okay, I get it. You have to understand. I'm probably going to sound arrogant here (and apologies for being a little offensive), but just so you get the picture...

Picture this: it's a fancy bar (average meal: $40) a millionaire 31 year old, sweet, shy hippie with decent head of hair & good job sitting across from a 28-year old hippie, who works as a secretary. You would think SHE would be desperate for ME, but, instead, I'm desperate for her and she can take me or leave me. I asked her some good, engaging questions. The conversation wasn't bad at all, but, again, I could tell that she was more (how do I say it) more "social" than I. Like, she actually hangs out and is able to attract people in her life, unlike me. Good for her. Like, people want to actually be with her.

I gave her a hug and told her it would be great to meet up again. She then ghosted me (after telling me at lunch that she doesn't like to do that to people).

I can understand it being difficult to attract women, but I don't understand why it's THIS difficult. I feel like I'd rather walk on lava than deal with a constant cycle of rejection, social anxiety, confusion, expectation-build up, and ultimate disappointment. And, we haven't even gotten to the part of actually maintaining a relationship, let alone through kids and trials.

It just confuses me out of my mind how people talk about relationships as if they are so easy to get. Turn on the radio, and 99 times out of 100, it's about some love relationship. Love relationships are almost as ubiquitous as air. People seem to generally have a tough time MAINTAINING them, but not exactly in getting them. And it's crazy how many terrible men that are able to attract women--men, who are lazy, violent, emotionally unavailable, immoral, etc.

Quote:

Pastywhyte said:
To the OP I would say to not worry about not finding someone. It's not a knock against you, some people just don't fit in this world. I'm 6'2, in great shape, take care of myself, have a good job etc. But it's not in the cards for me. Maybe you're in a similar situation.




Thanks. Yes, I am in that situation. It hurts to say it, but I don't think having a relationship is in the cards for me. I really want a relationship, so it hurts a lot, but I don't think it's in the cards.


Edited by EternalDreamer (08/14/23 02:19 PM)


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