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Offlinesykobish
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I'm just looking for strength.
    #2841938 - 06/30/04 01:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I'm dating this guy and he's great.. sometimes.  In the beginning, he was always the one that wanted to see me, wanted me to come to his house, wanted to come to mine, wanted to take me out.. he treated me like a princess.

We were seeing each other for 2 months before HE decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend.  For the first three days after he asked me out, I asked him if he was sure, since he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship.  He insisted that he was.  Everything was great.  He knows how understanding and easy going I am.  Lately he's been taking advantage of that.

For the past 2 weeks, I have tried to explain to him how I felt about it.  He's a busy guy and I understand that.  I have never pressured him into making time for me but lately I've been getting upset with him because he is constantly making plans with me and breaking them.  There's nothing I hate more than that.  I hate empty promises and false hope.  I've asked him repeatedly that if he doesn't think he can fullfill the plans he makes with me, then to not make them.  I have tried to make it clear that I won't care just as long as he doesn't tell me he will do something and then turn around and not do it.

When he feels that he's losing me, he goes out of his way to make me happy and 'win me back' but the second he does, he falls back into his same old routine.  We've been together (seeing and dating) for 3 months.  There was already one time that I began to get over him and decided that it was final and I wasn't going to do it anymore.  Then he again, convinced me otherwise.  He said he would be more appreciative of me so I gave him another chance.

I'm at the point where I have to make a decision.  I feel that I've already made it and all I'm looking for with this post is some strength.  I'm not breaking up with him but I'm putting my foot down and I'm going to begin to do things more for myself instead of keeping his feelings in perspective and if he can't handle that and continues to want to see me all the time when it's good for him then he's gonna hafta either get over it, or find someone else.

I mean, I really care about this guy.  And I do enjoy doing things for him.  And he continues to tell me that he wants to be with me and see me and everything but it's always on HIS time.. it's always when he wants it.  If I'm busy or have other plans, it's a big deal to him.  I've known him for many years and I really enjoy being with him which is why I usually include him when he wants to be.. but he's becoming very selfish.  It breaks my heart to tell him that I don't want to see him but it's something I have to do for myself.  If this continues, he will think he can walk all over me and he can't.

I need strength to not let my heart allow him to have his way like a whiney little baby.  I need strength to distance myself from him and not give so much to him when he wants it.  It really bothers me the way he's gotta have it his way all the time.  Don't get me wrong.. he does do things for me.  But they are few and far between and everytime he does do something like that for me, I always let him know that I appreciate it.  But he nevers shows that he appreciates anything that I do.  I'm not looking for praise all the time when I do something nice for him but it would be nice to be acknowledged that I do go out of my way sometimes for him when he wants or needs it.

I don't know.  I'm happy with him but I'm beginning to see that he's taking my kindness, understanding and easy going attitude for granted and I don't even think he realizes it.  I've tried to talk to him about it but he says he's not.. Anyway..

Thanks for listening.
:heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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OfflineRedstorm
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2841988 - 06/30/04 01:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Don't let anyone take advantage of you, girl. You are a kind soul, and people can see that. Unfortunately, people take liberties with people like you.

You need to put your foot down and not allow him to treat you like shit. Let him know you won't stand for it, and if he doesn't like it, then tough shit.

You know I will always be there for you, and you can have all of my strength you need.

If you need a shoulder, you know how to reach me.

:heart:


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2841995 - 06/30/04 01:46 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

here....have some strength :grin:

if you already know what you need to do, then do it...no one should feel they are being taken advantage of, especialy from a boyfriend/girlfriend...shit, next time he makes plans with ya, just say ya what ever, and make your own plans...


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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OfflineCaden
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Registered: 06/28/04
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2842014 - 06/30/04 01:49 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

You gotta believe in yourself in put on a little mask when you tell him all this. if he trys to change your mind think of all the false promisses he's already messed up. and think of the way you feel when he does that stuff to you.but yea, Just let him know striat up that your NOT taking his crap anymore! I believe in you :smile: keep us updated. Best Wishes!

:heartpump: Caden


--------------------
We the Unwilling, Led by the Unknowing, Are doing the Impossible, For the Ungreatful, We have done so Much, For so Long, With so Little, We are now qualified to do ANYTHING wiht NOTHING!


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: Redstorm]
    #2842091 - 06/30/04 02:11 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Redstorm: I know sweety.  And I appreciate it. I hope you never think that your kind words or the fact that you are always there for me goes un-noticed.  It never does.

wrestler_az: I don't want to break up with him because I know he is capable of being a good guy when he wants to be and I really don't think he understands or sees that he's taking advantage of me this way.  I sound like someone with BWS and that scares me. (Battered Wife Syndrome) That's when someone will stay with their bf or gf because they hang on to that hope that they will return back to being the person they were in the beginning.  That's where I need the strength.  I've already taken him back too many times and I just want to be able to walk away when / if he continues to do what he's doing.  I've given him enough time to understand and talked to him enough about it that it's his choice now.  The ball is in his court.  I just need the strength to not let my 'motherly personality' allow him to keep this up.  If he doesn't smarten up, I've got to leave.  There's no question about it because if I don't, it won't get any better and he will continue to fall back into the same routine.  This is his last chance to make a difference before I pack up and leave.

Caden: I'm gonna stand by my guns.  I have to.  If I don't, I'm just going to be a disappointment to myself and I refuse to let that happen.  I need to keep in mind that I've done all I can, I've been as nice and forgiving as I can and as understanding and easy going as I can but if he doesn't open his eyes and see what's going on, chances of him realizing before it's too late are very slim.  Shitty thing about it, is that I've never enjoyed being around someone so much, when he's not being a prick.  I like to see him smile and all the other little things that most people overlook in a relationship.  I love hearing him snore at night, holding his hand, giving him little kisses here and there.. He's perfect in every way, other than the fact that he doesn't show any appreciation for me when I do go far out of my way for him and when he breaks plans with me all the time. Those may not seem like extremely big things to end a relationship over to some people, but it is to me.  And I really hope he doesn't drive me to do that. :crying:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2842599 - 06/30/04 06:24 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

well, there ya go....like i said, you obviously sound like you know what needs to be done....i will be sending all my wonderful all mighty and powerful vibes your way, to try to give you the strength you need to do what you need to do :grin:


good luck, hope it all works out for the best....which ever way that might be

note- when i say best, i dont necessarily mean the way you want it to work out, i mean the way that best allows you to grow....but im sure you knew that


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2842677 - 06/30/04 07:16 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I think some of your positive vibes reached me because I'm not nearly as upset as I was before.  He's still on my mind but that's expected.  I'm alright and ready to accept whatever path I take with him.  Either way, it's a learning experience and if we don't end up working this stuff out, I'm alright with that.  All this situation will do is open the next door in life that needs to be opened at this time.

Thanks for your replies and your positive energy.  I'll keep you posted as to what happens within the next few days or week.

:heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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Invisibleshriek
*********

Registered: 12/13/03
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2842827 - 06/30/04 08:51 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

eya syko, im not so good in giving advice in these matters but you know if your boyfriend doesnt appriciate you i might move to usa and see if i can get you to appriciate that if you know what i mean  :wink: :blush: :cool:

:shiftyeyes:
jk rock on :smile:


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2843971 - 06/30/04 04:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

your very welcome....


and i like your avatar by the way, i just recently experienced extacy for the first time and i remember saying "i feel like a giant battery" ...anyway, seeing your avatar made me remember that... :grin:


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: wrestler_az]
    #2844096 - 06/30/04 05:32 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Glad to hear you had a good time. :smile: It's a great drug, when it's used responsibly.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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OfflineUncleMike
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2844566 - 06/30/04 08:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

look you already know that he is being selfish with his time. just tell him what you expect of him and stick to your guns. he seems like a nice guy just a little selfish. let him know that you are not a LADY IN WAITING. just stay strong and i think things will work out. At least you are able to recognize the problem before things got to serious.


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OfflineBarbi
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2851751 - 07/02/04 04:28 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Dont wait to long. Most of those type are already 'gone' before they actually leave.

especially after a long term relationship.

And no, this is not spitefuil advice beacuse I dont like you, if you decide to take it that way.

I wish you the best.


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Offlinecanid
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2853262 - 07/03/04 05:24 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

/me gives you a big fistful of moral support.

i'm glad to hear you are having an easier time handling this. relationships are complex and that's realy the most i can say about them other than that tthey can be infnitely rewarding.

i found this a bit too late to offer anything i would have liked to [it was pretty much already covered] but i will be happy to see things work out in any way that can help you live life fully.


--------------------



Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: canid]
    #2858066 - 07/05/04 05:14 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks UncleMike, mndfreeze and concretefeet.  I appreciate your help.  I guess things are getting somewhat better.  He's still got that selfish attitude tho.  We got in a fight today, again in front of his friends and he always tries to make me look like an idiot in front of them when it happens.  He puts words in my mouth and says that I've said things that are total opposite from the truth and when I point it out, he gets irate.

We're working on it.  We've both been under a lot of stress the past few days.  Some serious things that are out of our control and that have nothing to do with our relationship have come up and are really taking a toll on the both of us.  I don't really want to get into it here until it blows over but I'm sure some of you get the idea.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and the great support.  I really appreciate it and it is helping me a lot.

You guys are the best. :heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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OfflineFliquid
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2858132 - 07/05/04 06:23 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I think you should try and see this from a differend perspective.
You want him to be a certain way, he's proven not to be able to handle it.
But you still keep your standard high, he can't handle it.
Is it really such a huge issue to keep you from wanting to be with him. In my objective point of view, you should try and lower your expectations. Expectations are the relationship killers. You are seeing something in his actions which makes you expect a specific form of satisfaction. Try and ignore or disable the loop, and take some weight of the issue.

Do it while the situation if fresh, before it escalates into a complex issue. It's unnecessary frustration. Trust me, I have very good analytical skills.  :smirk: :thumbup:  :heart:


--------------------
:dancing: My latest music! :yesnod:


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OfflineGillette
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: Fliquid]
    #2864745 - 07/07/04 01:37 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Not to sound harsh, but if your not gonna marry him why waste your time?  If you can see problems and you've only been together for three months, get the hell out, don't let anyone make you feel like shit, life is way too short and there are so many better people out there.  No one should make you feel like an idiot...and well if your willing to let them make you feel that way.....guess what it kinda makes you...... :wink: no offense.

"Criticize a friend in private, praise them in public"


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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Offlinecanid
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: Gillette]
    #2865273 - 07/07/04 04:13 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

did you consider the posibilty tahtshe cares for him. some things are important enough to be worth trying to work out, even if there may be no future in it. i know that i have been in amny relationships that i knew wouldn't work and stuck with them for a while or even as long as i could becausethe other person was important to me.

i agree that expectaions can be taxing on a relationship. what i find helps to break the above mentioned loop is talking. it can get old but the repetition is wat helps the points sink in for one another.


--------------------



Attn PWN hunters: If you should come across a bluing Psilocybe matching P. pellicolusa please smell it.
If you detect a scent reminiscent of Anethole (anise) please preserve a specimen or two for study and please PM me.


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Offlinesykobish
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Last seen: 12 years, 17 days
Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: Fliquid]
    #2887572 - 07/13/04 10:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

It's not that I have high expectations of him.. I mean, yeah I may have at the beginning because of how sweet he was and how he was always the one to want to spend time together. I understand that stage of the relationship is over but another thing that is on my mind a lot is the way he says he can't stand his ex.. yet when she constantly calls and plays games with him, he can't see it. Or he does, but he doesn't want to admit it. I try to talk to him about these things and he doesn't want to hear it. Not just talking about her, but about issues that are important to me, like him breaking every single plan he makes with me while he continues to hold every other plan to everyone else.

We've both been under a lot of stress lately. Much of the stress is because of our lifestyles and from outside influences but we allow it to become a stress on our relationship. I know I'm not perfect and I have made some mistakes in how I handled things at certain times with him and I let him know that but on the other hand, concerning him, it seems to be a constant. I've let it go for so long because I know it's just stress that he's going thru and he's taking it out on me, which isn't right, but at least I can understand from the stand point.

I don't know. It got good for a few days and now he's doing it again where we're constantly bucking horns. He's telling me to do this and do that and call this person and meet this person, etc.. Maybe it's just the 'man' in him where he feels he needs to be in control of every situation and it bothers him that we are equals and he's not used to that. He's used to girls who don't have a clue or are the kind of females who like the 'big man' attitude.

Just like my quote says in my sig "Seek not every quality in one individual".. I believe that no one is perfect and in order to love someone you have to be accepting of things that make them who they are, good and bad qualities or quirks. He may not be the best in some cases but in others, he makes me happy and smile. Maybe it just seems so hard or whatever because everyone tends to focus more on the negative things. I mean, there are a lot of good things too that we have going, but when something is on your mind at the time that you don't feel has been talked about properly or taken care of, it seems very overwhelming.

I left his house today and haven't called him all day. I don't plan on calling him either. I need time to think and I want to give him his space too. Whats bothering me is that he hasn't called me either....

Ehhhh.. I'm just rambling. Sometimes it feels good just to get your thoughts out, even if it's just to total strangers.

Thanks for listening all.


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: I'm just looking for strength. [Re: sykobish]
    #2890965 - 07/14/04 08:14 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Get nasty girl...


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