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YesIAmTheMushMan
Stranger
Registered: 07/15/23
Posts: 1
Last seen: 6 months, 10 days
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Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms
#28397029 - 07/15/23 11:40 PM (6 months, 10 days ago) |
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My long distance girlfriend of four years just did a large dose of shrooms with some close friends a few days ago. She’s an avoidant and can withdraw when she’s heavy in her emotions, typically she doesn’t withdraw from me, at least not fully. But during and after this trip she hasn’t reached out to me except for one text saying she’s in her feels and needs time to process. It’s been three days. I’m struggling with the lack of communication, but also knowing that she could have had a bad trip because of past trauma coming to the surface. I’m not sure what to do other than give space and not push. That’s hard for me because I’m an anxious personality, needing affirmations. But, I know this isn’t about me. Still hard though. Any suggestions on how long to wait before reaching out? Thanks.
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Dave Bowman
Albert Hoffmans Apprentice




Registered: 08/30/07
Posts: 2,104
Loc: Your Imagination
Last seen: 3 months, 23 days
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: YesIAmTheMushMan] 2
#28397110 - 07/16/23 02:31 AM (6 months, 10 days ago) |
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You already know what you have to do, even if it feels like shit. You gotta give her some space so she can work things out in her head. She even told you so much saying she needs time to process.
I understand it's hard, but take a step back. Pushing too hard during a difficult period when she clearly (for whatever reason) not ready to explain or give you more details, will only push her away.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: YesIAmTheMushMan]
#28430976 - 08/12/23 01:30 PM (5 months, 14 days ago) |
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A long distance GF who doesn't say anything for days on end because her emotions are in the way?
Ok, a couple questions for ya: 1 - what does she bring to the table? 2 - what do you give up/miss out on IRL because of having said GF? 3 - Do you think you could do better? or would being alone be better than with someone like her?
People do not improve in relationships. They always put their best foot forward in the beginning, therefore people only get worse in a relationship as time goes on
I'm not seeing the appeal of having labelled this girl "girlfriend"
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28430986 - 08/12/23 01:44 PM (5 months, 14 days ago) |
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Personally I would feel suffocated in any relationship that requires me to be in contact every single day even when I'm not doing well and want to be alone.
But that's me. Different people have different needs. Different relationships have different dynamics. But people do change and grow.
And she could be doing. Or maybe not. But I don't think some space is an unreasonable thing to ask for.
Though I am wondering if there's plans to actually get together physically. Long term long distance relationships aren't impossible but I don't think it's healthy to have that level and kind of attachment to someone you don't actually see. It is needlessly self limiting.
But shit some people just don't like people or can't get out into the world because of physical or mental problems buuut you should also understand that's exactly the sort of person you're dating if that's the case. By default you can't have a normal relationship.
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Free time is the only time
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InnerWisdom


Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 4 days, 8 hours
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: YesIAmTheMushMan]
#28479594 - 09/23/23 08:21 AM (4 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
YesIAmTheMushMan said: But, I know this isn’t about me.
How can you know that?
What happened in the end?
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: InnerWisdom]
#28479631 - 09/23/23 08:54 AM (4 months, 3 days ago) |
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Hey Mushman. It’s not a good place to be. I have to assume you have good reasons to try to attach with someone who is the least emotionally available type and most likely to walk away. Or, it’s a pattern you might even not be aware of. Either way it’s not healthy and it won’t end well. Four years! I feel your pain.
Avoidants, particularly anxious avoidants, tend to be high on the spectrum of narcissistic traits. You said the current silence is not about you. Good observation! Yet it’s bigger than that. In this attachment type it’s never about you. Ever. They don’t even know you exist as an independent entity with agency. It’s likely you are playing a role in her current screenplay. Sooner or later she’ll turn that page and she’ll create another character. And you will disappear from her awareness.
As an anxious type you’ll have more alignment with another anxious type. As said above it won’t get better. That’s right: she won’t change, but you will. You will get more accustomed to the neglect, the put downs, the gaslighting, the blame, and fighting for even the smallest crumbs of attention. Speaking from experience here.
Do yourself the favor that one or two or five years from now you will wish you had done sooner. Move along. Take care of yourself and don’t be dominated by someone who cares not one wit about you.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Avoidant GF is giving me the silent treatment after Shrooms [Re: Anonymous #2]
#28479696 - 09/23/23 10:04 AM (4 months, 3 days ago) |
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Wow, it's as if I could've written the above post myself if I was that good with words
Spot on advice there bub
OP, I hope you take that to heart cause that's the trajectory you seem to be on. Speaking from experience myself as well
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