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Offlineencryptor
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Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status
    #28388882 - 07/07/23 10:03 PM (6 months, 18 days ago)

I married last December.  My wife hasn't been employed because of immigration, but has recently got a decent job.  I've seen her make a couple deposits to her bank via ATM, but only emails her a receipt.  When I was on the couch with her today she was looking at emails.  I said "let's see your bank receipt" cause I saw the email. She didn't want to show me.  Says that's her privacy.  We got into an argument about it. 

Ummm..I did have her show me her accounts before we married, but who knows if she did a little finagling.  Either she has money that she doesn't want me to know about or she has a large debt she doesn't want me to see.  I'm thinking the 1st because I've been paying all the bills this 1st half the year and wants to keep her money that she's earned previously private.  IDK though.  Thoughts?


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: encryptor] * 3
    #28388927 - 07/08/23 01:16 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

Yeah, thats a big red flag. Usually married couples share money info with each other or even have shared (joint) bank accounts. Her not showing you shows her selfishness in the marriage. I would try convince her that showing the contents of her bank account is important for mutual trust within the marriage.


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InvisibleCapSlinger
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Registered: 05/17/11
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28389000 - 07/08/23 05:46 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

:snoopyes:


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: CapSlinger] * 4
    #28389008 - 07/08/23 06:14 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

She's here for a fuckin green card bro...sorry to be the bearer of bad news


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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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OfflineGlacia
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: theRealrollforever] * 3
    #28389059 - 07/08/23 07:31 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

Doesn't sound good at all. I don't think that's how marriage is meant to work.


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Offlinefatpup
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Glacia]
    #28389117 - 07/08/23 08:30 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

As a guy that has been married almost 15 years.

That does not pass the smell test.

When the tax man cometh....its gonna have to come out of hiding!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: encryptor] * 1
    #28389122 - 07/08/23 08:37 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

The other possible scenarios are that she wants to have a "safety net" in case it doesn't work out. It's also possible she's doing something for you. For all I know the request is taboo in her culture once you're married. Nothing about this inherently seems okay but I also wouldn't be too brash because anyone can be surprised.  I would talk to her about it again in a calm and constructive manner as best you can before you make too many assumptions.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28389129 - 07/08/23 08:48 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
The other possible scenarios are that she wants to have a "safety net" in case it doesn't work out. It's also possible she's doing something for you. For all I know the request is taboo in her culture once you're married. Nothing about this inherently seems okay but I also wouldn't be too brash because anyone can be surprised.  I would talk to her about it again in a calm and constructive manner as best you can before you make too many assumptions.



:justno:

You aren't entitled to a 'safety net' when you aren't even pulling half of your weight with the bills


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #28389211 - 07/08/23 10:33 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

I wasn't trying to imply that's okay, merely pointing out there are always many scenarios even if often the easy assumptions can be correct. It's his wife and because of that you would think she deserves compassion and understanding in a way that's in accordance to what a wife is. For all you know she thinks he's cheating or some stupid shit


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Anonymous #2

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #28389231 - 07/08/23 10:53 AM (6 months, 18 days ago)

No matter what her reason is, it shows she can’t be trusted and if it doesn’t already go beyond financials matters, it soon will


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Anonymous #1

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28389553 - 07/08/23 05:15 PM (6 months, 18 days ago)

It soon will? See all that does is point out that you aren't worthy of giving relationship advice and even moreso marriage. You could be right and your perspective would still be shit.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: encryptor] * 1
    #28389933 - 07/09/23 02:15 AM (6 months, 17 days ago)

That's not great, but I can kinda see it from her perspective. If my spouse was snooping over my shoulder and demanding to see my bank account, that could feel a bit pushy and controlling.
Now if you had a reason- creating a budget, buyin a house, whatever -then its a fair reason to compare notes.. Maybe you just open a joint account, negotiate how much each of you will contribute, and leave it at that.
Trust goes both ways.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #28389942 - 07/09/23 02:54 AM (6 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

encryptor said:
We got into an argument about it. 




This is the problem, not so much the question if you're entitled to review her financial status. If you, as a couple, aren't capable of working out something like this without getting into an argument, you seem to have a long way to go in terms of establishing a fruitful relationship. Work on that, then the financial issue will settle itself. It's going to be a long hard road, though, by the sounds of it.

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
You aren't entitled to a 'safety net' when you aren't even pulling half of your weight with the bills



Bollocks; you're in no position to determine what someone's 'entitled' to.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28390193 - 07/09/23 10:12 AM (6 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
It soon will? See all that does is point out that you aren't worthy of giving relationship advice and even moreso marriage. You could be right and your perspective would still be shit.




You are recently married
I've been married over 20 years

If you want to be like that, I'll just tell ya to fuck off and have fun watching your marriage fall to shit


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: koraks] * 1
    #28390337 - 07/09/23 12:51 PM (6 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
Quote:

encryptor said:
We got into an argument about it. 




This is the problem, not so much the question if you're entitled to review her financial status. If you, as a couple, aren't capable of working out something like this without getting into an argument, you seem to have a long way to go in terms of establishing a fruitful relationship. Work on that, then the financial issue will settle itself. It's going to be a long hard road, though, by the sounds of it.

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
You aren't entitled to a 'safety net' when you aren't even pulling half of your weight with the bills



Bollocks; you're in no position to determine what someone's 'entitled' to.


Bollocks, you're in no position to make it more complicated than it needs to be.  Spouse is unemployed, spouse wants to hide moneys as soon as it's obtained, spouse has incentive to marry for green card, hide money, and then leave his ass.  She jumped at him with a vagina out of another country, He has the right to defend hisself!


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #28391420 - 07/10/23 02:57 PM (6 months, 16 days ago)

OP did you and your wife discuss how you would manage your finances prior to getting married?


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Offlineencryptor
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Registered: 05/15/03
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28395508 - 07/14/23 03:12 PM (6 months, 12 days ago)

Yes we said equal percentages based on income.  The good news is she recently started a banking job which is better than some job at a warehouse or grocery store.  She can move up in seniority with this banking job. 

So I politely brought it up when things cooled off.  She says she has only 5-6 hundred dollars in this bank account.  Must maintain $500 so she's not charged a fee.  But she also has a credit card from South America and doesn't want to reveal her debt.  She feels like if I'm not going to help her pay it off, then why should she show me.  I told her "well if you were going to collections, then I'd help to prevent that."  Oh well, she still hasn't shared the details with me, but she went to the church early to confess to a priest about something.  hmmm?!  Can't know about that either.  Well good thing is I have a prenup protecting my assets and financial accounts.  Guess I won't be buying a house with her and will continue renting until I graduate with a Masters. We'll support each other with chores and bills for now and see how it goes.  I won't be doing a joint account unless all debt is revealed.  It doesn't make sense to me.


Edited by encryptor (07/14/23 03:20 PM)


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InvisibleBigcmcg
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Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: encryptor]
    #28396006 - 07/15/23 05:37 AM (6 months, 11 days ago)

Buddy of mine went through a similar situation but she was sending money to her family back in India without his knowledge. Not saying this is the case but a lot of people that come to the US and UK from foreign send money back to their home countries and families as a way of continuing to β€œsupport” their family without being in country. Still a deal breaker for me but then again would never get married or involve the government into my relationship.


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InvisiblePeteyP
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Registered: 09/06/22
Posts: 19
Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #28404825 - 07/23/23 05:17 AM (6 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:

You aren't entitled to a 'safety net' when you aren't even pulling half of your weight with the bills




That's fucked up. Every woman should have a safety net since us men aren't doing a good job of leaving them the fuck alone so they don't have to have a thing like a safety net.


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Invisiblethescientist
Registered: 03/09/02
Posts: 807
Loc: Dade County
Re: Recently Married, Wife doesn't want to show me Bank Account Status [Re: encryptor]
    #28413449 - 07/30/23 01:48 AM (5 months, 27 days ago)

Too many red flags to count.


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