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OfflineBroncogal03
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Registered: 07/07/23
Posts: 5
Last seen: 6 months, 6 days
My first experience * 2
    #28388202 - 07/07/23 09:35 AM (6 months, 19 days ago)

Hello, I am so glad I found this group. I recently had my first experience and have questions. I know the dose was 3gm but no idea what type they were.

So I'll just give a quick recap on my situation. My fiance of 10 years has taken shrooms for years. We've been having problems in our relationship for a couple of years now. One is he has a hard time communicating with me especially when it comes to his feelings and two he can't seem to show me his love in the way I need him too. I struggle from a past abusive marriage of 26 years.i have horrible self esteem issues and both of these takes a toll on our relationship.

He's been reading a ton on microdosing and keeps telling me I need to try that. Well 6 days after arguing all day he said he thinks if we trip together it'd help our relationship a lot. I agreed. They've always scared me and I couldn't understand how they'd help.

I went into it with a very shitty attitude so I'm surprised it ended being good. It was an amazing mind blowing experience, we were extremely intimate and oh my god I felt like we were one and breathing from the same lungs. I don't believe I ever felt so much love from one person. That was what I needed so bad to feel. We were so in tune with one another for almost 10 hours when we finally fell asleep.

I woke and had to leave due to work. I was gone all day and a part of me was relieved I felt nervous to see him and I was an emotional wreck all day, I cried non stop. I kept thinking that this was all some kind of illusion and it wouldn't last, it couldn't be real. When I got home I asked him questions and he never really fully talked to tell me about his experience,the lack of communicating didn't change. The next day back to normal since it was Monday. Again I cried all day, I couldn't for 3 days stop crying. I felt like we were more distant then before, we argued like crazy. On the 4th day I told him I needed him to talk to me, I needed to know how his experience was, could he fell my love like I did his? I wasn't feeling like he did and all he told me is no one trips the same, he was hoping it would have helped me more so he didn't go into it the same as I was. His experience was amazing but wasn't so much the love experience as mine was. We are now doing OK, but I still have this weird feeling. A feeling now that is like if that's how good it can be then I never want to stop tripping. I feel worse then I did before. He keeps telling me I need to be more open to the experience and tune in to my feelings rather then the experience of it being us. He says he has a hard time with explaining how his trips are. What does that even mean? Am I crazy? Is this all normal? Im so confused on how such an amazing night didn't connect us more. Why wasn't his experience the deep love feeling like mine was? I just need some experienced users to help me understand it all.


Edited by Broncogal03 (07/07/23 01:27 PM)


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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 24 minutes
Re: My first experience [Re: Broncogal03]
    #28388275 - 07/07/23 10:59 AM (6 months, 19 days ago)

In my experience, mushrooms give you what you need. It seems they did that for you, and perhaps him as well.

However what he needed was probably different. On top of that, when one trips, if they do not surrender to the experience, they won't get the message, so to speak.

Based on this story, pushing you to do mushrooms seemed more like a selfish act of his in the hopes that they would transform you into someone he wants you to be. But, of course, that isn't how it works.

From your story it seems there is an issue of communication and avoidance. While mushrooms can bond people, they are usually very private experiences, all things considered (hence why he said the experience is highly individual).

Mushrooms, however, won't solve your problems. They are doors to a different way of viewing the world, which can be immensely helpful for solving an issue. But the want to solve that issue post trip needs to exist. And the doing, the taking of action to solve that issue, needs to happen post-trip.

It sounds like, based on this story, that you would benefit from couple's therapy. But he needs to be able to be open and, based on this story, it sounds like he is closed off emotionally for some reason. While mushrooms are known for opening one up emotionally, that won't last after the trip if the person is not willing to keep those doors open.

It sounds like you had an amazing experience which showed you what you needed, wanted and deserved. However upon returning you realized that your reality is not congruent with those things. And so life feels even "worse" than before. But this is a good thing actually. Realizing your self-worth can be a painful process, especially if you struggle with self-esteem. I believe the mushrooms revealed to you that.

Take some time to be alone and integrate your mushroom experience. Make plans to take reasonable but firm action in your relationship regarding communication. And seek help from a professional if needed. But do not toil in the same situation with the hopes that mushrooms will fix it. They are tools and you are the craftsman.

Edit: I kept saying "based on this story". Without knowing his side and the deeper reasons behind all of this, it's hard to be accurate with any analysis. You need to meet with someone you feel comfortable opening up entirely with, and preferably someone you both can open up entirely with.


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Edited by Socrateshroom (07/07/23 11:02 AM)


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OfflineBroncogal03
Stranger
Registered: 07/07/23
Posts: 5
Last seen: 6 months, 6 days
Re: My first experience [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #28388392 - 07/07/23 12:49 PM (6 months, 18 days ago)

Thank you for replying. I believe you helped answer some of my questions. I think that's exactly the way I was thinking, in a way I feel angry at him for talking me into it and angry at myself for doing them but then part of me is glad I tried it. I just never expected so many emotions to come with it.
It's funny I wrote this and he came home house for lunch and talked to me a bit more about it. I think maybe I'm getting that it takes time afterwards to kind of go through your emotions.
We are going to go to therapy. He told me he didn't actually mean it would be like we ate them and the next day we're fixed. His intentions were hoping it would have helped me to see myself in a better way. I am not sure if it did or not. I think it left me in a state of confusion. It was so crazy to me that it opened me up like it did. Kind of like "this isn't real."
I've watched a lot of documentaries and see the benefits of it, it's just all so weird to me.
So when you take them if your going into it with a mindset of something is that where you'll stay the whole time, is that why it's able to help overcome issues?
Would you think it's better to have your own experience instead of an intimate one with your partner? I don't know that I'd want an experience that was so intense with the swirls and colors. maybe it could have been the dosage, I think it could be that it was too much for it to have been so intense.
And I have to say I love music and he played regae that night which I now love even more. I have never felt music like I did that night. I needed it loud and I could feel deep in my soul every beat of the music. I loved that.


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OfflineSocrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 24 minutes
Re: My first experience [Re: Broncogal03]
    #28391395 - 07/10/23 02:25 PM (6 months, 15 days ago)

Sorry for the late reply, been busy with everything. How are you feeling now that a few days have passed?

Quote:

Broncogal03 said:
So when you take them if your going into it with a mindset of something is that where you'll stay the whole time, is that why it's able to help overcome issues?





Not necessarily. The mindset you go in with is important, however the mushrooms dictate where the experience will go. Often on my trips I will feel the full range of emotions (happiness, sadness, anger, etc). No matter the mindset I go in with, the journey always takes me elsewhere, at least for some portion of the time. But everyone is different. The point is to surrender to the experience and let it take you wherever it wants, as usually it takes you where you need to go.


Quote:

Broncogal03 said:
Would you think it's better to have your own experience instead of an intimate one with your partner?




I think both types of experiences have a place. If you have full trust in your partner, it can be an incredibly bonding and strengthening experience. But when in that state, one is in a state of high suggestibility and can be manipulated easily. We frequently see "fake" or "malevolent" shamans administering powerful hallucinogens at "retreats" just to take advantage of people.


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OfflineKrikeymom
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Registered: 07/10/23
Posts: 1
Last seen: 3 months, 2 days
Re: My first experience [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #28391418 - 07/10/23 02:55 PM (6 months, 15 days ago)

Hi,
Aren’t you so thankful he had you try them?  It takes guts to be open minded and try something so different, shows gusto! good for you!
Your experience is yours and when you do mushrooms again and again you’ll be taught much much more.
You were given such a beautiful gift of intimacy with your partner. The cruddy part was you had to go to work the next day and didn’t get to talk it out right after. Maybe the next time the mushrooms will show you that you needing validation is really a “you” issue and not his. I don’t say this in a calloused manner I just mean that Mushrooms can possibly open up to you why you need this so badly from your partner.  I’ve had to be humbled greatly by them. Being a kind person is most what people need. Beauty fades time is short. He loves you obviously or he wouldn’t be with you. Bring peace to your relationship. The truest commodity on planet earth that everyone seems to want is kindness


Edited by Krikeymom (07/10/23 02:57 PM)


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OfflineBroncogal03
Stranger
Registered: 07/07/23
Posts: 5
Last seen: 6 months, 6 days
Re: My first experience [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #28395918 - 07/15/23 12:56 AM (6 months, 11 days ago)

Well it's been 2 weeks now and I think I've felt pretty good. I think that first several days kind of boggled my mind. We do seem to be a little bit closer. I do think I needed those first few days to gather my thoughts as there were a lot of them.
Part of me says this has got to be an every weekend thing, something so amazing between us, don't want that feeling to end. That's something I've been worried about.
I think next time I am going to have my own trip. Just to see what it unravels.
Thinking about it now, I do think at times I was all over the place, but all my thoughts were on him, I did cry a lot, I got mad at him and I loved him more than ever.
I do have a lot of baggage I carry that I've been in counseling for so many years trying to fix. The more I research shrooms I'm thinking I may try the microdosing.
I've heard people talk about the body high but not actually tripping. Who knows maybe it could help me bury my past for good.
Thanks for you replies, it's definitely gave me things to think about..


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OfflineBroncogal03
Stranger
Registered: 07/07/23
Posts: 5
Last seen: 6 months, 6 days
Re: My first experience [Re: Krikeymom]
    #28395919 - 07/15/23 01:05 AM (6 months, 11 days ago)

Hi, it was pretty crappy that I had to go to work the next day. Although I don't believe he would have talked much more than he did. Can't seem to get him to completely share his thoughts and feelings. It also sounds like his trips are not to easy to explain.
I am happy I tried them, he's tried for 10 years to get me to,not sure why I gave in but I'm glad I did.
As for the validation, you are correct, it's my own thing and it's been that way for so so many years. That comes from a not so good child hood and a horrible abusive marriage. Something I've been in counseling for for a long time now trying to fix my "external validation" need. I don't seem to be getting anywhere with it so I have been researching a lot about shrooms. It's just hard for me to take it all in, it's so crazy.
And yes kindness and peace is all I want, it's become a need As well because in my past I never had much of either.


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