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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 1 day, 21 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28383803 - 07/03/23 02:33 PM (6 months, 22 days ago) |
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If God puts up fences due to a lack of patience of a thousand years then we would be redeemed, like that's going to happen.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi


Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Buster_Brown]
#28383875 - 07/03/23 03:48 PM (6 months, 22 days ago) |
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Quote:
Buster_Brown said: I don't know if this is making any sense to you but if God puts up fences then the moderators are redeamed in their efforts to keep OTD'ers out of the Pub.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 1 day, 21 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: The Blind Ass]
#28383946 - 07/03/23 04:54 PM (6 months, 22 days ago) |
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My presumption is that we put up fences out of impatience...so, no, moderators are not birds of a feather with god
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johnukguy
Learning



Registered: 06/23/22
Posts: 2,423
Loc: Colorado
Last seen: 2 months, 23 days
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28385404 - 07/04/23 09:10 PM (6 months, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
It's improper to give doctrinal and philosophical answers to "I'm afraid..."
Regardless of whether there is a God, or if he hates, or hates you, you are uncomfortable with trying a certain amount. Why aren't you listening to you.

It has nothing to do with any deity, real or imagined. Also what Lucis said, which is spot on, as you may come to realize with psychedelics (though many surprisingly don't):
Quote:
I thought that song "what if God was one of us" is about awakening where we realize we and God are one and the same.
Oh and guess what...
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durian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant



Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,666
Loc: Raccoon City
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28385520 - 07/05/23 12:14 AM (6 months, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
durian_2008 said: It's improper to give doctrinal and philosophical answers to "I'm afraid..."
Regardless of whether there is a God, or if he hates, or hates you, you are uncomfortable with trying a certain amount. Why aren't you listening to you.
Also, what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
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jack_straw2208
Doctor



Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
Loc: Earth
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28385536 - 07/05/23 01:09 AM (6 months, 21 days ago) |
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Op, it's fine, god likes you or you wouldn't have mushrooms to eat. Put on the Beatles and get a blanket and some markers or whatever!
-------------------- If you canโt tell what you desperately need, itโs probably sleep.
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Jess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher

Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28386872 - 07/06/23 08:47 AM (6 months, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
durian_2008 said:
what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
I don't know. something happened to me When I was very very little. I don't know if I did it or if it was done to me. but whatever it was, it was infinitely horrible, 100% Unacceptable. Evil.
im afraid that part of me might be evil, the "yang" of "yin-yang." That it's necessary sometimes to be aggressive and uncaring about other people, but i'm WAY too meek because i suppressed the evil. now it might come back.
But maybe I'm innocent and just internalizing the external hate from people because I'm autistic. I don't know. I want to explore who I am honestly, But if this journey is anything like my journey of life, everyone I meet hates me and wants to make me suffer and die horribly.
I thought 'shrooms might help me sort all this out, but I'm afraid it just might make it more horrible. a drug-induced ER nightmare.
Edited by Jess_Fukket (07/06/23 08:59 AM)
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Jess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher

Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket]
#28386882 - 07/06/23 09:02 AM (6 months, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
durian_2008 said: what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
I don't know. something happened to me When I was very very little. I don't know if I did it or if it was done to me. but whatever it was, it was infinitely horrible, 100% Unacceptable. Evil.
im afraid that part of me might be evil, the "yang" of "yin-yang." That it's necessary sometimes to be aggressive and uncaring about other people, but i'm WAY too meek because i suppressed the evil. now it might come back.
But maybe I'm innocent and just internalizing the external hate from people because I'm autistic. I don't know. I want to explore who I am honestly, But if this journey is anything like my journey of life, everyone I meet hates me and wants to make me suffer and die.
I thought 'shrooms might help me sort all this out, but I'm afraid that just might make it more horrible, a drug-induced ER-visit nightmare.
Edited by Jess_Fukket (07/06/23 09:07 AM)
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 1 day, 21 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket]
#28386885 - 07/06/23 09:08 AM (6 months, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
Jess_Fukket said:
Quote:
durian_2008 said: what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
I don't know. something happened to me When I was very very little. I don't know if I did it or if it was done to me. but whatever it was, it was infinitely horrible, 100% Unacceptable. Evil.
im afraid that part of me might be evil, the "yang" of "yin-yang." That it's necessary sometimes to be aggressive and uncaring about other people, but i'm WAY too meek because i suppressed the evil. now it might come back.
But maybe I'm innocent and just internalizing the external hate from people because I'm autistic. I don't know. I want to explore who I am honestly, But if this journey is anything like my journey of life, everyone I meet hates me and wants to make me suffer and die.
I thought 'shrooms might help me sort all this out, but I'm afraid it just might make it more horrible, a drug-induced ER nightmare.
Abuse and it's amelioration is central to the plot.
Fences are nature's way of initiating dispersal.
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durian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant



Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,666
Loc: Raccoon City
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket] 1
#28387045 - 07/06/23 11:42 AM (6 months, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
durian_2008 said: what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
Quote:
Jess_Fukket said: I don't know. something happened to me When I was very very little. I don't know if I did it or if it was done to me. but whatever it was, it was infinitely horrible, 100% Unacceptable. Evil.
I believe that altered states can help restore lost memories, if any.
I could eventually recover forgotten conversations and social situations, to the nth degree of fine detail.
In my case, none of it was outrightly illegal or terrifying.
There was this "room" I was not supposed to go into, in my dream of a 'memory castle' that looked like a white, clapboard house. Full of existential dread.
Just remembering condemnation and disrespect, and weighing it, takes far less effort that burying it and holding it down inside.
I think, misremembering things, no matter how bad, is probably the main cause of psychosomatic illness.
Quote:
Jess_Fukket said: im afraid that part of me might be evil, the "yang" of "yin-yang." That it's necessary sometimes to be aggressive and uncaring about other people, but i'm WAY too meek because i suppressed the evil. now it might come back.
Malignant, narcissistic sociopaths are probably well aware of the effect they have on others and consciously choose to weaponize it, afaic. They don't see themselves as aggressive or uncaring.
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AnattaAtman
Mad Bodhisattva

Registered: 09/25/21
Posts: 377
Last seen: 16 days, 4 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket]
#28391254 - 07/10/23 11:12 AM (6 months, 15 days ago) |
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Quote:
I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me?
I guess if God exists, he would be unconditional. By creating you, he also created your mistakes. Criticizing your behaviour would therefore be God criticizing himself.
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Beluga
Stranger
Registered: 08/14/22
Posts: 63
Last seen: 13 days, 14 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: durian_2008]
#28394500 - 07/13/23 02:44 PM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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OP is listening to himself. at some level OP knows that everything of value requires effort, risk and courage. This instinctual knowledge is in conflict with his fear. He wants some help from some here in order to buff up his courage so that he can take the plunge.
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Jess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher

Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Beluga]
#28394769 - 07/13/23 08:38 PM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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>He wants some help from some here in order to buff up his courage so that he can take the plunge.
well, not exactly. I want to see if it's possible to integrate the various neural sub networks that it turns out I consist of. I thought I was a little girl with a kitty, but it turns out I am a pile of icky strings of unfeeling microscopic animals that communicate blindly with electricity and chemicals.
And what happened to my little kitty? It turns out she was just a network of veins and nerves too. She died and turned into rotten meat.
Truth is not beauty.
Knowledge is not power.
And I don't know WHAT the hell I am.
So whether it's God, the aliens behind the universe creation simulation (which is what I suspect), or just recursive feedback in my neural subnetwork; I'm afraid it might mysteriously hate me like everyone else instead of... well, something else. I don't even know.
I just want to see what other people think about that before I go. i'm not looking for any particular answer. They might tell me I'm about to go to hell, I don't know. and if it's true, I guess I deserve it. I guess God will tell me why, because I sure as hell don't know.
or maybe something else will happen, something good. Important information . I don't know. that's why I want to find out. it will be terrible though, if past is truly prologue.
It'll be like the one time I went on a date. god will be sitting next to me asking me questions, and I'm staring straight ahead too afraid to move or say anything at all โ even in response to, "Are you okay?"
Should I make sure I have a chemical ejection seat abort enable if I want to escape hell, or if God convinces me I should?
At very least, I guess I should give the house phone to somebody else. god knows who I might call.
Edited by Jess_Fukket (07/13/23 09:14 PM)
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 1 day, 21 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket]
#28394909 - 07/14/23 01:11 AM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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"Can music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance real slow?"
It can seem like nobody cares but we're just dancing really slowly.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,310
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 51 minutes, 24 seconds
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket] 2
#28394963 - 07/14/23 03:39 AM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
Jess_Fukket said:
Quote:
durian_2008 said: what is it you feel so tormented or guilty about, that you can't feel loved or are irredeemable.
But maybe I'm innocent and just internalizing the external hate from people because I'm autistic. I don't know. I want to explore who I am honestly, But if this journey is anything like my journey of life, everyone I meet hates me and wants to make me suffer and die.
I thought 'shrooms might help me sort all this out, but I'm afraid that just might make it more horrible, a drug-induced ER-visit nightmare.
To me, it sounds like you are totally innocent and are internalizing hate. Some women do this to themselves because of past trauma. You dont have to do that to yourself. Whatever happened when you were a young girl is 100% NOT your fault. You were just a child. You dont have to blame yourself for the incident.
God is Creation. Creation is the Totality of Everything: people, animals, the Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way, the Universe and even farther into the Multiverse. Its not pure Evil or pure Good but some complex mix of both. It is Everything. Both sides of the spectrum, at different times, all the time.
I would recommend doing smaller doses of shrooms before taking a large dose. Say 1 to 2 grams dried. Maybe even experiment with daily microdosing. You have some hardcore PTSD you need to confront and you should do cautiously with smaller doses of shrooms.
Good luck and be easy on yourself.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth ๐๐๐
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Fridgedoor
Psssssst!



Registered: 09/13/20
Posts: 1,045
Last seen: 2 days, 20 hours
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 1
#28394978 - 07/14/23 04:30 AM (6 months, 12 days ago) |
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100%
-------------------- Hokus Pokus Fidibus!
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Jess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher

Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 1
#28395915 - 07/15/23 12:51 AM (6 months, 11 days ago) |
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thank you.
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Jess_Fukket
Natural Philosopher

Registered: 05/29/23
Posts: 63
Loc: UM -> Fla -> Seattle = J...
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 1
#28395917 - 07/15/23 12:56 AM (6 months, 11 days ago) |
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>Whatever happened when you were a young girl is 100% NOT your fault.
it is if I did it.
>You have some hardcore PTSD
Yeah, but believe it or not I only just realized it recently. I don't know what happened except that it wasn't sexual and I don't know if I was the giver or the receiver. but I know that I Blocked something out and believe it or not, I actually can't remember what it is.
I'm afraid there may be a good reason that I prevented myself from remembering it too
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durian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant



Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,666
Loc: Raccoon City
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket] 1
#28397234 - 07/16/23 06:34 AM (6 months, 10 days ago) |
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Not to put words in your mouth...
Quote:
Jess_Fukket said: I don't know if I was the giver or the receiver
If you meant to say that you might not be culpable, the discussion has changed from God hating you.
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TardisTrip
Time Lord



Registered: 01/09/23
Posts: 222
Loc: Colorado
Last seen: 18 hours, 23 minutes
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Re: [ SERIOUS ] I'm afraid to try a full dose because I might meet God and what if he hates me? [Re: Jess_Fukket]
#28402523 - 07/21/23 05:59 AM (6 months, 5 days ago) |
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God is dead and you are the overman. Go into your trip in a good setting with a straight mind and youโll find what you need. Much love
-------------------- Because everything has its origin And I come going from place to place from the origin...

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