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Anonymous #1
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I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now.
#28294663 - 04/25/23 11:41 AM (8 months, 30 days ago) |
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Having been cheated on before I never thought I'd be in this position but this woman reached me on another level. I was single and had always found her attractive. We found our way to each other and since then I have come to love her. (this is very summarised) I have said this about two women before but this one is different. I have never met a woman like this. She thinks different. The way she sees the world is completely different, but reasonable to anyone i've met. I honestly don't think I will meet another person like this, friend or partner, or anything. She is just so different.
Regardless, it's an affair. It's been going on for two years. I've told her that she needs to make moves to progress our relationship and it hasn't happened and I am heart broken. I don't think I can continue to do this for much longer. Without going into the situation more in depth, I feel like such a cunt at the same time.
What I'm hoping you all can help me with is how I can break up with her? I don't know how to do it and enforce it.
Edited by Anonymous (04/25/23 11:48 AM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28294669 - 04/25/23 11:46 AM (8 months, 30 days ago) |
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You just do it
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#28294679 - 04/25/23 11:50 AM (8 months, 30 days ago) |
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I love her mate. I don't know how to say 'it'
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1] 4
#28294688 - 04/25/23 11:58 AM (8 months, 30 days ago) |
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Sounds like you want a relationship but she is happy with an affair only. Developing mutual feelings does not necessarily mean she will get a divorce to be with you exclusively. People can love more than one person and she may still have feelings for her husband. You may want to talk with her and see what is going through her mind. If not leaving her husband is a deal breaker for you then she may need to know. Otherwise you are not being completely honest with her.
On the other hand, she may be avoiding the pain and drama of a divorce/breakup. Which simply indicates the need to communicate to her your feelings about the current situation.
Edited by Anonymous (04/25/23 12:05 PM)
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Glacia


Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
Loc: The Winterless North
Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #3] 2
#28296045 - 04/26/23 10:04 AM (8 months, 29 days ago) |
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She doesn't wanna break her marriage and you're really the one more in the wrong here for going after a married woman knowing that. You will be heartbroken so has to be cut off at some point.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Glacia] 3
#28298436 - 04/28/23 06:07 AM (8 months, 27 days ago) |
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Cheating is fucked
She would more likely than not cheat on you at some point if she did break it off with current husband
My friends dad got killed over an affair
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CreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: thelanzii]
#28298790 - 04/28/23 10:56 AM (8 months, 27 days ago) |
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Think of what would happen if you loved her and were married to her. You'd be the one being cheated on, betrayed and heartbroken.
I have a hard time seeing how a relationship that starts on lies could have a firm foundation. Whenever I see someone leave their partner for an affair partner, the new relationship usually ends the same way with a new affair. It turns out the kind of people who cheat and not feel bad about it are likely to do it again.
Maybe she loves you, but she's unwilling to commit to truly having someone in her life. Not just you, but her husband to. If she was a good partner, she wouldn't be straying. Even if the marriage is bad she should've done the honorable thing and ended it so she could be free to explore. What she's doing instead is waffling between two relationships. Maybe even more, you may not be the only person she's having an affair with. There's no sign she will decide to choose someone any time soon.
I think you are lucky that she is waffling OP - better that, than her say she wants to be with you and secretly seeing someone else, as she is doing to her husband. Given how she treats her husband in this way, would you really want to be her next husband? Why would you be treated any different? That's why you should break up.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28299114 - 04/28/23 04:41 PM (8 months, 27 days ago) |
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My ex husband cheated and it killed me. I struggle to have any empathy for cheaters. I think its cowardly. I will tell someone what I am going to do before sneaking around and lying. It seriously fucks people up
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PBJ710
Strangler


Registered: 07/05/19
Posts: 2,623
Last seen: 18 days, 9 hours
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #2] 2
#28299132 - 04/28/23 04:53 PM (8 months, 27 days ago) |
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If she's cheating to be with you, she'll cheat on you. If she wanted to be with just you, she would have left her husband already.
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,339
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28299141 - 04/28/23 04:56 PM (8 months, 27 days ago) |
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Drop the mic.........
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28301779 - 05/01/23 03:58 AM (8 months, 24 days ago) |
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In the end she's the one responsible for making the decision to keep seeing you.
If the husband knew I'm sure he'd have a right to be upset, but I think it'd be more layed upon the one who's actually having the affair, not the one who isn't beholden to someone.
To be frank though, if she cheats with you she'll cheat on you, and I can't imagine trying to pursue something serious with her would work.
The only realistic option I see is polyamory, but definitely not for this situation given how much she's lying to her husband and how he hasn't consented to any of this.
One perspective is that if it wasn't you itd be another guy she had the affair with, and in a way I'm saying you aren't the asshole here imo, just the opportunist.
You could tell the husband but you have your own self interest at heart and that's reasonable in a roundabout kind of way, because it's selfish, but you are independent so that matches out a degree I'd say.
But if you think you're falling in love with her and want her to leave her husband for you, I think that sounds like a case of rose tinted glasses to me. Don't get me wrong some people do have this work out where they leave their partner for the affair partner. You're the one that has the experience and context with her though, and at this point do you really think she would do it?
And do you trust her to be able to commit to you alone if that's what you want?
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28365149 - 06/19/23 06:58 AM (7 months, 6 days ago) |
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UPDATE!
Ended yesterday morning. 2y 1m
She's had a lot of time to escalate the situation and it hasn't happened so I said no more.
I feel fucking miserable. i'm sure it'll pass in time as break ups always do. I feel like I have no one to talk to. The people I want to talk to I can't because they may expose the situation. I'm very sad. I've dealt with misery for long periods of time and so often that I have just thought that is what 'sad' is, but it's not. I'm sad now. Don't know how to deal with this in a progressive way. I'm not going to kill my self or anything, but I just feel weird. I'm constantly distracted and agitated.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28365157 - 06/19/23 07:06 AM (7 months, 6 days ago) |
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Since its so fresh, it might be a while before you find relief but such situations sound like they can be stressful.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,339
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1] 2
#28365608 - 06/19/23 01:48 PM (7 months, 6 days ago) |
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I am sorry you are feeing miserable. You can talk to us. I will try to be empathetic and open minded.
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 2 hours, 42 minutes
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28369114 - 06/21/23 05:30 PM (7 months, 4 days ago) |
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I am having trouble feeling sympathy for you. Good luck, though, with everything.
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake] 2
#28369494 - 06/21/23 10:47 PM (7 months, 3 days ago) |
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Don't feel sorry. The whole situation is wrong. I do wish you good luck in finding a situation that isn't an affair
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: thelanzii]
#28369580 - 06/22/23 01:24 AM (7 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
lifeiswhatyoumake said: I am having trouble feeling sympathy for you. Good luck, though, with everything.
That's okay. I'm not really looking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to update everyone on the situation and vent a little. I know that she's not entirely at fault and that what I did was pretty shitty too.
Quote:
thelanzii said: Don't feel sorry. The whole situation is wrong. I do wish you good luck in finding a situation that isn't an affair
Thank you.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: I have been having an affair with a married woman for almost two years now. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#28369582 - 06/22/23 01:26 AM (7 months, 3 days ago) |
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You enabled an affair, but she wanted one didn't sound stable long term.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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