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SGV
EssGeeVee


Registered: 06/20/22
Posts: 264
Last seen: 20 days, 20 hours
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Even further down the rabbit hole
#28336857 - 05/27/23 11:40 AM (7 months, 29 days ago) |
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It seems that my last few trips have been nothing short of cosmic before they calm enough to be considered heroic. Often times, I like to take a journey that lets me completely 'unplug' and boy do I ever...
This last dose was ~50g of Tampenensis stones chopped and DE into some tea that I split with my wife.
And just like last time, the journey started the same. Heavy distortion of most everything. The icons on the TV don't make sense, the flapping trees outside are a blur, and it gets to a point where I am no longer in control.
All I can do is close my eyes and experience the CEVs and OEVs if I decide to look. Eventually, I come back to reality enough to realize that Im 'cold' and I break out in a hard shiver and shaking before succumbing to the 'peak' and that's where the REAL ride begins.
In my haze of delusion, all of my memories and life choices were revisited. My life as a child, a teen, an adult, and the choices that were made along with their reprecussions. (You could say it was 'my life flashing before my eyes')
I saw the storylines of 'what if' of the choices I didn't make (good or bad) and kept going deeper and deeper into my psyche. Each time after every journey, I was reborn if the choice I made wasn't kosher. You were a serial killer A con artist The epitome of shitbaggery The sum of everything you watch the rest of humanity succumb to.
When it hit me, I realized *I* was the askhole. I was the stolen valor POS that gets called out by Don Shipley. I was the burnout rockstar that had a storied past and keep trying to relive my glory days. (Yes, I was Dave Grohl and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley and Motley Crue) I am Bam Margera and this is my journey of being out of control. I am that old man who was caught wandering the neighborhood and rounded up by the police.
Because its my time. My time to ride off into the sunset and succumb to the fact that I have lived a pretty darned amazing life up to this point.
But I was continuously reborn. Given a new chance, and having to relearn everything that I had experienced up to this point - but only to make different choices this time to see what would happen again.
And it kinda fucked with me because I had to constantly remind myself that this was an alternate reality that *may* have existed based on the choices I did or didn't make throughout my own life.
It was strange in a few facets because I felt like I saw the deep and dark depraved side of humanity, and what many would consider to be purgatory - but it didn't really scare me. It enlightened me.
I am the cycle of life in my petri dishes in my infancy of being reborn, experiencing, and recycling.
Funny thing is - On the 'dark side' the entities kept telling me to not ask the question if Im not prepared for the answer. But I keep digging. And understanding. And recycling.
One big takeaway that I felt like I got from that was - If I ceased to exist (here in this life as we know it) tomorrow, I could go out knowing that I did pretty good and righteous. I know that my contributions to humanity may pale in comparison to those I look up to and admire for their contributions, but fuck man... I add value. Somehow, to someone, somewhere. And guess what? I am *not* the sum of all 'evils' that I look in on from the outside as a casual observer. And its worth it.
Sorry if this wall of text is confusing. I too am still trying to unpack the profoundness of this latest journey as it was a lot to digest.
Edited by SGV (05/27/23 11:59 AM)
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Soloist
Indigenous Human

Registered: 02/10/22
Posts: 922
Loc: Suburban hell
Last seen: 2 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: SGV]
#28336928 - 05/27/23 12:33 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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Embracing the darkness is the only way your light can truly shine friend. Sounds like quite an awakening.
-------------------- Embrace your darkness, For without it, Your light can never truly exist. πππππππππ The Earth And I 89g fresh Gymnopilus subspectibilis RapΓ©h Crafters Trade and wish list ππMOππ Itβs time to ghost this placeβπ»
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SGV
EssGeeVee


Registered: 06/20/22
Posts: 264
Last seen: 20 days, 20 hours
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: Soloist]
#28337150 - 05/27/23 03:43 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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Indeed it was, but ironically it wasn't 'new' by any stretch of the imagination. It was an affirmation that I am on *my* right path in life. And even though I haven't found the level of success or infamy that some of my visions showed me, it did make me further grateful for my here and now and what I have accomplished, as well as taking responsibility for the not so good things I have done in life.
It truly was a journey of "what if" into my psyche.
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ellamush
Amanita #1 Fangirl

Registered: 07/31/22
Posts: 435
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: SGV]
#28337173 - 05/27/23 04:07 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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Thanks for this very readable account.
I had a similar thought on my last trip. When we die all of our actions and morals and intentions go with us. Whether we acted "good" or "bad" (in comparison to what ??) we all go back to equals, just as we are prior to birth.
What I took from it is that I should value everyone in life too, as a human, even given their mistakes. We are really just playing one big game.
Mind you, this isn't to say to accept terrible things in the world. More to try to understand that there is more to a person or community than their actions.
Boy I wish I was eloquent as you, I hope that made sense:)
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SGV
EssGeeVee


Registered: 06/20/22
Posts: 264
Last seen: 20 days, 20 hours
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: ellamush]
#28338300 - 05/28/23 01:54 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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Again, I love how as a collective race even outside of our vast differences we are all hive mind. Mush Love
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,528
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: SGV]
#28340748 - 05/30/23 02:47 PM (7 months, 25 days ago) |
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cool
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_ π§ _
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thespacecadet
Astral Explorer


Registered: 06/03/23
Posts: 56
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: redgreenvines]
#28366887 - 06/20/23 09:45 AM (7 months, 5 days ago) |
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Good report, very descriptive! I always wonder, do we live multiple lives and deaths through out our life now. Have I died multiple times in different areas of life. For instance that time you were in a bad accident but survived, did you really survive or pick up where you left off in an alternate reality?
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SGV
EssGeeVee


Registered: 06/20/22
Posts: 264
Last seen: 20 days, 20 hours
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Re: Even further down the rabbit hole [Re: thespacecadet]
#28367568 - 06/20/23 05:21 PM (7 months, 4 days ago) |
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Quote:
thespacecadet said: Good report, very descriptive! I always wonder, do we live multiple lives and deaths through out our life now. Have I died multiple times in different areas of life. For instance that time you were in a bad accident but survived, did you really survive or pick up where you left off in an alternate reality?
Interesting question and introspective!
That gnawed on me as well - Was it really a 'reset' and if so, where did it resume? And for that I don't have a concrete answer. It was just fascinating taking a look (from what felt like the outside) at what *could* have been and damn... Quite very well what is/was but in a different timeline?
I haven't had a trip that deep since but I plan to again eventually to see what other answers I may be able to unlock.
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