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OfflineJourney
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Please analyze my bad trip
    #2834799 - 06/27/04 11:40 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Hello all, Before I get into my trip, I'm going to provide you with some background information about myself. I'm 18 and have tripped in all three times. Two of these had such significant negative thoughts that I will classify them as bad trips. The other I will leave out because it was a good trip but I did not break through and only experienced threshold effects. I had been waiting to trip for over two years. I have been an on and off toker for these last two years, and had read a lot about tripping and knew I had to do it. Please analyze my trip, and try to explain what was happening to me.

First trip:
I was very excited because one of my friends said he could get some boomers, this was the first time any of us had heard about shrooms going around in our area, and this would be everyones first trip. Though I have done DXM and LSA. I felt that I would be prepared enough that I could handle my shrooms with no problems, I have always been very sensitive to weed especially when I first started smoking. You could definately say that I used to trip off weed, including full open eye and closed eye visuals and an intense mental high. I dosed the shrooms at about 12:00 with one good friend, anther semi-friend but not at all an ideal guy to trip with, and another girl who I had just met that day. The guy that hooked us up with the shrooms left to take care of some business right after he dosed. I estimate that I ate about 2.5 to 3 grams.

The first effects were just an overall feeling of happyness and euphoria as we walked around outside, everything was going well and I remember ciggarettes were awesome. I had some mild visuals at this point but nothing great. After walking around for a while we return to my friends apartment. This is where everything started going wrong. The first thing that happened was for absolutely no reason at all my best friend Jeremy and the other semi-friend Dillon almost started fighting and knocked over a cat litter tub, I immediately got a very negative vibe off this, and I could sense it in all of us. There was a lot of arguing and yelling which just started to bring me down. I tell them that and go into another room with Katie. I told her how the vibe had changed and I ddint like it at all, she totally knew what I was talking about, so we start chatting for a bit and then all the sudden something very extreme happened to me. I had an intense moment of ego loss. I remember she was talking to me and her voice just kept going but I could no longer follow or understand what she was saying. Everything seemed fake to me especially a forced laugh I made to try to appear like I was still with it. I felt extremely vulnerable, I had never felt anything like that in my life, yet for some reason it felt familiar in a weird way. I realized then that I couldn't return back to normal, and things took a total turn, It was as if all of my confidence and identity just vanished, and I was stuck in this very isolated and negative mindset. I was disabled and I knew what schitzophrenia must be like. This was a feeling which would stay with me for the peak and some time afterwards of my third trip. Luckily I managed to regain some control and left the room still with that feeling but not as intense.

I found Jeremy and told him I was tripping balls. At that point I was too, I had all kinds of awesome open eyed visuals and closed eyed visuals, a bounch of mosaics over everything and color gradients, dragons etc, I also saw the "Tool Eye" at the exact same time that Jeremy did. We all go into one room again, and the atmosphere again takes a turn for the worst. Unluckily Dillon started having a bad trip and it totally changed him, he became very aggressive and angry, with all kinds of shouting. I try to get him to calm down, but I couldn't get it through his head that he was just tripping. Then after a bit he started to calm down a little and his anger turned to sorrow, he said "It wasn't my fault" over and over again, then said that the shrooms were destroying him. I still do not know what he was talking about. I tell Jeremy that Dillon was having a bad trip, and he turns to me with a look of disgust and says, "No, Your just fucked up man." I then start to consider that maybe I was just really fucked up, The atmosphere was very negative in the room, with everyone trying to argue at once, I was getting more and more confused and the bad vibes were everywhere in the room. That terrible negative mindset that I had experienced before was again with me, and I couldn't break though my negative thought loops. I started thinking that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, because my self-esteem was just destroyed. I felt so vulnerable that its hard to expain it. I walked into the main room of the apartment and closed my eyes. This change of setting helped me a great deal and I managed to get in a positive mindset, and once again felt good. I was having intense visuals and let my trip take control. I'm feeling good and wanted to take another walk, I rejoin the group and tell everyone we should take another walk. The atmosphere had built up so much that even the idea of another walk seemed to take everyone out of there bad mindsets.

Our walk turned out great, and dillon in an apologetic voice said that he just now realized how hard he had been tripping in there. The rest of the night was great, we made a late night run to king soopers and picked up a couple whippets, to try and boost our trip back to where it was before. Somehow I totally forgot how bad that peak was for me, and forgot about that negative mindset until my third trip where it came back full force and totally controlled a good portion of my trip.

I will be back with the report from my third trip. Including other details that I later learned about the first.


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InvisibleLetto
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2834930 - 06/28/04 12:34 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I think trips are extremely personal, so you'll be the only one who'll be able to analyze your trip, since we have no idea what your life is like, your mindset, etc.

"I had an intense moment of ego loss. I remember she was talking to me and her voice just kept going but I could no longer follow or understand what she was saying. Everything seemed fake to me especially a forced laugh I made to try to appear like I was still with it. I felt extremely vulnerable, I had never felt anything like that in my life, yet for some reason it felt familiar in a weird way. I realized then that I couldn't return back to normal, and things took a total turn, It was as if all of my confidence and identity just vanished, and I was stuck in this very isolated and negative mindset."

That really doesn't sound like ego loss. More of just some anxiety and bad vibes. My advice for your next trip is to dose alone if having people around was creating a lot of anxiety. Or just dose with a close friend who you know can handle himself.


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OfflineGinseng
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2834935 - 06/28/04 12:36 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

One of the many faces of mushrooms we have all seen.


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OfflineJourney
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2835139 - 06/28/04 02:08 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Damn, I just realized how long that trip report was, I will leave out most of the details for this one:

My second shroom trip was by myself and it was pretty good though I only ate about 2 grams or so. I liked tripping by myself more than with other people. My third trip was just yesterday, this time with Jeremy and another non-tripper Benji. I was smoking some weed about an hour and a half after ingestion when all the sudden the same exact thought-loop and frame of mind that I had for my first trip came back to me. This was also during the peak. I started to panic and my mind flipped a total 180 from being excitedly anticipating my trip, to that bad frame of mind that returned all the negativity from my first trip. For the next hour I was in this constant thought loop and just took myself lower and lower, and all I wanted to do was be alone and try to figure out why this was happening to me, yet it wasn't to my friend Jimmy. I felt like I really had no control over myself, and that my mind was weak. I started thinking that this must be what hell is, being trapped in your own mind and insecurities for all eternity.

It is hard to explain what I was wrong with me, it wasn't anything in my life that was bothering me, It was almost just the realization that my ego is so fragile which did it to me. I couldn't pay attention to my visuals or the body high because this aspect of the trip had such a profound effect on me. Then all the sudden I made a connection, or a logical realization in my mind that must of somehow justified or just made that negative frame of mind seem pointless like an illusion, I had control again, and I didn't want to lose it. There is such a difference in the two frames of mind, that it was amazing that one simple idea could totally reverse the frame of mind I was in instantly! This gave me more control as I came to the realization that it was all in my mind. I still wanted to find out what caused the bad trip so I wouldn't have to go there again.

Now that I was functioning again I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go for a walk. As we were walking suddenly Jeremy stopped and started freaking out, the same exact thing that had happened to me, that "ego-loss" that I had experienced with Katie happened to him, just as randomly as it had with me. As soon as it stopped he said that now he was actually tripping, and the time we had tripped earlier he was not even close to where he was now. As we were walking back to my house I could tell when his trip started to go bad, because I had already been there. I was connected to him in some strange way. Our vibes were shared, and our frames of mind were on the same level, I remember I kept on making comments and describing a sort of "System of Order" that was made clear to me while I was tripping, but I had first encountered it when I first started smoking weed. It is a sort of system for understanding how the universe and everything in it works. As you make your way through the levels of understanding you just realize that there are even higher levels, seemingly infinite. This made total sense to him and started freaking him out. He kept saying get out of my mind. During that trip I learned pretty much everything there was about him. You could say that I mastered his trip really. I was learning so much and started to feel like god. I had total control of his trip and I could bring him in and out of bad states of mind. I cleverly managed to progress him totally out of those negative states of mind that he was in really smart ways. I helped him come to the realization that the negative states of mind are fake, and all in your imagination. I taught him how to control his trip and gave him a very extreme positive mindset that lasted for him throughout the rest of the trip. If I had not had him there experiencing the same things that I had, and seeing the weaknesses in him that I had seen in myself an hour earlier, I would have never mastered the trip so well. I felt totally in control, It seemed like I had leveled through all those levels of understanding in my head and I was at the top. Maybe it wouldn't have been possible if I didn't have such a bad trip to start out with. Maybe the best lessons that you learn come from being at your lowest. I can see why bad trips can be so powerful now. Its like they make you stronger.

So much has come back to me as I've been writing these trip reports. I still feel like there are unresolved issues though about the intense "ego-loss" I felt, I know this is not what most of you trippers refer to ego-loss as, I have not experienced the kind of egoloss that you get from a really high dose of shrooms or DMT, but that is the best way I can describe it. Maybe depersonalization would be a better term?

I will see if I really mastered my mind next time I trip. If I can keep myself out of that state of depersonalization then I will call it a success. I cannot let it control me like it did to me on this last trip however. One and a half hours of feeling vulnerable and very different and hopeless was very hard on me. Yet I believe I undid any damage it might of caused when I mastered my trip. Something odd that also happened was once I thought I understood the "System" and my mindset was at its highest level I stopped tripping immediately. I probably tripped for three and a half or four hours, whereas Jeremy was tripping for about eight, we both ate the same dose of 3.5 grams.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2835182 - 06/28/04 02:26 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

My advice if you get uncomfortable during a trip:

1.) Just breathe.

2.) Learn to let go.


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2835258 - 06/28/04 02:48 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

You need a guidebook for tripping. The Psychadellic Experience by Tim Leary is an absolute must read.

Great trip reports... but you still seem to run away from the best part of tripping. Perhaps it would help you to know what is happening to you.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Rose]
    #2835388 - 06/28/04 03:39 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Cervantes said:
You need a guidebook for tripping. The Psychadellic Experience by Tim Leary is an absolute must read.





I agree...you recommended this book to me also, and after reading it I can definately say that it has changed the way I view (and approach) tripping.  My trips have never been the same since I read that book.  :thumbup:

Good luck Journey  :heart:


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OfflineChiefThunderbong
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2835893 - 06/28/04 10:57 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I think the moral of the story is don't trip with Dillon.


--------------------
Yeah spinnin' around again
yea caught in a tailspin


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Anonymous

Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2836060 - 06/28/04 12:31 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

having read this experience, i see that you have been shown A LOT, and realized much of it too.  I think thats awesome man.

Many people disagree with me, but, this is my 2 cents on the negative state of mind you were in.  It was not ego loss.  It was being totally consumed by your ego.  Pain, fear, guilt(like your one friend who said "it wasnt my fault"), and anything negative, comes from your ego.  Sense of space and time also come from your ego.  Without an ego, all you are left with is positivity, or what i like to refer to as Love...because behind the illusion of the ego, love is all there is(even YOU are pure love).  These tricks of the ego are an illusion, just like you realized(congrats).

Now, when you were feeling totally euphoric, but still able to talk and help your friend, i call that balance.  A perfect(or near-perfect anyways) BALANCE of the ego and the real you.  The real you IS God, which is why you felt like you were god, because you are :wink:.  We all are.  God is love.  The reason that when we are completely sober and get pissed so easily(or depressed) is because of us LETTING our ego(anger comes from ego as well.....anything negative that arises is from ego) control us.  We are like slaves to ego and that is why so many people are angry or depressed.  It is a simple choice each time the ego tries to consume us. 

Example: Are you going to let that kid who just called you a pussy actually offend you?  or are you going to smile realizing he only said it because of his ego?  deep down nobody means to spread negativity, we are all loving beings, and you can feel this on shrooms if you balance or completely lose your ego to truly realize it.

i dont realy know what else to say, just rambling on and on, you have had plenty of realizations out of that trip to help you grow so much more, and there is definitely much more to learn/remember about who you really are and what you are capable of doing in this life.

love and light on your journey :heart:


Edited by Anonymous (06/28/04 12:37 PM)


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Offlineentiformatie
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2836209 - 06/28/04 01:41 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I've definitely gone a bad trip, and had to force a laugh or a smile. The thing is, other people tripping seem to know when its a fake laugh/smile... Its a look in my eyes they interpret right away, then I feel even worse. I hate that shit.


--------------------
/opinion
.sean


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OfflineBonez420
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: ]
    #2836543 - 06/28/04 03:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

As the previous posted said, congrats on having such trips. It can be unpleasant when things go south, but either way it sounds like you've had some good experiences. I've tripped 3 times myself, and two of those times I've freaked out during my peak but BOTH times, it was due to my best friend unfortunately freaking out (and now he is basically done with shrooms). I really wish I could've done a much better job of helping him through his trip (and I felt really sad at the time that I couldn't do more for him), but I his freaking out came totally out of left field. The best example was the second of my three trips. We were sitting in his car and I was personally having the time of my life. We were listening to "Eulogy" and I was so happy about the things going on in my trip that I was going to tell him about it. Well, I turned to him and he is looking at me and starts saying "Man, are you okay!?" And I said yeah, but I could *completely* feel the bad vibes instantly and even though I knew it was nonsense, for a split-second I thought "What if my trip never ends?" For some reason that thought scared me, and I eventually ended up puking.

The reason I mention this is because the instant he mentioned something negative, my mind took a downward spin. Similiar to your experience with the mood of the rooms, it seems that moods of others affect mine quite a bit. On my last trip, I came to the realization that as far as attitude/mindset goes, I am somewhat like a chameleon. By this I mean I reflect the moods of the atmosphere I am in. EVERY time I have tripped, I have felt extreme euphoria and feel completely at peace with everything/everyone in the world. That is... unless someone starts getting negative. If someone is feeling negative, and I start to realize that, I then begin to feel very negative too. But this "chameleon"-mindset is the same when I'm sober, too. If everyone around me is happy, basically nothing can put me in a bad mood. Likewise, if everyone around me is upset, it's very difficult for me to remain positive. That is why I am now going to make sure I am extremely cautious towards who I trip with. My best friend is a great tripping buddy (if we could somehow get him to not freak out at the end), but now that he has basically given up, I am planning to either trip by myself or perhaps with 1-2 other people I know.

I also am interested in your method of handling the thoughts by thinking the negativity is all fake and in your head. It's interesting because I have kind of come to the same conclusion. When I've tripped recently, it has become more and more evident of just how powerful the mind really is.

Bad/difficult trips can be unpleasant, but I also don't mind them so much (afterwards) because I always seem to come away from a difficult experience learning something deep about myself. Obviously I prefer good trips, but a difficult trip can be interesting to analyze. However, like people have said, trips have to be analyzed personally. If you have a good trip next time, but still haven't gotten your bad trips analyzed to satisfaction, you could always analyze some time WHILE you're shrooming. :smile:

Either way, good luck and happy shrooming!

Oh, and a quick question about ego loss (since I don't know if I've experienced true ego loss, either): Is "ego loss" that complete feeling of euphoria, love, and (for lack of a real word that I cannot think of...) connected-ness?


--------------------
"Many times I've lied - Many times I've listened,
Many times I've wondered how much there is to know."
-Led Zeppelin (Over the Hills and Far Away)


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Rose]
    #2836563 - 06/28/04 03:19 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I would listen to Cervantes, buddy - I read the Psychedelic Experience every once in a while, whether I have drugs to do or not. It pretty much takes its time explaining the obvious to you - that you have to learn to let go and experience the experience, no matter what your initial reaction (the fear, the fear) might be. In my recent first trip on Salvia, I experienced complete ego-loss. So unready was I that it turned into 30-seconds-of-reality-feeling-like-an-eternity-of-eternities of horror for me. We all have trouble letting go and need to learn to.
Read the Psychedelic Experience by Tim Leary.
Then read it again.
The day of your next trip, read it again.
It will make you feel...secure.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2836955 - 06/28/04 06:10 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

"Everything seemed fake to me especially a forced laugh I made to try to appear like I was still with it. I felt extremely vulnerable, I had never felt anything like that in my life, yet for some reason it felt familiar in a weird way. I realized then that I couldn't return back to normal, and things took a total turn, It was as if all of my confidence and identity just vanished, and I was stuck in this very isolated and negative mindset."

Welcome to the wonderful world of shrooming friend!

I have found that I cannot enter certain situations while shrooming, the game of life can be sickening.

The shroom only amplifies your mindset, stay with people who will definately have a good vibe and where you feel comfortable/happy. The people I trip with would be quite happy for me to bring up the concept of the fake laugh & talking about may result in real laughter which would flip the whole scenario around.

Although theres always the chance your mate will turn up at the peak and tell you his mothers just died. Happened to me =(


--------------------


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OfflineJourney
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Journey]
    #2837165 - 06/28/04 07:45 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Very good replies, I hope that in the near future I will be able to totally accept and love myself for who I am when I trip next. I did realize how different perceptions can change the way you look at things so drastically, and I will try to use this information in real life whenever it fits my needs. I went from feeling terrible to feeling great in a matter of seconds. All it takes is one good realization or idea! The mind is a complex thing and I am now determined to have total control over mine, I am eagerly anticipating my next trip and even if I have another bad trip, I will trip again! If I run away from this I know that it will be in the back of my mind and haunt me for the rest of my life.

I think my problems from the first trip were the people I was tripping with especially Dillon, I also came in over-confident and got my ass kicked for it. Next time I will meditate and trip alone, I will also cut out weed from my next trip because I think it might have had something to do with it also.

I will have to read the psychedelic experience again, I read it a couple years ago when I first started smoking weed (I am the only one I know that got such a strong effect from smoking weed, I used to trip on weed with full auditory and cev/oev visuals) now it has very little effect on me though)

I appreciate the replies, this forum is really a great place!


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Anonymous

Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Bonez420]
    #2837362 - 06/28/04 08:54 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

you can't have complete ego loss until you've left your body permanently. i dont really care what anyone else thinks, because this is what i believe.  even then, after the death of the body, it takes a while for one to get used to being without an ego/body again. in a way, you could say that the physical body IS the ego. or, awareness of it causes the ego to form.

i know, i know.  many people here claim to have lost their egos or whatever, but i say this is impossible without leaving the body for good.  a perfect BALANCE is as close as it can get while alive.

DEATH is ego loss.  argue it all you like :tongue:


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Offlinenickelpenny
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: ]
    #2841554 - 06/29/04 11:52 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I dont think its just because of letting go...ive been through all that shit before.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SETTING...Only trip with one best friend if you can..because if you end up tripping with "semi- friends" or "non tripper friends" shit goes down hill...

Not just because they are there but because they try to talk to you...I hate being on a different level than everyboday else.

I have noticed sometimes while tripping balls that conversations can kill you... I was tripping on my highest dose at the time and we ended up going to a persons house(ended up with about 10 ppl in a small room) and they were all talking and all sober.. it sucks because you can get so confused easily. Then you start getting paranoid that your acting weird or talking weird or just being stupid.(i have been in these situations while very very baked before too.)

Just be with someone you know well and trust.


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Offlinenickelpenny
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: nickelpenny]
    #2841572 - 06/29/04 11:58 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

and yea kottommouth is right..you cant completely lose your ego until your dead.

You may have lost your ego for a few hours..and got it back.


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Anonymous

Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: nickelpenny]
    #2843516 - 06/30/04 02:34 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

nah, thats not what i was saying, not temporarily even, i am saying even when you think you've lost it, you have not. the ego is always there, it is part of our soul development in our lives(even in shroom trips). the most i believe you can do is balance it so you are not controlled by it.

When this 'ascent' occurs, the ego is not lost, but rather, is integrated into the higher realms as a tool for mental-idea exchange. This may explain for some of you why Journey keeps saying "All it takes is one good realization or idea!", this is him using his ego as a tool to find truth from spirit. Some have claimed to have lost their ego, but i disagree, it was still there, not even lost for a short period of 'time'. Even in my out of body experiences i still have my ego. the shrooms are just a catalyst to get more intune with your innerself/real self/SPIRIT, they dont destroy the ego even for a moment it is there until this incarnation is done, even when you think you dont have one because you are so at peace and at one with everything, it is still there, you are simply feeling your true nature....but without an ego it gets even more real than that.


bad trips; your ego consumed. good trips, you have it tamed/balanced but it is still there, never lost.


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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
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Re: Please analyze my bad trip [Re: Rose]
    #2843667 - 06/30/04 03:18 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)



--------------------


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* My theory on getting over bad trips that just keep coming back. Need your opinions please.
( 1 2 all )
Wronguy 8,070 28 08/31/11 01:31 PM
by Straightbangin1979
* Bad trips possible for sound mindset?
( 1 2 all )
AlwaysFlowin 4,312 23 11/17/05 07:29 PM
by incubaby_421

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