It’s been a few months since this happened, but it's only now that I’m actually feeling bored / over it enough to actually write it down.
It starts with a mushroom trip, but that’s not really what this is about, though I'll still start in chronological order, so you get the full picture. Our silly little tale starts at probably around 8pm, where I decide to gobble down 3g of my dried cubensis, my biggest dose at that time.
Skipping forward a bit, I’m starting to feel a little funny and sleepy, and skipping forward a bit more, I lose complete track of my body and float around in abstract scenarios and concepts my head is creating for me, so just some typical mushroom stuff. Coming to silly conclusions like how I should treat panic, terror and anxiety the same way I treat happiness, as otherwise I'd be like a racist towards concepts, I’m slowly coming down from my, until then, very nice mushroom trip.
At that point, I'm starting to feel very drained with the visual effects having worn off, but being very aware that I wouldn't be able to sleep. As I want to sleep though, since I've got nothing else I want to do, I get the utmost brilliant idea to smoke myself real high, so I can properly and pleasantly fall asleep even in my then-current state. I scavenge my room for herbal goods, but stumble upon my recently acquired HHCP (synthetic cannabinoid, not quite spice levels of bad, but still a noid receptor full agonist, and a barely researched chemical) vape, and, with my lack of experience with the substance, decide it’s a great idea to take a single hit, just to try it out. And so, after a long drag and even longer coughing, I lie down in my bed and, out of habit, start scrolling through TikTok.
Not sure how much time has passed since then, but my next clear memory is me looking at my home screen, with slight hallucinations starting to appear. Small squiggles and shapes, rich in color, seem to slowly emerge from the pixels. They remind me of some typical LSD hallucinations I've experienced, both in the way they look, and in the way they seemingly pull me in a trance when looking at them and waiting for them to grow more vibrant. At this point I'm quite amused, and of the impression that my mushroom trip has ended, and this is just some leftover-symbiosis between the two substances. Retrospectively, I can say that I was definitely still tripping balls on the shrooms, the only thing that ended was the extreme out-of-body hallucinations.
At some point, I decide to look up from my phone, with the now clear differentiation between my typical LSD visuals and the visuals that I had at that moment being that they surprisingly didn't disappear when looking at something different. At this point I'm like, "yea alr I'm kinda high rn", feeling both my heart rate and my throat dryness increasing, so I decide to just lie down, close my eyes and listen to some music.
I'm still kind of amused by the whole situation; not for long though, as I'm starting to get some typical mushroom hallucinations consisting of faint monsters jumpscaring me in my peripheral vision. Not uncommon for me on shrooms and nothing I'd be freaking out about, but not a situation where I'm able to sleep either. After trying to wait it out with both the frequency of the hallucinations and my heart rate increasing, I'm starting to think things like "panicking rn would be pretty fucked up and annoying to deal with, huh", and with my ability to grasp thoughts, in typical mushroom fashion, starting to disappear, I decide that I want to snap out of it by sitting up straight and turning off my music. If this was a sole mushroom experience, doing this would have surely given me the ability to rearrange my thoughts to get into a better mindset like I've done it many times before, but, as it wasn’t a sole mushroom experience, that didn't happen. At that point, I'm sitting on my bed with white glowing squiggles and a whole lot of static starting to fill my vision, unsure what to do, as my mind is still trying to comprehend the fact that what I’m experiencing in the moment is, in fact, not what I wanted to experience and possibly about to get a whole lot worse.
What I'm failing to realize is that I'm now actively fighting an unavoidable trip. Big mistake, but not my concern at that point, as I'm feeling two opposing forces driving my body, one being the shrooms making my mind trip balls and making my body panic, and the second being the cannabinoid increasing my heart rate and numbing my brain to extreme stupidity. The rational, acting-sober part of my brain that was leading my behavior up to this point now told me that whatever was gonna happen, panicking would be the least beneficial thing to do. Plausible. With that in mind, I stand up with the intention of opening my window, so I can breathe some fresh air and possibly rearrange my thoughts successfully.
Now staggering towards the window, with my heart rate probably at a solid 120bpm+ and each of my limbs tingling while feeling weak and numb, I'm barely able to see anything but pitch black and noisy squiggles. Luckily, I'm still able to make out the light passing through my window, and after some hefty trial and error, I manage to grab the handle and open it. At this point my mind is in a weird position where my subconscious is going wild panicking (thinking something along the lines of, “hey this is real, this is kinda fucked up huh, yup this is still real, not a dream. Mhm, you got kind of an actual problem rn, you’re kinda fucked”) and my body is screaming at me that I'm about to go into cardiac arrest since my heart rate is, still, increasing. Meanwhile, the part of my mind that I referred to as "acting sober" before, was now sufficiently stoned to somewhat not give a fuck about what the rest of my body thinks, and decided for me to just go back to bed. This sadly posed to be much more of a challenge than I thought though, with the first step back from the window being followed by what I can only describe as a big “WHOOSH”, with my mind going completely blank, my vision being completely overtaken by vibrant hallucinations and my body going completely limb for a second; basically going unconscious.
It’s hard to put into words what I was feeling in that moment, as I was filled to the max with adrenaline, though physically unable to express anything. If you put me in front of someone in that state, I would be absolutely unable to talk to them, even if I wanted to ask for help or express any feelings for that matter. I’d maybe make some whimpering noises if I tried real hard. Anyways, now even the most rational and stoned parts of my body are realizing "yeah this is real, yeah this could pose danger"; aka I’m panicking. I'm able to make a few more steps towards my bed, but the constant “WHOOSH”es eventually get the best of me, resulting in me finally collapsing to the floor.
To make the structure a little clearer, all of what you've previously read was basically the introduction, what's following is pretty much the main part of the whole trip and the whole reason I'm even writing this in the first place.
The content of this main part being me, cowering on my floor in a somewhat comfortable fetal position with a light breeze from the previously opened window cooling me down, all while I’m drifting in and out of consciousness (constant "WHOOSH"es basically), with me, on top of that, not being able to see anything other than hallucinations comparable only to what I would imagine a moderate dose of DMT looks and feels like (retrospectively very similar to what's shown in "memory from a dead mans trip v11" by symmetric vision, especially the beginning where everything is just glowing super bright), and only hearing a roaring tinnitus with an ever-increasing pitch matching my ever-increasing heart rate, and only feeling constant tingles in my entire body, in a dark room at approximately 12pm.
At this point I was pretty convinced that I was either going to die, or get some sort of permanent psychosis or schizophrenia from this whole thing. Even though I considered the thought of me leaving this whole thing behind without any harm a miracle, I somewhat got ahold of my panic; not in the terms of “eh I’m prolly alright, I’ll be fine”, but more in the terms of “I’m fucked but there’s nothing I can do about it now, other than waiting it out”. In that sense, the “acting sober” part of my brain was actually doing its job fairly well, with me worrying, but not panicking, about if I should go to the hospital, if it would be smart for me to call someone (not like I was physically able to anyways), or if I had woken anyone up with my loud collapse to the floor.
The hallucinations at this point are obviously kind of hard to describe, but in the most oversimplified, broad explanation possible, I was basically seeing this giant bar increasing in height, conceptually representing the increasing heart rate, tinnitus pitch, tingliness, highness and trippyness that I was experiencing. The surrounding scenery and everything else I was hallucinating was extremely detailed, consisting of pretty much everything imaginable, rich in color and in depth. Definitely something I would have enjoyed a lot, if it weren't for my body literally screaming at me that I’m dying, which was quite plausible to me in that moment. So, in the end, all I was doing was just watching this bar grow higher and higher, desperately hoping it would stop increasing at some point and solely wishing for it to go down. I don't remember the exact moment, but, well, shocker, it did eventually start decreasing, and I didn't die like I was expecting. I was pretty relieved at this point, still convinced that waking up the next day, I would be severely fucked up in the head, but nonetheless grateful for likely even waking up in the first place.
I have no idea how long I was sitting there, probably around 40 minutes or so, but I was starting to regain clearer consciousness and starting to actually see my real environment when moving my eyes around, although just for a few seconds. The battling unconsciousness also eventually stopped around that time. During that time, my mind was obviously, next to being still very grateful, filled with existiential thoughts, rightfully so though, as I had no idea what was going to happen either the next morning, or the next weeks, months or years, and how this, quite jarring, experience could influence how they'd play out.
Anyhow, still in the same fetal position with the same light breeze, but with the addition of birds now chirping in the background, at around 3am (I checked the clock knowing I might wanna write a trip report about this, thanks, past me), I realized I could probably go back to bed at some point, which I did, successfully this time.
The rest of the night wasn't much interesting other than my body deciding "hey I think I'm intoxicated, I should vomit rn", which I was luckily able to suppress somehow, though I did constantly feel bubbles splashing up my throat which did fill my mind with vomit themed hallucinations for the rest of the night, which wasn't all that nice either. Waking up the next day, I was surprised to see that I was, in fact, not permanently mentally ill, just severely stoned for the entire rest of the day, somehow.
Overall, I give the whole experience a solid 2/10. Wouldn't do again, wouldn't recommend.
Thanks for reading my silly lil report
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