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Anonymous #4

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Rache2020]
    #28464813 - 09/10/23 09:56 PM (4 months, 15 days ago)

Sometimes it's painful when it showed inside. Sometimes you just have to take it though. And like pretend you enjoy it but you still have to take it. It's part of a partnership in a relationship. Then later if you disagree with the sexual conduct and you just don't do it again with the pain. But you know In the Heat of the Moment when it's being shoved inside the other person wants pleasure so you just sort of have to go along with it even if it hurts really bad. Then later on if you don't want it shoved inside like that anymore you just say that. But the present moment you just take it and enjoy it.


Edited by Anonymous (09/10/23 09:57 PM)


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Rache2020]
    #28465014 - 09/11/23 04:07 AM (4 months, 15 days ago)

Quote:

Rache2020 said:

If it's painful when it wasn't before has she had a check-up to find out why? I don't get why you feel cheated and lied to, unless you have reason to believe she is lying about it being painful. Sounds miserable for both of you!




I think it's painful because we only had sex once per month.
Relationships are complicated. I don't necessarily think she was lying about the pain.

But marriage is in part a sexual contract. Why enter into it if you aren't into the sex.
It's like if a lesbian marries a straight man to fit in to society.
I think she was prepared to continue, but I'm not prepared to have sex with an unwilling partner.

What was she deceptive about?
Blowjobs stopped when we married,
She doesn't like the music she pretended to like.
She stopped wearing the wedding ring. I asked her if she wants it re-sized. she said "no"
(perhaps this is a red flag?)

But anyway I love her very much. She is an excellent life partner for me.
I can deal with the music issue. We just never listen to music together.
No sex is really messing with my head though.


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Anonymous #3

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Rache2020]
    #28466290 - 09/12/23 09:55 AM (4 months, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Rache2020 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
58 Years old. I love sex. Wife doesn't. She says it's painful.
When we were dating the sex was OK. Several times a week.
Later in our marriage we settled into sex in the same position once per month.  It began feeling a bit rapey.
I am fit and reasonable attractive for my age.
A couple times I couldn't finish. But I can maintain a VERY strong erection for hours masturbating.

Now we don't have sex at all. Feels too rapey to me.
I feel cheated and lied to. I wish I had other options, but ... No sex ever again? How did I get to this point?




If it's painful when it wasn't before has she had a check-up to find out why? I don't get why you feel cheated and lied to, unless you have reason to believe she is lying about it being painful. Sounds miserable for both of you!



It can be painful because she is not aroused, experiencing hormonal changes but I would think she is not aroused. Espeacilly since she is not into it. If she isn't into it... yeah, it'll not feel good.
Im sorry. I feel your sorrow. I have the same issue but with a man who has no sex drive and premature ejaculation.


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OfflineRache2020
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Registered: 10/18/20
Posts: 315
Last seen: 23 hours, 43 minutes
Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28470367 - 09/15/23 06:24 PM (4 months, 11 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
Quote:

Rache2020 said:

If it's painful when it wasn't before has she had a check-up to find out why? I don't get why you feel cheated and lied to, unless you have reason to believe she is lying about it being painful. Sounds miserable for both of you!




I think it's painful because we only had sex once per month.
Relationships are complicated. I don't necessarily think she was lying about the pain.

But marriage is in part a sexual contract. Why enter into it if you aren't into the sex.
It's like if a lesbian marries a straight man to fit in to society.
I think she was prepared to continue, but I'm not prepared to have sex with an unwilling partner.

What was she deceptive about?
Blowjobs stopped when we married,
She doesn't like the music she pretended to like.
She stopped wearing the wedding ring. I asked her if she wants it re-sized. she said "no"
(perhaps this is a red flag?)

But anyway I love her very much. She is an excellent life partner for me.
I can deal with the music issue. We just never listen to music together.
No sex is really messing with my head though.





But you said she was prepared to compromise and it's you saying no to sex now?  I think you should urge her to see someone-it could be so many things, maybe she is depressed or suffering effects from menopause etc. I'm sure she can be helped to find sex less painful and more pleasurable. I understand you don't wanna sleep with someone you can tell isn't into it. It's hard to know without knowing more details like how long you been married etc. and if she's sought help for these issues before or not.

Seems like you two need to have a big talk about how you both really feel instead of carrying on like this. It's never going to get better otherwise. Wish you all the best.


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Anonymous #3

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28470767 - 09/16/23 07:06 AM (4 months, 10 days ago)

Not bad advice.
You defiantly need to talk to her. Counseling? Other partners? Work together to get this back? Find out what she has to say. What are her needs not being met? Tell her yours, etc.


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28470855 - 09/16/23 08:59 AM (4 months, 10 days ago)

I have tried speaking with her about it.
She completely shuts down. One word answers.
She says she is OK with no sex.

She just is not a sexual person. never really was.
I used to joke that she wants sex never and I want twice per day,
so lets take the average and go with once per day.

I LOVE licking pussy, but I have never licked her. she pushes my head away.


Edited by Anonymous (09/16/23 09:43 AM)


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Anonymous #5

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28470880 - 09/16/23 09:19 AM (4 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

#7 said:
I have tried speaking with her about it.
She completely shuts down. One word answers.
She says she is OK with no sex.

She just is not a sexual person. never really was.
I used to joke that she wants sex never and I want twice per day,
so lets take the average and go with once per day.

I LOVE licking pussy, but I have never licked her. she pushes my head away.



Maybe someone else is giving it to her ?


Edited by Anonymous (09/17/23 04:18 AM)


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #28470913 - 09/16/23 09:48 AM (4 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:

Maybe someone else is giving it to her ?




Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
It's like if a lesbian marries a straight man to fit in to society.





Anon #5, please edit that name out of there. I don't know who that is, but it's not me. :cool:


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Onlineoursoulsinmotion
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Registered: 10/04/21
Posts: 3,384
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Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28471387 - 09/16/23 05:05 PM (4 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
I have tried speaking with her about it.
She completely shuts down. One word answers.
She says she is OK with no sex.

She just is not a sexual person. never really was.
I used to joke that she wants sex never and I want twice per day,
so lets take the average and go with once per day.

I LOVE licking pussy, but I have never licked her. she pushes my head away.



You gotta butter her up first
Work on your foreplay skillz if yu want more action w her cat


--------------------


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: oursoulsinmotion]
    #28471862 - 09/17/23 04:04 AM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

oursoulsinmotion said:
You gotta butter her up first
Work on your foreplay skillz if yu want more action w her cat



That's great advice for a premarital teen sex thread.
We have been married 25 years and I know her more than anyone else on earth.


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Anonymous #5

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28471868 - 09/17/23 04:20 AM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:

Maybe someone else is giving it to her ?




Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
It's like if a lesbian marries a straight man to fit in to society.





Anon #5, please edit that name out of there. I don't know who that is, but it's not me. :cool:



Sorted #7 when I quoted your post you must have been editing it. Maybe that's why it revealed your username 🤔


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Invisibledurian_2008
Cornucopian Eating an Elephant
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Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,685
Loc: Raccoon City
Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #28472345 - 09/17/23 11:24 AM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Old acquaintances are signalling to me that they are available, in the form of an open relationship, where they are supposed to return to their family life, and I am supposed to be a third wheel.

Or, they sow their proverbial wild oats and want to settle down with me, somewhat worse for the wear. (One former party animal has gotten over cancer and kind of looks like a Caprisun got wrung out.)

If I wanted to be a pig...


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Anonymous #5

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: durian_2008]
    #28472513 - 09/17/23 12:42 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

durian_2008 said:
Old acquaintances are signalling to me that they are available, in the form of an open relationship, where they are supposed to return to their family life, and I am supposed to be a third wheel.

Or, they sow their proverbial wild oats and want to settle down with me, somewhat worse for the wear. (One former party animal has gotten over cancer and kind of looks like a Caprisun got wrung out.)

If I wanted to be a pig...




The fact you judge someone by there looks makes you look shallow. A wrung out Capri sun , really :shrug:. You must be a oil painting.

What happened to loving someone for being themselves? Relationships are built on trust and love not sex and good looks .


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 16,685
Loc: Raccoon City
Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #28472609 - 09/17/23 01:35 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

There are minor things I would change about myself, though I have actually remained pretty disciplined in terms of health and grooming. After years and years and years, the differences are cumulative and noticeable.

I feel disrespected in terms of someone not saving themselves and choosing me last. Though outward appearances are most certainly important to physical chemistry, I am extremely turned off when someone is coy or not putting out a comparable amount of effort in their respective roles, mentally.

When I can tell that someone is really working it at it, I am flattered or grateful, and I make it known.

People aren't expressing themselves, to get what they need and want. As though just neutrally talking is forceful dominance. Most people emotionally remain as that wallflower at the middleshcool dance for their entire lives and it feels like you're going to break someone inocent with the mind of a child, inside of a middle age body.


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Onlineoursoulsinmotion
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Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28472693 - 09/17/23 02:21 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
Quote:

oursoulsinmotion said:
You gotta butter her up first
Work on your foreplay skillz if yu want more action w her cat



That's great advice for a premarital teen sex thread.
We have been married 25 years and I know her more than anyone else on earth.


Nothing premarital teen sex about it.
So why don't you turn her on mentally? Sex isn't always physical. Is she Asexual? Would she be agreeing to an open relationship where yu get to have sex w other ppl?


--------------------


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Posts: 16,685
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Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: oursoulsinmotion]
    #28472705 - 09/17/23 02:30 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

As someone who is neither Islamist nor on the FLDS spectrum, I don't have a problem with what is loosely called patriarchal marriage (polygyny).

I am sympathetic to the point of not making someone do what is painful or repulsive. No shits given if I determine that she was wargaming it.


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: oursoulsinmotion]
    #28472722 - 09/17/23 02:49 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

As long as Durian broached the subject of religion...
My wife is a very devout catholic with body issues and severe catholic sexual shame.
We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business.
I already mentioned she shuts down when I try to discuss sex.

Now if you can put yourself in this woman's head for a moment, and husband asks to have extramarital affairs.
Do you all think it's a good idea? Because it has crossed my mind.


Edited by Anonymous (09/17/23 02:56 PM)


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #28472734 - 09/17/23 03:00 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

Depending on your religious (or secular) perspective, there is a marital 'duty'.

Nothing will change or happen or without everyone's mutual understanding.

Quote:

Do you all think it's a good idea?




I feel it is best to be up-front with my beliefs, without changing my whole rule system after some years. It is technically unethical to pledge monogamy and renege on the expectations you have set.

Legally unsafe, depending on how you structure it.


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Invisibledurian_2008
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Registered: 04/02/08
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Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: durian_2008]
    #28472742 - 09/17/23 03:10 PM (4 months, 9 days ago)

I am very considerate of all the typical household things that come up, so that I can live in a comfortable, mental space.

All I am saying is that, depending on each of your respective options, it will not even occur to her, to act out alot of the irrational / irate mannerisms.

My answer to the church of Rome and townies is going to sound like Henry VIII, just short of capital punishment.


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Anonymous #7

Re: If you're over the age of 40, how often do you have sex? [Re: durian_2008]
    #28473356 - 09/18/23 06:10 AM (4 months, 8 days ago)



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