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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
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Today I got heartbroken 1
#28304299 - 05/03/23 12:45 AM (8 months, 22 days ago) |
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I found out that the guy I have feelings for is dating someone else and I'm absolutely crushed. Idk why I'm everyone's last choice. I hardly make friends with guys due to being an introvert and shy (?), 21F, I think I'm pretty and am told it, why do guys never go for me? Guys who I liked ended up being with other girls. It's like I don't exist or something. I just feel devastated, my depression has been treated well I guess with meds so I'm used to feeling neutral and haven't been hurt by guys in ages. But since finding this out today I feel pretty sad. I didn't overthink much about this guy I like - 19M. We texted a few times and met a few times since he's at my brother's uni and we were kind of acquaintances. I mostly acted like my normal self, kind of stupid around him. I knew he was single for a while but why can't I seem to get a boyfriend? Sure, I did quit work half a year ago and am focusing on my mental and physical health. I don't go out much cos of depression but I do go shopping sometimes. It just hurts seeing everyone else in relationships and knowing the guys that were close to me didn't go for me. I'm tired of being people's last choice.
And I have been to uni and had 2 previous workplaces being around guys so have been 'out there'. A stranger asked for my number the other day but it turned out to be a prank and I'm pretty tired. I recently had given up on this guy but had a dream about him which brought back those romantic feelings lmao which I'm not used to feeling but I realised I can function better without those feelings clouding my judgment. Also I should add that I deleted him from social media every time he added me and acted very standoffish over text which was not great on my part. But I've tried to not overthink and he's just an acquaintance, like, it's not a serious friendship or whatever and I have some issues with being hurt over guys that I now have some walls up to stop myself from being hurt.
Like I delete guys a lot and I had some guys from my high school add me on Facebook and I have deleted my Facebook, a few of those guys had bullied me once but that's an example of how I wreck some things, had one old friend I knew since I was 12, a guy I viewed platonically, on FB but deleted FB of course because I was upset over something else. So I act really impulsively sometimes Idk why. Hopefully that gives the context. I'm so tired of everything. I had pushed my crushes to the side while being more productive recently, having gotten my depression to the point where it's controlled as of today. I have had a broken sleep schedule for ages but today I forced myself to wake up 3 hours earlier. Yes, it was awful but I did it! I can literally force it and maybe it will work. Because any gradual change feels like moving a mountain but if I can commit to the change, it might work.
This has gone on a tangent but I feel less like harming myself and I actually want to be in this painful world for the moment. Like being awake isn't hell anymore. Maybe it's some progress. I'm still running away from thoughts and the darkness in my head. Keep myself busy so I don't think. Not sure why I feel like this but I had to accept a very difficult change. I'm managing stress well at the moment. I mean, I don't have any goals but I want to be here in the present in this moment so that's okay. I don't know if this feeling will stay but you know.
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crkhd
☾☼☽


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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia]
#28304349 - 05/03/23 03:22 AM (8 months, 22 days ago) |
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What if I am Light having a formal discussion about Truth?
-------------------- "Everything there is, and all that there is, is a Pattern of unspeakable proportion. The Pattern contains everything that is, completely fixed in succession, all the minimal particles interconnected in every way that is. Every way that is is not every conceivable way, because not everything that can be conceived is manifest in the pattern." "THE Human, you, is a miniscule but essential part of that pattern. In it lies complete fulfillment. It will never become something it is not, but it will never need to be anything else." - Wiccan_Seeker "If boring drudgery was the way of the universe, everything would have killed itself long ago." - Spacerific
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia] 1
#28305669 - 05/03/23 10:02 PM (8 months, 21 days ago) |
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That sucks Glacia, ive definitely been there. It sucks to be the 2nd or third choice. It can really hurt self-confidence. I would recommend working on your own mental health first. If you get into a relationship with bad mental health, it can feel good in the short-term but in the long-term, it can make it worst.
When i broke up with my Ex-GF in 2019, i spent all of 2020 healing myself mentally by isolating myself and being single. Best decision Ive ever made.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
  Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise   Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 |  Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
     
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Uhh, this seems like important context.
Quote:
I should add that I deleted him from social media every time he added me and acted very standoffish over text which was not great on my part.
Doesn't seem like you showed interest.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: sudly]
#28305796 - 05/04/23 12:51 AM (8 months, 21 days ago) |
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Definitely missed that part!
OP, do u have frequent, unpredictable mood swings by chance?
I recently discovered I have Intermittment Explosive Disorder: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/intermittent-explosive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20373921
It used to be really bad when i was a teen, but in my adult life, its still there, just I have a lot more control over it.
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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
Loc: The Winterless North
Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
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Update: I feel a bit better today. Yes, my mental health is not the best but I am currently working on stuff, and that's a good point, but we were also friends kinda once you look past the whole 'liking' thing you know. I convinced myself him texting me was being friendly.
Mood swings, sometimes. There's a lot of factors like today I didn't have caffeine so I'm a bit more anxious cos of withdrawal. I've been angry the past week. Happy yesterday. Depressed today with motivation increasing at night weirdly. I am learning more about what I'm going through but don't understand guys well. What happened yesterday has barely made a dent in my life - he is just a distant friend after all. It sucks that no-one seems to want me romantically anyway. Also I get hormonal, my self-esteem tends to drop at certain times of the month. I've noticed this but I hate how I get angry randomly and I really try not to take it out on others.
Also I got the courage to call him cos my brother kind of nagged me to, so about 1 month ago I called but he was on the phone to someone else, I left a message and assume he got it but it really hurt that he didn't call back. So then I decided to move on. I made a Snapchat recently and accidentally added him and I think he accepted then I got horrified and deleted him and I was just trialling social media again but for now SC isn't for me. Just good old Instagram. But I know I have a serious problem with being fickle and kind of rude and impulsive.
Edited by Glacia (05/04/23 05:24 AM)
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B Traven
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia]
#28305934 - 05/04/23 06:07 AM (8 months, 21 days ago) |
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I am thinking back to when I was that age. Though I was a young man, I bet I wasn't much different. Lots of mood swings, running hot and cold, not sharing my feelings with women I had fallen for, getting all worked up over it.
And the entire time, there were women stopping just short of throwing themselves at me. I'm reminded of dates I went on with girls who'd asked me out, where I sat there in a funk dumping all of my random negative thoughts when all they really wanted was a simple "your place or mine?"
Young people want to feel validated and wanted, have fun, and, most importantly, get laid. If you set the bar too high for what they have to get through to arrive at that point, then it doesn't really matter how into you they may be. Eventually, they're going to find someone else who checks those boxes.
We naturally tend to focus on fear of rejection, but what’s easy to forget is how rewarding it can be to have someone express interest or make a serious first move. Even if you end up turning the person down, or it's just a random expression of interest from a stranger.
You are very young, and have a long life ahead of you. Now is a great time for you to play around with different ways of approaching and handling guys, and your emotions surrounding them, with minimal long-term consequences.
-------------------- Beware of advice- even this.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia] 2
#28306474 - 05/04/23 01:15 PM (8 months, 21 days ago) |
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He's not even a casual friend, you removed him from fb multiple times from your own words and then Snapchat.
Like shit girl.. you're hurting him!
To me you're coming off like some unhinged lady who can't keep her shit together, sorry to be frank but your behaviour here seems abhorrent for friendship.
Maybe some therapy to open yourself up or self reflection to realise how hurtful and disconnecting it can be to unfriend people for apparently no reason can be.
This just sounds like a you problem, sorry to say but I think you have some personal work to do.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia] 1
#28306566 - 05/04/23 02:25 PM (8 months, 21 days ago) |
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Ok, I feel like its your inconsistency that is off-putting to guys, like this line:
Quote:
...I think he accepted then I got horrified and deleted him and I was just trialing social media again but for now SC isn't for me.
I think this Katy Perry song sums it pretty well:
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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
Loc: The Winterless North
Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
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Okay, thanks for your advice. I know I'm a trash friend to guys when feelings get in the way. He came up with my brother from uni back in February and I think he came up just to see me as he lives in another city - I hugged my bro but didn't hug the guy friend - later on my bro asked why I didn't hug him then I felt kind of bad. When I call my brother cos he's at uni, sometimes he passes the phone to his friend and we have a chat and it's friendly - my brother was kind of keen on us being friends rather than any of his other guy friends who I've met.
Also, I do have one platonic guy friend online so it is possible for me to be chill 
I mean I always get sad when I lose an opportunity. But I need to work on myself yeah.
Edited by Glacia (05/05/23 03:01 AM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia] 1
#28307186 - 05/05/23 03:32 AM (8 months, 20 days ago) |
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I mean you don't have to hug anyone. I hope you're not the kind of girl a guy can tell he loves on the first date, that you'll get married and have kids, or that your star signs align and he feels a connecting vibe as all it takes to make you trust him.
But sometimes a broken heart is what it takes to learn
You did say you closed yourself off due to some past experience, self reflection isn't easy, but I think it's very important to try and indentify what the cruxes are that keep you closed off, because when people do that, they may not allow themselves to be exposed to new experiences, even if they might be good.
Can't shutdown entirely if you want to have people in your life..
I also don't know how you could really be heartbroken by pushing away a guy you didn't show interest in, I mean if that's what you consider 'love', romance or anything of the sort.. there's a lot to be uncovered here.
Building personal boundaries, sticking too them, and reading up on how to recognise certain red flags may be important steps to take if you haven't already.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
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Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: sudly]
#28308551 - 05/06/23 03:50 AM (8 months, 19 days ago) |
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Thanks
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia]
#28308615 - 05/06/23 05:22 AM (8 months, 19 days ago) |
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Great advice sudly!
I would like to add research your attachment style. I am anxious-ambivelent due to my upbringing. It sounds like you may have a similae love attachment style. I feel like you have the avoidant attachment style too.
More about anxious-ambivalent: https://www.verywellmind.com/anxious-ambivalent-attachment-overview-7369281
An overview of the different attachment styles: https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344
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DigDug
Cultivator


Registered: 05/05/20
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Hello Glacia, I'm sorry that happened. Think about it from his perspective. He was actively pursuing you and you were avoiding him. I know you were just playing hard to get, but if he lacks any self confidence in the slightest, he's going to start looking elsewhere.
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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
Loc: The Winterless North
Last seen: 1 day, 13 hours
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: DigDug]
#28310971 - 05/08/23 03:01 AM (8 months, 17 days ago) |
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Quote:
DigDug said: Hello Glacia, I'm sorry that happened. Think about it from his perspective. He was actively pursuing you and you were avoiding him. I know you were just playing hard to get, but if he lacks any self confidence in the slightest, he's going to start looking elsewhere.
You think he was pursuing me rather than being my friend? :O
I never really overthought with him as I do with all my crushes cos I was fixated on an old guy, not him. He held the door open for me which was nice, hung back and followed me out of my house when my brother, his friend and another girl went ahead - he complimented my shirt which gets a lot of compliments from guys overall (Star Wars).
Then we went grocery shopping and I laughed watching him be stupid with my brother, we compared heights and my bro left us alone for a bit, I think we stood pretty close, I didn't really overanalyse cos it's a bad habit of mine and I'm bad at reading guys. But I was trying to stay away from him because of our different religions. He's Christian and I'm not so it wouldn't work. I didn't wanna be rude, and he got my number from my brother. He's texted me 4 times and I texted him once. Now that I notice this (facepalm) I can see the problem kind of. I was determined to never text a guy first after this old guy kinda traumatised me so that's why I act this way now.
I was confused as to why this guy was suddenly texting me as we've been in contact since about March 2022 but he's dating a brunette right now and his last gf was brunette. I'm one myself. I don't know how he could be attracted to me if he's in another city. He lives 4.5 hours away but I'm crushing on him from a distance so yeah. I miss him texting me he's one of the only guys who wanted my number (note that he got my number after I deleted him from Instagram).
I didn't want to hurt him and now I realise, I miss his texts and ugh. I realise that I probably pushed him away. But I was trying to stay away because of our different religions. My brother was keen on me calling him, he kept nagging me so even my introverted self caved eventually. Rant over. I feel a bit dismayed - that's some more context. 
Also my brother invited me to an app which the guy was on and I left said app after a bit. The group chat which my bro invited me to, with the guy in it, I left it too. It's weird because I'm always the one leaving.
Edited by Glacia (05/08/23 03:07 AM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia]
#28310975 - 05/08/23 03:20 AM (8 months, 17 days ago) |
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Quote:
He's Christian and I'm not so it wouldn't work.
This is good to recognise.
If you're fixated on an older guy, I'm not sure why you seem to be suggesting you're fixating or crushing on this guy. Sounds like you're not even interested.
And that's okay, it's good to figure out what you do and don't want from relationships.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Glacia



Registered: 02/28/19
Posts: 224
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: sudly] 1
#28315493 - 05/11/23 09:33 AM (8 months, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
sudly said:
Quote:
He's Christian and I'm not so it wouldn't work.
This is good to recognise.
If you're fixated on an older guy, I'm not sure why you seem to be suggesting you're fixating or crushing on this guy. Sounds like you're not even interested.
And that's okay, it's good to figure out what you do and don't want from relationships.
Yeah. I might end up job hunting again once my medical certificate runs out. I have been doing more lately now that my depression is less crippling. If I end up getting a job again - because they don't want you on the benefit forever - then I will be around guys again and out in the real world. Only this time I can't mess it up. Life still sounds painful to me, but I no longer want to end it all. I'm running on a streak of motivation right now and don't want anyone to kill my vibe. I know what it's like to be broken.
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hyroglyphics
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: Glacia]
#28351292 - 06/07/23 06:48 PM (7 months, 18 days ago) |
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Glacia,
you are going through a tough period. and you sound lonely. Just remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically. go out for walks. Keep in touch with friends you trust. Talking to someone nonjudgemental might help maybe see a therapist. Get yourself centered and do things you will enjoy. When you find some joy and happiness that will make you more attractive to men. Im sure you know this and some people will say, well thats obvious but we all need to remind ourselves of this. I know I forget this often.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Breathe in, breathe out, do good things, not bad things.
Haha nah, growing takes a lifetime of experiences and failures to finally find some success.
I still get anxious I just headbut the situations and accept alternative outcomes more easily now than I use to.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Mr.GuessWork
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Re: Today I got heartbroken [Re: sudly] 1
#28351980 - 06/08/23 11:13 AM (7 months, 17 days ago) |
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So I'm not sure if this stuff is still driving you crazy, but it does seem like you have a lot on your plate and there might be some more complex stuff going on in the background that a therapist could help you work through. All that stuff can affect the way that you perceive normal dating\romantic troubles. It can be helpful to talk with a therapist because they see this kind of thing all the time and they can give you some strategies to start to get control over stuff that's bugging you.
The simple truth is that dating and the wishy washy stuff that happens in it's place are all a huge pain in the ass for most people, and it takes a special skill set to be good at it and feel good about it. Most people suck at it really bad at your age, and many people still feel good about it. It's the norm to suck at it, so be nice to yourself and save the frustration for when some duchebag legitimately mistreats you.
The first caveat I have for you is this: if you want a guy to know you're interested and reciprocate that interest, then you have to tell him that you're interested in a way that's direct enough for him not to miss. That can feel overly blunt, but you have to swing the hammer to hit the nail. People don't know how you feel if you don't tell them, and you won't know how they feel unless you ask and get an answer.
After you make your interest clear, then it's still perfectly normal for people not to care. That's about them, and it's not about you. If you accept that and find a way to cope with it before you get surprised, then dealing with it is a manageable challenge.
You're also going to meet a lot of jerks who are at least as bad at this stuff as you feel you are, many will be way worse at it than you are, and they'll still feel great about themselves. Don't let that undermine your confidence. Do your best when you're interested and you're sure you want to pursue that interest, and be confident that dating will usually be a pain in the ass even if you're great at it.
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