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Anonymous #1

Unattractive
    #28302186 - 05/01/23 12:45 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

I am turning 50 in a few weeks and I am feeling weird. And I just realized that it may be returning 50. But I think it is more than that.

I think it is a few different things, this is my hypothesis on why I am feeling this way.

1. Being in a sexless relationship, zero touching at all for any reason
2. I lost a lot of muscle. My body has changed.
3.  I am starting to look older
4. My relationship is a friendship not a relationship, feels empty

I just don't feel attractive like I used to....
What are things I can do to feel more attractive?
I am female.


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OfflineAspectOfTheCreator
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28302193 - 05/01/23 12:50 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Start with going to the gym regularly and eating right.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302198 - 05/01/23 12:55 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

I make attempts to do both. I have lost a lot of my free time so I was not going to the gym like I used to- how I lost muscle. I was going up to 3 times a day. I was very fit.
I could improve my eating and working out. I think everyone could.


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OfflineAspectOfTheCreator
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302221 - 05/01/23 01:10 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

It can be a hard commitment to make but well worth it. Last year I fell out of regular exercise and in hindsight I'm amazed at how quickly I fell apart. My mood, confidence, waistline, etc all went to hell. Feels good to be back now. I'm not female and I can only speak for what has worked for me.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28302232 - 05/01/23 01:19 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Three times a day in the gym is not necessary. Even three times a week with a good conscientious training can give results. We all are getting old. Are you married? People give up on sex for many reasons. Is it possible to communicate your needs to your partner? Or are you adventurous enough to find what you need? Don't judge me for saying this but it is terrible to give up one part of your life because your partner may be holding hostage that part of your life.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302250 - 05/01/23 01:34 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

I was going three times a day when I could. I loved it. And it helped me get through some stuff. I am aware I dont need to go that often. I had the time then and I enjoyed it. I still go, just not like I used to.

I am not married. We are divorced because of that issues. I have talked about it Until I cant talk anymore. I also informed him I will get my needs fulfilled elsewhere. He knows.
End of our marriage it was an open marriage. We have been here before but this is different, we are not married and I am not waiting around for him. THOUGH it has been three years and I still have not found it elsewhere :frown:
I am not adventurous enough.. I wish I was.
I dont feel like my appearance has changed as much. BUT My mentality has.. I just dont feel attractive


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302264 - 05/01/23 01:41 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

If you would be content with just a NSA/FWB kind of situation at least you could get back some feelings and being touched. Would you go for it even if just temporarily?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28302313 - 05/01/23 02:14 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

YES
I look all the time. I am in school online. I am always home.. always. I dont ever meet anyone.
And I am resistant to go online. We live together, etc.
My neighbor asked me for fwb but... I think no would be the best answer.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302314 - 05/01/23 02:14 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

1000000X's YES


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302352 - 05/01/23 02:35 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

It would be hard for someone to find you that way. You probably need to use an app like bumble or go online in sites like okcupid or doublelist. Don't you think?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302367 - 05/01/23 02:47 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

I dont know if I should. I live in a tiny town


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Onlinerxb
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302376 - 05/01/23 02:55 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

consider keeping the ¨friendship" but being open about seeing others.

consider that no matter what you look like... someone who looks like what you want is looking for someone who looks like you.


consider taking a class, just to meet people, even if you arent trying to fuck them.

consider going to a meetup.com group somewhere nearby


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Edited by rxb (05/01/23 04:12 PM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302385 - 05/01/23 03:04 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I dont know if I should. I live in a tiny town




Any bigger town nearby? How close?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302392 - 05/01/23 03:13 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

2 hours away is the biggest

I would normally say I am not unattractive. But, I dont know anymore. I dont feel attractive.

I have less then 950 in my isolated rural town.

I used to go out of town a lot. I have had some life changes that inhibit this happening now.

I told him he needs to find someone to sleep with and he said no. I am a little reluctant to bring it up again. but I need to.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302434 - 05/01/23 03:59 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

I told him he needs to find someone to sleep with and he said no. I am a little reluctant to bring it up again. but I need to.




Have you told him that you need to sleep with someone? Whether him or someone else?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302454 - 05/01/23 04:33 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Yes. I have been saying it for three years. I dont think I have said it the last 3-5 months.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28302471 - 05/01/23 04:50 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

So you're living with someone who doesn't find you attractive anymore? I'm not surprised you feel this way.
Nothing is gonna change until you actually get out of there and move on.
A town of 950? That's smaller than my highschool was.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28302574 - 05/01/23 06:32 PM (8 months, 24 days ago)

Sounds like youre stuck!

Id recommend travelling to that bigger nearby city and dressing up sexy/beautiful then going to the grocery store and hopefully some attractive guys will check you out giving u a much needed confidence boost.


--------------------
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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Lynnch]
    #28302698 - 05/01/23 08:28 PM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Its much deeper then that.
But yes
Were good friends


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Anonymous #3

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28302937 - 05/01/23 11:45 PM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Going to a gym three times a day is ridiculous bordering on mental illness.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Unattractive [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28302938 - 05/01/23 11:50 PM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
Sounds like youre stuck!

Id recommend travelling to that bigger nearby city and dressing up sexy/beautiful then going to the grocery store and hopefully some attractive guys will check you out giving u a much needed confidence boost.




this doesn’t happen to people in their 50s lol


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28302945 - 05/02/23 12:22 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Nonsense! Ive seen some sexy 50 year old ladies before. Its all about making yourself look sexy and having the will and confidence to pull it off.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #28303082 - 05/02/23 06:48 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
Nonsense! Ive seen some sexy 50 year old ladies before. Its all about making yourself look sexy and having the will and confidence to pull it off.




:whathesaid:

You don't need to look like a tenager or a supermodel. Women of all ages can be attractive. And for someone my age a more mature lady is sexier than the younger ones. Because we know the value of experience 😉.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28303092 - 05/02/23 06:59 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

I you can't get out and don't want to use dating sites it will be very hard finding someone who desires you. What about going into one of those dating sites that have chatrooms? At least you could engage in some virtual flirting.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28303279 - 05/02/23 10:19 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Going to a gym three times a day is ridiculous bordering on mental illness.




My child just passed away and going to the gym became my mental health.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28303292 - 05/02/23 10:29 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I you can't get out and don't want to use dating sites it will be very hard finding someone who desires you. What about going into one of those dating sites that have chatrooms? At least you could engage in some virtual flirting.



I dont know anything about them.
Please inform me


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Anonymous #4

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28303310 - 05/02/23 10:44 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

That's I tough one. I also love in a small town. Much bigger than 950 though.

It's a small town and people talk and then you get no matches on tinder.

Also its hard to feel sexy or connect with the right kind of people when your confidence is in the dumps.

Building my confidence is my first goal. I believe that with healthy confidence the world is a different place.

Good luck


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28303314 - 05/02/23 10:50 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

I thinkI have confidence. I don't think I have confidence in my sexuality right now.
Thank you
it really is the confidence.. and I think being nonsexual for so long.. you dont feel like a desirable person.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28303327 - 05/02/23 10:58 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

That's kinda where I'm at


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28303344 - 05/02/23 11:18 AM (8 months, 23 days ago)

I am sorry.
It rocks my self esteem in a very unhealthy way.
hurts


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Anonymous #2

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28303714 - 05/02/23 03:52 PM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I you can't get out and don't want to use dating sites it will be very hard finding someone who desires you. What about going into one of those dating sites that have chatrooms? At least you could engage in some virtual flirting.



I dont know anything about them.
Please inform me




Some sites like the adult friend finder has chatrooms. It can get out of control sometimes. Many people are nice, others can be rude or desperate to get in your pants.

Or you could consider and ad looking for a penpal using sites like Craigslist. But it also depends on whether you are open to an erotic pen pal.


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28303842 - 05/02/23 05:56 PM (8 months, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I thinkI have confidence. I don't think I have confidence in my sexuality right now.
Thank you
it really is the confidence.. and I think being nonsexual for so long.. you dont feel like a desirable person.




You are the exact same person, "in the desirability sense", now that you have been since puberty. That kind of stuff doesn't change.
Our minds however do fail us in a sense and can allow this rut to develop. Even with more acuity, when you are absolutely isolated, as can be. And obviously the past relationship shit you describe is not the healthiest environment to live around, in isolation, with things of this matter to regard.
This main thing is your desirability has gone no where!
You are and can and will always be able to be as alluring or sensual or attractive, if that is your aim and the field of play allows.
I'd say when regarding age alone women start to become more than what I can be comfortably attracted to in any regard at prob 60+.
When it comes to time passed in isolation and in an caustic environment not suited for one's own feelings of desire and wish to be desired, then we can spend alot of time thinking about how unwanted we are and such. But that is only what we do and say to ourselves.. not how the world would see us if we were free and flowing with the kinda energy it takes to desire and be desired.


--------------------
hmm...

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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: ashfiken]
    #28304244 - 05/02/23 10:34 PM (8 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I thinkI have confidence. I don't think I have confidence in my sexuality right now.
Thank you
it really is the confidence.. and I think being nonsexual for so long.. you dont feel like a desirable person.




You are the exact same person, "in the desirability sense", now that you have been since puberty. That kind of stuff doesn't change.
Our minds however do fail us in a sense and can allow this rut to develop. Even with more acuity, when you are absolutely isolated, as can be. And obviously the past relationship shit you describe is not the healthiest environment to live around, in isolation, with things of this matter to regard.
This main thing is your desirability has gone no where!
You are and can and will always be able to be as alluring or sensual or attractive, if that is your aim and the field of play allows.
I'd say when regarding age alone women start to become more than what I can be comfortably attracted to in any regard at prob 60+.
When it comes to time passed in isolation and in an caustic environment not suited for one's own feelings of desire and wish to be desired, then we can spend alot of time thinking about how unwanted we are and such. But that is only what we do and say to ourselves.. not how the world would see us if we were free and flowing with the kinda energy it takes to desire and be desired.



Thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I needed to hear that .


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: ashfiken]
    #28306117 - 05/04/23 09:12 AM (8 months, 21 days ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I thinkI have confidence. I don't think I have confidence in my sexuality right now.
Thank you
it really is the confidence.. and I think being nonsexual for so long.. you dont feel like a desirable person.




You are the exact same person, "in the desirability sense", now that you have been since puberty. That kind of stuff doesn't change.
Our minds however do fail us in a sense and can allow this rut to develop. Even with more acuity, when you are absolutely isolated, as can be. And obviously the past relationship shit you describe is not the healthiest environment to live around, in isolation, with things of this matter to regard.
This main thing is your desirability has gone no where!
You are and can and will always be able to be as alluring or sensual or attractive, if that is your aim and the field of play allows.
I'd say when regarding age alone women start to become more than what I can be comfortably attracted to in any regard at prob 60+.
When it comes to time passed in isolation and in an caustic environment not suited for one's own feelings of desire and wish to be desired, then we can spend alot of time thinking about how unwanted we are and such. But that is only what we do and say to ourselves.. not how the world would see us if we were free and flowing with the kinda energy it takes to desire and be desired.




I thought about this all day yesterday.
I think you are spot on.
I keep thinking about it.... Internally I have changed. Externally I have less muscle but only something I would notice.
Its isolation and insecurities...


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28306316 - 05/04/23 11:36 AM (8 months, 21 days ago)

Isolation often can leave us festering in our own insecurities and self guilt. Us monkeys(most of us) need interaction, if even just to shed light on perspectives aside from our own. Which, in turn, allows us to break free of any thoughts we may have convinced ourselves of in the absence of others.


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Unattractive [Re: ashfiken]
    #28306586 - 05/04/23 02:38 PM (8 months, 21 days ago)

Well said. Social isolation is really harmful to people. We are a social creature, especially some women need a lot of socializing to be mentally healthy.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unattractive [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28306704 - 05/04/23 04:51 PM (8 months, 21 days ago)

I am really feeling this. I have had some things happen in my personal life that changed my socializing.
I am raising little children. I got them 3 years ago when they were 3 days old until now.
I dont think I have hung out with a friend in 3 years.
I am certainly busy.. but.. no me time at all.


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