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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28341945 - 05/31/23 12:54 PM (7 months, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: the lazy fuck attitude is shit
I tried today but I do not feel like it is working, quite the opposite TBH. Meditation is not for me. 
What helped earlier when I had those god damned intrusive and racing thoughts was to focus on my belly and then try to swipe the horrid feeling in the stomach away.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28341985 - 05/31/23 01:38 PM (7 months, 25 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said: just do the thing of getting in the moment relaxing and not shaming/damning/deriding or being critical of your self.
I get intrusive thoughts from meditation. 
This doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. The first year I meditated a lot of crap came up. But the point of meditation from this perspective is to be non-reactive. The difference is whether you consider them intrusive and unwanted -vs- necessary and wanted.
Pretty much every day in that first year of meditating issues would come up, fear, shame, regret and it didn't feel good at all. It was pretty awful. But I was able to work through it without creating feedback loops, being afraid of being afraid, being ashamed of feeling shame, etc. Non-reactive. Eventually the personal content began to tapper off and cease. Many of those issues were resolved, not because I "figured them out" but because I lived through their manifestations with conscious intent for long enough that the power in them (associative memory) became weak and lost it's use. And then I could meditate in a less personal way without lots of memory surfacing, just feeling the moment.
You have to want it but like I said earlier, meditation isn't the only way forward. Hobbies and interests that are non personal to focus on something outside yourself can be useful. For me I wanted to deal with issues that I had been working hard to avoid for a long time, because it had become clear that the drugs and other diversions were not going to fix anything.
That's why I said you have to quit playing games with yourself. Laying in bed doing drugs and listening to music is a diversion that won't fix anything. Begging others for answers won't fix anything. These are just games people play. Hide and go seek. But I don't blame you. I was very successful for a long time in playing games. Had a lot of fun. 27 was a lot of fun. 28 my youth ended and it was constant hangovers and nothing to effectively stave off the depression. I was in that hell for 3 years. And even that didn't convince me to change. At the age of 31 I did have a mystical experience. Wasn't looking for it. No skill involved. After it was over I wanted to change. I decided to get in shape. I managed to barely do 3 pushups and was on all fours catching my breath when it dawned on me that I was very mortal and perhaps close to death.
I like to think such unusual experiences aren't necessary to facilitate change. I don't know what it takes for each individual. But I do see some change in you recently. Not wanting to be God is very different for you. It's not nothing.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28343067 - 06/01/23 12:53 PM (7 months, 24 days ago) |
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Thank you for taking your time to write that, Rahz. But I do not think meditation is for me.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28343253 - 06/01/23 03:31 PM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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I know, you're special. but actually it's not for anybody, it's work. you have to learn it. like a bicycle, but finding the balance takes a bit longer than a bike. turning however comes free after you get a few breaths going.
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CreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28343626 - 06/01/23 08:15 PM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said: What helped earlier when I had those god damned intrusive and racing thoughts was to focus on my belly and then try to swipe the horrid feeling in the stomach away.
Do you think this counts as a type of meditation? It very well could, if it was done in an intentional way.
Meditation can be integrated into your normal habits, and some things you already do may be meditative in nature.
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended



Registered: 11/14/10
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: CreonAntigone]
#28343678 - 06/01/23 08:50 PM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Pinkerton said: Thank you for taking your time to write that, Rahz. But I do not think meditation is for me. 
Don't underestimate accpetance! If you use your energy to generate 'acceptance' as a spiritual energy, you can let it out of your eyes or expel it out of your heart as a gesture to the universe...!! Its very powerful. Should give you temporary relief from any negative ongoings. Then just repeat as needed... Rather than just think it, generate the energy of acceptance and radiate it out of your body. Forgive yourself and reality and just accept all of life without necessarily approving of it!
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344035 - 06/02/23 06:00 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: I know, you're special. but actually it's not for anybody, it's work. you have to learn it. like a bicycle, but finding the balance takes a bit longer than a bike. turning however comes free after you get a few breaths going.
Actually, the counting worked today - I did fairly well following my breath or it may be placebo/easy session with the intrusive/racing thoughts.
PS: Thanks for your replies CA and FOTK!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344041 - 06/02/23 06:08 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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sometimes easy - sometimes not so easy, daily practice makes it familiar and useful (as a refuge with some strength (not like running away or crumbling in self pity)).
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344044 - 06/02/23 06:10 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Keep on keeping on.
I am an organic machine and I need some oil to function like I am destined.
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syncro
Registered: 01/14/15
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Last seen: 30 minutes, 50 seconds
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344054 - 06/02/23 06:27 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Also to attempt to hold what would be the fruit of meditation as others have said too. What is its purpose? Seeing peace, innocence, forgiveness, ... a mind of helpfulness. To quote again, "they will be what they see."
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro] 1
#28344088 - 06/02/23 07:17 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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never mind holding your mind holds good enough as is
letting go is what this is about - relaxing and staying aware.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344099 - 06/02/23 07:26 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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I like "being okay". It contains various connotations that are conducive to... being okay.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344135 - 06/02/23 08:27 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Where am I destined, RGVs?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344145 - 06/02/23 08:42 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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I had my fortune telling organs surgically removed
never mind the future, get into the momen
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syncro
Registered: 01/14/15
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344259 - 06/02/23 09:57 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: never mind holding your mind holds good enough as is
letting go is what this is about - relaxing and staying aware.
Being about something, staying, holding... I was meaning as well if one doesn't feel they can meditate, the good qualities can complement it and they intersect.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro]
#28344269 - 06/02/23 10:03 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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You may be stuck on this issue personal psychology I guess
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344272 - 06/02/23 10:08 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Even Zen doesn't discard philosophy. It only states that philosophy alone isn't enough.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
Edited by Rahz (06/02/23 10:21 AM)
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syncro
Registered: 01/14/15
Posts: 2,697
Last seen: 30 minutes, 50 seconds
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344326 - 06/02/23 10:55 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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Stuck on benefit of good qualities? I understand non-attachment to them in meditation, yet they are the fruits, else no one would be talking about it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro]
#28344344 - 06/02/23 11:13 AM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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you are not under attack no defense required
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344423 - 06/02/23 12:48 PM (7 months, 23 days ago) |
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It seems like I can wipe away the intrusive/racing thoughts more and more so they do not start flowering and pestering my mind.
But I am not jinxing anything, it may be placebo or just a short phase.
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