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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28337052 - 05/27/23 02:00 PM (7 months, 29 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said: I would kill to trip on Mescaline and some MDMA. Ketamine sigh... Amphetamines, some opiates and benzos, yes please.
But of course not, I am locked inside a prison which is my mind and if I consume just a minor bit I get straight up lunatic and starts harming people or myself even if I do not want to.
Quote:
WhoManBeing said: So, you take a little of any drug, a little as to not make an uncontrollable reaction causing whatever lose of self will does to you in such set and setting, you take a little bit of any drug and you turn on a little, Woo Hoo, what's the trouble?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28337611 - 05/27/23 10:35 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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pinky, stop tormenting posters who want to help, get on with the business of being in the moment. you are not under continual attack by a swarm of wasps.
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CreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing] 1
#28337639 - 05/27/23 11:12 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
WhoManBeing said: So, you take a little of any drug, a little as to not make an uncontrollable reaction causing whatever lose of self will does to you in such set and setting, you take a little bit of any drug and you turn on a little, Woo Hoo, what's the trouble?
That's the nature of addiction... you know you should stop but the part of your brain that regulates that 'stop' is broken. Addicts who gain some awareness can watch in real time as their brain betrays them.
Basically, when an addiction is bad it is genuinely impossible for one to take 'a little bit, turn on a little' - even if one plans ever so carefully, ANY dose that is active flips the switch in the brain that disables the bodies ability to regulate executive function, and thus further use. Suddenly, one says to one's self, 'that was alright, so why couldn't I handle a little more?' - and then it repeats.
It may be that for each individual the amount to lose their sense of mind is different - it may be that some only take a little to get there. It may be a lot. But both sorts of addicts get there, because precisely insofar as they are addicts, they simply can't push the stop button.
I have been there in my worst of days, when I knew already I was too high, so high to be uncomfortable and give me anxiety, yet dosed cannabis again... And it has taken a lot of awareness to fight those urges and build counter-strategies. It is a slow process to change. Some people, if they know they are like this, should not touch any drugs at all. They can consider it again when there mind is much clearer, when they are in a better spot in life.
But some people need to be able to hit the valve and to stop it entirely, quit, before their brain sends them on a spiral.
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28337821 - 05/28/23 05:28 AM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: pinky, stop tormenting posters who want to help, get on with the business of being in the moment. you are not under continual attack by a swarm of wasps.
I am sorry, WhoManBeing - if you only knew.
Is the 1 inbreath - 1 outbreath, 2 inbreath - 2 outbreath, 3 inbreath - 3 outbreath all the way up to 11 repeatedly for 30 minutes twice daily sufficient?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 2
#28337885 - 05/28/23 06:38 AM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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it's ok,
most important is relaxing, and not beating yourself at each distraction, begin again calmly.
being calm and observant and recovering from distraction calmly is the main thing.
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28337943 - 05/28/23 07:32 AM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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But if I do not want to be God anymore, how do I proceed?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338032 - 05/28/23 09:12 AM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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nothing to add
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28338292 - 05/28/23 01:39 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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That could mean a lot of things, so what does it really mean?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338305 - 05/28/23 01:59 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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melt into moments breathe relax repeat
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28338319 - 05/28/23 02:08 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338348 - 05/28/23 02:39 PM (7 months, 28 days ago) |
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It's so simple you think it's complicated.
And, "I want to be God". "I don't want to be God".
These are both problematic things. Not wanting to be God is a result of your obsession of wanting to be God. Like Red might say, it's conditioned memory. But while it's problematic, it a much more realistic want than the first one.
You're not God... congratulations
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28338352 - 05/28/23 02:45 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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I like you Rahz but you do not know what you are talking about. I wish it was as easy as you portrayed it... 
If RGVs can answer:
Quote:
Pinkerton said: It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338443 - 05/28/23 04:27 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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I know you're not normal, but the principle is the same. And I said it was simple, not easy. It's not easy until it is. Skills are like that.
And I hope RGV isn't your next OC...
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28338544 - 05/28/23 05:57 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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In regards to easy, I was referring to the following:
Quote:
Rahz said: It's so simple you think it's complicated.
And, "I want to be God". "I don't want to be God".
These are both problematic things. Not wanting to be God is a result of your obsession of wanting to be God. Like Red might say, it's conditioned memory. But while it's problematic, it a much more realistic want than the first one.Quote:
You're not God... congratulations 
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338558 - 05/28/23 06:22 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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It's not easy to get over mental conditioning. I wasn't being sarcastic, just trying to inject some humor in the situation.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338785 - 05/28/23 09:52 PM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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I am not OC at all. I am not pinky's OC. logical.
to jam your thought loops, you need to be interested in something else, ergo -> follow your breathing and relax.
logical.
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28339047 - 05/29/23 04:59 AM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said: I like you Rahz but you do not know what you are talking about. I wish it was as easy as you portrayed it... 
If RGVs can answer:
Quote:
Pinkerton said: It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
Release me from this prison.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28339152 - 05/29/23 07:49 AM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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I think you know there's something good going from wanting to be God to not wanting to be God. It takes time for that to work it's way into conditioning. That's why I've placed emphasis on being patient with yourself.
I think Red is right, that you should start to loosen your focus on "Not wanting to be God" by involving yourself in other activities whether it's meditation or hobby or focus of study. It can be useful to get out of your own head by finding an interest, and potentially a career down the road.
But you don't need to trick yourself regarding what you want. It's perfectly reasonable after spending a decade wanting to be God to want to not have those thoughts.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a mentor, but looking back I think you can see your obsession with OC was unhealthy. I think Red is a pretty good choice for a mentor but you will ultimately find confidence within yourself or within virtue that doesn't have a particular human personality. Even if it's hard to see it's still good, being humble about it, to have some faith in yourself.
And sometimes (a lot of the time) that means not thinking of it as complicated or impossible, just difficult, and it's okay to let go of the complications as much as possible and just breathe. It doesn't take understanding. It takes letting go. It is such a simple thing but we all struggle with it to a degree. You're not alone, for what it's worth. Neither me nor Red nor OC are perfect or have it all figured out. Maybe Red is floating on clouds (I will let him speak for himself on the matter), but we're all just humans doing the best we can.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28339158 - 05/29/23 08:00 AM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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I'm moaning with food poisoning from mussels in Greece, but there is a nice ocean breeze coming through. hmm, better than clouds and not as good too
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28339171 - 05/29/23 08:08 AM (7 months, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said: I think you know there's something good going from wanting to be God to not wanting to be God. It takes time for that to work it's way into conditioning. That's why I've placed emphasis on being patient with yourself.
I think Red is right, that you should start to loosen your focus on "Not wanting to be God" by involving yourself in other activities whether it's meditation or hobby or focus of study. It can be useful to get out of your own head by finding an interest, and potentially a career down the road.
But you don't need to trick yourself regarding what you want. It's perfectly reasonable after spending a decade wanting to be God to want to not have those thoughts.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a mentor, but looking back I think you can see your obsession with OC was unhealthy. I think Red is a pretty good choice for a mentor but you will ultimately find confidence within yourself or within virtue that doesn't have a particular human personality. Even if it's hard to see it's still good, being humble about it, to have some faith in yourself.
And sometimes (a lot of the time) that means not thinking of it as complicated or impossible, just difficult, and it's okay to let go of the complications as much as possible and just breathe. It doesn't take understanding. It takes letting go. It is such a simple thing but we all struggle with it to a degree. You're not alone, for what it's worth. Neither me nor Red nor OC are perfect or have it all figured out. Maybe Red is floating on clouds (I will let him speak for himself on the matter), but we're all just humans doing the best we can.
Again, you have no idea whatyou are writing about, Rahz. If you get inside my brain you will know.
Something mystical is going on in PS&P/life in general.
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